Want To Make Your Relationship Last? Here Are 10 Steps To Keep Her Interested And Into You

By Dr. Kurt Smith

June 7, 2024   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

What if she loses interest? What if she finds someone else? What if she suddenly realizes you’re not as great as she first thought?
And now you’re panicking.

Before you do something cringe-worthy, like sending her a rose for every freckle on her nose or prematurely buying diamonds, take a minute to think more logically and less desperately.

There are some practical and genuine steps you can take to keep her interested and into you while simultaneously furthering and deepening your relationship.

10 Steps For Keeping Her Interested The Right Way

The problem for many men is that once they begin to experience real feelings for a woman, they don’t really know what to do about it. Being articulate and expressive regarding emotions isn’t a strong suit for most guys.

That’s when things often derail.

But the following 10 tips can help keep things going the right direction and give you each time to figure out if you’re really right for each other.

1. Be yourself: Okay, it’s not the most original or creative tip, but it’s a universally good one. And one that men frequently forget when they go into I-need-to-impress-you mode. Authenticity is attractive. Don’t try to be someone you’re not just to impress her.

2. Listen and listen actively: Fight the desire to have your next clever quip at the ready and instead listen to what she has to say.
Showing genuine interest in her words, stories, hopes, dreams, and frustrations helps you get to know her on the deepest level and demonstrates your feelings. So, listen attentively and ask follow-up questions that show you value her thoughts and opinions.

3. Show confidence: You may feel like jelly inside, and maybe you’re wondering why she gives you the time of day but remember – confidence is attractive. It’s essential to strike a balance, however, and not come across as arrogant or overly cocky. Just focus on being comfortable in your own skin and your strengths will naturally show themselves.

4. Make her laugh: It could be argued that this is the most important tip of all. Laughter really does create a bond between people. It breaks down barriers and promotes vulnerability. A sense of humor can go a long way in building a connection and keeping her interested. So, make jokes and find the fun in life – just not at the expense of others, especially her.

5. Stay engaging: Be careful about overworking this one. It’s important to be able to initiate interesting conversations and share your passions. You can do this by showing enthusiasm for the things you love. But you don’t need to force bizarre topics or be overly aggressive in trying to get her to weigh in on things she may have no interest in.

6. Show interest in her interests: This doesn’t mean you need to take up Pilates (although it may do you good) or become an expert in French historical fiction, but taking an interest in the things she enjoys will bring you close. Showing interest is as simple as asking questions to learn more.

7. Create inside jokes: Developing shared jokes or funny references unique to your relationship (when possible and natural) creates a sense of intimacy and connection.

8. Plan surprise dates: Surprising her with fun and unexpected dates or outings shows your creativity and spontaneity. Anything from a day at a petting zoo because she loves goats, to a simple picnic with munchies you each enjoy.
The point isn’t just to have fun, but to show her a side of you that she’ll appreciate and continue to find endearing and exciting.

9. Respectful teasing: Things can get too heavy if you take her too seriously and don’t show that you find some of her quirks or idiosyncrasies amusing. Light-hearted teasing adds a playful dynamic to your relationship. Just make sure it’s done lovingly and respectfully.

10. Engage in light-hearted challenges or games: You can invent your own or do things like trying to mimic each other’s dance moves or playing a game of “truth or dare.” The point is to keep things fun in ways that inspire light competition and can help you get to know each other in new ways. Depending on the stage of your relationship, “truth or dare” could become a road to physical intimacy.

11. Surprise her with thoughtful gifts with a twist: I’m not talking about jewelry, lingerie, or kittens. I’m referring to fun, thoughtful, and unexpected gifts that perhaps made you think about her or that you just thought she’d like. Be careful with this, however. Doing too much of this can feel like love bombing and project desperation. And if it’s done too often it will lose some of its spontaneity and likely her interest.

12. Share embarrassing stories: Although there are likely limits to what you’re comfortable with, sharing embarrassing or awkward stories from your past can bring you closer and help you know one another on a deeper level. It helps to break down walls and strengthens your connection through vulnerability.

Are these foolproof?


Every person is unique, and therefore, every relationship is too. Paying attention to her cues and adjusting your approach accordingly is essential.
Keeping her interest isn’t the only important factor either. Don’t become so focused on maintaining her interest that you forget she must also maintain yours. A big part of this process is the mutual evaluation of compatibility and its potential to be long-lasting.

Above all, and no matter where things end up, treat her with kindness, respect, and genuine care. And you should get the same from her.

Dr. Kurt Smith

Dr. Kurt Smith is the Clinical Director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, a Northern California counseling practice that specializes in helping men and the women who love them. His expertise is in understanding men, their partners, and the unique relationship challenges couples face today. Dr. Kurt is a lover of dogs, sarcasm, everything outdoors, and helping those seeking to make their relationships better.

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