Get off the Roller Coaster: 3 Steps to a Lasting Relationship

By Michele Mathis

February 16, 2017   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

lasting relationships

The day of love is upon us, Valentines Day! Some look forward to this day as they await patiently for their flower or candy delivery from their loved one. For others, it’s a good day to call in sick, watch slasher films, and avoid the commercialized symbolism of love. I’m often asked about love and relationships. Many find it easy to get into a relationship but not too long afterward they feel dissatisfied.

There is a reason you stay on the relationship rollercoaster. It’s damn exciting…until you’re completely nauseated. You jump off and compose yourself but then jump right back on only remembering the thrill. It’s ok to do this for a while. What else is youth for? But if you’re caught in this cycle, it can be self-destructive.

If you’re ready for lasting love instead of swiping tinder on your lunch break or hitting the hottest happy hours in hopes of getting swept off your barstool, try these three steps.

DECIDE what you really want in a mate

courting relationship

Many can jabber on about physical features or the size of a desired bank account. But let’s get real folks; that’s not all there is to it. What you really want from a life partner is similar to what you want for yourself in the future. Opposites may attract but they usually don’t last.

What are your hobbies, desires, ideology that you would like to have in common with a mate? What do you need from a partner emotionally?

Make a list of what is truly important to you. Also, make a list of things you do NOT want. Does sarcasm rub you the wrong way? If you’re a thrill seeker, don’t entertain dating a homebody. Get specific with earnest attributes that are good for YOU. If you don’t have a clear picture of what you want, it will be hard for the Universe to accommodate you.

COMMIT to yourself

What does that mean? Commit to the list! You’ve taken the time to decide what kind of partner is right for you, so stick to it. Stop wasting time on everyone else. If you go out one night and meet Mr. GQ or Mr. Moneybags but he’s the opposite of what you truly desire, run the other way. Don’t get caught up in surface level characteristics; otherwise, you’ll be complaining how you’ve wasted six months (or longer) dating Mr. Wrong.

A friend once set me up on a dutch dinner date with someone who was supposedly a ‘real catch’ and outwardly he was. It was going great so afterward, we went to my place to watch a movie. Without asking me, he started eating my leftover takeout until it was gone. It was a red flag for me and I never took another call nor saw him again. When my friend ask why I didn’t return his call, I simply said, “Because he ate my cheeseburger”.

Okay, it’s wasn’t ALL about the burger. But I didn’t want to waste time when I was completely turned off on the first date. Some media outlets want you to think that there is only a small pool of single men or women so you better hook one quickly. That’s simply not true. When you commit to what’s right for you and show the Universe that you will not settle for less, it will provide.

See Also: How to Handle a New Relationship

ENGAGE on a personal level with the potential partner before engaging in any sexual activity

personal relatiionship

I’m not trying to suppress your sexual expression or feminism or whatever reason it is that you hop in the sack on the second date. It’s about your commitment you’ve made to yourself. Does he have the attributes on the list? And no you cannot rattle off questions the first night checking each item like you would go about your grocery list. It takes time.

Have those three hour long conversations on the phone. Take long walks together or Sunday drives. It’s easier to open up when you don’t have to make constant eye contact. Get to know each other on a genuine level. Sex is subjective so don’t muddy the water by jumping into the sack too quickly.

See Also: Tips for a Healthy Relationship

When you make definitive decisions about what’s right for you and stick to, it the Universe will make a path for that person. It’s really that simple.

Love and Light


Michele Mathis

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