Dumb Little Man | Tips for Life

There are a lot of times in our lives when we've got an external structure or impetus to stay motivated.

When you're in college, you generally don't cut your compulsory classes just because you're feel like goofing off – you don't want to get penalized, and you don't want to miss valuable content.

When you've got a job, you don't decide to have a long lie-in on Monday mornings. You get yourself into the office – and whether you feel "motivated" or not doesn't come into play.

If you're used to having a lot of external direction, it can be really tough to motivate yourself when you're totally in charge of your own time.

We all have goals and dreams – whether or not we ever talk about them, or write them down. Perhaps you want to lose weight, or start your own business, or carry out a home improvement project. In each case, you need a ton of motivation to get going – and to stay on track.

If you haven't got a boss or parent or teacher looking over your shoulder, here's how to get (and stay) motivated.

Get Support In Place
Although it might feel like you're out on your own, the reality is that millions of other people have the same goals as you.

If you're trying to lose weight, join a slimming club.

If you're starting your own business, find a local group of would-be entrepreneurs – or hang out with some online.

If you want to build a deck for your home, get a bunch of friends together who can help (and return the favor for them at a later point).

Be Organized With Your Time
In school, you had a timetable telling you what to do when. At work, you have meetings and appointments scheduled, deadlines and targets. Even if you're not a naturally organized person, you'll pretty quickly find yourself adapting to what you need to do.

When you're going after personal goals, though, it's very easy to get disorganized. Maybe you've got a big dream but you never seem to find the time to take the first steps towards it. Perhaps you always intend to exercise, but somehow you never get round to it.

We all like to organize ourselves slightly differently. See which of these tips works best for you:

• Put your personal goals into your diary. E.g. "Thursday – 5pm – workout"


• Find a regular time slot to use for working on your goal. E.g. Your lunch hour; every Saturday morning from 9am – 11am


• At the end of each day, write down what you did to make progress towards your goal


• Set a rule like "no TV until I've filled in my food diary" to help you stay on track with new habits

Set Yourself Milestones
One of the challenges with staying motivated on our big goals is that we tend to get overwhelmed. If you're trying to lose 100lbs, or repaint your entire house, you'll pretty quickly find yourself questioning whether it's worth the effort, and whether you'll ever reach your goal.

Instead of focusing on the finish line in the distance, break your goal into smaller steps.

You might go for equally-weighted chunks like:

• Aiming to lose 10lbs, then another 10lbs, and so on


• Painting the bedroom, then the bathroom, then the kitchen
  

Or you might start with smaller, easier tasks and slowly work your way up:

• Learn five chords on the guitar, then learn a simple song, then a more complex song


• Write a basic business plan, then do some pro bono (free) work, then find your first client

The exact approach you take will depend on your exact goal – but the important thing is that you break that goal into manageable pieces.

Celebrate Small Victories
Every time you achieve a chunk of your goal, celebrate! Depending on how big the chunk is, you might:

• Tell a friend about your achievement


• Write down your progress in a log or journal


• Give yourself a reward, like buying that DVD you want


• Go out for a special meal or open a nice bottle of wine to celebrate
  

It doesn't matter exactly what you do – the point is that you acknowledge your progress and feel good about what you've accomplished. It's much easier to stay motivated when you're being positive, rather than when you're beating yourself up for not getting more done.

What are your big goals at the moment? How can you keep up your motivation on them?

Read more

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple of years, you’ll have noticed how the global recession forced companies to try harder than ever to win your attention and your hard earned cash.

While tough economic times make us all very cautious of how we spend our money, it also offers the perfect ground for the bargain hunters amongst us.

But is a good deal the only deciding factor when you go shopping?

Do you know what lies behind that 5 buck t-shirt? Should you care?

Everything we buy has a social, economic or environmental impact, positive or negative. You could be inadvertently encouraging unnecessary animal testing by choosing a specific brand of cosmetics, for example. On the other hand, the cup of fair trade coffee you had this morning might be helping the development of sustainable business communities in Costa Rica.

Why do these choices matter? Because by considering the ethical value of your shopping, you will ultimately make the world a better place for yourself.

