26 Signs On How To Know If A Girl Is Playing You

By Ruth Jesse

January 10, 2024   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

Do you suspect that the girl you like is stringing you along? It sucks, but the silver lining is you are not alone.

All guys have experienced this at one point in their life.  Girls generally have more dating options than dudes, so it’s common for a girl to test the waters by flirting with you without committing to you.

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If you can’t confront her about exactly what your relationship means to her, here’s how you can tell whether she’s playing games with you.

So, let’s get started!

Find the perfect girl for you and learn these 26 Signs On How To Know If A Girl Is Playing You

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1.     Her Plans Don’t Include You

She always seems to be living in La Vida Loca, and her fun times don’t include you.  A girl who’s crushing over you will certainly make time for you or invite you on her outings. But if you are the only one who organizes meetings with her, then there’s a red flag that she doesn’t like you as much.

If your desire to meet supersedes hers, then she’s playing you. To make it worse, when you’re together, she only focuses on the present but won’t talk about future plans with you because you are obviously not part of it.

Girls can have specific tastes about the man they want to spend their lives with, and sadly, you might not fit the bill.

2.     She Never Texts You First

Be careful with this one because some girls play hard to get by not texting a guy first. But you know that she’s just a friend when she replies to your messages in brief or short texts.  She does so because she doesn’t want to be rude.

Otherwise, she won’t tell you if she’s thinking about you or whether she misses you.  Worse still, she’ll avoid responding to intimate texts because they make her feel uncomfortable and would rather avoid than tell you upfront that she’s not interested in intimacy with you.

If this sounds like you, stop messaging her and see if she notices and texts you first.  If she doesn’t, tough break buddy! Just forget about her and move on.

3.     She Doesn’t Compromise Her Schedule

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Her calendar is very inflexible. She’s very busy and hardly creates time for you. Red flag!

She can’t go to the park with you because Saturday afternoons are primarily for shopping and mani-pedis. In other words, you won’t get a window of opportunity with her. You can invite her to your family members’ wedding a couple of times, but when the weekend arrives, she suddenly has plans to go out with her girlfriends.

If she seems to be leading you in this way, just now that you are not a priority to her. If she is genuinely into you, she will look forward to going to special events with you.

It’s an ugly truth, no doubt. But the faster you realize that she’s playing with you, the faster you can move on to a girl who would be genuinely happy to spend time with you.

4.     She Seems Distant

Not only is she physically distant, but emotionally as well. You don’t know her favorite color, whether she’s a cat person or dog person, or how many siblings she has. You only seem to know her home address, but hardly if ever, get invited to her place.

If you’ve opened up about your life to her, but she doesn’t reciprocate, then it might be time to call it quits. This is a classic sign that she’s playing you like a fox.

She might claim to be an independent girl, but the truth is that every man likes to feel needed now and then. Sadly, she always gives you a cold shoulder and asks you for nothing!

5.     She Gives You Mixed Signals

One day she’s all over you- complimenting you, flirting with you, and making you feel like a million bucks. The next day she’s cold and distant. And this also applies to her texts. At times she’s so eager to chat with you, but other times she takes days to respond.

If she does this, she’s playing games. When you genuinely like someone, you can’t wait to communicate with them. You obviously won’t go for days without replying to their texts.

If you can’t really tell where you lie with her, and you feel like you’re always on the edge, your guess is as good as ours. Her feelings for you are very fickle and ready to drop at any moment.

6.     She Only Seems Interested When You Are Interested In Other Women

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It’s a surefire sign that she’s leading you on when she catches you looking at another girl, and she’s suddenly interested in you.

Women always compete with each other. So in such a case, she is competing with the other lady for your affection and attention. It’s all about her. She doesn’t act like that because she’s jealous, but because she wants to heighten her own ego.

Once she ensures that she wins the battle with her competitor, she’ll go back to not liking you.

7.     She Doesn’t Tell Anyone About You

This one is for you if you are already dating such a girl. If you guys have gone on several dates, but no one in her life seems to know that you exist, this is a huge sign that she’s only leading you on until someone better comes along.

It’s definitely a bad sign if she answers your calls when she is alone so that no one can know about you. A girl who likes you will tell her friends about you. She’ll also introduce you to them so that they can sass you out.

Now, if you do manage to get introduced to her close friends, look out for how she introduces you. If she only mentions you as a friend and subtly dismisses their ideas of you two together, she’s probably leading you on. However, if she blushes when someone asks if you two are dating, it might show that she actually likes you.

