How to Avoid the Urge to Stray Away: Tips on Making your Relationship Grow Stronger

By Henry Mosley

January 10, 2024   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

Work, stress, children, finances, boredom. These are all a part of daily life, and yet they really take their toll on couples.

Occasionally, if there is one person working and one staying home to housekeep or care for children, there is likely a rift that will emerge between the two of them. Even if the two people work, they can bring home their own stresses and problems from their jobs, which end up finding their way into personal lives.

Some couples will find that they are becoming less and less intimate and argue more about little things. These little disputes can cause one or both people to be tempted away by offers that appear to take them away from their problems and add some excitement to their lives.

These offers are affairs. When someone good-looking comes along, flirts, and seems to be everything they ever wanted, without one problem, it can be difficult to say no. However, they breed nothing but more problems, guilt, regret, and disgust for yourself.

The secrecy that must be obtained during an affair can cause more stress to start with. After that, one feels guilty for betraying the one they love, disgust that they could do something like that, and a whole mixture of emotions that can cause more problems at home than they initially had. They may find that they start snapping at their partner in a subconscious attempt to drive them away. If they become frequently angry at them, then they have a slight and feeble justification for what they have done. But this is never the truth.


Take Note of these Powerful Tips that Keep the Urge in your Relationship

1. Differentiation of self is a process wherein the work is only on changing self.

Differentiation of self is a process wherein the work is only on changing self
Photo: elegantthemes

It is difficult for people to understand that they need to become virtually disinterested in how others are functioning. This involves taking their life’s energy and directing it toward self-development in an effort to be more of a person in their own right.

Many people say that they believe something, but if you watch them they often do not do what they say they believe in doing. This does not mean that they are lying, or lazy, or even wrong. It does mean that if work on differentiation of self they will be less successful than might otherwise be the case. To work toward differentiation of self means that one’s beliefs must be put into practice. What do you believe about the situation you face and, given that belief, what is your responsibility for yourself and to others? Given this responsibility, who do you want to be? Who you want to be is usually a much better guide for functioning than asking yourself what you “should” do.

2. If you are subtly trying to change someone else, you won’t stay with the work overtime.

If you don’t see this as a solid way to achieve more maturity for yourself, you would be better off not starting efforts toward differentiation of self. It will be a waste of your time and energy in the sense that no lasting change is likely to result.

3. Becoming angry at their spouse for something they have done is not the answer.

Becoming angry at their spouse for something they have done is not the answer.
Photo: istockphoto

Driving them away will only drive away someone who loves them and whom they love. When the affair ends, which they more often than not do, they will find themselves broken and alone. There is nothing good that can come from cheating.

So what if your home life is not as it used to be? You argue more, you never have sex, the stresses in life are getting you down, and right in front of you is the opportunity to stray and experience some brief excitement, just begging you to accept..?

4. The key is to take the reigns in your relationship and change what you want changing.

That is not to say try to change the person you are with, because people rarely change. But you can affect your situations, what you choose to do day in and day out, what you wear, where you go etc. As unfair as it may seem that it has to be you who changes things (maybe they are thinking the same thing) you can’t expect people to be able to read your mind and do it for you.

If you feel the need to spend more time with your partner, set aside at least one hour a night for each other, whereby you might make love, chat, watch a movie together, go out anything you feel you want. Turn the TV off and occupy the kids with a babysitter or a good movie if you wish. Distractions must be out of the way so you can focus on each other.

5. Reminisce.

Photo: verywellmind

When you chat and laugh about the things you used to do, funny events that happened in your life together, it can draw you both closer to recall the good times, and inspire you to have more good times.

6. Spice up life with different things.

Each time you make love, you can vow to change position, location, activity, role play – whatever you need to reignite the flame.

Make sure you always remember why you fell in love in the first place, and aim to get back to that point. Therefore, during the day, whether at work or at home, spend your time thinking about what surprise or scenario you can invent for that evening for your partner. This will help you to avoid thinking about Mr. or Ms. Affair, and concentrate your thoughts on the real love of your life.

By using your imagination and acknowledging why you love this person, you can divert your thoughts and feelings from straying, and learn to love and appreciate your partner all over again, possibly with some added, fun extras!

Henry Mosley

Henry Mosley is a psychotherapist and leading relationship coach at free random video chat, with an extraordinary ability to help you resolve your personal and relationship difficulties. Henry will motivate, guide and inspire you with her incredible techniques for enhancing your relationship, spicing up your love life, or getting your loved one back after a break up.

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