• Business

    Business Ideas

    ALL
    • In-Demand Businesses
    • Businesses That Never Fail
    • Best Passive Income Ideas for Increasing Cash Flow
    • Essential Tips To Start An Online Business
    • Best Websites To Buy Or Sell An Online Business For Free
    • Everything You Need to Know About Online Selling 
    • Current Business Trends: 9 Things to Keep in Mind
    • How to Open a Coffee Shop Business: A Comprehensive Guide
    • Effective Ways to Start your Business from Scratch 
    • The Main Types And Advantages Of Online Business
    Menu
    • In-Demand Businesses
    • Businesses That Never Fail
    • Best Passive Income Ideas for Increasing Cash Flow
    • Essential Tips To Start An Online Business
    • Best Websites To Buy Or Sell An Online Business For Free
    • Everything You Need to Know About Online Selling 
    • Current Business Trends: 9 Things to Keep in Mind
    • How to Open a Coffee Shop Business: A Comprehensive Guide
    • Effective Ways to Start your Business from Scratch 
    • The Main Types And Advantages Of Online Business

    Tips For A Successful Business

    ALL
    • Creative Business Proposal Ideas for Better Sales
    • Easy Digital Marketing Strategies for Small Business
    • Easy Steps to Develop Effective Time Management Skills
    • ClickUp, Trello or Hive?
    • Best SEO Tips for Small Businesses
    • Lessons Every Business Can Learn From Coworking Spaces
    • The Best Digital Marketing Strategies for a Real Estate Business
    • Useful Tips to Make Your E-Commerce Business Successful.
    • Why Do You Need to Track Your Spending
    Menu
    • Creative Business Proposal Ideas for Better Sales
    • Easy Digital Marketing Strategies for Small Business
    • Easy Steps to Develop Effective Time Management Skills
    • ClickUp, Trello or Hive?
    • Best SEO Tips for Small Businesses
    • Lessons Every Business Can Learn From Coworking Spaces
    • The Best Digital Marketing Strategies for a Real Estate Business
    • Useful Tips to Make Your E-Commerce Business Successful.
    • Why Do You Need to Track Your Spending
  • Money

    Invest Money

    ALL
    • Best Safe Investments
    • Investing In Real Estate
    • How To Invest: Are Your Investment Right Your Age
    • Best Alternative Investments
    • Best Investments To Beat Inflation
    • How To Invest In Collectibles
    Menu
    • Best Safe Investments
    • Investing In Real Estate
    • How To Invest: Are Your Investment Right Your Age
    • Best Alternative Investments
    • Best Investments To Beat Inflation
    • How To Invest In Collectibles

    Banking

    ALL
    • Best Savings Account
    • Best High Yield Savings Account
    • Best CD Rates
    • Best Money Market Accounts
    • Best Online Checking Account
    • Best Banking Apps
    Menu
    • Best Savings Account
    • Best High Yield Savings Account
    • Best CD Rates
    • Best Money Market Accounts
    • Best Online Checking Account
    • Best Banking Apps

    Loan

    ALL
    • Best Personal Loan
    • Best Low-Interest Personal Loans
    • Best Personal Loans for Bad Credit
    • Best Personal Loans for Excellent Credit
    • Best Debt Consolidation Loans
    • Best Student Loans
    Menu
    • Best Personal Loan
    • Best Low-Interest Personal Loans
    • Best Personal Loans for Bad Credit
    • Best Personal Loans for Excellent Credit
    • Best Debt Consolidation Loans
    • Best Student Loans

    Insurance

    ALL
    • Sproutt Life Insurance Reviews
    • eHealth Insurance Reviews
    • Cheap Car Insurance Reviews
    • Embrace Pet Insurance Reviews
    • Best Rideshare Insurance Reviews
    Menu
    • Sproutt Life Insurance Reviews
    • eHealth Insurance Reviews
    • Cheap Car Insurance Reviews
    • Embrace Pet Insurance Reviews
    • Best Rideshare Insurance Reviews
  • Forex