Another sign that she’s not serious about you is she doesn’t want to meet your buddies. Your boys are coming over to watch football? She can’t get out of your place fast enough!

8.     The Harder You Try, The More You Drive Her Away

The more you increase your effort to pursue her; it only serves to make her detached. Blame it on the famous law of humanity, “We all want what we can’t have.” A girl can be interested in you when you don’t seem to care. But signal your attention to her, and she’ll flee the scene.

All is not lost though. If this is happening to you, you need to work on being optimistic. Besides, if you take two steps forward and she takes two steps back every time, it’s a sign that she doesn’t deserve your attention.

She’s probably more interested in her than she is in you. Take a step back and see if she’ll come around. If she doesn’t, then it is about time to call it as it is.

9.     You Don’t Know Her Dating History

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She doesn’t seem to have past love interests at all. It might be because she’s in the habit of leading men on without committing to a long-term relationship.

She seems to have several guy friends. She may flirt with most of them but having an actual relationship is a passé for her. Perhaps she has set standards that are too high for any guy to meet, or she just has commitment issues. Whatever the reason, one thing is for sure: she’s playing you.

As long as she keeps flirting with you but doesn’t let you in her heart, she’ll string you along because she can’t commit to a serious relationship.

10.  You Are Her Last Option

You strive to get her to commit to weekend plans, but she never does. This is simply because you’re not her first choice for weekend activities or any other plans.

When you ask her out, she always tells you that she’ll let you know when she’s free. Big whoop!

It sucks to have such a power imbalance in your relationship.

11.  She Demands All Your Attention But Won’t Reciprocate

She’ll act jealous when you look at another girl but at the same time talks about other dudes. She can talk about guys she hooks up with but won’t hear about your crazy stories. In fact, you’re in trouble if you dare to talk about a girl you hooked up with because it makes her extremely jealous. And her worst fear is losing control of her affection and attention.

You’re in a one-sided relationship, buddy! Your girl loves getting your adoration but refuses to give it.

12.  Her Talks About The Future Don’t Include You

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She talks about relocating to a new city, visiting Abu Dhabi, or taking a summer vacation with no consideration of how you fit in her plans. If she pictured you two in the long haul, she would absolutely include you in her future.

Worse still, she doesn’t tell you about her plans and you suddenly hear from a third party that she went away for a one-month holiday. She doesn’t think about how her absence would hurt your relationship chances.

If she doesn’t tell you about her plans, then you’re undoubtedly an afterthought. Your presence or lack thereof in her life makes no difference to her.

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13.  She Returns The Small Items You Forgot At Her Place

Your socks, sweater, or sunglasses- those small things you “forget” at your lover’s crib that you don’t expect to be returned. But don’t be surprised if she returns them the next time you meet. Ouch!

If she really liked you, she’d keep those things for sentimental value. So, if your girl doesn’t want your stuff cramming up her house, she’s probably stringing you along. If she’s not letting you in, it’s because she doesn’t want a long-term relationship with you.

You might decide to take it easy and play cool, but if you die inside every time she returns your shirt or sweater, it’s right to assume that she’s not the right girl for you.

14.  She’s Only Lovey Behind Closed Doors

Watch out because this one is easy to overlook. If she’s all touchy-feely in private, keep tabs on how she acts with you in public. A girl who totally likes you will act lovey in public because she’s not ashamed of you.

But if your girl only cuddles you when you’re alone Netflixing and avoids any form of physical touch in public, her feelings for you might not be genuine.

15.  She Acts Moody

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When you intensify your attention, she starts to act moody and distant. She may even stop responding to your messages or avoid your calls. Then when you decide to retreat, she suddenly misses you madly. She may start to text you again without giving any clear explanations for her moodiness.

This cat-mouse game will only leave you confused and mentally drained. At this point, she may have noticed that you have feelings for her and turned into a manipulative b****.

If you don’t want to grapple with the “she led me on” regret later on, simply cut her off your life as early as you can.

16.  You Meet only On Her Terms

Because she doesn’t think you are in a relationship, she won’t compromise for you. So you only get to hang out with her on her timeline and not yours.

She will only call you up when she has nothing on her schedule without considering your social, work, and family commitments. But when she’s busy, she’ll make up all sorts of excuses not to hang out with you.

