Dumb Little Man - Tips for Life

5 Myths Haunting Your Healthy Foods

These days, eating healthy has become a curiously difficult task. Despite the fact that the canons of healthy eating have not changed in centuries, the proliferation of health food products has continued unabated for years. It’s become a crisis of abundance.

However, just because a product occupies shelf space in a boutique food store doesn’t mean it’s any better for you than its generic counterpart. Advertisers are very aware of the powers of “mood affiliation”, which is the tendency to associate familiar claims with one another. For example, consumers are very likely to believe a food that has no cholesterol is very likely to have no fat as well, even though the two are unrelated.

This cognitive bias allows the food industry to make a variety of claims that confer fictitious health benefits, often resulting in higher prices and no value to you.

Let’s take a look at the perpetrators.

Deception #1: Excessive Use of the Word “No” on Labels.
The expectation that health foods contain no man-made ingredients is strongly held, and not without reason. However, health food manufacturers are much more likely to emphasize the lack of certain ingredients on their label, even when their commercial counterparts have the same qualities. For example, a Stanford professor compared the labels of 12 different brands of potato chips, and found that organic and specialty chips were 6 times more likely to emphasize the lack of ingredients such as soy, trans-fats, and cholesterol, even though this is just as true for Lays and Ruffles. There was no difference in health quality between the two groups of chips.

Deception 2: Organic Food Is Always Better
Despite common perceptions, there’s not a whole lot of evidence that the nutritional quality of organic food is much higher than non-organic food. This is because the term organic itself refers to particular manufacturing protocols used to make the food, and not necessarily the end product itself.

However, people frequently commit attribution errors when making judgments about organic food. A study conducted at the University of Michigan found that people assume an organic product has less-calories than a similar non-organic product, which causes people eating processed organic food to consume more calories than they would have otherwise. In some cases the inferred benefits of eating organic extend beyond nutrition, and gives people a belief that they need to exercise less because they eat organic.

Deception 3: Fair Trade = Healthy
The Fair Trade certification industry is guilty of two swindles:
- #1: It doesn’t help poor people (much).
- #2: It has little relation to the nutritional content of the food.
The Fair Trade certification industry is complicated to judge, mostly because it’s a collection of heterogeneous agencies that have different criteria for assigning its badge. It’s also become a profit channel more so than a statement of an organization’s ethics.

However, it’s important to realize that most Fair Trade certification agencies (supposedly) grant their certification based on production inputs that bear no direct relation to the quality of food being produced, such as worker treatment and eco-friendly business practices. Much like the organic label, people mistakenly assume that Fair Trade means a food has less calories and more nutrients because it’s Fair Trade, which isn’t true.

Deception #4: Grass-Fed Beef
Grass-fed beef has become popular in America, and it’s purported benefits are that it has a more beneficial ratio of Omega-3/Omega-6 fatty acids, a higher concentration of anti-oxidants like superoxide dismutase, and lower levels of nitrates, which creates healthier beef.

These health benefits are either non-existent or exaggerated.

It’s true that grass-fed beef has a higher concentration of omega-3 fatty acids and anti-oxidants than grain-fed beef, but the total amount of these and other nutrients in any kind of beef is very small compared to plant sources. To get the recommended 1.6 grams of omega-3 fatty acid a day from grass-fed beef alone, you’d have to eat 4.6 pounds of beef a day. The biggest health benefits of beef is its high protein content, and the minerals iron and zinc, which have a very high bio-availibility when consumed from meat. The differences between grass and grain-fed beef for these nutrients are not different from one another.

And while it’s true that grass-fed beef has a higher concentration of “good” fat like conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), these observations are typically made with raw meat, and it’s usually lost after cooking. Similarly, the nitrate content in beef is influenced by many variables in the production process, such as the fertilizer used in the soil, run off from nearby water sources, and the moisture level the grass when it's eaten.

Deception #5: Going gluten-free is good for everyone
About 1% of the western population has Coeliac’s disease, which is an autoimmune disorder caused by a genetic modification to a peptide in the intestine which breaks down when it comes in contact with gluten based molecules. The consumption of gluten causes an inflammatory response within the intestine when it’s ingested.

If you are one of these people, by all means, avoid gluten. You’re allergic to it.

If you’re not one of these people, relax a little bit, and do yourself a favor by being more discerning about food labels. It’s true that gluten-intolerance is showing up with an increasing regularity, but it’s still a small percentage of the population and partly caused by people’s increased awareness of it.

For the majority of the population, the presence or absence of gluten has little bearing on the quality of food being eaten. It’s the diet fad du jour, but any diet approach that exclusively emphasizes a single variable is too simplistic.

If you doubt this is the case for gluten, then consider the previous “single variable” diet fads popularized in the past: lactose, fat, sugar, etc. They’ve all been proven wrong.

Conclusion
The bottom line in all these myths is that people mistakenly assume various certifications as proxies for nutritional quality, but their presence bears no meaning to the quality of food you eat when you hold other things equal. The best way to ensure you’re eating right is to consistently consume a diet of fresh foods with minimally processed ingredients, and spare yourself the confusion of deciphering the legitimacy of the latest fads of the health food industry.