Not convinced? I’ll give you a cynical example:

Increase the value of your property: by abandoning your local, independent shops in favor of giant supermarkets, you may be killing local trade, diminishing the character of what may have been a bustling shopping street, eventually making the whole area less attractive in real estate terms.

Sure, supermarkets are convenient and cheaper. But, remain loyal to smaller, non-chain shops and not only will you get more personal, knowledgeable service, find higher quality and more exclusive products, but it will also do no harm to the market value of your neighborhood.

Read on for 5 everyday choices you can make as an ethical consumer:

1. Food
   
   • Look for fair trade brands. You’ll be surprised at how affordable prices are. The Fairtrade certification ensures sustainable livelihoods for producers and workers in developing countries, by negotiating better trading conditions.
   
   
   • When buying fresh ingredients, try sticking to seasonal ones. This ensures your food has been produced within reasonable distance and offers the best possible nutritional value. Is it really worth eating half ripe mangoes that had to fly thousand of carbon-emitting miles to reach your shopping basket?
   
   
   • Try having one meat-free day a week. According to a recent UN survey, meat production is responsible for one fifth of the world’s green gas emissions. Personally, I love my bacon too much to become a full-fledged vegetarian, but one out of seven days sounds like a happy compromise to me.
   
   
   • Consider composting: if you have even a small garden or backyard, start composting your food waste. It’s the ultimate saving tip: every single bit of food is used … and then re-used! If you don’t want to face the task yourself, check if there are local groups that will collect your food waste for composting.


2. Clothes
   
   • If you’re shopping at big chains, check their website for a corporate responsibility page. This is becoming increasingly visible on companies’ websites and it will reassure you about the conditions under which their clothes were manufactured and traded.
   
   
   • Re-use: visit thrift shops and yard sales. Vintage really is the new black. What better way to create a unique style, save serious money and give the landfill a welcome break? Attend local Swishing parties and swap your unwanted clothes – they really are great fun.


3. The boring stuff
   It pays to do some research on ethical utilities providers. Check for the ones using renewable sources of energy. Some are investing in wind farms or using part of their revenue on carbon offset programs. This isn’t done for purely selfless reasons. Companies investing in renewable energy show they have serious, long term growing plans and are worth sticking to.


4. Good money
   Your financial adviser should know of available ethical investments. This could go from pension funds that avoid industries such as tobacco, pornography or gambling, to investment plans working strictly with companies associated with good labor standards, for example.


5. Before you buy
   Consider how you are disposing of your old possessions. There are a number of recycling options available. Try Freecycle for passing on anything in good working order. Organize yard sales. Dispose of electronics responsibly: TVs, laptops, mobile phones, as well as batteries, CDs and DVDs contain hazardous material and must be disposed of accordingly. A lot of retailers offer drop-off points for phones and other small items. Next time you replace your washing machine, remember that some shops will collect your old one for free. Look for charities that are willing to take on and repair electronics, to sell it on.

You don’t need to take to the streets or make big loud statements to make a positive difference to the world. Lots of small steps add up to big changes. Who’d have thought 10 years ago that Starbucks and McDonald's would have fair trade coffee on their menus – and at decent prices? It was a move dictated by the power and choice of consumers.

Act with your wallet. Buy responsibly; recycle and re-use; buy second hand; save money.

I’d love to hear your tips on being an ethical shopper.

Read more

Are you a shy person? Shyness is simply a feeling of nervousness or awkwardness when around other people. No matter who you are, each of us have our times when we feel shy. For example, when you're new on your first day at work, when you're at a party and everyone is a complete stranger, when you're with someone you are attracted to, when you're asked to speak in front of a huge audience, etc.

When we're caught in a state of shyness, most of us will take on certain actions to "protect" ourselves. Some of us become reclusive. Some of us turn into introverts. And some of us try to evade the situation altogether. While these actions make you feel "safe", doing them aren't exactly constructive. For example, you can hide from an awkward situation, but you gain nothing out of it except for self-perceived safety. While you can keep turning down social invitations and avoid strangers, at the end of the day you'll still be the same person. You'll not be able to grow as a person nor build new social connections.