17.  She Won’t Define Your Relationship

You do everything that a girlfriend and a boyfriend do together, only that she won’t admit that you are her boyfriend.

She goes out on romantic evenings with you, makes love to you, and introduces you to her friends. But just like you, your buddies are also questioning the status of your relationship because they won’t define what you mean to each other.

You’re in some sort of situation, which leaves you feeling like an option for her. You even wonder whether your relationship is exclusive or if she has other lovers.

It’s about time to have the talk with her. And if she refuses to do that, call it quits before she breaks your heart.

18.  She Acts Needy To Avoid Serious Talk

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If you ask about your equation with her, she may act helpless and needy and claim that she needs you for help and support.

When you give her ultimatums, she begs you not to leave her. She makes you feel like her number one, but it is all an illusion if she refuses to accept that she is in a relationship with you.

She completely denies that she’s playing you. Then what is she doing??

19.  She Gets So Cozy With Your Family

One of the most overlooked signs a girl is leading you on is that she not only visits your family but acts like your girlfriend as well. But the equation reverses when it comes to her family.

When you ask to visit her family, she categorically tells you, “They don’t know about us yet, and I’d like to keep it that way.” Oddly, she will be all over your relatives at a family event, where she insisted on going with you. But don’t expect her to invite you to a family event at her end.

Sounds very unfair, right?

20.  She Hooks Up With Other Guys

She claims that you are just friends but leads you on by flirting with you and even sleeps with you occasionally. However, she also hooks up with other guys because clearly, you aren’t in a relationship. But what are you doing then?

All these will leave you confused about where you stand with her. On top of that, you are so knee-deep into the situation that you always long to be with her without noticing that you are dispensable and easily replaceable to her.

Can you imagine that you don’t have eyes for other women, but she openly hooks up with other men? If that’s not playing you, then what is it?

21.  She Openly Tells You Not To Get Emotionally Attached

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She wants the fun times and everything else offered in a relationship except emotional attachment.

She tells you that it’s not just a casual hook-up and that she has feelings for you, but she doesn’t want to go on an emotional roller coaster in case it doesn’t lead anywhere.

She already thinks that committing to you will lead nowhere. You should run in the opposite direction while you still can because she is obviously leading you on.

22.  It’s A Push-Pull With Her

She will be close with you and hang out often, but as soon as you make your moves on her to imply that you want something serious, she immediately clams up.

It’s an endless push-pull relationship with her, isn’t it? You experience the bliss of togetherness and then sudden withdrawal. She would instantly get busy with work and other stuff, leaving you yearning for intimacy.

If you ask what’s the matter, she will only say “Nothing”, and that’s final.

23.  You Have Flirty Chats

Your phone conversations are very hot and steamy but not so much in person. She might not even let you touch her when you meet up in person.

But she’s a whole different person over the phone that is flirty and warm. She might even send you nudes and naughty texts.

What’s up with that!?

24.  She Uses The ‘L’ Word

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She tells you that she loves you, which makes you feel like your relationship can go distant. But beware, pal, because she only loves you on her terms. She is happy that you give her all the attention and her needs are being met.

Just ask yourself, does she meet your needs as well? Do you feel fulfilled when she’s around? If the relationship is all about her needs, whether she loves you or not, chances are she’s only playing with your heart.

25.  She Won’t Acknowledge Your Feelings For Her

She wants to avoid talking about your feelings as much as possible. Whenever you try to tell her how much you feel for her, she’ll change the topic. She may even tell you that she only sees you as a friend but will still kiss and cuddle you.

All this evasion is a clear sign that she’s only leading you on. You decide what to do next!

26.  She Doesn’t Recall Little Details About You

When a girl really likes you, she’ll remember the football team you’re rooting for, your mum’s maiden name, or your dad’s hospital appointment and check-in to see how it went. In general, she will listen to everything you share about yourself.

Though not everyone is great at remembering minor details, you can tell if a girl is making a genuine effort to get to know you more or simply taking you for granted.

How to Know if a Girl Is Serious About You

1.     She Responds Quickly To Your Texts

If a girl wants to get serious, she won’t waste time ghosting you. She won’t always keep you guessing because she’ll be excited to keep in touch with you.

2.     She Remembers Minor Details

Even if you mentioned in passing that you used to have a stutter when you were six, she’ll keep this in mind. That is a sign that she always pays full attention when you are together.

3.     She’ll Initiate Serious Talks

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If she wants to take the relationship to the next level, she will reach out to you to talk about the next steps. She may ask to have an exclusive relationship or if you have deeper feelings for her.

