Dumb Little Man | Tips for Life

My recovery was amazing, according to doctors. Eye surgery improved my vision and I spent a long time getting my strength back, learning rehab therapies for the unseen cognitive and psychological deficits common to brain injury. I later learned to use my experience, voice and writing to become a patient advocate, dedicated to educating others about the surprising effects of brain injury and teaching doctors how to improve the patient experience. This drive to inspire led me to share my journey through my recently released memoir, Rebooting My Brain: How a Freak Aneurysm Reframed My Life.

As I worked through my gradual recovery and adapted to the New Me, I realized that many lessons I teach my business clients played a huge healing role. I saw that the very same strategies that a business owner needs to build a strong brand, create a transformational organization, and save her sanity also apply to our lives at large. Especially when life smacks you full on in the face and you need to reboot and reframe the conversation if you want to get back in the game.

• Lesson One: Focus
  With my cognitive issues, I could no longer multi-task the way I once could. Tasks that used to be more automatic now take more time and concentration as I retrained my brain to make those connections again.
  
  With my brain injury, my brain’s “filter” suffered some damage. I now get overwhelmed by too much stimuli coming at me at once and, like water hitting an electrical device, I can short-circuit. I had to learn how to focus my time and energies on one task at a time, which is really not a bad lesson for any of us to learn in this uber-connected day and age. My new mantra has become quality over quantity.
  
  Focus on your priorities. There is no such thing as work/life balance. But there is such a thing as prioritizing who and what needs your attention more at certain times. Things will ebb and flow and you can tackle every single one of your dreams and ambitions: you just don’t have to do them all at the same time.


• Lesson Two: Be Authentic
  You can be who you are but also evolve as times change. During all those months of recovery and dealing with those cognitive issues, I had to accept the fact that there was a New Me, a new sheriff in town. I had to work and play in a whole new way. Never let anyone define you by your deficits. Play to your strengths and promise them to the world instead.
  
  Don’t try to be something you’re not – in your life or in your work – or even cling to something you used to be. Evolve, adapt, flow. You don’t want to run into the disappointment both you and others will feel due to unmet expectations. Promise what you can deliver and deliver what you promise.


• Lesson Three: Count on your Tribe
  It’s crucial to build a tribe before you need it and lean on it when times get rough. I had to rely on my husband for a lot; our roles in our house changed from equal partners to a dynamic of caregiver and patient and it was really hard. As I regained my strength, site and health, I had to rely on him for the cooking, the cleaning, the driving … which, come to think of it, doesn’t actually sound that bad, does it?! Seriously, though, it was hard to learn how to be completely dependent on somebody – and do so graciously.
  
  I’ve always been an independent gal and getting used to asking for help on a continuous basis went against everything I am. But, you can’t live your life effectively or build a successful business alone. You’re not an island. Seek out friends, experts, and cheerleaders when you need them. It’s smarter, less painful and way more efficient. Make the right investments in your life and your business to accelerate your progress and take off.


• Lesson Four: Practice Patience
  Patience never used to be part of my vocabulary. I don’t think anyone would ever use that word to describe me! But patience smacked me in the face during my recovery and I had no choice but to listen. Even though I lay in a hospital bed after just fighting for my life – shaved head, no vision, poor memory and bony, weak body – I did not fully grasp the severity of what I’d been through. I was ready to jump back into my life again and I thought I was going to just pick up where I left off. But I needed time to recover and adjust to the changes.
  
  It’s not about being lazy or not doing anything at all. Patience is not about stagnation. Patience is about understanding the realistic steps it’s going to take for you to get somewhere and measuring your forward progress along the way. As long as you can measure the steps along the way and you’re moving in the right direction, then you can keep charting the course. And eventually you’ll get there.


