How to Destroy Your Relationships

By Henri Junttila

January 22, 2010   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man


I’m a fairly young guy, but even so, I’ve come to realize that relationships are great teachers when both parties are aware and open-minded. We all need quality relationships in our life. We need people that know and understand us.

I am not just talking about romantic relationships, but any relationship. The expectations, beliefs and values of all parties involved makes it volatile and interesting. Relationships can blossom one day and go down in flames the next.

You can see this happening all around you. Some couples seem happy while others are not. What is it that separates working relationships from the ones that don’t work at all? No one really knows for sure and it will be different from case to case, but there will always be theories, and oh how we love theories!

Here are six different ways you can destroy your relationships (if you choose to):

    1. Attachment
      Even though relationships in and of themselves are about attachment, it is better to release it as much as possible. Being overly attached is being fearful. It signifies that you believe in scarcity. It’s easy to cling to someone when you think that you’ll never find another partner or friend as good as them. This is something that everyone goes through, but ultimately we all realize that it isn’t true. Every relationship will sooner or later pass and new ones will develop. That is the river of life. A big misconception is that love equals permanent attachment. You can love without being needy or attached.
  • Control
    Attachment leads to control. Control is one of the biggest relationship breakers for me and I’ve become aware of the slightest amount of control exerted on me. It’s a deal breaker. Control comes in many forms, ranging from minor manipulation to exaggerated violence. Just look at how most romantic relationships start, they begin good because both parties are having fun, but as the relationship progresses and the initial infatuations vanish, fear enters the picture and bad stuff happens. 
  • Expectations
    Being disappointed is impossible without expectations. Take a hard, deep look at what you’re expecting to get out of each relationship you have. Sometimes adjusting your expectations can significantly change your relationship for the better. Clinging to old expectations that do not fit reality will completely destroy a relationship. 
  • Selfishness
    It’s easy to fall into selfishness and laziness in both relationships and personal development. It takes discipline to keep going and being aware of what the other person really wants. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t really want to do, but you can inject joy into a task like this simply by focusing on how good someone else will feel. Serving others naturally feels good. We’re meant to help and love, as cliché as that sounds. Volunteer and I’ll guarantee you that you’ll feel better afterward. Life is more about giving than getting. Apply giving into you relationships and you’ll see that when you give, the other person is more likely to give as well. 
  • Non-Growth
    A relationship where one part is on the path of growth and the other is on the path of sloth is a recipe for disaster. Sooner or later one person will start to outgrow the other, at which point the one lagging behind will start to feel uncomfortable because something is going on signaling that they aren’t enough anymore. This is why so many people that start growing face so much resistance. If you grow, then that means something is wrong with the people that practice non-growth. 
  • Different Values
    Relationships can thrive without having the same values. I’m not saying that it can’t. What I’ve seen in my own life is that people that do not have the same big values or goals as I do tend to fall away. It all depends on what values are different. Companionship is a lot easier when both people have the same values. 

Remember, it’s okay to move on. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. There’s no need to keep going when it doesn’t feel right. We’ve been raised to believe that we have to stay married or together to one person as long as possible, because that’s the way things are meant to be, right?

There are no rules that bind you down, only the ones you make for yourself. Attracting the right people into your life is a key ingredient in making your relationships work. It’s not just about finding random people and making friends, it’s about finding the right people.

Written on 1/22/2009 by Henri Junttila. Henri blogs at, Wake Up Cloud, where he shows you how you can earn money online ethically. You can also get the Passion Blogging Guide, which is free, but really shouldn’t be. Photo Credit: Katie Tegtmeyer
Henri Junttila

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