Beautiful ladies of Great Britain; I felt painstakingly pathetic standing in the same room as you.
I became shaken, self-conscious, short of breath, hysterically searching my brain for something to say.
All I ever found was fantasies of things going terribly. I was terrified. My inadequacies flooded my thoughts, superglueing my shoes to the floor and my tongue to my teeth.
Sounds extreme, but I’d bet almost ALL men have experienced the same situation. It’s so common, it’s even been nicknamed ‘approach anxiety’.
Excuses are so much easier for men to find than something to say.
“That might be her boyfriend.”
“I’m not attractive enough this evening.”
“Her mates might make fun of me.”
Sound familiar? Thankfully, these and every other excuse can be eliminated from your life with these simple attitude shifts.
- Attitude Shift 1: I’d be a great boyfriend for anyone.
- Attitude Shift 2: There’s £10,000 in your pocket.
- Attitude Shift 3: What’s the best that can happen?
- Attitude Shift 4: It’s a man’s job to make the approach.
- Attitude Shift 5: It’s not rejection. It’s lack of chemistry!
- Attitude Shift 6. It’s a numbers game.
- Attitude Shift 7: I’m not special (in a stranger’s eyes).
- Attitude Shift 8. It feels better than not doing it.
Attitude Shift 1: I’d be a great boyfriend for anyone.
Have you ever stopped to think what makes you a brilliant option for a beautiful woman?
Write down 50 reasons why you’re awesome. This exercise is brilliant because it forces your brain to think hard about your positive qualities. You’ll rewire your brain to remember your answers, and you’ll be armed with 50 reasons why your approach will be welcomed. If you can’t complete your list, you should at least be able to identify areas to improve yourself for the future.
Attitude Shift 2: There’s £10,000 in your pocket.
If you approached a girl to present her a £10,000 cheque, would you be nervous about her accepting it? Well, if you’re cool enough to be able to complete your ’50 reasons’ list, you’re probably presenting a package worth way more than £10K. Most women would take the man of their dreams over £10,000. A cool, successful, intelligent, loyal partner is probably worth ten times that. Always approach with the intention of giving something to the girl, whether it’s a laugh, a lasting memory or a taste of your lifestyle. Never be the bloke who takes before he gives.
Attitude Shift 3: What’s the best that can happen?
We often see a hot woman and worry about the worst thing that could happen. It’s a natural human response that helps us stay away from danger. Still, we should also weigh up the best thing that could occur. That stranger could be your next sexual partner. Your next girlfriend. She could be the woman you marry. Every marriage starts with an approach. The reward is nearly always worth the risk.
Attitude Shift 4: It’s a man’s job to make the approach.
How many hot women have approached you in the past 12 months? It’s a man’s job to make things happen. Women want their dream man to make it happen for them. So don’t slack off! Do your job!
Attitude Shift 5: It’s not rejection. It’s lack of chemistry!
Humans have a biological urge for affection. It’s natural to want to be accepted by everyone. No wonder the threat of being rejected stops so many men making a move on women. Nevertheless, there are plenty of people that don’t have chemistry. Not every girl is going to like you, and that’s totally OK. Rather than viewing every approach as a pick-up attempt, which can be accepted or rejected, see it as checking whether there’s a connection.
Dont be the dude who’s desperate to make it work just because she’s beautiful. Have higher standards. Explore whether she’s right for you in other ways. If she’s rude, ignorant or stand-offish, it’s not a rejection. There’s just no chemistry. You wouldn’t want a woman like that anyway, would you?
Attitude Shift 6. It’s a numbers game.
If there were 20 gorgeous girls in a bar, and one had a ridiculously brilliant gift for you, would you feel bad finding out who had it? Or would you excitedly approach each and every one until you got your gift? Once you got your gift, would you think twice about the girls who didn’t have it? It’s a silly game that you’ll always win, provided you don’t give up playing. Yet, it’s not too different from real life!
Approach gorgeous girls with these eight attitudes intact and I’d imagine more than 5% will be willing to give you something.
Attitude Shift 7: I’m not special (in a stranger’s eyes).
Men often avoid females they’re attracted to because they’re afraid of other people’s reactions. This is unnecessary. No-one cares about a stranger’s actions if it doesn’t affect them. See for yourselves! Scream at the top of your lungs in a public place. People will stare for two seconds, then turn back around. They’re too pre-occupied with their own lives.
You’re not special in a stranger’s eyes. If a woman shooes you away, it’s because you’re a stranger. Don’t take it personally. They don’t even know you personally. Remember, she’s a stranger too. She’s not special either. You should never be scared of a stranger’s opinion.
Attitude Shift 8. It feels better than not doing it.
The worst thing about letting a girl walk by was that gut-twisting feeling of ‘what if?’ Was she supposed to be my next sexual adventure, my next girlfriend? The shame of not saying ‘hi’ was always worse than an interaction going badly.
Once I introduced myself, I’d never beat myself up about anything else, and neither should you. See every approach as a ten out of ten from there on in. With all eight of these attitudes embedded, it probably will be.
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Author: Joe Elvin
Joe Elvin is a freelance writer travelling the world living as a digital nomad. He blogs about how to escape your comfort zone, chase adventure and find the bravery to live your best life. Download his free e-book 'How To Conquer Social Anxiety' at https://bit.ly/2MBxm4N