• Lesson Five: Learn to Say NO!
  Many people, women especially, were never taught how to say no gracefully. Obviously, with my cognitive impairments, the fact that I had to manage my blood pressure and my frequent overwhelm at taking on too much, I had to make choices and turn down things I might otherwise have added to my plate.
  I learned this lesson in stark detail with my first project back to work. Even though all my therapists said ‘Make sure your first project is organized, predictable, there are rules and boundaries’, I decided to take on a client project that was completely unstructured, completely chaotic, with absolutely no rules. It was not the smartest thing to do and I probably should’ve said no.
  
  Going forward, I made a firm decision about the clients that I would accept and which ones were going to be time and energy sucks so that I could be the best consultant I could be for the clients I did have. This sort of goes back to the lesson on focus.
  
  It’s hard to say no to anyone in our lives who we love or to turn down amazing activities. It’s especially hard for business owners to say no to clients, partners and potential revenue. But here’s the thing: If you’re spending your entire time saying yes to the wrong things in your life and work, when will you have the time to say yes to the right things? You have to clear the decks and make space so that the precious time and energy you do have can go toward the things that matter.


• Lesson six: Face the Fear
  Oh boy, fear. I had so much fear given my new role as patient, given the trauma I went through, and given some of the personality and cognitive changes I experienced. I questioned who I was and what I was capable of doing. As I said, I’m normally a very independent gal and this new dependence on people was scary. I went through a period where I was very anxious and panicky when my husband wasn’t around, simply because I got used to him being there all the time. It was rough.
  
  We didn’t go out very often at first because I wanted to stay in my comfort zone. I was stuck in this scary place because, as an extrovert, I’d never been the person who was scared to go out and live my life.
  
  I realized that I couldn’t live that way. I couldn’t enjoy the life which I was given a second chance at enjoying if I simply hid out on the couch with my dog.
  
  So I forced myself to go out; I forced myself to continue going to book club every month. I forced myself to meet people for coffee. I forced myself to dip my toe back into the networking waters and I figured if I kept acting brave, eventually I’d start feeling brave again.
  Great things happen not because people aren’t scared, but because they push through the fear. You don’t want to let fear of the unknown stop you from being the person you want to be, trying new things or building the business you desire.
  
  If you can embrace the fact that you’re supposed to be scared because you’re blazing a trail and just accept the fear and get on with it, you’ll succeed way more often than you fail.


• Lesson seven: Find the Humor
  It’s trite but it’s true: laughter really is the best medicine. So much of the early days of my brain injury were tense and scary. Initially, my short-term memory was impacted by both the brain damage and the meds I was on. In ICU, I don’t remember the month of August 2008. But I hear events played back through my husband, family and friends. Given my brain injury, I kept mixing up reality with memories with dreams. I ranted about a lot of nonsensical things: conspiracy theories, imagined appointments and even manufactured hospital intrigue. All of this was normal for both ICU patients and brain injuries.
  
  So my loved ones engaged in dark humor and found amusement amidst the fear as they dealt with the severity of my condition. They made light of some of my more creative ramblings, like thinking the hospital was a front for the TV show Gossip Girl (more in the book on this one!). They joked about my new inexplicable cravings: I apparently demanded ice cream and cranberry juice at every meal. And my husband gave me his own battery of memory tests about current events. Each day, I would forget what they were and react with shock and excitement when he would tell me the news again….and again…and again. He found this amusing, but also masked a deeper worry that it might be permanent!
  
  All of these little moments were about finding the humor in a tough situation. Some may find this inappropriate or crass. But finding humor in adversity is vital. Humor helps keep your head clear so you can think and problem solve. If we get caught up in anger, frustration and worry, we’re not going to be productive. Finding the humor helps us take a breath, lower our blood pressure and move forward.

DON’T WAIT FOR THE ANEURYSM: LEARN FROM EVERYDAY ADVERSITY
My hope for you is that you don’t have to face a brain aneurysm to apply some of these lessons to your work and your life. Hopefully, you can look at your everyday challenges and adversity as a way to reboot and reframe the conversation with how you approach your life, how you approach your work, and how you approach your relationships. Hopefully the big stuff doesn’t have to happen to all of us for the lessons to sink in and get applied.

