Confidence is part of the human soul that affects us all.
There are two primary aspects of life that can affect confidence:
Number 1: Our own personal experiences.
For example, I can remember my earliest experience of losing confidence when I was aged 10, and I missed a penalty at a soccer match. It left me upset, unable to face people at the game, my team mates and their parents. It shook me so hard as a kid that I didn’t want to experience or a take a penalty again, and for a couple of years I didn’t. The same applies when people lose confidence in relationships, (dumped) or (cheated on) it can scar and leave you less confident when moving forward.
Number 2: Our own internal view of the world.
This can be affected by the influence of media, friends or parents. It’s a flippant comment from someone who says you can’t do that, and without any evidence whatsoever you believe them. It’s happened to so many people when teachers or people in so called authority make judgements and so, we form beliefs without any experience. For example, ‘you will never make a professional athlete!’ Comments like this can destroy confidence.
This consequently means our internal voice says you can’t do that, or you think no that’s not for me. Remember you’re not the only one who suffers from a lack of confidence. What’s more important is how can you regain it.
1. Positive People
When you lose confidence talk to people you trust. During the past two years I have interviewed people from around the world who have faced incredible adversity and consequently lost confidence. For example one woman who divorced after 25 years after her husband had an affair and another woman who plunged 90ft from a bridge because of a car accident, consequently her face was so badly damaged the doctors would not allow her to look in the mirror. Both lost confidence and self esteem but cited the support of encouragement of those people around them.
Surround yourself with positive people who can genuinely help guide you, people who care and want to be by your side. I learned of people consumed with alcohol and drug addiction who were saved by the positivity of people who had trodden the path before, people who could understand and empathise. When you lose the ability to think rationally, your task is to seek out positive people who understand and can guide you through the worst of times. Positive people are important in life because they allow you to express your lack of confidence without being judged. Positive people can lift the burden, offer encouragement, inspiration and ultimately they steer you back to a position where you feel stronger. Your only job here is to seek out positive people!
Doesn’t matter where you are, what people say or think about you. Know this, you can overcome your crisis of confidence and achieve what you wish. It all starts with a vision.
You need to do the following on a piece of paper: (the 4ps)
Write out in the present tense what is it YOU want. Start the sentence in the present tense. For example I am… The reason for the present tense is for clarity. Most people write out what they want by saying I might want to become an athlete. I think I would like to overcome this confidence issue.
When you state what you want in the present tense you are making a decision, you are achieving clarity. To overcome a confidence crisis the strength of your vision is so important to help you overcome any challenges you face.
Be precise about what it is you want. To help you cement the clarity of your vision by using the 5 five senses and measure what it is you want to achieve:
Measure what it is you want to achieve – include specifics I want to lose 20lbs by 23 April 2016
How do you want feel? What things do you want to see in your picture? What sounds, the sounds of the ocean or the sounds or people applauding your work?
Why do you want to achieve this vision? This is what purpose means. What are the reasons, again write it out in the present tense.
I am doing because I have a passion for caring for people
I am doing this to because I have a desire to change the world
I am doing this to become financially free and live anywhere in the world.
When you lose your confidence, get back to basics and review your purpose. When you have a weaker purpose again you will be more susceptible to frequent losses of confidence.
The passion index means on a scale of 1-10 how excited are you about the vision you have selected: A score of 1 means you and bored, depressed and you hate what you are doing compared to a score of 10, which means you are in complete bliss and love what you are doing. Circle the number below which best suits your vision of where you want to be:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
When we lose confidence its very easy to blame others and ourselves. We say internally say I’m not good enough, I’m rubbish, why did I do that? I can’t believe I made that mistake, I will never get picked for the team, I will never get the job I want, I will never be loved.
You can’t change the past but you can affect the present.
When you feel like this:
Step 1 – Find a piece of paper or better still open word on a computer and start a gratitude journal.
Step 2 – Write out 5 things you are grateful for. Write them out in the in the present tense: examples below:
Think about what you can be grateful for:
I am grateful for my health
I am grateful I can be persistent and win
I am grateful for the strength of my vision
I am grateful for the direction I now have
I am grateful because I understand everyone makes mistakes
Focussing the mind on the positives help rebuild confidence.
When you lose confidence, depending on how severe the loss of confidence is start again. I advise taking baby steps. If only all those years ago someone would have got me to practice taking penalties with a coach to build that confidence back up I would have been OK.
Start with baby steps when you get back on the horse. Baby steps rebuild confidence fast and you will progress back to whatever it is you want to achieve.
Remember the brain works best when it receives evidence of progression.
5. It’s ok not to be perfect
Perfection, fear of failure, living in the past or great expectations of the future, life happens. Sometimes life can knock us off track and destroy our confidence. Sometimes we feel good, sometimes we lose our confidence. Remember it happens to EVERYONE. Sports stars who miss penalties, models who fall over on catwalks, musicians and authors who fail to live up to their last piece of work. Politicians such as Abraham Lincoln who failed so many times before them became President.
Remember it’s ok, accept it but get back to the power of your vision and what it is you want. Have faith in your vision, remember the stronger and more vivid it is the greater the force that will protect you from a loss of confidence in the future.
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Author: Antony Stagg
Antony is the author of the best selling book IF I CAN DO IT YOU CAN TOO. A book featuring how people have overcome adversity to achieve extraordinary things. www.antonystagg.com