The Dos and Don’ts of a First Date for Men

By Dr. Kurt Smith

November 18, 2016   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man


They say first impressions are everything and that is especially true when it comes to dating. Maybe you have no problem landing a first date with women. However, if you’ve noticed that a follow up date never happens, then you most likely need our tips for a first date for men.

First dates are very telling. Women and men will assess whether they want to go out with this person again based on their mannerisms and etiquette on the first date.

To ensure that you get that second date, here are some do’s and don’ts for you.

Do have a plan


If you ask a woman out on a date, then plan a date. I once had a friend who went on a date with a guy. As soon as he picked her up, he said, “Well, what do you want to do?” It caught her off guard and made her feel like he didn’t care enough about the date to plan anything. Have a plan for dinner or drinks, and then have a second plan for something afterward if you feel the night is going well.

See Also: Tips In Choosing A Restaurant For A Romantic Date

Don’t monopolize the conversation

Your date does not want to hear you go on and on (and on) about work, your ex, or your mother. Talk about yourself but also ask your date questions that will get her talking about herself. Joke around and have fun. Don’t get too serious too soon. You can usually get a pretty good vibe from one another through your interactions to know if a second date is in the cards.

Do be polite and thoughtful

This includes how you treat your date and the staff who take care of you while you’re on the date. Be kind to wait staff, movie attendants, valet parkers, etc. Don’t cut cars off or yell at a driver who didn’t signal before getting over.

Being rude and inconsiderate of others is a huge turnoff and will have your date counting down the seconds until the night is over. Remember that what men are attracted to is not that different from women.

Don’t try to over impress


First dates should be fun and fairly casual. Making reservations at a fancy and expensive restaurant for a first date gives off the impression that you’re trying too hard and puts more pressure than necessary on the date. Plus, it might make you have to live up to unrealistic expectations for subsequent dates. Try to plan something fun and casual like miniature golfing or a free concert in the park to help break the tension that sometimes comes with first dates.

Do avoid risky or controversial topics

Don’t bring up topics like politics, exes, sexual preferences or things of that nature. These can come across as crass and impolite. If there are things like these you want to discuss that are important to you, let the relationship gradually build before bringing up such heavier topics.

See Also: 5 Ways To Keep a Conversation From Coming To a Dead-end Standstill

Don’t leave her wondering how the night went

If you think the date went well and you’d like to see her again, tell her! Something simple, such as, “I had a great time. I’d love to see you again” will suffice. Notice her reaction and if she seems interested. Then text her within a day or so to tell her something funny or interesting related to a topic the two of you were talking about. There’s no such thing anymore as a (waiting) three-day rule. If you like her, go for it!

The first purpose of dating is to meet new people and learn the qualities that are most important to you in a relationship. So look at it more as an exploration and less as a conquest. It will help you keep the right perspective as you go on your very first date.

Good luck!



Dr. Kurt Smith

Dr. Kurt Smith is the Clinical Director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, a Northern California counseling practice that specializes in helping men and the women who love them. His expertise is in understanding men, their partners, and the unique relationship challenges couples face today. Dr. Kurt is a lover of dogs, sarcasm, everything outdoors, and helping those seeking to make their relationships better.

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