References Used:

Shan, Lu, et. al. “Structural Basis for Gluten Intolerance in Celiac Sprue”. Science. September, 2002, vol. 297 pgs. 2275-2279.
Aggarwal, Sarrabh. “Screening for Celiac Disease in Average-Risk and High-Risk Populations.” Therapeutic Advances in Gastroentology. January 2012, Volume 5, pgs. 37-47. URL: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3263981/ ?tool=pubmed
Schuldt, Jonathan, et. al. “The Organic Path to Obesity? Organic Claims Influence Calorie Judgments and Exercise Recommendations.” Judgment and Decision Making. June 2010, Vol. 5, pp. 144-150.
Williams, Christine. “Nutritional Quality of Organic Food: Shades of Grey or Shades of Green?” Proceedings of the Nutrition Society. 2002, pgs. 19-24.
Comerfod, John. “Telling the Grass-Fed Beef Story.” URL: http://www.das.psu.edu/research-extension/beef/pdf/ Telling%20the%20Grass.pdf
Blackman, Allen, et. al. “Producer Level Benefits of Sustainability Certification.” Conservation Biology. December 2011, volume 25, pgs. 1176-1185.
Stoltenow, Charlie, et. al. “Nitrate Poisoning in Livestock.” North Dakota State University, September 1998.
Daley, Cynthia, et. al. “A Review of Fatty-Acid Profiles and Antioxidant Content in Grass-Fed and Grain-Fed Beef.” Nutrition Journal. March 2010.
Katz, David. “Is Gluten-Free Just A Fad?” Fooducate.
Schuldt, Jonathon. “The “Fair Trade” Effect: Health Halos From Social Ethics Claims.” Social Psychological and Personality Science. January 2012.

Written on 2/3/2012 by Jonathan Bechtel. Jonathan is the founder of Health Kismet, a green superfood that condenses 35 raw greens, herbs, and probiotics into a powder that can be mixed with a drink or other food supplement. He blogs about health, diet, nutrition, and culture at blog.healthkismet.com.

Photo Credit: Simon Shek

Four Steps To Rescue Stray New Year Resolutions

Looks like it is that time of year when many New Year resolutions that people set have already strayed. Attempts to kick a smoking habit for example, might have seemed successful for a few weeks but once the realities and stresses of coming back from the holidays have resurfaced, some people may have caved into the nicotine again.

Of course there is the usual health promises that get broken too. According to the fitness industry, a lot of gym memberships are sold from December to February but gym attendance significantly drops shortly afterwards when people realize that working out involves a lot of physical work.

This happens year after year for pretty well all types of New Year resolutions including health, financial and habit related ones like smoking. If this has already happened to you or if you are on the verge of letting some of your New Year resolutions go astray, here are some steps you can take to hopefully salvage them.

Think About The Underlying Reasons Behind Each New Year Resolution
First, rethink the underlying reasons behind each of your resolutions just to better understand why you set them in the first place. Are they still valid or important to you?

Sometimes a New Year resolution might be just a ‘nice to do’ rather than a ‘need to do’ and is not really all that important to your life after some time passes. If this is the case, drop the resolution to focus on more important things. If the reasons are still solid, then keep the resolutions for the next step.

Revamp Each New Year Resolution Into A Well Defined Goal
Now for the resolutions that are truly important to you, revamp them into well defined goals. Getting in shape for example is far too general. Instead, set such a resolution as a realistic goal you can measure like losing ten pounds during each remaining month in 2012 as this is something you can measure. Make sure that your defined goals are realistic by seeing what other people have done and have been successful with similar goals.

Plan Out The Steps Required
Now that you have the end results of your goals in mind, plan out the steps that you actually have to do each week in order to achieve them. This can be setting definite time periods during the week to work out at the gym or taking a course in something that will help you achieve a certain goal.

Physically enter these steps each week into your calendar just like any other important appointments that you may have each week. This must be on something that you will be referring to each day whether it is a physical calendar or electronic one in your computer or personal device.

Monitor The Progress Of Your Goals
Most goals that were previously set as New Year resolutions take time and effort to achieve. They cannot be done overnight. But accepting the fact that many of your goals will take continuous work over time, you will be able to monitor your progress over the course of the year.

If you do happen to stray a bit, take immediate action to make up for it. Track your progress and adjust your steps and goals as required. Sometimes our initial planning might be too ambitious and we have to adjust things to make them workable.

By turning your New Year resolutions into longer term, measurable goals over the entire year with actual steps and committed time allocated for them, you will be able to rescue any that strayed.

If you feel brave and honest enough to reveal any of your New Year resolutions that have already strayed, feel free to share them below and what you might do to rescue them.

Good luck!

Written on 2/2/2012 by Clint Cora. Clint is a motivational speaker, author and Karate World Champion. See his free 3-part Personal Development Video Series on how to expand your comfort zone to conquer even your most daunting goals in life.

Photo Credit: Allison Carter

Finding the Courage to Stay the Course

Anytime you decide on the pursuit of an important goal, you’ll be faced with a series of challenges. Peaks, valleys and plateaus are par for the the course. But the thing that separates the people who make it from the ones that don’t is the courage to stay the course.

At the start of any new endeavor most of us look forward to every single day with a child like excitement. We see infinite possibilities and the future appears bright. It seems as though there is absolutely nothing that can get in our way. We feel almost invincible and the possibility of failure doesn’t even occur to us. We blow through every obstacle with a sense that we’re invincible.

The Wall
Then we hit the first real roadblock. Our excitement diminishes and turns into frustration. The pursuit of that goal makes us feel as though we’re hitting our heads against a brick wall. We keep on hitting our heads until we realize that it doesn’t lead to anything other than a really bad headache, and the possibility of failure emerges. We wonder if maybe we should just quit in order to avoid the misery that failing will bring with it. But you realize deep down inside that anything worth doing requires the courage to fail. So you keep going.

The Plateau
In next phase of reaching that goal we hit what appears to be a plateau. It seems as though no real progress is being made. We go through the motions and everyday we think about quitting, but there’s a little flicker inside that lingers from the fire that burns so deep inside us when we want something so bad. We search for the courage to stay the course, and struggle to find it.

The Doubt
It seems like all we can really see is how far we still have to go. But if we take a look back, the view suddenly changes. Instead of seeing how far we have to go, we see how far we’ve come, and hope resurfaces. As a result we find the courage to stay the course and we keep going.

Soon, the voices of dream crushers, nay-sayers and self doubt emerge and we become tempted to listen. We start to wonder if maybe they’re right and that we are in fact losing this fight. But something inside tells us to drown at that noise and we find the courage to stay the course.