So rather than avoid such situations, why not work on addressing your shyness instead? There are times when I feel shy, and when that happens I confront the feeling, address it and move boldly inline with my desires. I find that whenever I do that, the experience is so much more fruitful. Instead of being dictated by your shyness, you can now be empowered to make your own decisions, to say what's on your mind, and to be who you really are. Overcoming your shyness isn't impossible - it's really all a matter of taking the right steps. Here, I'll share with you 8 simple steps to overcome your shyness and emerge an empowered self:

1. Know what's causing the shyness
   What are the situations that trigger your shyness? Despite what you may think, you're not shy all the time. For example, when you're with your best friend, you're probably very open and comfortable being yourself. Your shyness only emerges when you're in certain situations.
   
   Start off by being aware of what's causing the shyness. Identify 5 incidences from the past where you felt shy. It can be when you're alone with a stranger, whenever a certain topic is being discussed, when you're with a large crowd, and so on. Then, analyze these situations. What is it about these situations that's causing you to feel shy? Realize that shyness is the effect of feeling insecure. If you can identify what you're feeling insecure about, you can then take action on it.


2. Improve on your areas of insecurity
   After identifying your areas of insecurity, the next step is to take action on them. For example, perhaps you are shy when it comes to presentations at work. If that's the case, then work on improving your presentation skills! Practice doing it again and again. Invest your 10,000 hours of hard work - it's been said that 10,000 hours is the average time experts spend to be the best at their skills. As you spend more time on areas you're insecure about, your shyness will naturally dissipate.
   
   Taking myself as an example, I used to be fearful of public speaking when I was young. However when I went into university, I gained more experience in public speaking through class presentations. Later on when I went to corporate work, I was doing it on weekly basis. As I did it more regularly, I became better in presenting, and the fear just disappeared. Today, I conduct training workshops at least once a month for my personal development business, and it's already part of my routine. While I definitely have not spent 10,000 hours speaking to date, it's clear that the time I spent speaking from before has made me more proficient in speaking, which in turn addressed my shyness in the area.


3. Identify your strengths
   Many of us tend to focus on what we're not good at, rather than recognize what we are good at. As a result, we feel awkward around others, because we feel there's nothing to impressive about ourselves. It's time to stop selling yourself short and start focusing on your strengths.
   
   What are you good at? What are your past achievements? What are things you've done that you are really proud of? Spend some time to recognize them. You'll be surprised to see the huge list of things you are good at. There are so many great things about yourself that you've become blind to because you're took them for granted. Knowing your strengths helps you to be more confident of yourself. Remember, all of us are true winners in our own right.


4. Objectify the situation
   Many people worry too much about what others think about them. Whenever I work with clients on building their self-confidence, it's always invariably linked with being afraid of what someone else thinks of them or will think of them. They don't want to do X because they're afraid what person Y will say. They are at a loss of words with Y because they're afraid what Y will think of their thoughts.
   
   But the funny thing is, it's just in your mind. Most people are actually too busy thinking about themselves to pay attention to what you're doing or not doing. While you're worrying about your behavior, others are actually too busy worrying about their behaviors and opinions of themselves to think about what you're doing! Hence, there's nothing to feel shy about. Your shyness is merely a result of over scrutinizing yourself - of which you're the only person who does that. When you take an objective viewpoint, it becomes clear your shyness is unfounded. Rather than focus on an disempowering emotion, you can now focus on what you want to achieve.


5. Have a role model
   Can you think of someone you know (whether a friend or a famous person) who is very confident, assured and outgoing? Use the person as your role model. By identifying a real life person who is not bounded by shyness, it becomes easy for you to break through the confines of shyness, because there is a reference point. Whenever you feel shy, ask yourself what that person will do/say in this situation. Then, do that. Soon, it becomes second nature to you to behave in that manner.