I’m extremely fortunate that I’ve recovered to the extent I have and I’m able to share these lessons with other people. I feel like I’m the voice of so many brave souls with whom I was in rehabilitation therapy because I can share the story that perhaps they cannot. There are still everyday struggles that only I can see but that’s okay; I just need to accept that I’m still here and I have the opportunity each and every day to reboot, reframe and approach everything with a fresh set of eyes.

Learn from adversity, big or small. Find the gift. Only when tested by fire do we discover who we really are.

Resistance crops up when:

• You’ve got a book/article/newsletter to write
• You need to completely rework your resume
• You have to make a difficult phone call to a problem client
• You know you should go for a jog … but it’s raining outside

…and in pretty much any situation when you’re facing something hard.

Why You Shouldn’t Let Resistance Win
Giving in to resistance might feel tempting, but it’s not a good idea.

In the short-term, it means that every day feels like an uphill struggle. You’ll put off the hard, important tasks in favor of the easy, less important ones – and as they day goes by, you get lower and lower on energy as the tasks get harder and harder.

In the long-term, it means you won’t meet your goals. Almost anything worth pursuing will involve at least a few moments of high resistance. If you want to write a novel, run a marathon, have a successful business … you can’t do it if you keep letting resistance stop you.
So, what can you do to stay on top?

Use Resistance as a Signpost
Forster suggests that instead of seeing resistance as a signal to procrastinate, you should see it as a signpost to what you need to do first. If you really don’t feel like making that difficult phone call, it’s probably a good thing to begin your day with.

There are lots of reasons to complete the high-resistance tasks first:

• Once they’re done, they’ll be off your mind.
• You’ll feel good about achieving something meaningful at the start of your day.
• The rest of your day will look simpler and easier in comparison.

When you keep putting tasks off, they get harder and harder. Charlie Gilkey describes them as “frogs”, explaining, “a frog project is just one of those projects that you really don’t want to do but know you need to do.” (3 Things to Do to Have a Productive and Fun Week.) By catching those “frogs” early, you prevent them growing big and ugly.

How to Beat Resistance – Right Now
What are you resisting today? I bet there’s something on your to-do list that you’ve been putting off for a while. It could be something tiny, like tracking down and ordering a spare part for a kitchen appliance. It could be something huge, like starting your marathon training plan.

Today, spend ten minutes working on something that you’ve been resisting. You can do anything for ten minutes, however tough it might seem. (And if ten minutes sounds pointless – do it anyway; you might be surprised how much progress you can make.)

How to Beat Resistance – Tomorrow
Tomorrow (and every other day), take a good look at your to-do list in the morning. Instead of starting off with an easy or habitual task, like answering emails, start by spending 20 minutes on a high-resistance task, like that big report with a looming deadline.

Even just 20 minutes a day makes a difference … but there’s also a good chance that, once you get going, you’ll find that resistance magically melts away.

If you’ve successfully beaten resistance, or if you have any tips to share with us, leave a comment below.

He famously said: “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food,” a statement as insightful today as it was then.

Following Hippocrates’ line of thinking – and much of what current scientific research shows to be true: it seems logical that food is both the culprit and the treatment for a big part of our lack of energy, muddled thinking, and mid-afternoon drowsy eyes.

What Food Does For Your Body
Food is your body’s fuel – it’s the gas in your tank that gives your body the energy it needs to function. Your cell phone needs to be charged, your car needs gas, and your body needs food.

Food boosts your energy by giving your body enough calories and hydration to function and it stokes your metabolism so that it functions efficiently.  And, you know what?  We eat a lot of food.

According to the US Department of Agriculture, a typical American eats around a ton – actually 1,996 pounds of food every year.  Now, I'd bet this is no where typical for the remainder of the world, but for arguments sake, that breaks down to about:

• 630 pounds of milk, yogurt, cheese and ice cream
• 31 pounds of cheese
• 185 pounds of chicken, turkey, pork and beef per person
• 197 pounds of wheat and other grains
• 273 pounds per person of fruit (a lot of water weight)
• 415 pounds of vegetables with the most popular choices being corn and potatoes
• 141 pounds of sweeteners
• 85 pounds of fats and oil

But is all that food the premium, high-test variety – or is it the cheaper version – the kind that creates sludge in the gas tank?