The finish line seems as though it’s nowhere in site and even the supposed light at the end of a dark tunnel seems to be a far fetched fantasy of wild eyed crazy dreamers. It doesn’t seem as though it’s too long before you really hit rock bottom. But there’s a beauty in rock bottom that gives you an opportunity to play the game as if you’ve got nothing to lose. So you look deep inside, and find the courage to stay the course.

It’s in those moments when you really want to give up that the biggest breakthroughs, flashes of insight and moments of brilliance occur. But there’s only one way to find out. That’s by finding the courage to stay the course.

Written on 1/30/2012 by Srinivas Rao. Srinivas is the author of the Skool of Life, where he writes about surfing, personal development, and things you never learned in school but should have. If you’re ready to to become a student, check out his FREE course on the 7 most valuable lessons they never taught in school. You can follow him on twitter @skooloflife.

Photo Credit: hectorir

How to Deal with Difficult People and Have Constructive Conflict

Life and relationships aren't always perfect. Take a minute to think of some difficult people you have to deal with in your life? These may be people you work with, the in-laws that come to town throughout the year, or your neighbor who can’t seem to take a hint. For whatever reason, you're just not jiving with these people.

Do you flee? Or, do you get flexible and learn to interact?

When we encounter these extreme personalities it can feel like they are trying to make our life miserable, but more often than not, it’s simply learning about these peoples’ tendencies and how to interact in a more tactful way. Some conflicts are unavoidable and shouldn’t be smoothed over or suppressed, though it’s learning to deal with our differences, and how to understand, resolve, and learn from these interactions that’s important.

Tips to dealing with problem people

Learn to recognize different personalities
First and foremost, we must develop self-awareness about our own personality tendencies. Are you more aggressive or passive? Are you more of an introvert or extrovert?

Once we know our personality tendencies we can learn to recognize other peoples’ personalities and adapt and interact in a more effective way.

Learn how to communicate with different personality types
When we are dealing with different people it requires we approach them in the way they want to be treated. Some people need more detail and clarity in communication. Some people are very direct and just want the facts, and others are more focused on relationships.

Consider how you can communicate verbally and through body language in the most effective way with these different types of people to build rapport and make them feel understood.

Know who triggers you and why
When we know who we tend to have conflict with and what it is that leads us to get frustrated, we can begin to be more proactive. We can learn to deal with this person more effectively by managing our own emotions and not be the target of their drama and unrest.

Learn to focus on strengths and positive qualities
A great way to deal with people more effectively in any relationship context is to focus on their positive qualities and to help them accentuate these when you can. Give people compliments, offer them recognition, and help them to use their strengths. We can empower others instead of knocking them down, and by doing so have a more positive influence and interaction.

Just because you apply these ideas doesn’t mean that people will always respond in a positive manner. The only person you have control is yourself, so to make sure that an unhealthy conflict doesn’t ensue work to build these traits.

Managing conflict is being there with:

Availability: Accept full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, actions, values, and perceptions that you contribute to the conflict.

Flexibility: Offer a willingness to make some degree of change, so that both people can move toward a joint solution. Compromise may be required.

Specificity: Seek to focus the conflict of real, significant issues that point toward a practical outcome that is within the range of responsibility. Don’t get personal.

Clarity: When the message intended and the impact received are nearly the same, communication is achieved. For this to happen, words, tone of voice, facial expression, posture must all be congruent with each other and context with they are said.

Here are some signs of constructive and healthy conflict.
You’ll know you’re on the right track when the following ideas are present.
Conflict is constructive when:

It opens up issues of importance, resulting in their clarification.
Results in the solution of problems
Increases the involvement of individuals in issues of importance to them
Causes authentic communication to occur
Serves as a release to pent-up negative emotions
Helps build cohesiveness among people, and allows them to learn about each other
Helps individuals grow and learn to become better in the future
We can learn a lot about ourselves and grow as a person when we work through conflict. It can also open up new possibilities and allow us to think differently about our beliefs and expectations.

Developing patience and tact to deal with others more effectively is a skill that can be applied in many areas of life. Continuing developing your ability to connect and influence others in a positive way.

Written on 1/28/2012 by Joe Wilner. Joe Wilner is a coaching and writer who manages www.shakeoffthegrind.com, where he inspires and empowers people to live a full, meaningful, and thriving life. You can also follow him on Twitter at @shakethegrind.

Photo Credit: spaceamoeba

7 Habits of Highly Excellent People

Are you driven in life? Do you love to excel? I believe all of us do. We are born to be the best we can be and to make the best out of our lives.

When I was in high school, I wasn't exactly the kind of student teachers would like. I was truant, didn't do my homework and did badly on my examinations. I was lazy and unmotivated in school. However, after a while I realized that this wasn't who I wanted to be. This wasn't the life I saw myself leading. People around me were judging and negative, and I had enough of all of that crap. I had enough of being discriminated against and I decided to turn everything around from then on.

So when I entered University, I began to get my act together. For the 3 years I was in Business School, I was on the Dean's List (an honor roll for the top students in the faculty). I eventually graduated as the top student in my specialization of marketing and was awarded with accolades for being the most outstanding student. When I started working, I entered one of the top companies for marketers, a Fortune 100 company, and led my business portfolios to record breaking results in the few years I worked there.

Then 2 years ago, I left my regular job to pursue my true passion in personal development. I started The Personal Excellence Blog where I share my best advice and help others achieve personal excellence and live their best lives. It has quickly established itself as a trusted and coming-to-age personal development blog, having 3-4k readers a day and being featured by prominent media, including CNN.com.

After years of striving for personal excellence, working with top people in their fields and observing top people in their fields, I realized that there are universal habits that enable people to achieve excellence. As Aristotle would put it, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”.

