The Truth About Why Men Aren’t Romantic Anymore

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If you’re frustrated with the fact that men aren’t chivalrous and romantic anymore, you’re not alone.

As a women’s dating coach, I constantly get emails from women who complain that chivalry is dead… romance is dead.

Believe it or not, it’s actually not dead. Men don’t act more romantic because they’re afraid.

Let me explain what I mean…

The other day my girlfriend was telling me a story about a guy who gave her friend a promise ring. This is what she said about it…

“He got her that ring because he’s too big of a coward to propose to her!”

Wow… as a man, this kind of talk from a woman makes me really sad.

When I was young, I was incredibly romantic. When I was in high school, I used to write my first girlfriend poems.

I bought her flowers once a month (red carnations). And yes, I even bought her a promise ring (it cost me a about half a month’s income).

And guess what she did…

She cheated on me with a friend of mine and dumped me when I was the most vulnerable.

Let me tell you what I did because of this…

For close to a decade, I never did another romantic thing for any woman I dated. In fact, that experience created a belief in my mind that says…

Being romantic = getting cheated on and dumped.

Millions of men all around the world have experiences like that… which is one of the reasons why romance and chivalry is dying in our culture.

Men don’t see the benefit anymore. Our moms told us that we were supposed to buy women flowers… and when we did, we got dumped afterwards.

Think about it… if you were rejected by a man because you expressed your love to him, wouldn’t you be more hesitant to express your love to a man?

A promise ring from a man isn’t a sign of being a coward… it’s an expression of his love.

Maybe you wanted an engagement ring. Maybe you feel like it’s a sign that he’s not man enough for you.

But to him, it’s like buying you REALLY expensive flowers… he’s showing you that he cares.

Imagine that you decided to make a meal for a guy you’re dating… you spend hours and hours slaving away in the kitchen to create it.

He comes over and says, “Is this it? Am I not good enough for you to take me OUT to dinner?”

You thought you were showing him you cared. You thought he’d appreciate the effort you put in.

What’s the likelihood that you’d do something like that again for… anyone?

Yet this happens all the time to men… over and over again. A promise ring isn’t a missed opportunity. It’s an expression of his love.

And I suggest you treat any gift a man gives you as that… an expression of love and affection.

Men are constantly punished for their expressions…

They’re punished for complimenting women.

They’re punished for appreciating the way a woman looks.

I’ve been yelled at for opening a door for a woman before. I’ve been physically attacked for approaching a woman I didn’t know.

I’ve even had a woman bring another man to a restaurant that I was supposed to meet her at for Valentine’s Day.

And I’ve heard similar and even much worse stories from men that I’ve coached… hundreds of them.

Men feel like it’s their role to provide for you. They feel it’s their role to protect you and care for you…

Even if you don’t need a man to provide, protect, or care for you.

Just let them do it. Work on receiving without judgment, without compromise.

Learn to receive for not only your own relationship but ALL women out there.

Men will only be men for you if you allow them to. Men will only be men for you if women stop punishing them for being men.

Men are certainly responsible for their own behaviors… but they have no incentive to be romantic and act like a gentleman if the women in their lives are punishing them for it.

And if a man gets rejected or punished enough for being romantic, you can rest assured that it will take him some time before he gets over the fear of doing it again.

Have you ever punished a man for being a man and not who you wanted him to be in that moment?

Has a man ever tried to impress you, show you respect, or express his affection and love towards you and you rejected him for it?

Think about it.

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Author: Matthew Coast

Matthew Coast helps women who are struggling with their dating lives find a quality man and develop a committed relationship with him. Find out more at http://commitmentconnection.com/

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43 COMMENTS

  1. For so long, I just got treated like shit by men, with a little romance sprinkled in. Now, times have changed. Men seem to only care about themselves and they want the bigger piece of the pie in the relationship much of the time, almost by default, they feel entitled. When you don’t give anything, ya just take and want anal sex, and you’re just all into porn and addicted, you just aren’t that interesting anymore, sexually, emotionally, everythingly.

    • Yes, all men are the same! Forget the fact that each human being is unique and that the set of experiences he, she, or ze encounters in his, her, or zir life shapes the personality, mindset, and approach to life. I agree that all of your collective partners can be aggregated into one sample size representative of the entire male population. Let’s do the math.. given that there are a little over 3.4 billion men on this planet..if we use a confidence interval of 95% and use a very generous 5% margin of error we will need a sample size of 385 men to represent the total population. If I had to blow and provide anal sex to 385 guys with no reciprocation, I would come to a similar conclusion. It’s a shame that society has started to look down on sweeping generalizations about a certain gender/race/culture/creed. We need them in order to continue our tradition of promoting homozygosity so that way people like you don’t have to waste your precious time spent surfing on the web from your toilet and trying to understand a post like this..