6. Ask questions
   Asking questions is a simple trick I discovered that works very well. Sometimes, you may feel awkward because you don't know what to say/do. If so, just ask a question to the other party. For example, it can be a simple question like "What do you think about this?" or "Why do you say that?" or "Can you tell me more about yourself?" In doing so, it immediately shifts the attention from you to the other party. As the other person gathers his/her thoughts and answers your question, you can take the time to regroup and compose yourself. By the time he/she finishes speaking, you'll be in a good position to continue the interaction.


7. Observe how others interact
   A great way to overcome shyness is to observe how others around you act. Reduce the time you spend worrying about how others perceive you (again, remember it's all in your mind) and look outward at how others conduct themselves socially. What do they say? How do they act? What can you learn from them? How can you apply these learnings to your future interactions?


8. Take the first step
   While it may seem counter-intuitive, taking the 1st step actually helps you overcome your shyness. Firstly, when you consciously take action, it's a personal testament that you have personal power over the situation. Secondly, by first taking action, you experience the positive benefits of your actions, which sets in place a forward momentum. For example when I run my workshops, I notice that the participants who are the 1st to introduce themselves end up being the most vocal and active participants for the whole workshop, even though I present everyone with the same opportunity to speak.
   
   Your first step needn't be complicated - it can just be going up and saying hi. Once you take the small step forward, the rest will follow in its stead.

How can you apply the 8 steps above to overcome your shyness? Feel free to share in the comments area.

Read more

Imagine that I had in my possession the ultimate guide to life hacking. Imagine that I offered it to you with but one condition - that you must use it for good, not evil.

Would you be interested? Surely you would. Imagine all the wonders you could achieve with it!

Then I give you The Art of War, Sun Tzu’s epic and legendary masterpiece. It has survived since the 6 century BC for a single reason - Sun Tzu’s teachings work - both on the military battlefield and the battlefield of life.

Sun Tzu said: The Art of War, then, is governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one’s deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions obtained in the field. These five constants are the foundation of everything Sun Tzu instructs. They are the undeniable and nonnegotiable characteristics of any life crusade. Thus, they will be our focus here.

So, whether you’re a full-time life hacker or not, Sun Tzu’s teachings apply to you. Odds are that if you’re reading this article to begin with you’re already a self-identified life hacker to a certain degree.

Enough preamble - let’s have at it!

1. The Moral Law
   
   

   Sun Tzu said: "The Moral Law causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger."

   
   During Sun Tzu’s time, the Emperor was the chief ruler. And for the empire to thrive, all must live in harmony with that monarchy. Sun Tzu knew that such a belief system was not relegated to just civilian society. It was also of paramount important to the strength, unity, and ultimate success of the imperial army.
   
   To the life hacker, the Moral Law applies not to a figure of sovereign authority but to yourself. You are your own ruler. And with such freedom comes the responsibility to institute your own Moral Law.
   
   Remember that a Moral Law is a belief system - some would say a philosophy. It’s comprised of your personal values and, thus, guides how you architect and live your life. Thankfully for life hackers, there is no “one-size-fits-all” Moral Law. But that doesn’t mean you don’t need one. Quite the opposite in fact.
   
   Life hacking isn’t easy - whether it be a career, relationships, travel, sports, health, happiness, etc. Thus, to dramatically elevate your odds of success, the smart life hacker adopts a Moral Law that ignites an unyielding and unbreakable resolve. This is your secret weapon against the trials and tribulations that modern society will throw at your.


2. Heaven
   
   

   Sun Tzu said: "Heaven signifies night and day, cold and heat, times and seasons."

   
   The “heaven” principle is proposed in a non-religious context. In ancient China as now, Sun Tzu’s “heaven” represents both consistent and variable change throughout space and time.
   
   Sun Tzu’s military mind knew this well. On the battlefield of war certain changes in reality could be predicted - from seasonal opportunities to covert advantages. But, many other factors could not be predicted. As a modern military cliche goes, “the best laid battle plan is tossed out when the first shot is fired”. Thus, the victorious army is that which embraces such unpredictably and can respond accordingly.
   
