The Truth About Why Men Aren’t Romantic Anymore

By Matthew Coast

November 4, 2015   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

If you’re frustrated with the fact that men aren’t chivalrous and romantic anymore, you’re not alone.

As a women’s dating coach, I constantly get emails from women who complain that chivalry is dead… romance is dead.

Believe it or not, it’s actually not dead. Men don’t act more romantic because they’re afraid.

Let me explain what I mean…

The other day my girlfriend was telling me a story about a guy who gave her friend a promise ring. This is what she said about it…

“He got her that ring because he’s too big of a coward to propose to her!”

Wow… as a man, this kind of talk from a woman makes me really sad.

When I was young, I was incredibly romantic. When I was in high school, I used to write my first girlfriend poems.

I bought her flowers once a month (red carnations). And yes, I even bought her a promise ring (it cost me a about half a month’s income).

And guess what she did…

She cheated on me with a friend of mine and dumped me when I was the most vulnerable.

Let me tell you what I did because of this…

For close to a decade, I never did another romantic thing for any woman I dated. In fact, that experience created a belief in my mind that says…

Being romantic = getting cheated on and dumped.

Millions of men all around the world have experiences like that… which is one of the reasons why romance and chivalry is dying in our culture.

Men don’t see the benefit anymore. Our moms told us that we were supposed to buy women flowers… and when we did, we got dumped afterwards.

Think about it… if you were rejected by a man because you expressed your love to him, wouldn’t you be more hesitant to express your love to a man?

A promise ring from a man isn’t a sign of being a coward… it’s an expression of his love.

Maybe you wanted an engagement ring. Maybe you feel like it’s a sign that he’s not man enough for you.

But to him, it’s like buying you REALLY expensive flowers… he’s showing you that he cares.

Imagine that you decided to make a meal for a guy you’re dating… you spend hours and hours slaving away in the kitchen to create it.

He comes over and says, “Is this it? Am I not good enough for you to take me OUT to dinner?”

You thought you were showing him you cared. You thought he’d appreciate the effort you put in.

What’s the likelihood that you’d do something like that again for… anyone?

Yet this happens all the time to men… over and over again. A promise ring isn’t a missed opportunity. It’s an expression of his love.

And I suggest you treat any gift a man gives you as that… an expression of love and affection.

Men are constantly punished for their expressions…

They’re punished for complimenting women.

They’re punished for appreciating the way a woman looks.

I’ve been yelled at for opening a door for a woman before. I’ve been physically attacked for approaching a woman I didn’t know.

I’ve even had a woman bring another man to a restaurant that I was supposed to meet her at for Valentine’s Day.

And I’ve heard similar and even much worse stories from men that I’ve coached… hundreds of them.

Men feel like it’s their role to provide for you. They feel it’s their role to protect you and care for you…

Even if you don’t need a man to provide, protect, or care for you.

Just let them do it. Work on receiving without judgment, without compromise.

Learn to receive for not only your own relationship but ALL women out there.

Men will only be men for you if you allow them to. Men will only be men for you if women stop punishing them for being men.

Men are certainly responsible for their own behaviors… but they have no incentive to be romantic and act like a gentleman if the women in their lives are punishing them for it.

And if a man gets rejected or punished enough for being romantic, you can rest assured that it will take him some time before he gets over the fear of doing it again.

Have you ever punished a man for being a man and not who you wanted him to be in that moment?

Has a man ever tried to impress you, show you respect, or express his affection and love towards you and you rejected him for it?

Think about it.

Matthew Coast

Matthew Coast helps women who are struggling with their dating lives find a quality man and develop a committed relationship with him. Find out more at

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