How To Use Food To Boost Your Energy
Food doesn’t only charge your body’s batteries. The type of food you eat affects your metabolism and your brain chemistry – which then affects your energy level and your mood. When and how frequently you eat plays a big role in your energy levels throughout the day.

Your body has the easiest time digesting carbohydrates: starches, sugars and dietary fiber. It turns them into glucose, the body’s preferred fuel, the form of sugar that travels in your bloodstream, and the only fuel normally used by brain cells. Because the neurons in the brain can’t store glucose, they need the bloodstream to deliver a constant supply.

Why Carbs Are Important: A Simple And Complex Answer
Carbohydrates come in simple and complex forms. Simple carbs, often called “simple sugars,” break down easily and give you a quick and brief burst of energy. Simple carbs include table sugars, syrups, and most of the sugars found in refined and processed foods – like baked goods, bread, and pasta made with white flour; many packaged cereals; candy; soda; and sweetened drinks (including sports drinks).

Unfortunately, the sugary snacks and drinks that quickly raise your blood sugar give you a boost that’s short-lived. Sugary food causes your pancreas to secrete insulin, which triggers your cells to get the excess glucose out of your bloodstream. That means there’s less glucose available to your brain and neurons. They can’t store glucose so they end up with an energy crisis – which leaves you struggling to concentrate and feeling spaced-out, weak, confused, and irritable.

The Slower Burn
Complex carbs take longer to breakdown. Your body digests them more slowly so they supply energy at a slower and more sustained rate than simple sugars. You can get complex carbs from whole grains and cereals, beans, and vegetables.

Fruit and dairy contain simple but nutrient-rich carbs. The fiber in whole fruit helps to slow down digestion but fruit juice, like soda and other sweet drinks, lacks fiber and is filled with rapidly digested simple sugar. A piece of fruit, like an apple or a pear, will give you more gradual and sustained energy -- unlike the quick spikes and dips you get from sweetened beverages. Dairy, especially low fat dairy, gets its energy sustaining power from the combination of its simple carb, lactose, with some fat and protein.

Healthy Fats Can Be Energizing
After carbs, fats are a big source of energy. Feed your body healthy fats from foods like avocados, olives, fatty fish, seeds, nuts, and vegetable and nut oils. A healthy energizing snack with good fats might be one ounce (14 halves) of walnuts or other nuts, which also contain some protein and complex carbs.

Protein For A Longer Lasting Energy Boost
Because of the time it takes to break down its component amino acids, protein also supplies longer-lasting energy. Prime protein sources are poultry, lean meat, certain types of dairy, fish, eggs, beans, nuts, and lentils.

Many protein-rich foods have other energy-boosting benefits, too. Poultry, red meat, fish, eggs, beans, nuts and seeds contain iron and B vitamins. Iron helps to transport oxygen to your organs -- which helps with fatigue. B vitamins help release energy. To prevent energy crashes try combining a low-fat protein with a complex carbohydrate, like turkey or grilled chicken on whole wheat bread or pita.

Tired? Have Something To Drink
Dehydration causes fatigue. Even mild dehydration can slow your metabolism, drain your energy, and make you feel tired. Water is the main chemical component in your body and accounts for about 60% of your body weight. Every system in your body depends on it.

You need water for the chemical and metabolic processes to take place in your body; for body fluids like tears, sweat, and urine; to flush toxins out of your vital organs; and to carry nutrients to your cells.

There’s no easy answer to the question: “How much water should I drink?” The answer really depends on many factors including your health, your age, how active you are, and where you live. For the average healthy adult who lives in a temperate climate, the Institute of Medicine recommends around 3 liters (about 13 cups) of total water intake a day for men and 2.2 liters (about 9 cups) of total water intake a day for women.