   A smart life hacker operates the same way. She knows that much of life’s challenges and opportunities are unpredictable. Thus, she knows that struggle and stress await those that cannot (or will not) change with the times. In fact, unpredictability is the life hackers advantage! By being nimble, agile, and flexible to changes of situation and surrounding, the smart life hacker can easily navigate her reality to the outcomes she desires.
   
   The take home message - tune into the world around you; study your environment; learn what “rules” can be bent and which can be broken.
   


3. Earth
   
   

   Sun Tzu said: "Earth comprises distances, great and small; danger and security; open ground and narrow passes; the chances of life and death."

   
   Governing terrain and choosing your battlefields are perhaps the most crucial skills of a wise and successful warrior. Throughout history (not just Sun Tzu’s history), victory has chosen those that hold “the high ground” in any respect.
   
   The terrain of life is equally unbalanced and uneven as that of the physical world. For example, there are “mountains” that many try to move. But instead of moving mountains why not find the easy path around them?
   
   The real “ah-ha” idea here is that choices matter, a lot!
   
   Those entrenched in the status quo make the obvious and socially-acceptable choices - regardless of how ineffective and/or inefficient those choices are. They don’t take the time to observe the ground beneath their feet. Hence, they are incapable of seeing and feeling the optimal way forward. The life hacker thinks and acts unconventionally. She looks for the paths of least resistance, the 80/20 shortcuts, and the hidden passageways through life.
   


4. The Commander
   
   

   Sun Tzu said: "The Commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage, and strictness."

   
   Remember from the Moral Law that you are your own ruler. Thus, this concept of a virtuous commander is an extension of that belief. Virtues are no less important today than they were 2,500 years ago. One could argue that becoming a person of strong virtues is even more important as the world itself seemingly slides deeper into moral peril.
   
   Thus the responsibility for life hackers. As free-thinkers outside the mainstream, it is perhaps incumbent upon us not to sacrifice our virtuous integrity for short-term rewards. Such behavior undermines the very spirit of life hacking.
   
   Life hacking (at least to me) is a crusade not for riches, but a better, happier, more virtuous life. Being a jackass doesn’t help with this. Instead it’s a hindrance - people don’t like jackasses.
   
   Simply put - successful command of self requires fortification of inalienable ideals. The righteous and well-respected commander (life hacker) uses these ideals to optimize her life experience while leaving the world a better place.
   


5. Method and Discipline
   
   

   Sun Tzu said: "By Method and Discipline are to be understood the marshalling of the army in its proper subdivisions, the graduations of rank among the officers, the maintenance of roads by which supplies may reach the army, and the control of military expenditure."

   
   War, although often chaotic, does require a particular “method of madness”. It’s not complete anarchy. Sure, some battles may turn into disorganized fire-fights. But, on the whole, wars are fought (and won!) by those armies with command of war strategy and battlefield tactics.
   
   Such methods and discipline are Sun Tzu’s trademark quality. One story from Sun Tzu’s legend tells of how he marshaled the Emperor's concubines into a coordinated group well receptive to military orders.
   
   The lesson we life hackers must learn from this is that recklessness has no place in life. Being reckless on the battlefield gets you killed. Being reckless in life gets you no where - at least no where close to optimal success, happiness, and fulfillment. Granted, life hacking is about experimentation and doesn’t concern itself with the occasional mistake. But don’t mistake thoughtful experimentation based on disciplined methods with all-out, winging-it behaviors.
   

In the end - a hack is simply an easier, faster, cheaper, more enjoyable solution to a conventional challenge, task, or way of life. But who said unconventionality equals anarchy? No one.

So don’t be reckless!

Sun Tzu said: "These five heads should be familiar to every general: he who knows them will be victorious; he who knows them not will fail."

It doesn’t get any clearer than that.

While you are free to life hack on your own terms, don’t forget these universal principles. They often separate the good from the bad (and ugly); and, on the battlefield, the living from the dead.

So how will you this timeless wisdom to improve your life? How will you use it for good (not evil)?

Read more

When I was just a little younger, I had great big goals and objectives and aspirations for every day of my life. These days, my biggest ambition is to get through each day with grace and peace of mind - to be unflappable and to move peacefully from one task to another with focused attention and a quiet, calm energy.