      GLHF

      In a more serious response to the original post, I can say that I personally, have always done my best to be chivalrous – to individuals I am romantically interested in as well friends and also to random strangers. In my personal circles, this has worked out well for me. I am known as a nice guy, someone who genuinely cares and can be trusted. I didn’t do it to earn that status and I don’t continue to do it to maintain the status either. I just do it because that’s how I feel people should be treated..with respect. I have always lived my life under the golden rule – to do unto others as you would have them do unto you – because it’s the right thing to do.. and it just makes sense. Now with that being said, when interacting with strangers, I usually get treated very differently. Maybe people aren’t used to strangers being nice. Maybe people who don’t look like you make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you’re just having a bad day and just don’t want to deal with it today. In any case, strangers who are unresponsive and unreceptive make me want to give up on trying to be nice..

    • Yes, all men are the same! Forget the fact that each human being is unique and that the set of experiences he, she, or ze encounters in his, her, or zir life shapes the personality, mindset, and approach to life. I agree that all of your collective partners can be aggregated into one sample size representative of the entire male population. Let’s do the math.. given that there are a little over 3.4 billion men on this planet..if we use a confidence interval of 95% and use a very generous 5% margin of error we will need a sample size of 385 men to represent the total population. If I had to blow and provide anal sex to 385 guys with no reciprocation, I would come to a similar conclusion. It’s a shame that society has started to look down on sweeping generalizations about a certain gender/race/culture/creed. We need them in order to continue our tradition of promoting homozygosity so that way people like you don’t have to waste your precious time spent surfing on the web from your toilet and trying to understand a post like this..

      GLHF

      In a more serious response to the original post, I can say that I personally, have always done my best to be chivalrous – to individuals I am romantically interested in as well friends and also to random strangers. In my personal circles, this has worked out well for me. I am known as a nice guy, someone who genuinely cares and can be trusted. I didn’t do it to earn that status and I don’t continue to do it to maintain the status either. I just do it because that’s how I feel people should be treated..with respect. I have always lived my life under the golden rule – to do unto others as you would have them do unto you – because it’s the right thing to do.. and it just makes sense. Now with that being said, when interacting with strangers, I usually get treated very differently. Maybe people aren’t used to strangers being nice. Maybe people who don’t look like you make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe you’re just having a bad day and just don’t want to deal with it today.

      • OMG what a huge post. Your effort is admirable but it made me laugh. You are trying to display intelligence and knowledge of statistics while insulting my intelligence. It also makes me laugh that you call yourself a “nice guy”. Do you realize that in most feminist circles there are a plethora of articles warning women away from these idiots who call themselves “nice guy”? But hey, even though insulted my intelligence and suggested I post from the toilet, maybe you are a “nice guy”? Ahaha! Right! You are not a nice guy. You think you’re a nice guy, which puts you in a really icky category of men.

        I didn’t say all men were the same, by the way. I simply expressed an opinion about my individual experience with men, specifically in the romantic sense. I just broke up with a boyfriend of several years. He loved to go down on me but .. he was still a kind of parasite in other ways. I’ve had generous male friends, very nice friends, but it’s my experience you have to keep them in the friend zone. And of course, dad is great! Maybe I just compare all men to dad and they can’t live up to my expectations because my dad has always been so selfless and generous, putting me at the center.

      • You referred to me as “people like you” and said that I surf the web from my toilet, trying to understand your post. You’re not a “nice guy”, even if you think you are. You say people should be treated with respect but you didn’t treat me with respect.

        I made you a much longer, heartfelt post but I guess dumblittleman didn’t like my polite reasoning, so it was deleted. Hi dumblittleman.

        • Dont listen to the victim blaming. Its how men try to gaslight women into thinking their perceptions are WRONG so that they continue being available to men. In patriarchy Your Vagina is a prized commodity that should always be available to men and at zero to little cost. Taking it off the market provokes ire. Im like you,feeling so much happier and free without close ties to men. Without fake “love” to decipher. Without blaming myself for every bad experience, no broken hearts. Im free to be me.