Total water intake includes drinking water, the water in beverages, and the water in food. All fluids count toward your daily total. On average, food supplies about 20% of total water intake. Many fruits and vegetables, like watermelon, grapes, lettuce, and tomatoes, are 90% or more water by weight. Food from grains like oatmeal and pasta are also hydrating because they swell up with water when they’re cooked.

Keep A Full Tank
To keep off of that energy roller coaster you need to eat the right food at the right time. Skipping meals isn’t a good idea. Your body needs fuel, preferably high-octane fuel, just like a performance car. If you don't give it the right gas it certainly has trouble running smoothly.

Start the day off right. If you want to boost your energy and mood, don’t skip breakfast. The best breakfasts have plenty of fiber, nutrients from whole-grain carbs, good fats, and some type of lean protein. Try some low fat Greek yogurt with fruit and a sprinkling of whole grain cereal.

Energy sustaining snacks can be peanut butter or low-fat cheese with whole grain crackers, veggies with hummus, whole-grain cereal with milk, or a small portion of nuts with some fruit. Be prepared and carry some snacks with you so you don't go for a long time without fuel. Stash some in your car or desk so the good stuff is always readily available and the allure of the vending machine isn’t so great.

Don’t let your tank hover on empty -- to keep your blood sugar stable and to have well fed brain cells have something to eat (a meal or a snack) every three to four hours. Meals or snacks made of complex carbohydrates, protein, a small amount of healthy fat, and accompanied by something to drink (preferably water) provide the type of fuel your body needs to stay off of the energy roller coaster.

Exactly the same principle applies to spending money. No matter how much we make (except perhaps the top 1%) there is always something that is just beyond our grasp. Something that we wish we had, but we don’t have quite enough money to afford it. Whenever a product, such as a house or a car, is just beyond our reach, it appears better than it really is. We strongly desire what is hard for us to afford, in large part because it is hard to get.

Look around inside your house, or perhaps at your house or in your garage. Do you have any expensive electronics that you never use? Or maybe overpriced skincare products that hardly ever make it out of the cupboard? Unfortunately, the most common overpriced items, like a car or a house, continue to drain just about all of our income well after the allure of the “hard to get” item has worn off.

But there is yet another factor working against us: it’s what psychologists call “assimilation.” Assimilation is the tendency to get used to things shortly after acquiring them. This is why we don’t come home every night ooing and awing at how beautiful our house is, regardless of how incredible it seemed when we first put in the offer. Actually, most of us get so used to everything we have that we hardly notice it at all. This only makes the tendency to want what is hard to get that much more dangerous. It makes no sense to bleed most of our monthly income into a great looking house or car, only to have our excitement for it wear off well before our debt is paid.

Next time you are about to find yourself wanting to buy something that you find difficult to afford, try the following simple steps:

1. Pretend that you can afford it.
   Too often we base the quality of a product based on its price and label. Plus, as we already discussed, if it's difficult for us to afford it, we may want it all the more because of the inherent allure of that which is hard to get. By ignoring the price, you automatically protect yourself from the "hard-to-get" factor, and can begin to think more objectively.


2. List the advantages of buying.
   Now that you are no longer under the spell of wanting it just because it is hard to get, you can begin to think objectively about whether you want this. Sometimes, you may find it difficult to find any good reason to buy the item once you ignore the price. For example, I stopped buying expensive makeup when I realized that I can't think of a single advantage it has, other than that it should be better because of its price and brand. But at other times, some advantages remain.


3. List the disadvantages of buying.
   This is very important and it's not something that many of us are used to doing. If you are about to buy an expensive house, after you eliminate the "hard to get" factor and list the advantages, considering what are some of the drawbacks of the purchase. It may too far from your place of work. There may be a lot of construction in the area. It may be a lot larger, and so it takes a lot longer to clean. The same idea applies to any other purchase. Everything we buy, or really anything at all, carries both pros and cons. By considering both, you make it much more likely that you'll make an informed choice.


