To Have It All: What Is The Cost?

By Nicole Fishman Benoliel

February 21, 2019   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

the importance of slowing down

I signed our first contract in the delivery room. I felt so proud of this accomplishment for so long!

NestApple (my recently launched real estate company) was born a few months before my daughter. Formally, however, clients started reaching out at the same time my epidural was going in.

The emotions of having a baby have been thoroughly discussed, analyzed, and shared. I have nothing particularly innovative to add except to say it’s a unique experience that you cannot prepare yourself for. I was happy, scared, proud, bursting with love, anxious, and exhausted all at the same time.

And I was lucky enough to have help and an amazing support system. All of that was not enough to spook away my depression but it definitely eased the pain.

See Also: How to Deal With Depression: 22 Things You Need to Try Today

Launching my own business came with responsibilities and expectations. I wanted to prove I could do it all — have a newborn and work from home. It would be easy to blame society and those around me who had high hopes or even my highly demanding personality. But, in the end, it all narrows down to not having been able to recognize the feelings and take the time to process the emotions.

I started taking antidepressants 4 months after. Combined with therapy, I immediately felt much better. I have continued to work on feeling stronger and healthier.

Fast forward 18 months and I have a successful startup. I have closed more than 30 transactions and am currently hiring agents to come work with me. My daughter is a happy and active toddler. My relationship with my husband is stronger than ever and I recognize and value the amount of love and satisfaction I get from family and friends.

Why is it that it took so long for me to pause, reflect and acknowledge I could not do everything simultaneously? Why is it that when I felt pressured or overwhelmed I did not take a step back to make sure I wasn’t taking more than I could handle?

It is only now that I have mastered to be the owner of my own self. It is a powerful tool that I wish to share with everyone around me. Feeling empowered to do things on my time and at my own rhythm has made me a better professional, happier mom, and overall calmer person.

Women tend to be overachievers; my generation was lucky enough to have grown up with working mothers who paved the way. We have options and alternatives. I learned (the hard way) those options come at a cost. Options don’t necessarily mean everything at the same time.

I want to teach my daughter to work hard and aim for the stars. To be the commander of her life, set her own rules to get there and enjoy the ride!

Looking back, signing a contract in the delivery room is really nothing to be proud of. Doing the hard work in therapy is an accomplishment. Sharing feelings and thoughts with my loved ones is meaningful. Growing my business has given me immense satisfaction and doing it while watching my family grow is the biggest reward I could ever ask for.

Nicole Fishman Benoliel

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