These habits aren't "ingrained", or "genetic"; they are habits that anyone like you and me can cultivate. Just like Stephen Covey's 7 habits will help anyone become highly effective, these 7 habits of highly excellent people will help anyone become excellent. I find that as long as anyone practices these habits, excellence is always a given. And I'm more happy to share with you these habits in this article today. Here they are:

Have the end in mind.
This is the same habit as Stephen Covey's 1st habit, and with good reason. Everything starts with the end - the goal or the vision you want to fulfill. If you don't know what the end is, then there's no way of getting there, is there? Imagine getting into a cab. What do you first do when you get into the cab? Maybe you say hi to the taxi driver, then what? You tell the driver where you want to go, so that he can take you there. Similarly, you need to know what is the end you want to reach in order to get there.

Hence, it's critical that you form clear goals of what exactly you want. What do you want? What is the end you envision? What are your personal goals and dreams for yourself? Personally, I have a vision board beside my bed where I have my dreams plastered over it. These dreams include developing The Personal Excellence Blog into one of the top personal development blogs, running my international personal excellence school, speaking to tens and thousands of people in seminars, achieving world peace, finding my soul mate, hitting the best seller's list with my books, and so on. These dreams remind me of what exactly I want and drive me forward every day.

Do what you love.
When you do something you love, it's like you have unlimited fuel that keeps you going- day after day. The hunger to excel in it is just greater than if you do anything else. Every day, I'm endlessly driven to build and write at my blog, because it's for a cause I believe in. Helping people grow and live their best life is the one thing I know I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

I have a coaching client who has tried to start 4-5 different ventures before (one at a time), and he was never able to succeed in any of them. Why was this the case? It wasn't that he was stupid, or that he was lazy. Ultimately, the reason was because he wasn't passionate about the things he was pursuing - he was just chasing money. The nature of the business didn't appeal to him emotionally. This is not to say starting businesses because you want to earn money is bad - all I'm saying is it's important that you love what you want to do first and foremost.

What is it you love to do? If you are not sure what your passion is yet, then what is something you are most eager to try at the moment? If you can choose to do anything, what will it be? Your love and interest are fuels that will drive you towards excellence.

Work harder than anyone else.
I don't know of anyone who has achieved excellent results who hasn't worked hard for them. A big component of excellence is hard work. Sheer, unadulterated hard work. We can streamline processes, choose effective strategies and steps, but ultimately the hard work will still have to come in. Fortunately, if you are doing what you love (step #2), work wouldn't even be work at all.

In the past year since I set up The Personal Excellence Blog, I have spent countless hours, including weekends, building up the blog and writing high quality articles for readers out there. All these have paid off in their own way. I'm not saying you should abandon all social life because that defeats the purpose, but you will have to dedicate yourself to making your business a success. This year in 2010, I intend to increase my efforts even more compared to 2009, and I know it's going to pay off.

Make use of every moment.
Every moment counts. Excellent people know that time is highly valuable. There's this quote by Donald Trump which I read in one of his books, and I absolutely love it. He said that time is more precious than money, because you can earn back money, but you can't get back time. That is absolutely true.

Hence, I'm always making sure that I'm maximizing every moment. If I'm commuting over a distance, I'll pick up a book or listen to a podcast. If I'm out waiting for a friend, I'll take the chance to do something meaningful for the time being. If there are some pockets of time, I'll take out my laptop and do some work.

Note that this habit doesn't mean working like a hog, 24x7. That wouldn't be a true application of this habit. Making use of every moment also refers to knowing when to rest and rejuvenate when it's needed, because this will help us walk the longer mile on the path of excellence.

Take action to achieve your results.
Living a life of excellence means being a proponent of action. Many people often say "The sky is the limit". My personal philosophy is the sky isn't the limit; we are the limit. Whatever we do or don't do will determine how much we can grow or achieve. If we want to grow and achieve great results, we need to take the equivalent actions to reach the results we want.

For example, many people agree that having press and media feature their business can greatly benefit them, but they believe it only happens when you are prominent enough. While that's usually true, I refuse to let that stop me. I took proactive steps to reach out to the press, writing my own press release and creating a strong story angle so the press would want to feature me. To date, I've been featured in the press for almost 20 times. To read more about how to be featured by the press, you can check out my guest post at Problogger: How To Get Featured By the Press (Repeatedly) Even If Your Blog is New.

Continuously upgrade yourself.
Learning never stops. There is always something we can do to become better. We may have great skills and knowledge today, but no matter how great they may be, our skills need to be continuously developed. Excellent people are always learning, reading, exposing themselves to new knowledge, new people, new contexts and developing their skills. If you have played role-playing games or RPGs before, you would know that the characters need to be leveled up to get stronger and progress to the next level. Likewise, we need to always be leveling ourselves up to achieve excellence.

Ask for feedback.
No matter how much we try to improve, we will have blind spots. Blind spots are things about ourselves that we don't know about, and we can't improve on things that we are blind to. Asking for feedback is one of the fastest and most effective ways to improve.

For everything I do, I make it a point to gather feedback. For example, when I was in my previous job, I would often ask my manager and peers for feedback on how I could improve. With my friends, sometimes I would have a random feedback session with them on how I can do things better. As I run The Personal Excellence Blog, I would invite my readers to send in their feedback, either through comments, emails or private messages. Sometimes the feedback is predictable, sometimes it's not and many times it leads to an epiphany on some level.

Strive for #1 in what you do.
... Wait, you didn't think that there would just be 7 habits in achieving excellence, did you?

There's 1 final habit to become a highly excellent person - that is, to strive for #1 in what you do. No one's going to achieve excellence if they aim for average, or mediocrity. Excellence comes from aiming for the top - being #1. This #1 should be better than whoever is #1 at the moment, because it will spur you on to work even harder. You will only achieve great results when you set high standards for yourself.

For example, I aim for The Personal Excellence Blog to be the top personal development blog, both in terms of the quality of content and traffic. Whenever I write my articles, I make sure I'm giving the best value that can ever be offered in that topic. Because of this, readers recognize the value of my articles and have spread the word to their friends and family. This has helped the blog to grow quickly and establish itself as a trusted and coming-of-age blog in personal excellence.

