How to Stop Black-and-White Thinking from Destroying Your Life

By Adelina Moisan

February 20, 2019   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

how to stop black and white thinking

Black or white. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Smart or stupid. Strong or weak.

Do you live your life in black and white terms? Is your mood in constant fluctuation, going from great to depressed in under one minute?

Many people suffer from this black-and-white thinking pattern. Most of the time, it is greatly influenced by their childhood and earlier experiences. This all-or-nothing type of thinking can seriously damage your sense of self, well-being, happiness, and relationships.

How do I know?

Because I am a recovering black-and-white thinker. I, too, used to see the world as a scary place where you have to be prepared for the worst. In it, some people are good and others are bad. Some are strong while others are weak.

This way of thinking is actually a defense mechanism people use to cope with life’s challenges. Unfortunately, it prohibits you from seeing things as they really are.

Things are never as bad as they seem or as good, for that matter. This means that relationships can’t be either perfect or ruined. People aren’t either smart or stupid, strong or weak, good or bad. We are have a unique mixture of intelligence, weak spots, strengths, positive and negative traits.

Things are never either black or white.

When you realize this simple fact, you free yourself from the prison of your mind. You learn to let go and accept the grey areas, instead of placing everything under “black” or “white” and “good” or “bad” labels.

Why is letting go of black-and-white thinking so important for your self-growth and happiness?

how to deal with depression

Once you realize that you cannot place things into black and white categories, you are generally happier.


Because you are no longer a slave to the “must” and “should”. You accept the “maybes” and “what ifs” as part of your life and you realize that these “good” and “bad” perceptions are all in your mind. You also stop projecting your feelings and thoughts onto others.

Just because a situation isn’t favorable at the moment, it doesn’t mean that it is ruined or that things will never improve. Just because your partner doesn’t understand your point of view or doesn’t shower you with the affection you think you are entitled to doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t love you at all.

Even if you failed a test, it doesn’t mean that you are stupid or a failure. Just because you didn’t win first place, doesn’t mean all your work was in vain.

Once you realize that extreme black and white thinking damages all areas of your life, you are able to make a conscious change. This sort of change takes place gradually –don’t expect miracles. You won’t be able to go from being an extremist to being extremely open-minded. However, each small step counts.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable and allow yourself to make mistakes

Choose to see the good where other times you only saw the bad. Stop misjudging people and situations based on your previous experiences.

Let go of all your judgments and preconceptions and start thinking and living as if anything is possible. Accept all possibilities and know that you will be fine regardless of the outcome. Instead of trying to control outcomes, focus on having positive, empowering reactions to what happens to you.

things to give up to be happy

See Also: 5 Reasons Why You Need To Start Learning From Mistakes

Stop passing judgments and obsessing about the details. Stop over-analyzing and trying to control outcomes and top finding faults.

When you start living this way, it will seem like a whole new world has opened its gates to you. You’ll become more trusting and empathetic. You will understand why certain things happen and that most things are out of your control.

This simple technique can be applied in all interactions and situations where you find yourself thinking in an all-or-nothing kind of way. I am sure you will find it extremely useful in romantic relationships and in personal interactions with friends and family.

It takes courage to stop the negative thinking patterns that are holding you back. It takes courage to be vulnerable, to accept that you cannot control most things in life, and to be let yourself just be.

But it’s worth it.

Don’t take my word for it – try it and see for yourself.

Adelina Moisan

Adelina Moisan is a self-improvement, health, and fitness enthusiast who loves helping others become their better selves.

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