Simple right? Ok maybe not. However there are steps we can take to at least increase how often we remain calm. Why be calm? Heck, because it feels fantastic. Anger and impatience wear on our hearts and our minds and our families. When we are in control of our emotions, we get more done, we communicate better, and we lead more productive, purposeful lives.

Here are twelve tips for keeping your cool and staying calm amid life's situations – both big and small.

1. Strive to not catastrophize
   It's easy to dramatize and make something a bigger deal than it is. When you are relating the problem to yourself, avoid the urge to magnify the negative. Strike the words always and whenever. You might feel like Stuart Smalley, but it can really help to re-frame the problem in your mind by saying things like "I can cope," "It's not that big a deal," and "I'm bigger than this."
   


2. Think before you Share
   Don't describe or blog or tweet about the problem. Don't talk it over with your friends right away; let it stew a little in your mind so you can settle down a little. Sometimes, well-meaning friends will sympathize too much, which may only add fuel to your fire and get you even more upset.
   


3. Discover metaphors and visualizations that help you stay calm
   Here's one that helps me: I try to imagine my problem as a knot. The more I panic and pull on the ends, the tighter the knot cinches. But, when I adopt a singular focus, a calm takes over and I can loosen one strand at a time.
   
   It might also help if you can visualize yourself acting with patience and focus. Lower your voice and try to move as slowly as possible. Speak slowly and softly. Become the calm, unflappable person you see in your mind.
   
   Here's another technique: Do you know anyone whom you would describe as unflappable? Try to think of what this person would do in your situation.
   


4. Note your patterns of exasperation
   Are there any specific situations that cause you to lose your cool? Look at specific patterns -- from time of day, to level of stress (or level of boredom), to blood sugar levels. Do you tend to lose it when it's too noisy – or too quiet? Knowing about your own patterns can go a long way in helping you keep your cool throughout the day.


5. Realize that you can control your emotions
   Reflect on times when you were able to successfully stay calm in a frustrating situation. Maybe it was a time when you wanted to yell at your spouse or your kids, but then the doorbell rang and you were able to instantly shift gears. Consider that you might be able to do this repeatedly, as long as you know your triggers – and some tips for keeping a calm mindset.


6. Create a calm environment with peaceful rituals
   If calm music soothes you, use it. If silence soothes you, use it. Maybe you'll play some soothing instrumental music or maybe you'll dim the lights and light some scented candles.
   
   When you are coming home from work, give yourself a few moments to calm your mind before you go charging into an evening at home with your kids. Sit in the car for a few minutes and take some deep breaths. Kick off your shoes and sip a glass of water. Rituals can also be tremendously soothing during the transition periods of your day.


7. Take care of the essentials
   Make sure you are getting enough sleep and getting enough protein, fiber, vitamins and minerals. I tend to lose my temper way more often if I'm low on blood sugar. But, get a little protein in me, and it's (relatively) smooth sailing.
   
   Also make sure you are getting physical exercise. A daily workout can give you the physical release that can help you control your anxiety. If I'm feeling particularly stressed, I trade my half-hour run for a half hour of kickboxing. This helps.
   
   Stay away from too much sugar and caffeine and stay hydrated. Drink a tall glass of water and see if you feel better, more calm and alert.


8. Focus on the mind and spirit, too
   Depending on your spiritual tradition, engage in a routine of meditation or prayer. Practice yoga - or just sit quietly for awhile. Developing peace of mind is a skill that will serve you well your whole life through. Take a meditation class, and learn techniques to help you get control over your monkey mind.


9. Distract yourself
   Instead of ruminating, find something fun, engaging, and constructive to do. Try to laugh (or laugh at yourself.) Watch a funny movie or read a blog that always make you laugh. When you lighten up, it's a lot easier to keep your cool.
   
   
10. Take a day off
    I always know I really need a day off when I fight like crazy to not take one. If I can force myself to take an entire day away from my work, I always come back more calm, assured, and filled with fresh ideas.