    • “For so long, I just got treated like shit by men, with a little romance sprinkled in. Men have never, ever taken care of me. ”

      It might be the type of men you let in your life. If you accepted men that behaved that way toward you, then you essentially signed off on their behavior. All people are self-centered and entitled, women and men both share that trait. I know it’s easy to cast vitriol on all of us men by saying that we are porn addicts, but that is lazy thinking. Men are much more visual creatures, so porn in visual form is our favorite medium of consumption. However women with a verbal leaning tend to read their porn, 50 shades of Grey comes to mind. So women have their bodice ripping stories and men have click bait porn. This is nothing new.

      Here is the male response to your last lines.

      Women just aren’t that interesting anymore, personally, emotionally, socially. They only have their sexuallity left and even that diminishes with age and weight. I have never been afraid of being alone and now I realize, it’s just more work to be with a woman. They’re a drag. They try to manipulate, control, use, and demean. They all tried to take away my freedom while insisting upon their own, like that’s female entitlement for you.

        • Actually science tell us this, and it is illustrated by things like Porn, media consumption, and our desire for symmetry in beauty.

          http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/808430

          Abstract

          Factors related to sexual arousal are different in men and women. The conditions for women to become aroused are more complex. However, the conventional audio-visual stimulation (AVS) materials used to evaluate sexual arousal are universal. In the present study, we investigated sexual differences in the response to different types of AVS by studying activated areas of the brain using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). fMRI was performed during two types of AVS in 20 healthy heterosexual volunteers (aged 20–28 years, 10 men and 10 women). The two AVS types were: (1) mood type, erotic video clips with a concrete story and (2) physical type, directly exposing sexual intercourse and genitalia. fMRI images were analyzed and compared for each stimulation with a Mann–Whitney U test, with statistical significance set at P<0.05. Men preferred the physical type of AVS to the mood type (mean arousal score 2.14 vs 1.86 in females) and women preferred the mood type (mean arousal score 2.14 vs 1.86 in males) (P<0.05). Degrees of activation in brain areas differed between genders and types of AVS for each gender. This should be considered when applying the AVS method to evaluate and diagnose female sexual dysfunction.

          • Must be a troll. Of course, after all the comment sections I have seen from wymin’s websites, it could very well be an actual women. Notice the glib cognitive dissonance about how she gave BJs, but never received? Honestly, she outs herself at the fact that she gave out too quickly, and now blames all the men she really wanted for not going for her, and protecting her from herself on the poor choices in men she made. And the dead giveaway is the reference to anal. Honestly, if it is not a troll, all trolls could copy and paste this. I have heard women make this level of complaint before. LOL

          • What a stupid analysis. I’m a woman. I just don’t care about men anymore. I see you’re threatened, Pee Wee.

          • LOL. You still have not learned after all the hard core dick downs you received, that your method doesn’t work. Hopefully, for your sake you’re not past the wall. Word to the wise hon, take care of yourself, and be good being alone! If you can’t be alone, and obviously you can’t, you can never be able to be with someone else. Good luck. And for your own sanity, don’t comment here further! LOL

          • WOW! You are hard core! LMAO.

            Must have really hurt reading that, it took you two months to reply. Usually you sycophants are repeating your cosmo mag snark within a couple hours. Your anti-depressants must be somewhere. Later.

          • LOL. I’m actually glad I caught this. You madam, are an idiot. You basically just pointed out your own ignorance, and double standard. You gave to men that didn’t care about you. And despite the fact that you personally made poor choices in men who gave nothing back, you blame them for your inability to choose well. But I’m threatened? And “Pee Wee”? As in Pee Wee Herman from the 80s? Hahahahahahaha

            Let’s get something straight. I’m married with kids, to a woman that was a model, and also has an engineering degree. I got laid far more than my share before that too.

            I’m not missing you. Feel free to kick rocks on your way out the door whiner.

          • You’re demonstrating your own insecurity by bragging about your marriage, who your married to and what she’s achieved, trying to prove yourself to an anonymous internet person you call an idiot. Now that makes me chuckle.

          • No, it makes you weep. Because you’re an anonymous asshole with a feminist axe to grind. And contrary to your 80s Karate Kid one punch intellectual style, you realize you can’t compare to my intellectual Krav-Maga/MMA/Movie-style-Kun-Fu debate techniques. I crush you every time. But that’s not what makes you come back. You see, if not for disqus, I would have completely forgotten about you. You’re not that memorable. Just another mindless, feminist brainwashed, pathetic little troll whose too weak to get over her insecurities and realize that a man she might actually have enjoyed a life with was likely someone she was trained, like a monkey, to not pay any attention to. Feminists ruined you! Your stubborn refusal to admit this, not to me but yourself, has a highly unfortunate set of consequences!

