21 Reasons Why I hate My Husband And How To Move Forward

By Ruth Jesse

January 10, 2024   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

Every couple goes through rough patches in their relationship. It’s not uncommon to feel frustrated with your partner once in a while.  But these negative feelings may turn to anger and resentment if they remain unchecked. If the thought ‘I hate my husband ‘constantly crosses your mind, it may be because of something wrong he did or unresolved past issues. Understanding why you hate your husband is the first step towards moving on and saving your marriage. This article presents 21 reasons why you hate your husband and how to move forward;

♨ Here are the 21 Reasons Why I hate My Husband And How To Move Forward ♨

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Even if you are in love with your husband, there are times when you wonder why you even married him in the first place. Here are 21 common reasons why you hate your husbands and how to move forward

1. He Doesn’t Help Around The House

If your husband does not care about helping with chores despite having a lot of free time, you may slowly start resenting him, and it’s not good for your marriage. If you feel overwhelmed and you hardly have time for yourself, talk to your partner and agree on what chores he can help with. For example, he can help with the kids’ homework as you prepare dinner. Identify a task that he’s good at and clarify that he should handle it moving forward.

2. You Feel Like Your Marriage Is Boring

Do you feel your marriage has stopped being interesting, and you think it’s your partner’s fault? Maybe you used to do interesting things together, but everything you do now seems like a routine. If you are at this point in your marriage, talk to your husband and let him know your disappointments. But if your spouse doesn’t seem ready, do things you enjoyed doing together without involving him. Then, he will come around if he still cares about your marriage.

3. Your Opinion Doesn’t Count

Do you feel like your husband does not take you seriously anymore? Maybe it has always been like that, but you were too blinded by love. If you no longer feel like his equal partner because he doesn’t care about your opinions in the marriage, your feelings of love could slowly turn to hate.  Like we mentioned earlier, let your spouse know that you don’t feel like his equal partner anymore. Better still, step up and actively participate in major family decisions and show him that he can count on your opinions.

4. He No longer Cares About Himself

According to studies, physical appearance has a strong influence on how we like our partners. If your husband has stopped caring about his body, it may not be easy to respect someone who does not respect himself. You can overcome this by being honest about it. If you think that your husband has added weight, assist him with making changes to his diet and encouraging him to stick to an exercise routine.

5. He Does Not Care About Your Feelings

If you feel like your husband no longer cares about your feelings, it could be the reason you hate him. He may have the same feelings towards you because you may have reached a point in life where you no longer care about hurting each other’s feelings. Start by accepting that both of you need to compromise for the sake of saving your marriage. Secondly, establish a way of bridging the rift between you as you work on rebuilding a healthy relationship.

6. You Don’t Respect Him Anymore

You may have had constant fights with your husband until you have seen all his ugly sides. As a result, you find it hard to respect him the same way you did on your wedding day. Maybe you have reached a point where you disrespect each other without caring.  In this case, there is still hope of saving your marriage. You can get him to respect you by making him feel respected and appreciated, and you may trigger his hero instinct in your favor.

7. He Is Narcissistic

Many married women find themselves in the hands of selfish husbands and realize it when it’s too late. Maybe he has always been one, but you ignored the red flags because you were too carried away by love. You realize the compromises you made back then, and the more you see his narcissistic traits, the more you feel bad about it.

If you are in this situation, evaluate yourself to determine if you are willing to tolerate his behavior. Narcissists are resistant to change, so if your husband is one, you should decide if you are up for it or want a divorce.

8. You Can’t Agree On Anything

Are you constantly locking horns with your husband because you can’t agree on anything? If your spouse has different social, moral, and cultural beliefs, it may not be easy to agree on anything. Sometimes our cultural and moral beliefs make us who we are, and compromising on them may feel like self-betrayal. If you are in this situation, evaluate yourself to determine how much you are willing to compromise to make your marriage work. If none of you is willing to compromise, then you may never put the problem behind you.

9. You Are Stressed

Unresolved issues and daily life stresses can cause strains in relationships. Pressure at work and unmet expectations can cause you to resent your partner for no reason. If you find yourself in this situation, try to balance your work life and family life to avoid bringing unnecessary tensions in your marriage.