Closing
These habits have helped me to achieve excellence in my life, and as long as all of us practice them, we will achieve excellent results. Feel free to share your comments - I'll love to hear what you have to say. If you have any questions, I'll love to answer them where possible too. I don't claim to have the answers, but I'll most certainly offer my perspective and help where I can.

Written on 4/24/2010 by Celestine Chua. Celes writes at The Personal Excellence Blog, where she shares her best advice on achieving personal excellence. Her blog is read by thousands a day and has been featured by CNN, Today, and other prominent media. Get her RSS feed here and add her on Twitter @celestinechua.

Photo Credit: Grégoire Lannoy

10 Life Lessons I've Learned in My First 30 Years

Many people cringe as they approach the age of 30. For some reason, these milestones tend to get people thinking: Am I old? What should I have done differently? Am I really happy with this person I married?

Second guessing is normal and I don't have to remind you of the 20/20 hindsight rule. However, as I approach 30, I'm taking a different tact. I am viewing age as a positive simply because I have learned a ton of lessons that not only help define me, but will make future years enormously successful - emotionally, professionally, and socially.

Often times we don’t realize how powerful our lives can be until we reflect and share our experiences. That is why I took some time to write and submit this article; I want to reflect on my life and be sure to enjoy the lessons learned instead of regretting whatever outcomes I didn't like at the time.

So here goes!

Life Lesson #1 – Let it go.
Anger is never just anger. Anger is a cover up for fear, hurt, or disappointment. I can’t tell you the number of days I stressed myself out in my 20’s because I was angry at another person and did not want to forgive them. I literally made myself sick over it. The ironic thing about anger is that the joke is on the angry person. When you're angry, it hurts you more because you have to spend your precious time and energy holding on to negative energy. Sadly, that negative energy often blocks the positive energy from coming into your life. So let it go so that you can let that positive light in.

Appreciate the person that you're angry with and learn to live with them the way they are. If someone is constantly upsetting you, appreciate the fact that you are strong enough to disassociate yourself from them. You don't need to stick around!

Life Lesson #2 – It’s really not about you.
When loved ones, co-workers, or even strangers say and do hurtful things, many times it is really not about you. People in this world have some serious issues. And, because they don’t deal with their issues, they project those issues onto you. The mother who thinks she is the worst mom will project and tell another mom how bad their kid is. The teen who thinks she is ugly will project and make fun of another teen. The boss who can’t manage his team will try to micromanage your work. So the next time someone does something hurtful to you, remember two things, they act like that towards other people as well, and it’s not about you!!

Life Lesson #3 – Others have gone through the same problems that you have today.
This is one I am still working on because I am a pretty private person. But I have to believe that when you go through things, one of the main reasons is to help others at one point and time through the same obstacle. The problem is that everyone wants to put on the mask that their life is grand, secretly hiding away any perfections. If no one knows your true journey, they can’t seek you out for help. It’s not an easy thing to do; it’s not like your Uncle Joe shouts out to everyone ‘Hey Everyone, I’m in foreclosure, now let’s eat.’ BUT, if he did, he would attract others that have been through the same experience, and could change a life for the better.

Life Lesson #4 – Enjoy it now.
As I look back at my last 29 years of life, there were so many special moments that came and went. I wish I would of sat back and enjoyed the moments more. Absorb the good times because they are the first things you forget.

Life Lesson #5 – Power of Persistence
There is something about the power of daily focused effort that seems to be a common theme in successful people. It’s the difference between ball players and NBA players, the difference between a writer and an author. While everyone else is watching TV the ‘persisters’ are making daily deposits towards the life of their dreams. Are you? When I look back, the times that I felt most accomplished were when I applied daily effort towards a goal and achieved it.

Life Lesson #6 – I get it now when people talk about having passion as a requirement for excellence.
If you want to excel as a fashion designer, working towards that goal should generally win over other other distractions. When presented with the opportunity to watch TV or hang out with friends instead of working to, if you constantly choose those distractions over working on fashion, you must consider that fashion is not your passion. I am not saying that you can't relax, but I'm saying that before you choose a life goal or a 'passion', be sure it's something that you, in your heart, really enjoy and love doing.

Life Lesson #7 – Relationships can be your greatest teacher.
I feel that everyone should do a lessons learned exercise after each relationship AND after every couple of years in a marriage. Each relationship is a reflection of yourself (whether good or bad). Subconsciously it’s a reflection of our deepest insecurities and needs. And if you really take the time to reflect the good or bad times, it is a window into your soul. Taking the time to review your past will be time well spent.

Life Lesson #8– Don’t sleep on the power of the internet
There are thousands upon thousands of people making a good amount of money online. The BEST thing about online business is that is has no face. So you can no longer say your being judged by your race, background, lack of a degree, etc. The internet levels the playing field. Quality content speaks louder than your religion, skin color, etc. Start looking into the power of it today.

Life Lesson #9 – Don’t be a“put off’ person.
I spent many years putting off things because I was waiting for the situation to get better or for 'something' to happen first. News Flash – I bet you can think of a hundred reasons to keep living how you are today and not changing; SOMETHING will always be in the way or be a reason to delay. Don’t put off your happiness. If you can do something that makes you happy today, without ruining the lives of others, then do it.

Life Lesson #10 – What you say/write is your own lesson.
As I write to you, I write to myself because what comes out of us either verbally or in the written form is often the thing very thing that we (ourselves) need to work on.

Thanks for taking the time to read. While I love the fact that I was able to share my outlook with the readers of DLM, this simple list has helped me put my life into perspective and it has raised my awareness to areas that I need to constantly work on. Where is your list? Is it only in your mind and easily forgotten and overridden?

Written by Nashunda Bolden. Nashunda doesn't have a website or anything to sell. She just wanted to share her life with us.

