18 Signs: My Husband Is An Asshole (How To Deal With It)

Don’t we all wish our relationship to be like in Disney movies? Sadly, this is the real world and human relationships are way more complex. This complexity leads to problems and thus an unhappy marriage. If you have searched this topic, it means that you are unhappy with your husband but still are still not ready to give up on your marriage.

Every spouse in an unhappy marriage wants to understand and then give a shot at fixing their partner’s behavior. However, they are unsure of where to start. We are here to rescue you at this critical juncture.

Stick till the end to recognize some common errors in your better half and how to fix these issues with minimum damage to both of you.

★ 18 Signs Your Husband Is An Asshole ★

It is crucial for women to know that which actions make their spouse a shitty husband. Most young wives are unsure as to what to react to what things to ignore. Here’s a list:

1. Always Complaining

Excessive complaining over trivial issues is a bad sign. This may be done by undermining your efforts for your relationship or family. He may tell you of his expectations (and some unrealistic) of an ideal partner and how you don’t fit in that criteria no matter how hard you try.

Instead of showing gratitude towards you when you do chores, he finds a problem with most of your actions. Common examples of complaining can be showing disapproval of your parental techniques, food, your genuine friends, and other things.

The result is you feeling insufficient as a good wife.

2. Doesn’t Cooperate

Ask any successful married couple about their secret and they would rank cooperation as number one. One aspect of an asshole’s behavior is not agreeing to help around. Be it helping in keeping the house clean, managing kids, doing groceries, or anything else, they would expect you to handle everything alone while sitting idle all the time.

This is bad since a wife may overburnt herself to manage the household. An overburdened person is inefficient in executing things and mentally unstable too. Your circumstances make you feel like more of a slave or maid than an equal partner and making you angrier inside.

3. Makes You Feel Inferior

In an unhappy marriage, most partners have low opinions of each other. If your guy is making you feel insecure about your personality then this may be a tactic to vent out the frustration of his own shortcomings.

However, you need to distinguish between constructive and unconstructive criticism. Some ways of degrading you may be

1) Joking about you in public

2) Not introducing you to his acquaintances

3) Considering your achievements worthless

4) Body shaming, etc.

This unhealthy conversation will have an impact on your confidence. You will also feel weaker and vulnerable without him.

4. Does Not Accept Mistakes

If matters go down the hill, he is quick to put the whole blame on you and own none of it. In the opposite scenario, if you have achieved something, he wants to share in your victory too.

This shows that your husband lacks basic decency and gentlemanly behavior. It is one of the most explicit signs of an asshole behavior of a husband.

You can get a better idea by focusing on his words. If he blames his ex for the past breakup or taunts you for a decision that you both took together, then he is not a good choice for you.

In the future, this behavior is likely to persist. He will also put the whole burden of blunders on you.

5. Does Not Take Out Time

Giving each other some time from your busy schedule does wonder for your marriage. One of the signs of a bad partner is that he does not reserve any time for you.

All of it was spent with his friends, his own family, and his office. Even when he is with you, he is engaged in something else like scrolling through his cell phone, watching a movie, etc.

If a married couple spends a long time mentally distant from each other, the result includes misconceptions, hatred, anger, and sometimes divorce. Not taking out time also reduces your opportunity to talk, share your daily activities, fix each other problems, and have a deeper insight into each other’s minds.

You may feel that it is better to stay alone rather than living with someone who is leading his own separate life.

6. Does Not Put In Equal Effort

In a two-way relationship, both husband and wife need to sacrifice to save a relationship. If your husband has hardcore views and is not willing to mold his lifestyle and routine, then he has a serious issue

If you are a career-oriented female and want to pursue a profession, then your husband should extend his support. Without his support, it is very hard. So if you are doing your share of work, you can ask your husband to stay back and look for kids when you are at the office.

According to John Gottman: “A relationship is a contract of mutual nurturance. Relationships have to be a rich climate of positivity. For relationships to be strong, the ideal climate is one teeming with positive interactions“.

So to summarize, if you are upholding your husband in hard times he must also be your strength. A successful marriage requires conscious effort and the ability to put your relationship and family in priority.

7. Feels Insecure

It is not hard to spot insecurity inside your husband. The few common indicators are:

1) Asking you a lot of questions about your whereabouts

2) Not taking any constructive criticism

3) Making you feel guilty about not attending your calls

4) Need constant reassurance that you love him

Usually, there is not one prominent cause of insecurity but it can stem from past experiences and childhood trauma. However, if he is excessively insecure then he is being an asshole.

8. Repeating Past Arguments

The above issue may sound familiar to a lot of women. When your husband can not seem to win an argument, bringing over the past seems the only way for them to dominate.