Talk to your partner about it and ask them to understand you. You may realize that you become happier with your spouse despite the life challenges.

10. You Don’t Feel The Same Way About Marriage

You may not have the same expectations about marriage with your partner. Our past experiences determine our opinions about marriage.  If your partner has different expectations about marriage, it may not be easy to have a smooth relationship. You may not change your past, but you can work with your spouse to overcome your negative expectations and identify new expectations that work for both of you.

11. Your Spouse Hurt You And You Are Unable To Forgive Him

Maybe your husband hurt you in a great way, and you are not ready to forgive him yet. You may still be upset, and it could lead to hate. In this case, don’t feel guilty about not forgiving your partner because he may not have apologized enough to warrant his forgiveness.

Allow yourself enough time to heal, forgive and move on. Maybe your husband is not aware that he hurt you. In this case, let him know the magnitude of the hurt and do something to save your marriage.

12. He Does Little Things To Annoy You

Sometimes, your partner may be doing little things that annoy you without even realizing it. For example, if he constantly belittles you in front of your friends or kids, your love could slowly turn to hate. In this case, call out his negativity because it could affect your self-esteem and cost your marriage. Let him know that you need his support, not embarrassing and belittling.

13. He Can’t Let Go Of His Bad Habits

Has your husband become an alcoholic or gambling addict, and he is doing nothing about it? If he has developed behaviors that affect both of you, such as excessive drinking, drugs, or unhealthy spending, it may be the reason why you hate him.

If you feel drained trying to save him from his self-destructive habits, it’s time you get clear about it. Tell him that you are his partner and not his savior. Let him fix his problem and play his role because marriage is about both partners’ giving and taking.

14. You Have Lost Your Identity In The Marriage

Maybe a lot has changed since you got married to your spouse. Something has changed, and you feel like you lost your identity. Maybe your partner asked you to stop working to raise your family, and you feel like your identity is now embedded with his. You are feeling like your spouse played a major role in abandoning your dreams. If you feel this way, talk to your spouse and tell him how you feel. Let him support you by working on something that will help you rediscover yourself again.

15. He Doesn’t Pay Attention Anymore

If your husband keeps ignoring you, it may be the reason why you hate him. He won’t listen to anything you say to him, or he deliberately ignores doing his chores. Maybe he no longer spends time with you because he is busy at work or with his friends. If he ignores serious family issues, talk to him about it and let them know that it’s affecting your relationship.

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Photo credit: unsplash.com

16. He Has Stopped Being Intimate With You

Sex in marriage creates strong bonds by promoting the emotional connection between spouses. If your husband has stopped being intimate with you, you might think he does not find you attractive anymore.  If you are in this situation, try to find out what has changed in your sex life. Maybe he is stressed out. In this case, talk to him and let him know what you feel. You can also talk to a marriage counselor to save your marriage.

17. He Is Not A Good Parent

Parenting should be a responsibility for both parents. But if your spouse shows no signs of being a good parent, you may hate him for his behavior. Maybe he spoils the kids or uses inappropriate language in their presence. In this case, let him know that you are unhappy about it and you need him to change. It’s his responsibility to raise kids as it is yours.

18. He Not The Same Man You Married

Maybe your husband is not the same man you married. A lot has happened, and you feel like he is a different person now. It’s normal for people to change over time, but you may find yourself hating him if he has changed negatively. Tell him the things that have changed about him and inspire him to become a better person. Remind him of the person he used to be and tell him that you prefer his older self.

19. He No Longer Cares About Your Feelings

When you married your husband, he used to care about each other. But everything has changed now, and you feel like your husband does not care about your feelings anymore. He sees your emotions as a burden to fix, and he does not support you emotionally like before. In this case, tell him that he needs to step up and give you the support you need.

20. He Does Not Trust You With Money

If your husband questions everything you do with money, it’s a sign that he does not trust your financial decisions. You may feel like he does not trust your spending habits because he provides the major family income. Let him know that you appreciate him providing, but he needs to start trusting your financial decisions.

