10 Red Flags to Consider Before Getting Serious in a Relationship
Happily ever after — that’s what most of us want. Finding that partner you truly click with is simpler than what most of us make it to be.
At the beginning of any relationship, everything is fun. Once it gets serious, things change. We rush things. Thinking that he or she is the one, we often don’t realize that we might just be setting ourselves up for heartbreak.
This is why it is important to consider every relationship you get into as a trial-and-error. Check first if that person is worth getting into a serious relationship with.
If you are excited about the idea of getting serious with your current significant other, here’s a reality check for you – you may be too infatuated to see the reasons that he or she is not the right one for you.
So, here’s a list of relationship red flags that you should consider and reflect on:
Your partner keeps being possessive
Many of us think when our partners are being jealous and wanting to control whatever we do is a sign of concern. But the truth is, this is not out of concern but out of possessiveness.
If he needs to know everything that you do and your whereabouts 24/7, that’s never out of concern but a sense of control. Sadly, most women find it adorable until it’s too late.
Your friends and family are not big fans of your partner
The idea of a “you and I against the world” kind of relationship may be romantic for some, but there are usually valid reasons why they dislike your partner. While you can both choose to prove them wrong, you should at least consider why your friends and family dislike him or her.
I’m not saying that in most cases, our friends and family’s opinion are right, but have you also attempted to listen to what they have to say about your partner? Being open-minded goes both ways. It pays to listen to someone else’s point of view in a relationship, especially those coming from loved ones.
You constantly feel guilty
If your partner keeps blaming you for everything, even those that are obviously his or her fault, maybe it’s time to rethink your relationship. A never-ending feeling of guilt caused by your partner is not something present in a healthy relationship.
It is always about them, never you
Relationships should be balanced, not just about the happiness and satisfaction of one person. If your partner seems to focus on his wants alone and expects you to give them to him or her, you may be dating a narcissist, and that attitude won’t change anytime soon.
There are so many things about your partner that he or she refuses to tell you
What do you really know about your partner?
If hardly anything, it’s not a good sign. Relationships require openness, and if your partner can’t do that, you should be worried. It is fine to keep a few secrets, but if he or she can’t be open about the small things, what else is he or she hiding?
It’s too good to be true
Whether it’s getting a thousand flowers in a single day, being serenaded by an orchestra band, or hearing ‘I love you’ early on in the relationship, grand gestures may be sweet but they should also be treated with caution.
Some narcissists and abusers are notorious for that kind of behavior until they get what they want. Unless your partner already knows you very well and for some time, don’t easily take those actions seriously.
He or she is rude to most people, especially to servers, janitors, and other workers
They say that how you treat the “little” people reflects your personality. Remember this the next time you go out, especially if you notice how he alternates between being sweet and bossy to you, and consistently rude to any waitstaff you meet.
This applies not just to romantic partners, but everyone in general. Being selectively nice is never okay.
You feel abandoned
If your partner is never there for you when you need him or her the most and seems to be present only during the good times, it is never a good sign.
Relationships involve ups and downs, and if you cannot depend on him or her this early on, how sure are you that he or she is going to be there for you in the future when you have problems and need a shoulder to cry on?
He or she is abusive
Abuse, not just physical but all kinds of it, should never be part of a relationship. Don’t expect him or her to change once you agree to a serious relationship.
If he or she keeps belittling you or saying nasty stuff, makes you feel worthless, or never made you feel good about yourself, your partner is definitely not a keeper.
See Also: How to Overcome Emotional Abuse
He or she molds you to his or her ideal partner
Everyone has his or her own personality, and your partner should respect that. Sure, there may be some things that need changing, particularly any bad habits, but it should always involve your growth as a person.
If it is not for your improvement but to fit the bill of what he or she wants in a partner, take it as a sign that he or she will only love you when you fit his or her expectations, and not unconditionally.
All these are signs of an unhealthy relationship, and if a lot of these are familiar to you, maybe you should rethink your relationship. While relationships are never perfect, healthy relationships and unhealthy ones are worlds apart.
Always aim for a serious but healthy relationship. Unhealthy ones may make you happy right now, but healthy ones will do so for a long time.
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Author: Kolyanne Russ
Kolyanne Russ is a relationship and love coach with a conscious and stress-free approach. She loves to empower and motivate people to live great lives and pursue their passions. She works with fabulous women to help them create a vision of their ideal relationship and gain the confidence to achieve it. She also writes and shares educational and inspirational content on her blog at Pinch of Attitude