    Featured

    ALL
    • Best Forex Trading Courses
    • Best Forex Academy
    • Best Forex Trading Coaches
    • Best Forex Mentors
    Menu
    • Best Forex Trading Courses
    • Best Forex Academy
    • Best Forex Trading Coaches
    • Best Forex Mentors

    Learn To Trade Forex With Dumb Little Man

    ALL
    • Best Forex Brokers Review
    • Best Forex Trading Software
    • How To Trade Forex
    • How to Read Forex Charts
    • Best Forex Indicators
    • Best Forex Screeners
    • Best Time To Trade Forex
    • Best Forex Trading Tools
    • AvaTrade Review
    • CedarFX Review
    • Forex.com Review
    • Interactive Brokers Review
    Menu
    • Best Forex Brokers Review
    • Best Forex Trading Software
    • How To Trade Forex
    • How to Read Forex Charts
    • Best Forex Indicators
    • Best Forex Screeners
    • Best Time To Trade Forex
    • Best Forex Trading Tools
    • AvaTrade Review
    • CedarFX Review
    • Forex.com Review
    • Interactive Brokers Review
  • Stocks & Crypto

    Stocks

    ALL
    • Best Stock Brokers
    • Best Online Brokers for Stocks Under $100
    • Best Online Brokers for ETF Investing
    • Best Brokers for Mutual Funds
    • Best Online Brokers for Bonds
    • Best Blue Chip Stocks
    • Best Swing Trade Stocks
    • Stages of a Stock Market Bubble
    • Best Stock Investing and Trading Podcasts
    • Best Defensive Stocks to Invest
    Menu
    • Best Stock Brokers
    • Best Online Brokers for Stocks Under $100
    • Best Online Brokers for ETF Investing
    • Best Brokers for Mutual Funds
    • Best Online Brokers for Bonds
    • Best Blue Chip Stocks
    • Best Swing Trade Stocks
    • Stages of a Stock Market Bubble
    • Best Stock Investing and Trading Podcasts
    • Best Defensive Stocks to Invest

    Cryptocurrency

    ALL
    • Best Cryptocurrency Trading Courses
    • Best Cryptocurrency Brokers
    • Best Cryptocurrency Exchanges
    • Best Cryptocurrency Apps
    • Learn about Cryptocurrency
    • How To Earn Cryptocurrency
    • How to Trade Cryptocurrency
    • Best Cryptocurrencies
    • Best Crypto Trading Bots
    • Best Crypto Portfolio Trackers
    Menu
    • Best Cryptocurrency Trading Courses
    • Best Cryptocurrency Brokers
    • Best Cryptocurrency Exchanges
    • Best Cryptocurrency Apps
    • Learn about Cryptocurrency
    • How To Earn Cryptocurrency
    • How to Trade Cryptocurrency
    • Best Cryptocurrencies
    • Best Crypto Trading Bots
    • Best Crypto Portfolio Trackers
  • Health

    Health Conditions

    ALL
    • Macular Degeneration
    • Testosterone
    • Constipation
    • Hormonal Imbalance
    • Stomach Bloating
    • Sleeping Problems
    • Baldness
    • Lower Back Pain
    • Toenail Fungus
    • Mouth Sores
    • Eye Dark Circles
    • Stomach Bloating
    • Headaches
    • Face Acne
    Menu
    • Macular Degeneration
    • Testosterone
    • Constipation
    • Hormonal Imbalance
    • Stomach Bloating
    • Sleeping Problems
    • Baldness
    • Lower Back Pain
    • Toenail Fungus
    • Mouth Sores
    • Eye Dark Circles
    • Stomach Bloating
    • Headaches
    • Face Acne