At the same time, they will try to divert the course of the conversation to highlight your weak points of the past. It is done to hide his own genuine mistakes.

They cannot handle the truth about them which makes them use these baseless tactics. All in all, the point you are trying to make is never conveyed properly and the problem you have with your man still hangs in mid-air.

This makes you feel trapped and helpless in the vicinity of an asshole husband. Moreover, bringing up old issues blow up the conflict rather than settling it. Not doing so is critical for an asshole husband in order to fix things.

9. Brainwashing Kids Against You

Another sign of asshole behavior is corrupting the mind of a child against you. Most of the time, your husband may complain to your kids about how mom is lazy, not giving you time, compare you with other efficient moms, and much more.

Parental alienation is common in divorced couples where one parent makes false accuses about the other. In married pairs, the severity of the accusations may not be too high but still impactful.

If your husband is constantly telling your kid that mom is doesn’t care or love him, he or she will start rationalizing the father’s perspective.

10. No Intimacy

The quickest indication of a failing marriage is a lack of physical intimacy. Now there might be other reasons like stress which may be discouraging your husband from physical pursuit. So we can not solely blame the asshole behavior of your male counterpart for that.

Apart from that, emotional disconnection also paves way for a distant relationship. It makes sense that if two people are not able to enjoy each other’s company, there is very little probability that may connect during sexual activities.

Another root cause can be unresolved issues in your relationship. If both of you are angry at each other, then you will try to avoid each other for as long as possible.

11. Doesn’t Open Up

Most husbands don’t open up if they are doing something wrong and fear being caught. Secondly, they feel that their partner is not available to actively listen to them. Thirdly, they may hide to avoid hurting their wife.

Whatever the reason might be, if you have created an open environment for your spouse and are willing to listen to his woes yet he is reluctant to tell, then he is doing wrong.

Deliberately isolating your spouse and not updating her about your whereabouts translates to taking her for granted. As women, we can tell whether our man is keeping a secret or not, this leads to anxiety and overthinking as to what that secret can be.

Furthermore, remorse and guilt may surround you since you most likely think that you are not doing enough, even when you are. So secrets don’t bring good luck to your marriage but rather put a strain on it as trust is destroyed.

12. Lies And Excuses

All women hate when their husbands lie or excuse themselves from family plans. Family should always be the number one priority of both partners. An asshole husband is never concerned about home and children.

If he is always finding ways to avoid occasions where the family can bond well, or if they always find excuses when meeting your friends and relatives but have time for others, you must start keeping an eye on him.

The effects of lying will eventually hit the foundations of your marriage. You will be inclined to think about reasons why he is lying and you start to feel less empathy for them. This is because it is hard to tell their real emotions or intentions behind their cover of lies.

Finally, you will feel less urge to be intimate with him and your compassion decreases rapidly. Mostly, the spouse who lies, get used to it and your husband may lie more often in your life. Lies and excuses become a free pass for your guy.

13. Not Showing interest

An uninterested spouse is worse than living alone. Husbands who are wrapped up in their own lives and don’t give due attention to their children and woman in his life, trigger feelings of being unloved and undesirable.

The main symptoms of such husbands are, talking only when they need something. They spend excessive time on a laptop/mobile phone, are not humorous, rarely smile or laugh with you, and appear gloomy and morose in your company.

When you try to talk with him, he tries to end up the conversation or change the subject. All of this makes you feel unimportant in their life. They are also very less concerned about your own needs and problems.

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14. He Is Not Your Savior

Just as the reliability of a friend is known in your tough times, in the same way, the loyalty of your partner is fully exposed. A sustainable marriage lasts because both partners uphold each other through thick and thin.

An asshole husband will never be there for you when you are at your lowest. Such people will always remain unsatisfied and can’t keep a long-term relationship.

When you turn to talk with them about a rough day, they will reply back by saying how much worse was theirs.

You may get hurt when you realize that you have done your best to support your husband during the rough patch in his life and he is doing the complete opposite of you.

15. Not Enjoying Your Company

If your husband is bored with you it is less likely that he will spend most of the time with you. For a productive marriage, your spouse has to be your best friend meaning that you are amused by their company.

If your husband has minimized interactions with you and prefers being outdoors with friends or spend his time using a mobile phone or laptop, it is a red flag. This is another sign of a husband not fulfilling his duties.

This also means that both of you rarely make outing plans and most of the time you are stuck at home. All of your conversations either end up in an argument or an abrupt halt.

As a woman, you might feel misconceptions, resentment, and hatred generated inside you.

But as your interaction is very less with him, you have to bottle all your feelings and not covey them to him.