4. Decide if it’s worth the price.
   After you ignored the price so as to bypass the "hard-to-get" factor, and calmly analyze both the advantages and disadvantages of the purchase, it is time to decide whether it is worth the price. You need to consider how the financial cut will affect the rest of your life. This is especially important for very large purchases. Returning to the house example, if you buy this house, will have money to afford furniture? Going on vacations? Will you still be able to go out to dinner whenever you feel like it? If you stop to ask yourself if it’s worth it, then the few times that it does make sense to make a substantial financial sacrifice, at least you know that you are making an informed choice. But you may find that most of the time, going outside your comfortable price range is simply not worth it.

That's it, ladies and gentlemen. This is what I do whenever I feel the urge to buy something that is difficult for me to afford, and this is how I stopped living paycheck to paycheck, without any hard feelings. By doing these 4 steps, you will find that you no longer want to put more than you can afford into that "hard-to-get" house, or car, or fancy pair of shoes. Do these 4 steps whenever you feel the urge to spend more than you think you should, and you too will find yourself with a lot left over in your account when your next paycheck arrives.

Why reroute your efforts in a constant state of pandemonium?

What is self-awareness?
Self-awareness is the ability to be constantly aware of your thoughts, emotions, and actions. It's staying true to yourself and your current situation, while understanding your environment and the people in it. It's about control — over yourself, your motives, principles, thoughts, etc.

How can you tell if most people lack self-awareness? Go drive on the highway, or check out Twitter or Facebook, and you can easily spot people who are unaware of their actions, thoughts, and emotions; it seems like they have no control over themselves, consistently repeating self-defeating acts, acting upon impulses, and always whining and complaining.


The benefits of exercising your self-awareness
Of course there are benefits; there are life-changing benefits.

If you can agree with me on these statements: that always being frustrated, angry, jealous, and stressed out is just a waste of time; that procrastination is a waste of time; not focusing on what is important in our life, our goals, and the people that matter, is a waste of a time. I can name so much more, but you get the idea.

Self-awareness, from what I have learned so far and put into much practice, can eliminate — or at least reduce — most of these hinderances. Ask yourself: Why should I continue self-defeating acts? Why continue to shoot yourself in the foot?

Exercising your self-awareness can help you:

• ...get to the heart of problems and issues without rerouting your efforts — while fixing them without harming yourself or others.
• ...focus on what's most important in your life, the necessary steps to achieving it, and actually initiating instead of procrastinating.
• ...be less influenced by negative emotions that influence you to act subconsciously.
• ...diminish needless actions, thoughts, events, and people that don't provide any real value to yourself.
• ...be a better person, a good person — a more mindful person.
• ...understand yourself better — your train of thought, actions, attitude, strengths and weaknesses.
• ...develop, learn, and grow at a fluid rate instead of always being distracted and losing focus.
• ...inspire others to partake in your personal development, your quest on being a better person (because the world needs more of those).
• ...alleviate stress, unmindful acts or thoughts, and to put forth the effort of developing productive, beneficial habits towards your life.
• ...live a more fruitful, positive, balanced life because every irrelevant factor has been reduced or eliminated.
• Self-awareness is a life tool, and with much practice, you can strengthen your mind and develop the habit of always being aware — in a sense, unwavering and indomitable. It will shock you when you see the benefits and change within you when exercising self-awareness.

How does one exercise their self-awareness?
Simple: by being aware.  Paying close attention to what you do as well as how you do it. Self-analyzing yourself — being introspective — and admitting to your bad habits and doing your absolute best to fix them and replace them with more mindful habits.

It's a daily process, something you must always choose to do. When anger or frustration or resentment strikes you, that is the perfect time to be aware of yourself, your next move, your emotions, thoughts, and so forth. Choose to do a harmful act, and as Marcus Aurelius states in Meditations: you're doing more harm to yourself than to others.

But now I want to hear your thoughts on this. Is this something you will start putting into practice? Have you put it into practice already, and have you seen changes within yourself? Talk to you soon.