            1. If you don’t change course, and stop being a bitch, you deserve your life alone. Void of a loving touch. The yearly cards of Valentines, anniversaries, little fingers reaching out for your embrace until they mature one day to bring new little fingers to your embrace again!

            2. High blood pressure, and various other medical maladies from your incessant male hatred manifesting itself into physical ailments that your tax payer funded healthcare will have to pay for. You see, feminism has a real cost. Another side issue of this is the silent acknowledgement that you’re life has attained to no real value to our species as a whole. Because you did nothing but contributed bullshit ideology, but took from society as a whole through tax funded programs, and didn’t even have the decency to contribute new minds from those tiny little fingers you risk never having!

            3. Your own solitary confinement to a cat-halla you will have to work to maintain. As the cold, uncaring cats you will anthropomorphize into your “children” will piss and shit all over your home, and knock shit over. But never actually fulfill you!

            4. You will fail to find love on your cougar cruises. For one, there will likely be no young hot guys ever wanting anything more than a quick bang, and try to have you pay their way like you did to so many men when you were young.

            You think yourself special. But I pity your future! And it is NOT MINE to worry about! Good luck with that feminist.

          • You don’t chuckle, Gribbly. You cackle. It’s just redundant that you’ve ‘sworn off’ men, because I’ve got a feeling that did that to your old, wrinkly ass decades ago!

          • I’d have to agree with her that men are not much more visual than women. I’m very visual and if there’s not enough aesthetically pleasing features on a man, nothing will get me attracted to him. I watch porn and it’s just to get off. There are some people that have an unhealthy attachment to it though and it actually ruins their real sex life.

    • And I have to say that I don’t believe all men are like this. I’ve experienced selfish assholes, but once I see that this is just who they are, I move on. I would never stay with such a man.

      • You wouldn’t stay with a lout because you have self respect. Gribbly only has vaginal cobwebs and a need for creeps to treat her like shit.

  2. I find it amazing that women who treat men like crap expect them to be romantic. I hate admitting it, but most members of my sex have the IQ of a rock. Women who are this stupid better pray they find a man dumb enough to marry them when they’re young, because once their looks go, they have nothing to offer!

    • You’re a complete idiot to talk about other women like that. Do you think it ingratiates yourself to men? It would only ingratiate you to really stupid ones. Have fun with that.

      • No, stupid, I’m not trying to ingratiate myself with anyone, especially not stupid womyn like you. I’m telling the truth, which is why you’re acting so pissy (that and your crotch rot.) But what’s it to you, anyway? Suddenly ugly dykes are interested in men?

        • You have no knowledge of IQ statistics. You’re seriously just a dumb fuck. Look in the mirror when you say “most members of my sex have the IQ of a rock”. Calling me ugly when you’ve never seen me is another weak, nonsensical, stupid attack. I mean at least think of good ones if you’re going to insult almost your entire gender’s intelligence.

          • Nope. I can tolerate women, but I do enjoy the company of men much more. Men, generally speaking, are funny, intelligent, and kind (when they’re sure they won’t get slapped upside the head for it by some battleax.) There are some intelligent, interesting women, but unfortunately, too many women tend to move in like-minded herds of other dumb women. There is nothing – I repeat, nothing! – as tiresome and boring as a coven of dumb women with victimhood taking up too many of their limited IQ points. When the shrews are on the warpath, just point me to where the guys are!

    • I don’t know any women like this, but if this is what your personal experience is of what you’ve witnessed, I’m going to have to agree with you. Women like that truly fuck it up for good women.

  3. Some women prefer freedom and the same liberties and opportunities over meaningless gifts. Sometimes a woman’s first love cheats on her too, doesn’t mean she’ll get all butt hurt and take it out on her next love interest or everyone of his sex because of his dipshittery.

  4. This article is sad as hell. I can totally understand that a man doesn’t want to get walked all over. It makes sense. Don’t take this the wrong way, but at the same time it’s very refreshing to hear, nowing it has nothing to do with the woman, but his own hang ups. It’s sad that these things get in the way. I would never cheat on a man who does nice things for me. I’m more likely to cheat if he doesn’t do these things, but by then the relationship is coming to an end anyway.

  5. “I find it amazing that women who treat men like crap expect them to be romantic. I hate admitting it, but most members of my sex have the IQ of a rock. Women who are this stupid better pray they find a man dumb enough to marry them when they’re young, because once their looks go, they have nothing to offer!”

    You are right, Katyll. And thank you for posting that.

  6. Quite often a man is Romantic to his woman so much that eventually she doesn’t notice. This really hurts the guy and it’s harder for him to be romantic.

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