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21. You Hate His Family And Friends

You may have a hard time loving your partner if you can’t stand his family and friends. If his family keeps interfering with your relationship, you may hate both, and it’s not good for your relationship. Maybe his family and friends don’t like you too, and it’s not your fault. In this case, talk to him about it. You can never take a man away from his family, but you can find a way to make it work for all parties.

😞 Signs you’re in an unhappy marriage 😞

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When you have been in a marriage for a while, things can go sour. People tend to get too comfortable with certain things and start getting on each other’s nerves. They might be minor things, but they can leave you feeling unhappy and may lead to divorce when they add up. Below are five signs that you are in an unhappy union;

1. You Constantly Criticize Each Other

Strong relationships are built on constant feedback, but it may leave both partners feeling unhappy if it turns to constant criticism. Constant criticism replaces love with judgment and may interfere with your self-confidence, leading to anger and resentment.

2. Your Partner Is Always Defensive

Being married to a partner who wouldn’t admit to his mistakes is a deal-breaker and can bring unhappiness in a marriage. A happy marriage consists of partners who are willing to accept their faults and compromise for the sake of the relationship.

3. You Are In A Sexless Marriage

If your marriage has no sex life, it’s an indication of being unhappy. Of course, you cant have sex with your partner all the time, but if both of you are no longer interested or it doesn’t feel great like it used to, something is missing in your marriage. It is not about the quantity of sex but the quality and how both of you feel about your sex life.

4. You Feel Neglected

If you feel lonely in your marriage, you have lost an emotional connection with your partner. Maybe you no longer spend time with your husband because both of you are busy at work or with friends. Or you don’t feel safe around each other anymore. If your partner’s presence no longer matters to you, there is no way you could be happy in your marriage.

5. You Are Increasing Getting Attracted To Other People

Getting married does not mean that you won’t find other people attractive. But if you find yourself emotionally drifting away from your partner, it means that something is missing in your marriage. If you are spending more time with someone else rather than your partner, it indicates that you are seeking something that you are not getting in your marriage.

📌 What To Do If The Thought ‘I Hate My Husband’ Crosses Your Mind 📌

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You probably keep having ‘I hate my husband ‘thoughts, and you are unsure of what to do. Below are five things to do to save your marriage;

1. Figure Out The cause Of Your Hate

The next time ‘I hate my husband ‘thought crosses your mind, try to figure out why you feel this way. Maybe it’s something your partner did that upset you, and you find it hard to forgive them. Or, you feel like your partner doesn’t care about your emotions. In this case, talk to your husband and let him know what you feel. Maybe the real reason you hate him is that you have expectations that he may not be aware of. In this case, evaluate yourself and decide if you are real or not.

2. Speak Out Your Negative Feelings

Unspoken feelings and emotions can lead to hate and resentment. Once you identify the real reason you hate your husband, don’t let it eat you up with the hope that it will disappear. Instead, talk to him and express your true feelings. Try to be empathetic and avoid blaming him. This way, you can resolve the matter without jeopardizing your relationship.

3. Have More Fun With Your Partner

Maybe you hate your husband because you think he’s responsible for the dullness in your marriage. When spouses start hating each other, they spend time apart and is unhealthy in relationships. Start by doing fun things you used to do together when you got married. Also, try to create time to rekindle your love by taking a trip together and get away from your daily life to spend quality time together.

4. Focus On The Positive

You may detest your husband now, but what about yesterday? Did you hate him the same way? He may have done something wrong, but it doesn’t stop him from being a good person. Remember the positive things he has done in your life and focus on them. Also, try avoiding confrontations that could bring bad arguments and resentment. Instead, strive to remember the happy moments you have had every time the thought ‘I hate my husband ‘ crosses your mind.

5. Talk To A Therapist

Maybe you have talked to your husband, but you haven’t seen any changes. You have reached a point where you don’t feel any better even after talking to him. In this case, talking with a counselor would be the best choice. Some issues are hard to solve, and you can only get past them if your partner is willing to change. A marriage counselor will give you a safe space to air your reasons while eliminating the sense of guilt for both parties.