Inability to see the whole picture
When you are thinking to yourself: “They got to their level of success so easily,” or, “There is something wrong with me and the work I do,” you are clearly missing the big picture.

First, thinking that successful people achieved all they have overnight is just an illusion. In fact, it took them quite a few “overnights” until they reached their current level of success.  Second, they had to put in hard work before success was knocking at their doors. And because reaching success took much longer than just overnight, they had to be persistent and consistent in their actions.

Even if those two previous points are true when it comes to reaching success, there is still one crucial difference between successful and unsuccessful people.

Living in your Cozy Zone
Let’s take the average Joe or Jane. He or she is living a cozy life and pretty much doing the same everyday things.. Things go on smoothly and nicely. There are no rocky roads, no rough decisions.  In other words, he or she is s living inside a comfort zone.

On the other hand, let’s take a look at the Sean the Successful. Although he surely has his own comfort zone too, he is also continuously pushing himself outside of that zone.  He fails all the time but uses those as learning experiences to tweak his behavior.    In other words, he is willing to do things that the average Joe is not - even if those things put him in an uncomfortable state at times.

Here is the deal: Even if stretching your comfort zone may feel unpleasant, the payoffs can be huge and you can reach your goals much faster. But if you are not willing to do anything that puts your comfort zone in danger - at least temporarily - then reaching success and achieving big things is going to take a much longer time.

Now, even if you already understand that you should stretch your comfort zone, there are really three major things that are stopping you:

• You are not confident enough to take action
• You are afraid of failure
• You are afraid of rejection from other people

Although this list of obstacles may seem impossible to tackle, you shouldn't be afraid. In fact, you can overcome those things if you want to!

Kick yourself out of the zone
So, how do you stretch your comfort zone and reach success faster?

First, realize that even if you mistakenly think you fail, most likely that feeling is just inside your head.  And after all, what is failing anyway? Would you call someone a failure - even if he/she was striving to push themselves to do the things he/she was afraid of?  I wouldn't! In fact, I would give that person a lot of respect for doing something that others weren't willing to do.

Second, once you take action towards things you are afraid of, your self-confidence is going to get a major boost and you will realize shouting: “Heck, I can do this! I can do this!”  I can’t tell you how many times I have felt like this after accomplishing something I mistakenly identified as impossible to do.

Finally, you may think that people will perceive you as stupid or reject you if you take bold action. Well guess what, who cares!  Why on Earth would you allow someone else's thoughts or reactions to dictate your happiness?

Once you get rid of those irrational fears and expectations and begin to take action, you are already ahead of 90% of others who aren't willing to do anything which puts them in discomfort.  Think about this.  The simple act of BEGINNING is something that most aren't willing to do.  Begin and you are ahead.

Also, a funny thing happens when you take action: Something that you thought was scary eventually becomes so natural and effortless. You just have to be consistent with your actions and do the dreaded task no matter what.

Let the transformation begin
There are many ways to stretch your comfort zone and what may feel like comfort zone stretcher for you, may not feel that way to someone else.

In order to stretch your zone, do the following:

1. Understand that everyone (even those successful people) started from the scratch. They had to take the same steps you will have to take in order to become successful.
2. Let go of unreasonable fears. Think: “I’m doing something that most people are not willing to do - that’s why I’m ahead of them.”
3. Understand that only by taking action will you be able to move things forward. Also, as soon as you take action towards something that you were afraid to do, you will become a stronger person and feel good about yourself; this builds confidence.
4. Start out small. For example, if you want to become a public speaker, you don’t have to start by speaking to an audience of thousands of people. Start in front of your friends and family members, and then expand from there.
5. If you have a blog, start interviewing people, start a podcast and at some point, have your own webinars on the topic you are good at.
6. Take consistent action (preferably on a daily basis), which take you to what I call the “uncomfort-zone” at least a bit.
7. Once the uncomfort-zone becomes a part of your comfort zone, try to do something bigger and scarier (like talking to a room of 20 people using the public speaking example).