    Product Reviews

    ALL
    • Diet & Weightloss
    • Exercise and Fitness
    • Beauty and Skin
    • Hair and Nails
    • Strength Training
    • Yoga
    • Dietary Supplements
    • Over-40 Supplements
    • Sexual Health
    • Dental Health
    • Men’s Health
    • Women’s Health
    • Sleep and Dreams
    • Best Weight loss Supplements
    • Best Fat Burner Supplements
    • Best Hair Growth Supplements
    • Best Vision Supplements
    • Best Memory Supplements
    • Best Natural Testosterone Supplements
    Menu
    • Diet & Weightloss
    • Exercise and Fitness
    • Beauty and Skin
    • Hair and Nails
    • Strength Training
    • Yoga
    • Dietary Supplements
    • Over-40 Supplements
    • Sexual Health
    • Dental Health
    • Men’s Health
    • Women’s Health
    • Sleep and Dreams
    • Best Weight loss Supplements
    • Best Fat Burner Supplements
    • Best Hair Growth Supplements
    • Best Vision Supplements
    • Best Memory Supplements
    • Best Natural Testosterone Supplements
  • Relationship

    Blogs and Tips

    ALL
    • Females in Relationship
    • Men in Relationship
    • Dating Tips
    • Finding yourself
    • Marriage Tips
    • Love
    Menu
    • Females in Relationship
    • Men in Relationship
    • Dating Tips
    • Finding yourself
    • Marriage Tips
    • Love

    Dating Guides

    ALL
    • Best Catholic Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Christian Dating Sites
    • Best Pagan Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Teen Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Dating Apps for College Students
    • Asian Dating Guide
    • Japanese Dating Guide
    • Filipina Dating Guide
    • Indian Dating Guide
    • Black Dating Guide
    • Russian Dating Guide
    • Best Free Trucker Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Dating Sites and Apps for Marriage
    • Best Free Crossdresser Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best German Dating Sites
    Menu
    • Best Catholic Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Christian Dating Sites
    • Best Pagan Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Teen Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Dating Apps for College Students
    • Asian Dating Guide
    • Japanese Dating Guide
    • Filipina Dating Guide
    • Indian Dating Guide
    • Black Dating Guide
    • Russian Dating Guide
    • Best Free Trucker Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best Dating Sites and Apps for Marriage
    • Best Free Crossdresser Dating Sites and Apps
    • Best German Dating Sites
  • Trading School

Why Criticizing Others Won’t Get Them to Change … and What Will!

Written and Published by Kynan Patram on March 1, 2017 - Reviewed by Dumb Little Man

 Why Criticizing Others Won’t Get Them to Change … and What Will!
Change Failure Negativity
by Kynan Patram March 1, 2017

When someone in your life behaves in a way that is off-putting or upsetting to you — maybe they cross one of your boundaries, or perhaps they just do something that is not cool with you, maybe even repeatedly, and you finally get fed up with it — how do you handle the situation?

How do you confront them about their undesirable behavior, or perhaps their lack of desirable behavior?

You want them to change, right?

But is your approach really working to bring about that change?

If you’re like many people, the approach you may very well take is to criticize them and find fault with their behavior. This often takes the form of “You never […]” or “You always […]” — then insert the behavior in question.

But have you ever stopped to consider the reasoning behind criticizing others, hoping it will change their behavior?

If you investigate it, the common thought process is this:

“If I just make this person aware of their behavior by pointing it out to them and how off-putting it is, it should be reason enough for them to change it.”

Sounds logical enough, doesn’t it?

But does it actually work?

When you criticize people and find fault with their behavior, do they end up changing?

I’m willing to bet the answer is: No way!

What usually ends up happening?

Don’t they generally just dig in their heels and become defensive and argumentative?

They either start trying to weasel their way out of the situation by making excuses for themselves and the way they act, or they attempt to justify their behavior by giving you reasons for why they act the way they do.

And in other cases, they may even turn the situation around on you and start criticizing you in return. They may retaliate and start picking out your own faults and flaws.

Now instead of getting them to change, the only thing that’s accomplished is a heated argument, where nothing comes of it but hostility and resentment.

So what’s the solution to this problem?

And how do we get others to change?

The first thing you need to realize is that finding fault with others and criticizing their behavior doesn’t work to bring about change in other people. In fact, it only brings out the worst in them. It only leads to them feeling like they’re under attack.

