How To Stop Turning People Off & Start Turning Them On!
Why don’t they want to meet up?
Why didn’t they call me?
You just can’t seem to meet anyone, or if you do nothing gets past the first or second date, your friends always seem too busy with other things ~ it really sucks!
It feels so confusing and slightly paranoid and if you feel like you’re being avoided.
You probably are…
They’re not being mean intentionally ~ well most people, they probably don’t know why, or don’t know how to say it, but they just don’t want to be around you.
You’re turning them off…
Being turned on by someone isn’t just about sex and being attracted to how someone looks; it’s about feeling attracted to how someone feels.
THE TOP THREE TURN ON’S
#1 ~ Feeling Accepted
#2 ~ Feeling like someone is interested in you
#3 ~ When it feels GOOOOD to be in someone’s company
You could meet a guy or girl and they could be as physically beautiful to you as your ideal fantasy HUNK/ HUNKESS, but if they start opening their mouth and it’s all let’s talk about ME ~ME ~ME ~ then they might as well be as ugly Shrek, because very soon you’re about to be bored and totally turned off.
NOBODY wants to feel like they don’t exist in a relationship because it’s all about the other person.
Looks can only take you so far in attraction, but when it comes to creating relationships we all need more.
We need to FEEL good around someone and that feeling comes from being noticed, accepted and being able to relax and simply be YOU.
The irony is healthy relationships are actually based on ME~ME~ ME…
‘Not Look At Me’ ~ give me attention as our Hunk/ess was suggesting, but actually “do I like the way I feel around you?”
If I feel accepted, great and relaxed in your company, then I will want to share myself and all my little goodies with you.
If I feel uncomfortable and on edge ~ then I’m going to want to stay away from you!
The hunk/ess obsession with getting attention is actually defensive behaviour, because if you scratch below the surface they are insecure; afraid of being criticised for not being good enough.
We can’t change other people…
We can however change what we put out to other people and attract back, because that is all about us!
* Are you highly critical of yourself ~ your face, body, hair, behaviour?
* Do you judge yourself against other people and what they look like, act like, achieve, who they are, what they’ve got?
If you answered yes then I guarantee that you will be turning people OFF.
TOP THREE TURN OFF’S
#1 ~ Being criticised/judged
#2 ~ Feeling ignored
#3 ~ Feeling uncomfortable
If that’s how you feel about you, then why would anyone else feel comfortable around you?
Don’t stop now because there are things that you can do to improve the image you have of yourself which will help in getting the attention of and attracting other people.
We advertise our self-worth in our physical form – health, fitness, demeanour, behaviour and the way we dress.
If we look worn out, small, hunched, weighed down, unhealthy, pallid skin, dull hair, overweight or underweight, then simply we don’t look in good condition and lack vitality.
We are advertising to the world ‘I don’t care about my wellbeing’ and we will care as little about our clothes, as we do about ourselves.
Your Own Punch-bag
We also market our self-worth and character in the way we speak and tones that we use about ourselves and other people.
If we spend a lot of time with negative back chat in our head and self-criticisms in our language we are treating ourselves like rubbish.
Using ourselves as a punch-bag so much that we will always be on the defensive waiting for the next punch!
Constantly being on the defensive makes us uptight, anxious and prickly and the brain quickly rewires to accept hatred as an acceptable normality in the way we express ourselves towards ourselves and other people.
So if we think it’s OK to judge ourselves, we will unconsciously judge others…
If we are unforgiving and criticise ourselves ~ we will unconsciously criticise other people.
We will judge and look to find the faults and mistakes in others and get up in their business ….to make ourselves feel better!
This is not only highly unattractive, but feels really uncomfortable for other people to be around, even if you can’t explain why!
If you’re turned off by you, then other people will be too!
Thankfully the opposite is also true ….
Start Getting Turned On
If we begin to:
~ show kindness instead of cruelty to ourselves,
~ throw away perfection expectations to judge ourselves by and accept who we are as individuals,
~ show as much genuine interest in our own lives, what lights our fire, flips our switch and what makes us who we are, as we would a good friend
We will stop feeling afraid of ourselves and the constant abusive criticism.
We will naturally begin to unwind, let go, relax and feel good about what we have to offer to the world and the people in it.
When we are relaxed in our own skin we become soft, inviting and feel so GOOOOD to be around ~ like falling into a really large squishy sofa.
And like grabbing a coffee and having a good natter with a close friend, we can start showing some real genuine interest in what other people are about instead of wasting so much time worrying if they think we are good enough!
So stop turning people off ~ get turned on by YOU!
We are all attracted to feeling good. Feel good about you and you will start attract people to be turned on by your confident, light, easy going presence.
Get the right people around you who you feel great being with and it will end up like you’ve finally let your hair down at the most awesome party every day!
|Written on 10/17/2013 by Jo Warwick. Jo Warwick is a therapist, energy healer and creator of www.rediscoverthemagic.comGo download your free copy of Don’t Screw It Up ~ Top Ten Ways To Create A Relationship That’s Just Right For You|
Photo Credit: couscouschocolat