It’s extremely uncomfortable for anyone to open up to others.
Every time the people around you talk about their true feelings, there is a sense of dread and wishing it would be over.
So, you push them away. Or never let the relationship evolve naturally because you refuse to take it to the next level.
This takes a toll on you because you know you’re being dishonest and treating yourself unfairly. It eats you up inside and you’re unhappy.
Maybe, you have been burnt before and swore to never open yourself up again because everyone else is like the same person who betrayed you.
Makes sense, right?
But, think about how that’s serving you. The only person suffering is yourself. It’s not the other person’s loss if you hold back. In fact, he doesn’t even know what goes on in your head and heart anyway.
Your thoughts and feelings are yours and yours alone and by detaching to others, you’re doing yourself a great disservice by hindering your self-expression.
Fortunately, right now you’ve decided to have enough of that. It might be terrifying at first, but you’re determined to start living in honesty.
Slowly but surely, here are ways to guide you:
1Love yourself and know that you are worthy
Fear of vulnerability comes from being unable to love ourselves fully.
Learn to embrace your flaws because everybody has them. No one is perfect.
It took a long time for this to sink in for me because I was constantly surrounded by “seemingly perfect” friends, classmates and acquaintances. They looked like they had it all. Good grades, physical appearance, intelligence, talent and they were even kind people.
I found myself constantly comparing their qualities and looks versus my own. However, unlike me, they were aware of their flaws and accepted them. They knew their strengths and weaknesses and they know how to leverage their strengths.
I will never forget what one of the honor students in my high school said and it has stuck with me ever since.
“Instead of competing with others, we should compete with ourselves.”
If we constantly look at others, not to congratulate them but to compare, it will eventually breed resentment.
We have our own traits and nobody in the world is like us. We are unique in our own way and, for that reason, we should know that we are worthy.
Practice positive affirmations every day until you truly believe it. Let love, happiness, warmth and other emotions flow naturally. Knowing how to be vulnerable starts with touching base with yourself.
See Also: Yoga Helps You Love Yourself
2Don’t be afraid to expose your mistakes
I’m not saying you should go out and parade your mistakes. What I’m saying is that you don’t have to feel too ashamed of them.
It’s part of being human and part of the learning process. Everybody experiences mistakes, so don’t overthink it. Besides, what matters is that we learn from them.
By admitting our mistakes, we are acknowledging our wrongdoings and this gives us the incentive to move forward.
When I used to struggle with my pride, it was difficult for me to admit anything. I didn’t want to tell people that I was wrong because it would only intensify and validate my insecurities.
If I didn’t do well in a particular test, I would automatically assume that I was dumb. Worse, when my friends started to ask each other their scores and I had to lie about mine.
And I hated myself for lying.
As I grew older and wiser, I learned that it was better to be open about what I didn’t know.
The more we cover up for something, the bigger the chances of a problem arising out of it. The more we’ll feel the need to lie until it becomes too big and everything just explodes.
It’s so much better to improve now than hide and suffer later.
3Breathe and let yourself feel
Resist holding back any of your feelings. If you suppress any of those feelings, you might find yourself doing something destructive and irreversible one day.
You won’t be able to thrive and grow because you’re stopping a part of you from participating wholly in life.
So, breathe. Let the feelings come and go. Just be you and embrace it.
In relationships, I knew I was the jealous type. I would lash out when I couldn’t take it anymore. Despite that, I was still unable to admit that I was jealous. This caused wounds towards the people I was dealing with and to myself because whatever I said and did, I can never take back.
Applying the lesson that I’ve learned because of those mistakes, I now try to politely inform people that I do get jealous.
We can’t control how they’ll respond, but taking initiative results to more transparent relationships and a healthier way of communication.
Letting myself feel has had multiple benefits for me and I count it as one of the reasons why I am able to do what I want today.
There’s no point in living a life where something is holding us back.
While it’s true that vulnerability opens you to the possibility of getting hurt, it also allows you to be authentic. You start to attract people who you know love you for the real you and might actually be inspired by your courage.
Through embracing our vulnerability, we are able to establish a deeper connection and have more meaningful relationships with others and ourselves. So, from this day forward, make a commitment to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
How can you enjoy life if you are not living it as yourself?