Worry is such a bain to many people’s existence and it is a sly foe that likes to creep up on you and whisper less than pleasant thoughts into your ears trying to hypnotise you into mediocrity. You can sometimes tell yourself over and over to stop worrying but you just can’t stop and then you start worrying about the fact you are worrying so much and it is not good for your health. Bastard got me again.
Mark Twain summed worry up perfectly when he said this:
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
More often than not, our worries are just us lying to ourselves and they never come true, yet we die a thousand deaths over them.
When are you going to get to the point of “It Does not Matter” like in the story below?
Dr. Daniel Amen teaches a powerful concept called the 18/40/60 Rule which says:
“When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; When you’re 40, you don’t give a darn about what anybody thinks of you; When you’re 60, you realise nobody’s been thinking about you at all.”
Let’s try the last part again…
“When you’re 60, you realise nobody’s been thinking about you at all.”
“It doesn’t matter what people think and say about you.
It’s more important what you think and say to yourself.”
Here are 4 truths about worry and how you can free yourself from it
You are out of your mind.
When you feel that people are having judgemental thoughts about you, chances are, your are imagining it. The sooner we realize how our minds play tricks on us, the sooner we can arrest those nasty thoughts. Suppose you were thinking that your date thinks your profession sucks but right at that moment he or she sincerely says something like, “Hey, I’m really interested in that. Tell me more about it.” How would that make you feel? You realise that you are out of your mind thinking negative thoughts.
“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.” – Eckhart Tolle
Observe your thoughts and don’t let them overtake you. I don’t want you to wait until you’re 60 years old before you get a hold of those negative thought patterns. Perhaps it’s true that people aren’t thinking nice thoughts about you right now, nevertheless, realise that it’s because they’re not thinking of you at all. So why bother?
Thinking up negative thoughts is bad for your health, both physical and emotional. So just stop. Stop early and deviate from this statistic! When you get a negative thought out of nowhere, tell yourself, “I must be out of my mind to be thinking that.” And then ask: “What else could this mean?”
You are wasting your time.
Okay maybe someone told you your goals are impossible or that your transitional career is not a career. You’ve thought about what they said but you really believe that what you are doing is the right investment for this phase in your life. At least that was before you started worrying. Now, you’re confused and you want to change directions just because of what other people think.
Tell you this, you can’t go around trying to please everyone. I always say that I am indebted to all my coaches and mentors for whatever success I now enjoy. Mentors don’t just teach you principles in business and investment; they serve as mirrors who point out your strengths and warn you of your weaknesses. It’s true that we should listen to wise counsel and always strive for excellence, sometimes though we worry not so much because we doubt our decisions (we’ve consulted experts already), but because we want our choices to please everyone. This is absolutely impossible!
After you have done what you can to make right decisions, to improve yourself, and to take care of your responsibilities, there is no point in worrying some more. If you are worried about something that you cannot change or control, you are wasting your time. Focus on things that you can do rather than what you cannot influence. Take charge over your life by taking charge over useless worry.
You should definitely be “worrying” about what you say to yourself.
Again, in the words of Dr. Daniel Amen, “It doesn’t matter what people think and say about you. It’s more important what you think and say to yourself.”
Your internal dialogue with yourself is one of the true determinants of your overall success in life. What we say to ourselves on a regular basis ultimately becomes part of our identity. If we are always saying this like: “Why do I always sabotage myself?” Then we will tend to find more and more ways to sabotage ourselves because this is what we are asking our mind to find answers for.
Whereas if we are saying things like, “I know I can handle anything which comes my way,” that is a completely different mindset and belief system to integrate which will deliver radically different outcomes.
You must make a commitment to yourself to constantly affirm the greatness already inside of you and also affirm what other characteristics and traits you want to integrate into your being.
Aside from ensuring you only entertain positive self talk to yourself, you should also remind yourself what you are uniquely good at and take much more time to focus on this.
Studies say that more than 80% of what we can do, others can also do or be trained to do. But there is a small percentage that only you and you alone can do as a unique individual, this is your genius. You have a combination of skills that is unique to you like your fingerprint and it is something to treasure, it is truly special. Other people might have negative things to say about how you are not good at this or that, but if anyone ever says that, it is just based on their perception and view of the world and on what you should be good at and excel in. What matters is how you can identify your own genius and go to work on improving it daily.Have you discovered your uniqueness factor? If not yet, I encourage you to find a mentor or coach whose profession and achievements resonate your passions and ideals. Discover what your strengths are with the help of a mentor. Then, that is the other thing you should be thinking and saying to yourself. You should be reminding yourself of your unique abilities and strengths to overpower and replace the lies you have entertained.
Break the cycle of fear; take action- take risks.
I once heard a wise man say:
“The best way to break the cycle of fear and worry is to take action — take risks.”
Fear cripples; belief empowers. What is worry but a kind of fear? It is fear of what people think of us or what might happen. And it’s funny to think that their thoughts can’t really kill us. But they are a burden to think of and we are slowly trying to kill ourselves inside because of it. Are you afraid to speak up? Are you concerned that people will not like your ideas? Are you afraid your business proposal will get rejected? Go against this rage of fear and just take a risk; do what’s uncomfortable.
You’ll never know unless you try. But if you do succeed, you’ll have overcome your greatest fear. And even if you don’t get the deal, you are a winner because you chose to cross the “chicken” line. And that is a victory already, over worry and fear of man.
To pursue that life you truly want to live, throw away setbacks like worrying about what others think of you. You are too busy for that! You are in pursuit of the life you want to live and that means your mind must be filled with vision, purpose, motivation, and ideas on how to influence the world you live in.
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Author: Todd Polke
As a Property Investment Coach, personal mentor and professional speaker I help every day people take their personal, professional and financial lives to the next level.