Even if you do try to calmly explain your inner thoughts, he will try to misinterpret your views and don’t give a damn about it.

16. Not Considering Your Opinion

A bad husband doesn’t care what your likes and dislikes are. He is going to act upon his own will most of the time. So if you like Chinese cuisine, or want to purchase an insurance plan for the family, they will most likely not listen to you.

If your husband is acting like this, then it is justified for you to feel lonely. We all know small endeavors demonstrate that we love and care for our partner.

In absence of that, you may also feel discouraged to do something good for him and the cycle continues.

The situation can become worse since your husband doesn’t compromise and both of your life choices differ from each other. Disagreement is one primary reason for divorce in couples.

17. Boasting about achievements

Narcissists have an overwhelmingly high opinion of themselves. Crushing the accomplishments of other individuals is in their blood. This is compiled with the fact that they are overly competitive and consider other talented people a threat to their position in society.

If your husband is one of them, then he would love to enjoy the spotlight.

He does this by hiding your achievements under the garb of his own accomplishments. So if you tell him of your promotion then instead of congratulating and encouraging you, he will boost how his profession is way more in demand or much more he earns than you.

In addition, you will feel that he is trying to regularly remind you of the necessities he is providing you for which you should be grateful. You don’t expect them to say “good job” to you and you will turn to other people for appreciation or encouragement.

18. Control You Fully

One thing that is common amongst all bad husbands is their desire to control their wives. This way they tend to show their power over their better half.

In case you too have an authoritarian husband your life will feel suffocated. He will justify his behavior reality, they are shielding you from making informed choices with your life by undermining your sanity. This kind of asshole behavior follows a pattern.

This includes several questions about your

1)Friends,

2)Your whereabouts,

3)Blaming everything on you,

4)Emotionally manipulating you, and trying to intimidate you.

In uncivilized societies, men will even be physically abusive to restrain their counterparts. Keeping the same thing in mind, he’ll try gaslighting problems you share with them.

🔯 Ways On How To Deal With A Bad Husband 🔯

After you have realized that my husband is an asshole, fixing him will require dedication and patience. But do not worry you will make it! The key is not just changing him but also rectifying some of your own weak spots.

☝️ Have a deep conversation

Engaging in a meaningful talk is the best solution so far. This gives you an insight into each other’s minds. In this way, neither of the spouses is denied their rights.

You may think this is a stupid idea since most of your conversations end up in a fight. But it is not! In fact, you will be amazed to know most of the issues he has with you, you couldn’t even think about it.

Talk in a calm tone and let him speak freely so that he clears his stance in front of you. It is important not to bring past conflicts in your current talk as this quickly makes the conversation tenser.

During the conversation, you can ask about his expectations from you and outline your requirements too.

☝️ Emotional power

Fixing your marriage is not easy as a pie. You can get emotionally drained and sometimes frustrated too. Remember that resilience is the only way forward. If you lose your mind, then your intellectual capacity at that time is compromised temporarily. Things can escalate if you consciously don’t guard your actions.

Cunning husband will also be manipulative, which is why being mentally active will prevent you from being exploited. An overwhelmed mind can over evaluate situations, in response, your brain will start suggesting possible solutions.

☝️ Develop Emotional Intelligence

It turns out that happy couples are similar to other couples. They also have heated arguments but since they have higher emotional intelligence (EQ), they respectfully work out a solution without letting emotions destroy their bond. This, both of you should start working on improving your EQ.

☝️ Listening

It is a general principle that people open up more with active listeners. An active listener is the one who reserves time for you and when you speak they focus on you only.

If you want your children or husband to be more explicit in sharing their feelings, then you can apply this technique.

☝️ Listen To Understand And Not To Reply

The first step to understand your husband would be to listen to understand and not to just give him a reply. This will build trust and you can later on work upon it with your overly sensitive spouse.

This can make you stand in his shoes and then view the world. So the next time he speaks about a rough day at work give him your time.

✹ How To Deal With A Disrespectful Husband ✹

▶ Build His Trust

For a husband who is disrespectful with you, trust can be an antidote to that. When you show any interest in him or do something to cheer him up, this will allow intimacy to develop between you. That is how he will start trusting you instead of treating you like a tenant in his home.

There are a variety of ways to help you achieve that. One of them is apologizing for your actual mistakes. Secondly, never eat your words and fulfill your promises. Additionally, start prioritizing your relationship.

▶ Lead By Example

It may seem impossible for your husband to reciprocate in a nice manner when you are doing the complete opposite. Also, you can not demand him to be respectful with you when you are also ignoring and hence disrespecting him mostly.

During a deadlock between you too, be the first to initiate a conversation, take care of his needs, and try avoiding things and habits that he dislikes.