Remember, there are two key actions that you have to remember:

• a) Start out small
• b) Stretch your comfort zone on a consistent basis (preferably on daily basis).

By taking these steps, you will be able to improve your self-confidence and start to differentiate yourself from the crowd. When you are willing to take action by doing things you are afraid of, you start to see possibilities that didn't exist before.

Over to you: How do you handle scary things that put you in the uncomfort-zone? Do you have any tips for successfully stretching your comfort zone?

Sometimes it’s just a matter of growing content, neglecting certain areas or plain old ignorance, but I believe that our lives deserve to get our full attention and control. We should be the ones directing and carving out the best life possible for us.  Of course, there will always be areas in life where you simply don’t have the decision or fate in your own hands, but there is a lot that you can do to create the most promising scenarios.

When I gave my eating disorder power over me, I stopped functioning and I was ultimately losing myself and almost even my life. When my brother beat me up over and over again, I felt the enormous amount of powerlessness. When I worked for Starbucks, I gave my boss the power to decide how much money I could make any given month.

3 completely distinct areas of a life. 3 ways of giving up control. In the end, I woke up and claimed the largest weapon we all have in common: setting our minds to a certain outcome and making it happen.

I recovered from anorexia with many setbacks but never giving up. I let go of my brother’s wrongdoings and moved on with my life. After being fired by Starbucks and then being given a job at a different branch, I quit after only one day because I knew there were bigger and better opportunities ahead for me.

I empowered myself and completely changed the course of my life. I knew that I deserved more than I had and here is the great thing: You do too.

There are a few things we can work on in order to take back what is yours in the first place.

1. Start Dreaming
   What is it you want your life to look like? What have you always wanted to do? We cannot make any changes in our lifestyle if we don’t know what it is we actually want. Maybe you want to move to a different country or travel around the world. Maybe you want to sell your big house in the country and move into a small apartment in the city. Maybe you dream of giving up your well-paying job and pursue the career of your dreams. Maybe you secretly wish to end your relationship and be solo for a while.


2. Figure out what is holding you back
   Once you’ve determined your dreams, try to zone in on what exactly the reasons are for you not acting upon what you truly want. Why do you let other people rule over your life? Why don’t you go after that job you’ve always wanted? Why do you keep finding excuses for traveling the world? Why do you envy others for having the guts to constantly evolve in all aspects of life but you never step outside your comfort zone? Be honest with yourself. Be ruthless. Take some time for yourself and really dig deep.


3. Face your fears
   Analyze what it is that scares the heck out of you. When I started to gain weight, I was terrified of being judged, harassed and even left by my husband. Yet none of those fears were rational. My life didn’t fall into pieces because of a few pounds more on my hips. Instead it improved in ways I cannot even begin to describe. So, whatever your insecurities are, ask yourself if they are valid ones. Does your fear of financial bankruptcy really hold true? Does your relationship really keep you alive? Do your toxic friendships really prevent you from being lonely? Is the job you have really the only alternative to living on the street? Try to be as objective as possible, even if it feels very uncomfortable. You’ll soon see that most of your fears are just as irrational as my anxiety of social disgrace because of looking healthy.


4. Start Making Changes
   Now that you know why you’re not in control of your life and what it is your afraid of, it’s time to make changes. Start small in order to not get overwhelmed. Maybe your diet is worse than it should be. So, start eating healthier food. Maybe your exercise routine is non-existent. Start building one. Maybe your time online is preventing you from moving your business in the direction you want it to go. So, reduce the time on the web to a bare minimum. You don’t have to quit your job in order to take back control; you can start small and work your way up to the bigger life changes. Start growing confident and then rock the world with your newfound freedom.

There is nothing more rewarding than being in full control of your life. Once you realize that, yes, you can have that power too, there is no end to the possibilities and opportunities that will present themselves. You’ll soon see that the world is only waiting for you to make a dent in the universe. What are you waiting for then?

You owe it to yourself to take this leap before it is too late.