2 Ways To Fish For Friends By Using The Right Bait

By Alex Shalman

April 22, 2008   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

Written on 4/22/2008 by Alex Shalman, creator of the Practical Personal Development blog.

For many years during my childhood, friends would come in and out of my life. I recall this being a hit to my self-esteem at times, while I was perfectly able to assign this blame to others as well. I mean it’s perfectly feasible that my ex-friends and my ex-girlfriends were just sucky people, so why would I want to be friends with them anyway?

After years of people coming in and out of my life I made an important realization. The friends that I would have, and the people that would want to stay in my life, were directly correlated to how I would treat them.

About a year ago I was sitting at Dmitry’s apartment. One of my best friends, that I often work out the details of this world with. I said to him “I want to possess the power to make deep personal connections with people within 15 seconds of meeting them.” Fifteen seconds seemed like it was enough time, and a deep personal connection presented itself as a very admirable goal.

On many levels I have been able to accomplish this goal with people in my life. The results were astounding but they didn’t come with me gaming the system or manipulating people. They came with two important distinctions.

The last point in my personal mission statement now reads, “The possibility that I have created for myself and my life is the possibility of being someone who operates with the greatest good of all in mind, and the possibility of living in the present.

    1. Have Their Greatest Good In Mind. This one distinction allowed me to come up to any person without fear. Whether it’s a high powered CEO that I want to talk success with or a very pretty girl that I want to introduce myself to. When what you come with is the intention to bring value to a person you develop a very strong rapport that can be sensed as soon as people look at you.

      You’ve heard people say “that guy looks slimy (car salesmen!) but I can’t put my finger on it”. Having people’s good in mind gives people the exact opposite reaction to you. It’s pleasant, comforting, and makes people want to develop a deeper connection with you, even after 15 seconds.


  1. Remarkable Presence equals Oozing Charisma. The reason that being really present with someone gives off such a high level of charisma and makes them want to be around you is that it makes them feel important.

    Think about it. You create a moment where that person is the only thing that matters. You’re listening to every word that comes out of their mouth as you watch their eyes with patience and understanding.

The friends I have now are what I consider high quality people. Ambitious, high moral value, easy going, and relentlessly trustworthy. It’s important that I have a high opinion of my friends. After all, we are all the average of the 5 people with whom we spend the most time. We owe it to ourselves to position ourselves within a high quality group.


Alex Shalman

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