4.     She Talks Of A Future With You

When she talks about “we” rather than “I”, then this is one surefire sign that she is serious about you. She thinks about you two together in the long haul and is not evasive of the relationship.

5.     She Incorporates You In Her Schedule

Rather than coming up with last-minute plans, she’ll carve out time for you and ask in advance. Actively looking for ways to meet up is a sign that she is serious about you.

Tips on how to deal with a girl who is playing games

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1.     Get Out While It’s Still Fresh

The best way to avoid being a victim is to unwind yourself of her manipulative games. If you’ve already confessed your feelings for her but she’s always evasive, now is the best time to untie yourself from her and look for a girl who is more deserving of your love.

2.     Be Direct From Get-go

She might be playing games with you because you never set any boundaries with her from the beginning. If the mind games have been going on for weeks or months, now is the best time to set boundaries for your own good.

Tell her that if she only wants to stay friends, then she should stop flirting with you and leaving other breadcrumbs.

3.     Call Her Out

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If a girl is stringing you along, chances are you’re not the first guy to be her victim. Girls who play such tricks on guys actually think that no one will call them out because technically, they’re not doing anything wrong.

So let her know that you know she’s been leading you on and you don’t want to play the push-pull game anymore.

4.     Stop Giving Excuses For Her

When you truly like someone, it’s easy to become their PR and spin everything in their favor. But the truth is, if a girl likes you, she will move mountains to be there for you.

So, stop making up reasons for why she can’t meet with you. Let it go and move on to a lady who will devote her attention, energy, and time towards you.

5.     Move On From Her

If you begin to wonder if things will ever get serious between you and her, then it’s a big sign that you need to move on.

Take control of the power imbalance in your relationship and cut her off for good. Keep on reminding yourself that if you are special to someone, they will ultimately go to great extents for you because you’d do the same.

So, as you move on, be cautious not to get into another stringing relationship.

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Ways To Avoid Getting Played And Date Without Wasting Your Time

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1.     Don’t Play Along With Breadcrumbing

This is the most important point, boys! Don’t accept bad dating behaviors such as non-communication, coldness, passive-aggressiveness, and negative or critical attitude.

You deserve a woman who treats you beautifully.

2.     Consider Someone’s Actions Not Their Words

If she says that she loves you but her actions say otherwise, drop her like it’s hot before she crushes you.

A girl who loves you should be caring, consistent, generous, kind, and thoughtful at all times, not only when she feels like it.

3.     Ensure She’s Into You

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The only way to know this is to judge her actions. Does she make you a priority? Does she communicate with you consistently? Does she tell you what she likes about you?

A girl who is not into playing games won’t leave you wondering how she feels or waiting anxiously for her calls.

4.     Always Speak Your Heart Out

If something is bothering you, tell her. If she dismisses your feelings, that’s a red flag. Only date a girl who considers your feelings and adjusts her behavior when necessary.

5.     Date Someone Who Includes You In All Aspects of Their Life

Over time, your girlfriend should begin to include you in her personal life without exception. This includes introducing you to her workmates and inviting you to spend time with her family and friends. And she should be proud to show you off!

If she’s more than willing to share her life with you in every way, she’s a keeper!

Conclusions

Girls who leave breadcrumbs and lead guys on can be venomous. And if you’re not watchful, this toxic relationship can drag on for a long time.

If you’ve fallen for such a girl, just dust yourself off and get out of there while you can. Now you know better! From every bad experience comes a great lesson.

There are plenty of girls out there, and you’ll certainly find one who deserves all the awesomeness you have to offer.

Relevant Questions

Is she interested or just being nice?

Well, the most obvious way to know if a girl is interested in you is, she makes it known that she is single. This is a subtle hint to let you know she is available for dating if you are interested as well.

How do you tell if a girl has slept with another guy?

While many signs hint a girl has hooked up with another guy, they all point to the fact that she won’t be interested in getting intimate with you anymore. She will make excuses not to have sex with you such as, being extremely tired or having an early wake-up call.

How do you know if she sees a future with you?

First and foremost, she will clue you in on major decisions she has to make. She will also consult you on minor things, such as what outfit to wear to a business meeting. She’ll want to know your schedule, your weekend plans, how work is going, and when to visit each other’s family and friends.

Ruth Jesse

Ruth is a life coach who specialises in relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.

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