Integrity is probably at the center of my core values.
If I’m not being generous, I’m out of integrity. If I’m not being honest, I’m out of integrity. When I’m not showing compassion, I’m out of integrity.
Another way to look at it is if I’m out of integrity, I’m not in alignment with what’s important to me. And to be perfectly honest, I simply can’t function when my integrity is out. My life just doesn’t work.
Now, whether my integrity is out or not is entirely subjective. Logic doesn’t come into it and I can’t talk or justify my way out of feeling out of integrity. If I’m out of integrity, I KNOW I’m out of integrity and no amount of sophistry, understanding, justification or reasoning is going to change that.
It sounds like I’m being really harsh on myself, but that’s not how it is at all. By working on getting myself back in integrity, I’m constantly moving further into alignment.
Things don’t flow when I’m out of integrity. Stuff doesn’t work and I feel blocked. It’s unpleasant when I’m that way. It feels like I’m wading through quicksand.
Why life feels like hard work
Half the time, it’s not obvious that I’m being out of integrity and that’s where problems happen. Because my integrity so intrinsically links with everything else, all I know is I feel out of sorts and things feel just not quite right.
I’ve felt like that for a few days now and it’s been getting more and more difficult to achieve or complete anything. Even writing has been difficult and, trust me, I usually have no problems in writing something.
Then I realized: I’m out of integrity.
I gave my word to do something and it hasn’t happened. The reasons for it not happening are completely out of my control, but it’s still my responsibility.
My word, my responsibility. No one’s fault, just my responsibility.
I told someone I’d do something and it hasn’t happened. I’ve communicated with the person and reset the event date 4 times now. It’s still not going to happen and I’m not willing to reset the date again. My integrity is out, not just on sticking to my word but also on another of my core values: fairness.
Even though the reasons are completely out of my control, I don’t feel like I’m being fair to the other person for constantly changing the plan. And I’m feeling awful about it.
I’m feeling awful because my integrity is out and I can’t do anything about it. The other person was very understanding, but it isn’t my fault and I’m not the only one to blame.
But, that’s not the point.
The point is that it’s MY integrity that’s out, therefore, it’s MY integrity that needs mending.
I want to feel good about myself, so I MUST take responsibility. The reason is simple.
I’m taking responsibility, regardless of the fact that not all things and people are under my control because I gave MY word that I’d do something.
Living with knowing that I can’t stand by my word is unacceptable.
I could go down the path of justification, reasonableness, and blame. After all, it’s not entirely my fault.
But, if I do that, then it’s like giving the power over whether I’m true to myself and my core values to someone or something else.
I’m giving the power about how I feel about myself to someone else. It’s like letting someone else have control over my life. And no one should have that power over anyone else.
Only WE know whether we’re being true to ourselves or not.
If you feel that something’s “off”, that life is hard work or just a bit icky, take a long, hard look at yourself. Find out where you’re not being responsible. No matter how ridiculous it seems or no matter how much things are completely out of your control, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.
Take responsibility for knowing that you’re being true to yourself. Don’t leave it for years like I’ve done in the past. Look at it NOW.
Where are YOU out of integrity?
I can pretty much guarantee that if life is feeling like hard work for you, it’s because you’re out of integrity SOMEWHERE.
It might be around your values or because you feel like your job isn’t the one for you. You might have given up on a dream, eating poorly or not exercising. You might be in a relationship that you know is not right for you. It might be due to all the things you’re saying in your own head.
So, have a close look and find out where you are running out of integrity.
Don’t waste any more time not feeling completely in the flow. Do something about it NOW.
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Author: Karen O'Connor
After 10 years of trying, I finally admitted that being a stay at home mum wasn’t for me. Now I’m a writer, blogger, mindset expansion expert, property developer and entrepreneur, and a much happier wife and mum.