🔇 Things No Wife Ever Wants to Hear 🔇

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Communication is important in a marriage, but using some phrases on your wife may create disharmony in your marriage. Below are five phrases your wife never wants to hear;

1.’You Remind Me Of My Mum.’

No matter how good your mother and your wife’s relationship is, never compare her to your mother. You may think that it’s a compliment, but it may ruin a good day.

2.’You Are Overreacting.’

Telling your wife to stop overeating makes her feel overlooked and voiceless in the relationship. Instead, allow her to voice her opinion however unreasonable you think it is.

3.’Ill Do It Later

To put it simply, the phrase indicates that she’s not important to you. So avoid promising what you can’t keep.

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For example, 4.’I’m Paying For It.’

Even if your name appears on the paycheck, avoid using this phrase on your wife. Even if you’re the one bringing the most income, she will feel like you exert power over her.

5.’Is That What You Are Wearing?’

If she has put on that outfit means it’s her choice for the day. Using this phrase only makes her question her looks and may affect her self-confidence.

🔑 Signs of Resentment 🔑

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Signs of resentment can vary from one person to another, but the common denominators are the feelings of anger and contempt. Whether this stems from things that happened in your past, or other reasons, it’s hard to come back from once you see it in writing. Below are five signs that you resent your partner.

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1. Regret

Do you feel disappointed, or do you regret meeting your partner? If you are in this situation, you already resent your partner. Women respond to regret by self-blaming and wishing they did things differently.

2. Recurrent Negative Feelings

Feeling angry and disappointed with your partner are signs of resentment. You may also feel bitter and angry when around someone who hurt you.

3. Revenge

Are you feel like hitting back on your partner to hurt them the way they hurt you? Resentment can make you want to engage in acts that can upset your partner to get their attention or force them to change.

4. Loss Of Interest

Resentment can lead to losing interest in your partner, especially if being around them causes conflicts and confrontations. You may no longer feel sexually attracted to your partner if you resent them.

5. You Can’t Stop Thinking About The Situation

Maybe your husband did something, and you can’t stop thinking about it. Resentment can cause constant negative thoughts, especially when you see the person who hurt you.

📍 Can a marriage survive resentment? 📍

A marriage can survive resentment, but it won’t go away on its own. Both parties should commit to showing empathy to each other. First, identify the reason for ending the resentment in your marriage. Maybe you feel hatred towards each other, and you want it to stop. Or you want to revive your sex life. In this case, you can start over again by forgiving your hurts and putting your past behind you. You can choose to celebrate the day to make it real and countable, like the way you celebrate your marriage anniversary. Doing this reminds you of the commitment you made and motivates you to keep them.

⚜️ Why are Married Women unhappy in marriage? ⚜️

Women are more connected to their emotions than men. According to relationship psychologists, men suppress their emotions and withdraw while women bring out their emotions. As a result, women feel frustrated and ignored, and it leads to unhappiness. Women also feel unhappy if their sexual needs are unmet if the marriage lacks communication, and if their husbands fail to meet their financial obligations.

🧐 Conclusions 🧐

Every marriage has its fair share of ups and downs, and you may feel frustrated from time to time. It’s normal to feel like you hate your husband, but the good news is; you can overcome those feelings and move forward. By talking to your husband about what you feel, you can work things out and save your marriage. Better still, you can see a marriage counselor for a safe space to iron things out without judging each other.

🤔 Relevant Questions  🤔

Why are husbands so selfish?

Husbands become selfish for various reasons such as being brought up as an only child, cultural beliefs that view some tasks as being for women, past experiences, and daily life stresses.

Can a man live in a sexless marriage?

A man can live in a sexless marriage, but it may never be the same again. He may be in a sexless marriage but seek fulfillment elsewhere through affairs. A man may also get emotionally detached from the marriage by showing a lack of interest, irritability, and anger towards his wife.

How do you know when a relationship is really over?

You know your relationship is over when you lose the emotional connection you had with your partner. When you lack sexual interest in your partner but become increasingly interested in other people, you may be about to make a decision you may never come back from. Besides, if you can no longer agree on anything and you can’t trust your partner anymore, it’s a sign that your relationship has come to a sad end.

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Ruth Jesse

Ruth is a life coach who specialises in relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.

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