The Guide to Gaining Holiday Weight And Feeling Awful

Christmas is a time for letting loose, isn’t it? It is for fun and fellowship with family and loved ones, for enjoying a few late nights out and devil-may-care food indulgences. It’s for letting your rigid work and exercise schedule slip away without even the idea of beating yourself up about it. Fair enough too. If we can’t relax at Christmas time (shopping and family arguments aside!), then when can we?

Of course there’s always the possibility of too much of a good thing, which is why I’ve put this handy list together for you. Follow this advice and you’ll definitely gain weight and feel awful by New Year’s. Or you could just do the opposite and enter the new year with a smug and energized bounce!

1. Drink alcohol most nights – even if you’re not at a Christmas party or out with friends.
   After all, it’s only a glass or two, surely that can’t won’t hurt. Go on – everyone’s having one. Besides, wine’s good for you. And white spirits really don’t count at all! I mean, really – whoever heard of December without a nightly tipple. Ridiculous idea. Make sure you enjoy some bar snacks while you’re at it.

 

1. Put a complete pause on your exercise program.
   In fact, why not wait until you feel really settled at work in 2010 to worry about getting back into it. After all, the Christmas break is never long enough, and it only comes around once a year. You deserve to let all your hard work go. And really, it would be too much of a shock to the system to try and workout on the back of all those hangovers. It makes much more sense to ease the pain with a nice comforting lunch out. Don’t forget to have a glass of wine with that pasta.

 

1. Indulge in lots of teeny-tiny-surely-they-don’t-count treats.
   Especially the sugary ones like candy canes, mini chocolates, and anything else that’s being passed around the office or the staff party. It’s probably only a myth that sugar makes you put on weight. Definitely. Almost certainly. Maybe.

 

1. Use the festive feel as an excuse to stay up half the night even if you’re not going out, and then simply get through the next day on caffeine.
   I mean, caffeine gives you a kick-start, so it must speed up your metabolism, right? Besides, staying up late and drinking lots of coffee makes it easier to skip meals. I’m sure that’s got nothing to do with your body being out of rhythm, causing elevated stress hormones, allowing you to store more fat and therefore not be as hungry. That sounds made-up, doesn’t it?

 

1. If you’ve finished your shopping and are sick and tired of get-togethers, sit around on your butt.
   Surf the net, send tweets, or watch TV, no matter – just don’t move. There’s no point trying to be productive at this time of year anyway, and besides, the constantly unchanging weather is making you feel bored. And hungry. And lazy. While you’re sitting there, may as well have a snack. Or two.

Sounds like a plan, doesn’t it? Or perhaps you have an altogether different approach. What do you do to enjoy the holiday season and still leave December with your health intact?