How to Make a Chicago Hot Dog

By SJW

September 29, 2007   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

My buddy Yan over at Diethack is going to hate this post but que sera, sera.

I have spent my entire life of 33 years in Chicago. This fact alone makes me a hot dog connoisseur. Once you add in the fact that I actually worked at a hot dog joint, you may almost consider me an expert.

No matter. Today I am going to tell you how to make a real Chicago Hot Dog. I don’t care where you are on the planet and I really don’t care what your Grandma says. This recipe IS the real deal. If you want a bad, fattening meal – this is absolutely fantastic.

    • Buy some all-beef Hot Dogs from the butcher, from Vienna Beef (my favorite), or if you get desperate, your local grocery store.

 

  • Steam the dogs for about 10 minutes. If you don’t have a boiling table like in the restaurants, boil the dogs until they begin to float. Once they are floating, turn down the heat right away.

 

 

  • Grab a dog out of the water and place it into a poppy seed bun. If you have no other buns available, a steamed unseeded bun will do, but you are missing the ‘seed in your teeth’ effect. This is not recommended.

 

 

  • With the dog in the bun, add the following condiments EXACTLY as instructed:
    • 2 swipes with Mustard: Starting from one end, squeeze the mustard in a line from one side of the dog to the other. Do this twice.
    • Add Relish: I call it relish my wife calls it picalilly (sigh). Take the Relish and spoon it across the top of the dog. In my estimation, we are talking about 1 full tablespoon of relish.
    • Add Diced Onion: Were talking white onion here. Dice it up and scatter about 1 tablespoon across the top of the relish.
    • Tomato: I skip this step because I hate tomatoes but this important. You are not dicing the tomato, you are simply cutting it in whole. Grab a tomato, cut off the end and then cut a full circulat piece. Cut that piece in half so that you have two half-moon shapes. Take those and place them across the top of the dog.
    • Pickle: This is a simple pickle spear placed on top of everythng.
    • Celery Salt: This makes the dog a dog. Sprinkle some Celery Salt across the entire hot dog.
    • Sport Peppers: Sorry, you have to endure the pain if you want to really experience the Chicago Hot Dog. Grab 2 sport peppers and place them on top of everything.

 

Do that, eat it and then you can say you’ve had a real Chicago Dog.

By the way, I don’t care what you do in your house but if you’re in Chicago and you ask them to add ketchup to this, you will most likely be escorted out of the restaurant. DO NOT ASK FOR KETCHUP, CATSUP OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT! Ketchup conceals the taste of the ingredients and people seriously get offended by it.

SJW

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