Photo Credit: Mr.Thomas

How to Build and Stick to Your Exercise Routine

Most of us need to exercise more. Being active isn’t just important when you’re trying to lose weight – exercising regularly also means you’ll have a decreased risk of heart disease, diabetes, strokes and even some cancers.

Perhaps you’ve tried getting into exercise in the past, but you always find yourself slipping back into your old habits. You might manage to get to the gym three times a week at first, but soon, you’re back to going a couple of times a month at best.

But you’re not lazy and you don’t lack willpower. All you need is an exercise routine that will actually work.

Here’s how:

Your Routine Needs to Suit You
Even if you played a lot of sport in college, you might struggle to exercise today. That’s because your lifestyle’s changed: you may have kids, a busy job, even a health condition that makes it tough to do certain types of exercise.

Your routine needs to work for you. Don’t feel that you have to stick to some “perfect” exercise plan from a magazine; instead, find ways to incorporate exercise into your life with as little disruption to your day as possible. That might mean working out in your lunch break, or walking/cycling to your workplace, instead of trying to get to the gym at 6pm.

Don't Shoot for the Moon
When you’re fired up for a new goal, it’s tempting to go all-out in pursuit of it. When it comes to exercise, though, you need to start small and gradually build up. If you try to run for an hour every day having never run before, you’re (a) going to get discouraged when you only manage five minutes and (b) likely to injure yourself.

Any exercise is better than none. Try starting with just 5 - 10 minutes of cardio activity, and add a little more every week. For moderate-intensity activity (the kind that burns fat and keeps you healthy), a good rule of is that you should be working hard enough that you can’t sing the words to a song, but you can hold a conversation.

Have a Minimum Target and Ideal Target
However motivated you are, there’ll be days when nothing seems to go right. Perhaps you’ve got a cold, or you’re really busy at work, or you forgot your exercise kit when you hurried out of the house in the morning.

This is when a minimum target comes in handy. Perhaps you’d ideally like to do a total of 40 minutes cardio, plus some weight training: but you’ll settle for a minimum of 20 minutes cardio.

You can still check off your exercise for the day, meaning you won’t end up thinking “I’ve failed, so I might as well just give up now.”

Track Your Workouts
Keep a record of your exercise. That could mean writing down brief details of what you did during each session, and how you felt afterwards, or it might simply mean putting a check (or a gold star if you want!) on your calendar.

Keeping track helps you stay motivated: if you can see an unbroken string of days when you managed to exercise, you’ll be loath to break the pattern. You may also spot patterns emerging: perhaps you find it tough to exercise at the weekends, for instance.

Switch it Around
Don’t get stuck in a rut with your exercise. If you always use the same cardio machine at the gym and always lift the same weights, you’ll find yourself getting bored. You may also run into problems if your favorite machine isn’t available, or if you can’t get to the gym at all.

Try out new types of exercise every few weeks. That might mean going for a jog, cycling, swimming, dancing ... anything new. As well as stopping you from getting bored, and helping to make your routine flexible, this also ensures that you keep getting fitter (if you do just one type of exercise, your body will eventually adapt to it, and you won’t see such good results).

Are you trying to get into a regular exercise routine? Share your tips – or your struggles – in the comments below.

Written on 1/24/2012 by Ali Luke. Ali is a writer of fiction and non-fiction and a writing coach. She blogs about writing on her site, Aliventures.com, and has a free ebook "How to Find Time For Your Writing" available when you join her writing newsletter here.

Photo Credit: Joe M500

22 Secrets to Discovering Your Dream and Living It

One of the most important rules of happiness in life is to do what you love. But discovering that dream job and what you are meant to do in life isn't always so easy.

Take a look at the happiest, most successful people on this planet: they are all doing something they love, creating something they believe in, living a life of purpose and passion. Do that, and it doesn't matter how much money you make.

But what do you do if you don't know what you want to do? If you don't know what your dream is? This is a common problem, and many people wander through much of their life without discovering their passion, and go from job to job, unfulfilled and miserable.

If that's you, don't give up. What follows is a list of suggestions that will help you discover your dream, and start on the road to living that dream. They're things that have worked for me and many others I've studied, talked to, interviewed and admired.

While you don't need to do every step below, they are all ways for your to spend time thinking about your passion in life, your dreams, and how to accomplish them. If you spend time thinking about your dreams, you are taking the first step towards making them a reality.

The first step is to give this stuff some thought.

What are your hobbies? This doesn't just mean stamp collecting -- it means anything you do with your spare time. That could be collecting comic books, reading about history, programming Linux utilities, writing on your blog, writing poetry, cooking, whatever. As it's clear that this is how you like to spend your time, and that you're willing to do these things without pay, it's very possible that these are your passions. Give each of your hobbies some thought, and think about whether they're things you love to do, and that you'd love to do for a living.

What are your talents? It's been said that we each have at least one gift we've been given, and that the true purpose of our lives is discovering that gift, and sharing it with the world. There is much truth in that statement, and an important part of this process is discovering your gift. What are you good at? What talents do you have? What have you shown an aptitude for in your current and previous jobs, in school, in your personal life? Anything goes here.

Who do you like to work with? A dream job includes not only what you want to do, but who you are doing it with. You should truly enjoy working with these people. In this step, you can name specific people you love working with, or types of people (creative types, programmers, entrepreneurs, blue collar, etc.). Use your ideas here to help you envision your dream job (more on that below).

What do you like to work with? The tools of the job are very important. If you love working with computers (even a specific type of computer), that's a clue to your dream job. If you love working with clay, or paper, or people, or clothes, that's a clue. If you like working with a hammer, or a piano, you're off to a great start in discovering your dream.

What environment do you enjoy working in? An office, a college, a classroom, a construction site, the ocean, the forest? Where you work is also an important factor in your dream job.