And how do we respond when we’re under attack?

We either try to defend ourselves, or we fight back

defensive argument

And in that, the whole aim or purpose of our initial actions and the results we hope to achieve (to get the other person to change their behavior because it wreaks some form of hardship on us) get lost along the way. They get pushed to the side and instead, the interaction takes on a complete tangent in the form of an argument, where nothing but animosity and strife are the result.

Then we may get angry and bitter because the person can’t see the error of their ways, even though we’ve so accurately pointed them out to them. And then when the argument is over, likely unresolved and filled with bitterness and resentment, perhaps we go and complain and gossip to our friends about how the person just can’t see and doesn’t understand how their behavior negatively affects us.

See Also: The Best Way to Win an Argument

We blame them for being the problem

blaming others

But what if the problem isn’t really with them? What if the real problem is the approach we took in confronting the situation? What if fault finding and criticizing just doesn’t work to bring about changes in others as it relates to us?

If so, what is the real solution?

How do we truly create change in others’ behavior?

The secret is to separate the behavior in question from the person’s sense of identity.

What do I mean by that?

Instead of criticizing someone’s behavior, making them feel like they’re under attack (which will generally only make them defensive and argumentative), we have to go under their radar and prevent their ego from getting involved in the conversation.

This is done by telling the person how their behavior (or lack of it) make you feel. Instead of placing the focus on them by putting them down, focus on your feelings.

Simply use a statement like this:

“When you […], I feel […].”

For example, instead of saying, “You always come so home so late! What’s the matter with you?” — which will probably just lead to a full-blown argument — simply say, “When you come home so late, I feel worried.”

This prevents you from putting a laser focus on them, which will prevent them from getting defensive and argumentative. Instead, it puts the focus on your feelings about their behavior. And because you haven’t involved their ego in the confrontation, they will be open to listening to you and understanding where you’re coming from.

Because it’s about you and not them, they won’t throw up their barriers as in the case of criticizing and fault finding.

Then the next step is follow-up with a “Would you […]?” question.

For example, “Would you please call if you know you’re going to be coming home late to let me know?”

Here, you’re not demanding anything of them. You’re approaching the subject in a civil way. You’re asking them for permission, in a sense. You’re asking for their consent in the matter.

You’re giving them the choice, and that always leads to more positive results.

If you take this approach instead of criticizing someone and finding fault with them, hoping it will change their behavior, you’re almost sure to find it’s a method that actually produces the results you want.

Remember:

“When you […], I feel […].”

Followed by:

“Would you […]?”

That’s it.

Remember those words the next time you feel like criticizing someone who behaviors in a way that is undesirable to you and you want them to change, and you’ll find it’s the difference between an argument where nothing but an argument is the result, and creating real, positive change in others.

See Also: The Call for Change: Time to Step Out of the Comfort Zone

 

Like this Article? Subscribe to Our Feed!

Author: Kynan Patram

I write articles on personal development and improving social or relationship skills. To listen to more of what I have to say, visit my blog here: http://www.kynanpatram.com

  • Web
  • |
  • Twitter
  • |
  • More Posts(1)

Share This:

  • 0
    Facebook
  • 0
    Twitter
  • 0
    Linkedin
  • 0
    Email
Previous post
Next post

FOREX REVIEWS

Get daily tips and tricks for making your best home.
Follow us :
Instagram Pinterest Facebook Twitter
  • About Us
  • Advertise
  • Become a Contributor
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
Menu
  • About Us
  • Advertise
  • Become a Contributor
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
  • About Us
  • Advertise
  • Become a Contributor
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
Menu
  • About Us
  • Advertise
  • Become a Contributor
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
  • About Us
  • Advertise
  • Become a Contributor
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
Menu
  • About Us
  • Advertise
  • Become a Contributor
  • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
Get daily tips and tricks from Dumblittleman!
Your subscription could not be saved. Please try again.
Success! You are now a Dumb Little Man! :)
Follow us :
Instagram Pinterest Facebook Twitter