10 Products That’ll Save Your A** At Work (And Maybe Even Get You a Raise)

By Mike HasThat

July 22, 2014   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

When you work for someone else, that little behind of yours is always on the chopping board. You know you’re a peon in corporate America if you stress over deadlines, get scolded by managers, get that nervous sweat when the big bosses pop in for a visit, deal with annoying or unproductive coworkers, lose sleep over job insecurity, and decide whether to work through your lunch break or not. Other than those things, your job is great.

Working hard is 50% of the battle to get off the chopping board. You may work hard, but do you work hard enough? It’s not your company, so chances are that you slack off every once in a while. Of course, your Facebook chats at work usually happen when you’re unaware that the manager is looking right at you.

The remaining 50% (percentages can vary from office to office, but they’re usually pretty close) of the battle is standing out. The only way to go from peon to overseer, and then possibly lord of the land, is to make your presence known by the big dogs. Standing out isn’t as easy as it sounds. Maybe back in the day you could let your productivity speak for you, but with today’s extremely high competition, your name is filed in the back of your boss’s list of hard workers.

To be seen you need to stick out like sore a thumb, but for the right reasons. That’s where these products come into play. These are the tools that you as an office warrior can use to get off the chopping board by befriending the higher ups, and maybe even work your way up the food chain. Some may call you a “brown nose” but we say you have killer instinct.

1. Money Shredding Alarm Clock. Bosses will notice if you’re the first one in the office. Also, they often look at your tardiness record to see if you really care. If you’re not a morning person, what will get you up faster than the thought of shredding your money away? Although money shredding alarm clocks aren’t commercially sold, there are instructions on how to make your own. An awakening light alarm clock that mimics sunlight in your bedroom will also get the job done.

2. Hairy Chest Tie. It’s an icebreaker. The boss will pay you a visit. Whether it’s to tell you not to wear the tie again, or to compliment it, doesn’t matter. Either way your boss will notice your personality and that you have the ability to be funny without really offending anyone. If he doesn’t directly notice the tie, there will be a lot “hey did you see the hairy chest tie Jim was wearing yesterday?” which will definitely make its way up to him.

3. Cramp Free Pen. Unless you have the boss with the pocket protector, there are multiple opportunities throughout the day to let your boss use one of your pens. Let’s face it, the cramp free pen burns an image into your brain. Not only is it shaped like a rocket ship, but it is also one of the most comfortable pens you’ll ever set your hands on.

4. The Steering Wheel Desk. Working through your lunch break sends mixed signals to your boss. Sure they’re happy that you’re working hard. But, they also get the feeling that you can’t handle your workload. Go grab something that’s prepared fast. Set up the steering wheel desk and eat in your car. Then flip over the desk, break out your laptop, and get work done. Your boss will assume that you’re organized enough to balance eating and deadlines.

5. Calculator iPhone Case. When you’ve got heavier stuff on your mind, doing math in your head can be difficult. You wouldn’t carry a calculator in your pocket, but a working calculator phone case is a different story. Whenever you or someone else is trying to figure out “how many sales per whatever will give us whatever” have your calculator iPhone case ready.

6. World’s Smallest Cordless Headphones. Music can drown out your annoying coworkers and up your productivity. These headphones can be used without making it noticeable that you’re listening to music.

7. Desk Cup Holder. Spilling a drink onto your keyboard is a good way to draw negative attention to yourself. Not only will the desk cup holder prevent this from happening, but it’s also another conversation starter and friend maker. “Hey where’d you get that” and “I want one of those” are statements that draw positive attention.

8. Bad Coworker Citations. These are little forms that you fill out like a citation regarding your coworkers’ poor behaviors. They’re a good way to tell coworkers off without getting yourself into trouble. Office citations can be fun, put one on your boss’s desk or get him a pack.

9. Office Punching Bag. Put one on your desk, it’s a great way to relieve your own stress. It’ll also have coworkers and higher ups lining up at your desk everyday to punch their problems away.

10. Exercise Ball Desk Chair. This desk chair is the combination of an exercise ball and an office chair. Using one at your desk will improve your posture and strengthen your core. Which in turn will heighten your confidence and improve your performance. It’s also another one of those positive attention grabbers.

Using these products correctly can improve your productivity and get you noticed. Which means getting off the chopping board. All of these, plus many more, are available to take a look at on Think I Have That under the office solutions category.

Mike HasThat

Michael Mastro is co-founder of thinkihavethat.com. Think I Have That is dedicated to providing people with the most useful, life hacking, problem solving inventions and products from around the web.

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