When have you been happiest? Think back throughout all the previous times of your life, from childhood through adolescence, school, different jobs, different areas, different hobbies. Think about the happiest times of your life, and what you were doing, who you were doing it with, and where you were doing it. You may have dismissed some of these things for various reasons, but remembering that you were extremely happy during those times can make you realize why you were happy.

Try online tools. There are some great tools online for helping you find your purpose. Here are just a few of my favorites:
- 43 Things: A great way to see what goals others have, to list your own goals, to talk to others about common goals, to get ideas and inspiration. Also see their article, How to Choose Achievable Goals.
- Dreamminder. A site where you write down your dream, and it will send it to you at some point in the future. Use their dream wizard to discover your dream. Read the dreams of others to get inspired.
- One Question: Take a test with questions to figure out your one purpose in life. With articles to help as well.

List your top 5 passions. Now that you've given various factors some thought, and tried some online tools, make a short list of your top 5 passions. If you don't have 5, list as many as you have. Then compare your top 5 passions, and rank them from top to bottom. This will be the starting point your guide to making your dream a reality.

How can you turn your passions into your work? Of the top 2-3 passions on your short list, can any of them be turned into your life's work? What professions use those passions as a mainstay of their work? How would you get into those professions, and do you think you would love what you do if you did them?

Create a clear vision. Clarity of vision is the key to achieving your dream once you've discovered it. Take some time to think about exactly what your dream is, what your dream job would be, how you see yourself doing it, where you are, what you're surrounded by, who you're working with, what tools you're using, the benefits to you and others. Write it down, and try to make it as clear as possible. You should be able to visualize this dream in your head. The more real it seems in your mind, the more likely it is that it will become reality.

Create a roadmap. Once you've clearly pictured your destination, what's left is creating a map for getting to that destination. Try backwards planning: what's the last step you'd have to do before attaining your goal? What would the last step be before that step? Keep going backwards until you get to the first step. Then focus all your efforts on that first step.

Brainstorm. Sometimes there are more than one road to get to a destination. Brainstorm a bunch of ideas for getting there, a bunch of actions you can take to move yourself closer to your destination. Then put them together into your roadmap. Even if you don't have a complete roadmap, having a clearly defined destination, and taking the first step, are enough to get you started.

Do research. Learn as much as you can about your dream. Check out some books from the library, do some web surfing, talk to others who are knowledgeable. Become an expert on the topic.

How are others doing it? Find others who are living your dream. Read about them, write to them, meet with them. Find out what steps they took to get there, what's required, how they did it. Then use that information for your roadmap.

Practice, practice. While you're taking your steps to realizing your dream, practice your passion as much as possible. Practice, of course, makes perfect ... and you want to be as good at what you want to do as humanly possible. This isn't an easy step, but it's worth it.

Get inspired. Find others who are trying to achieve the same dream, see what obstacles they've face and how they've overcome them. Put up photos from magazines to inspire you. Read motivational quotes. If you're inspired, you will have the energy needed to get there.

Get motivated. Along those lines, find motivation to keep you on your path. Motivation and focus are the keys to achieving any goal. What are your motivations? Making a public commitment, setting up rewards, inspiring yourself, tracking your progress, and joining a support group or finding a partner are great ways to motivate yourself.

Simplify: one purpose. Once you've defined your dream, focus on it completely. That means you need to put any other goals on the back burner for now, and have only one purpose in your life. Later, you can focus on other goals, but if you have multiple goals, you will become distracted and lose purpose. Focus. Simplify your life so that you are keeping your focus on that one thing.

Use a mantra. A great way to keep yourself focused is to use Guy Kawasaki's idea of creating a mantra instead of a mission statement. Boil your goal down to a few words. Guys' mantra: empower entrepreneurs. What's yours? Once you've defined your mantra, print it out, post it up, and say it several times a day.

Set aside time each day. You will not go anywhere if you don't devote time to your dream. Set aside an hour (or at least 30 minutes) each day for working towards your dream. If you can do more, great, but one step at a time is all it takes. Set aside time either in the morning, or in the evening, or some time when you know you will do it every day. Make it a habit, and you will succeed.

Pretend you can't fail. Imagine that you cannot fail, that you may slip up and fall, but that you will get up and learn from that fall. Take away all fear of risk and loss, and believe in your success. Now act as if you cannot fail. And by acting so, you will make it happen.

Live as you want to be remembered. How do you want to be remembered when you die? This is a common method for deciding how to live your life. If you want to remembered for realizing your dream, then don't start on it when it's too late. Start on it now. Live your life so that your dream actually comes true.

Written for Dumblittleman.com on 06/07/2007 by Leo Babauta and republished on 1/20/12. Leo offers advice on living life productively simple at his famous Zen Habits blog.

Photo Credit: whatimom

Is Your Mindset Secretly Making You Miserable? Here’s How to Fix It

Is your mindset secretly ruining your life?

And if so, is there a way to fix it?

Michael Jordan wasn’t considered the best basketball player of all time when he was starting out. In fact, he was cut from his varsity team when he was a sophomore. Instead of giving up, Jordan became even more determined, and spent hours upon hours practicing on the court and improving his skills.

When people look back, they say it was obvious that he was an amazing basketball player, but hindsight is always 20/20. What made the difference was his mindset, and what will make the difference in your life is your mindset.

The Two Mindsets: Fixed vs Growth
In her book, MindSet: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck introduces two different mindsets: the fixed mindset, and the growth mindset. The fixed mindset puts their emphasis on talent. They avoid challenges, because they believe each failure reflects on who they are as a person, so they never want to “look bad.”

This leads to excuses, blaming, and defensiveness whenever feedback is given or something goes wrong. It halts learning and leads to anything but success.

The growth mindset on the other hand focuses on learning, effort, and working hard. People with the growth mindset focus on learning from their mistakes, they claim responsibility and they constantly strive to improve.