It will result in you cultivating respect in his heart and he will feel ashamed when treating you poorly the next time. The cycle of poor communication in which you two are trapped gradually wears away and you start loving each other.

▶ Reduce The Possibility Of An Argument

At times, a conflict is inevitable but diffusing it can be in your best interest. As a wife, you may know the trigger points of your husband. It may not be possible to fully eliminate the possibility of him getting triggered but the frequency will reduce.

▶ What To Do During An Argument

Even if an argument has been initiated, avoid giving a strong reaction so that the two of you can move towards a resolution. Here’s a general rule of thumb: one person should stay quiet if the other is enraged.

▶ Disagreement Is Okay

All of this doesn’t mean that you can’t disagree with your partner. You can! According to Dr. Laura VanderDrift, “Arguing — as long as it’s done without contempt, criticism, and defensiveness — can actually strengthen a romantic relationship”.

Moral: Tackle conflicts with respect and logic.

If your husband has a way of extracting new reasons to fight about it, then there is little to be done about it. It means he has completely lost interest in the relationship. If it persists for long, it is better to give up on the relationship.

☀ Signs Of Disrespect In Marriage: When To Draw The Line ☀

When so much is going on, it is confusing for a woman to understand when to draw a line. Drawing a line means that you realize that you have put up with a lot and it is actually time to react and warn your partner.

⇨ Taking You For Granted

This does happen to a lot of women who are in the same situation. However, very few notice it. That is because they are hell-bent on pleasing their husband that they actually forget how poorly they are treated.

Ask yourself honestly as to why your partner is not complimenting you. Also question your brain whether the expectations he attaches with you are unrealistic or makes sense. This will help you gauge where you are standing.

What To Do In This Case?

One effective move is to stop doing him favors when he is not acknowledging them. Wait for him to ask you. Moreover, if he expects you to do certain chores you should also allocate him some of them like washing dirty clothes, mowing the lawn, feeding your pet, etc.

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⇨ Rude All The Time

Now if you have an ultra asshole husband, it seems impossible to make him happy. Sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with your efforts for retaining your marriage. Spouses are overly critical because of their perfectionist ideologies.

However, you don’t deserve such treatment. If his attitude remains constant then stop placating after he gets upset the next time. You must show some rigidness in your body language to tell that this is not okay.

How Does It Affect You?

In such a scenario, you will experience an irritable or frustrated attitude all the time from his side. If you try doing something good for him, he judges your intention behind it and gives it a secondary meaning. This will drain you and take a toll on your confidence.

⇨ Character Assassination

This is the lowest that someone can stoop. Your husband will try accusing you of false actions just to win over an argument (which otherwise he is losing). If this sounds familiar, you too are being disrespected.

He may also use it to justify his ill temperament with you saying that you deserved it. You will be trapped since you can’t argue over his made-up theories about you. If you have kids, then he will easily use these fabrications to brainwash them against their own mother.

What Should You Do?

Of course, this will play havoc with your mental health but always remember not to doubt yourself since he himself knows the truth. Usually, people who don’t have a life riddled with troubles become judgmental very easily.

Don’t fight back to make to disapprove of his claims as this puts your dignity in a weak spot. The best strategy is to ask him for proof of his claims.

♨ Signs Of A Bad Husband ♨

➣ You Feel Suffocated

If you have a married life, you will feel it is the best time of your life and you would not want this phase to end ever. A prominent indicator of a bad partner is that you do not enjoy your life anymore.

There are numerous reasons to associate with this kind of feeling. But the biggest reason is a bad husband. It is probably because they restrict you from doing things that you love doing often. Sometimes you might feel a big bridge between you and your husband.

➣ Considering Break Up More Than Once

There are times you might imagine how life would be better without him. That is a very indicator of your unhappiness in your relationship. You might miss your life before marrying him and desire all the freedom of being single again. That is only the symptom of a bigger problem.

The first reason is that you have given all hopes of reconciliation with your partner. Secondly, you feel that the both of you can never be the same again as you were in the early blissful years of your marriage.

In addition, you will start to develop an interest in other men in your surrounding. You will compare how each of them is way better than your current choice.

➣ Lack of Communication

Not talking to each other for several days in a row implies a deeper disconnection. However, it can also be due to an unresolved issue that causes mutual resentment in your hearts. Both of you are waiting for the other one to break the silence and apologize. You will feel as if you are wasting your time and energy to convince him.

An active conflict is not the cause of your silence all the time. It may be because both of you are going through some challenging times like financial woes, bad health, etc. When dealing with adversity all of our focus is concentrated on our problem so we forget to connect with each other.