Are You Stuck in the Fixed Mindset?
So, how do you know if you’re stuck in the fixed mindset? You’ll know because you avoid challenges, you give up when things aren’t going right, and you think thoughts such as “I’m just not good at this, so I might as well give up.”

It’s the belief that you should be great instantly and that you cannot improve or get better by effort, so what’s the point in trying. Growth minded people experience frustration, but they keep moving forward and doing their best. They aren’t perfect, they just realize it takes time to get better.

What About Context?
You can have a growth mindset in one context, such as learning, but have a fixed mindset in another context, such as social situations.

For example, you may believe that you can get better at anything if you apply yourself and study. But when it comes to social situations, you’re stuck being the shy and awkward. Now, does this mean that you can magically become outgoing and energetic? Maybe not, but it does mean that you can improve and get better.

Carol Dweck discovered that shy people with the growth mindset were just as nervous as the fixed mindset people, but they saw it as a challenge and an opportunity to grow.

They had fun and they improved, while the fixed mindset people accepted their seemingly bad luck and tried to avoid social situations altogether.

Can You Change Your Mindset?
If you’re stuck in the fixed mindset, you probably believe that mindsets cannot be changed, and that’s when a change will help you the most.

Ironic, isn’t it?

Change is possible, but it happens slowly (in most cases). The first step is to become aware of how your mindset is holding you back; notice where you want to avoid challenges, criticism, and feedback.

Then start looking at how you can begin to improve. If you want to do work you love, it happens one step at a time. Most people never start because they don’t know exactly where to go, but the truth is that you don’t have to know, you just have to start now.

You’ll get better, smarter, and faster.

Does This Mean Talent Doesn’t Exist?
Denying talent would be foolish. Some people are naturally better than others, but mere talent does not guarantee success. Many who have been talented have not been willing to put in the effort to improve, while many that haven’t had talent have worked hard and gone onto become world class. This doesn’t mean that you necessarily have to become world class. What it does mean is that you can go after your dreams. But know that it will take hard work. However, the harder you work, the more you learn, and the more you learn, the closer you get to your dreams.

There are no shortcuts and no quick-fixes, so start learning today.

Written on 1/15/2011 by Henri Junttila. Henri writes at Wake Up Cloud, where he shares his personal tips on how you can live the life you know you deserve. When you feel ready to take action, get his free course: How to Find Your Passion (And Build a Business Around It).

Photo Credit: wolleydog

Master the Art of Listening and Watch All Your Relationships Thrive

No wonder listening is an undervalued art. Research shows that we speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute, yet we have the capacity to listen to approximately 400 words per minute. So what are we doing with that extra space in our minds when someone else is talking? Are we really listening?

I have a friend who used to multitask when we spoke on the phone. He would respond appropriately to what I was saying, but I could hear him shuffling papers or trying to quietly order food at the deli (yes, this actually happened). Even though he was following the conversation, I felt bereft as I was sharing my innermost thoughts and feelings. Fortunately, our friendship was more important than his to-do list, and now I happily get his full attention.

Listening is essential to fulfilling relationships. If you are experiencing challenging interactions or you want your connections to deepen, reflect on how you can improve your listening skills. The benefits? Consider the following:

People will feel be more drawn to you; they will like you more.
You will learn something new.
You will solve problems more effectively.
You will experience less loneliness and frustration.
You will feel happier and more relaxed.

Learn to listen well, and watch all your relationships thrive. Here's how.

Pay attention
Since our brains have the capacity to process 275 more words per minute than are actually spoken, we tend to fill up the void with extraneous thoughts. Notice how when someone is speaking, you are partially listening, while simultaneously planning the rest of your day, replaying a meeting that just occurred, or deciding what you will say next. Paying attention is the cardinal rule for good listening. Hear the words, and let their meaning in. If your mind wanders, simply re-focus your attention on the conversation.

Be receptive
If you show up with an agenda, you are not going to be available to fully hear what the other person is saying. There is no problem with having goals for an interaction, but let them go while the other person is speaking so you can hear what is being expressed. Balance your need for a given outcome with your desire to sustain a harmonious relationship.

Check your understanding
Make sure you can repeat what you just heard, and if you can't, ask for clarification. You might be surprised at how much you are missing. Most people are. When you think you've gotten it, you might say, “So what you are saying is....” to verify your understanding.

Be an explorer
Explorers are open and curious. They are inquisitive, without knowing what they will find. So what to do with all of that excess brain power? Focus on the speaker. Notice body language, tone of voice, and rate of speaking. Then look beneath the words to see what feelings and needs are being communicated. You never know what you might find.

Show interest
If you find yourself bored and distracted, reconnect with the interaction. Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms, and ask questions that take the conversation deeper. Find out what really matters to the person you are speaking with.

Be patient
As much as you may be tempted, don't speak over someone who is talking. When you feel the urge to step in, take a breath, let your agenda go, and continue to listen. If you need to move the conversation along, do so politely, as in, “Excuse me, I'm so sorry for interrupting, but ….” Likewise, be careful not to jump to conclusions or assume you know what hasn't yet been said. These are all signs that your inner explorer has fallen asleep. Revitalize your experience by paying attention to what is happening in the moment.

Get out of a rut
Have you ever had the same problematic conversation with someone over and over? Bring a fresh perspective to the relationship by redoubling your efforts to listen. Let go of your need to be right or your ideas about what the other person should be saying or doing, and hear them as if for the first time. This moves you from contraction and limit to possibility and potential simply by listening.

Effective listening develops empathy, which is the capacity for a deep understanding of another's experience. And isn't that what it takes for a relationship to thrive? It's as simple as paying attention.

How has better listening affected your relationships? I'd love to hear your questions, insights, and stories.

Written on 9/24/2009 by Gail Brenner, Ph.D. Gail offers practical wisdom for clarity, freedom, and happiness on her blog, A Flourishing Life, focusing on real solutions for self-defeating habits. Republished on 1/10/2012.

Photo Credit: ky olsen