11. Don't forget to breathe
    When my kids were very small, we helped them to calm down by teaching them belly breathing, and it still works – for them and for me. Diaphragmatic breathing helps you alleviate your stress in the moment and it gives you a minute or two to calm down, often just long enough for you to assess the situation and help you regain your sense of control.
    
    In a good belly breath, your belly will actually rise and fall. To practice, put your hand on your belly. Inhale through your nose and see if your hand rises as you breathe in. Hold the breath for a few counts and slowly breathe out.


12. Reflect on quotes that can help you calm your mind
    Here are a few that I find inspiring:
    
    

    "You are the sky. Everything else – it's just the weather." Pema Chodron

    
    

    "A mind at peace, a mind centered and not focused on harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe." Wayne Dyer

    
    

    "It is useless to force the rhythms of life. If I live with the anxiety to go fast, I will not live well. My addiction to speed will make me sick. The art of living is about learning how to give time to each and every thing. If I have sacrificed my life to speed, then that is impossible. Ultimately, slow means to take the time to reflect. It means to take the time to think. With calm, you arrive everywhere." Carlos Petrini (Founder of the Slow Food movement)

    
    

    "One important reason to stay calm is that calm parents hear more. Low-key, accepting parents are the ones whose children keep talking." Mary Pipher

    
    

    "Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along." Paramahansa Yogananda

Read more

There are three things that remind me of my father’s car: the Beach Boys, ChapStick, and a clock that is intentionally ten minutes fast. My father is one of those people who lives in his own time zone: Jeff Standard Time, sandwiched somewhere between Greenwich Mean and Mountain.

I used to tease my father for setting his clocks fast to try (and rarely succeed) at fooling himself into punctuality. Now I find myself doing the same thing. I know my alarm clock is set ten minutes fast, but there’s some glimmer of hope that in the fog between sleep and wakefulness, I’ll read the blaring red numbers, forget that I’m playing games with myself, jump out of bed, and get the proverbial early-bird worm.

Excuses, Excuses
Why are some of us chronically late while others are predictably punctual? A lot of reasons. We learn it from our parents. (Thanks, Dad.) We learn it from our culture. (In some countries, like Ecuador and Peru, tardiness is so culturally ingrained that the governments have initiated public punctuality campaigns.) We are better or worse at quantifying measurements like time. (I’m also hopeless when it comes to estimating distance or how many people were at a party. Jelly beans in a jar? Forget it.) We value and perceive time differently. (I like to think of it as a jumping-off point for negotiations.) We want or don’t want attention. We’re focused or easily distracted. We try to do too much. We are thrilled or repelled by the anxiety of running late.

There are myriad reasons. There are also myriad excuses.

Do Something About It
When I lived in New York, I could blame my tardiness on the city. There seemed to be a thousand and one obstacles to getting anywhere on time in Manhattan: subway maintenance, visiting dignitaries, spilled coffee, construction, street musicians, bagels, man on the tracks. I readily offered these excuses as I plopped down ten, fifteen, even thirty minutes late to work or a drink with a friend. “You would never believe the traffic on Broadway,” I’d sigh. The city was conspiring against me, and like Alice’s White Rabbit, I was perpetually late for a very important date.

Recently, I moved from New York to a smaller city, where I have a car and more control over my schedule—which means fewer available excuses. I also have a friend who has redefined the word “late” (she has a personal record of three hours) and has put me on the other side of the fence. I’ve made some progress. And as they say on TV, now so can you! Before you give up and move to Peru, try some of these strategies for making yourself more punctual:

1. The first step is acceptance. Admit you have a problem and enlist help.
2. Surround yourself with clocks (not just the one on your cell phone).
3. Bring something to read or occupy you, so if you arrive early, you don’t feel like you’re “wasting time.”
4. Give yourself a handicap. If you’re a bad estimator, double the time you think it will take to get there.
5. If you’ve never been where you’re going, look up directions beforehand (not at the time you’re supposed to be walking out the door).
6. Before you accept invitations for engagements, ask yourself if you really can, or want to, attend. If you’re hesitant, perhaps it’s better to politely decline than rudely arrive late.
7. Don’t try to do too much. Keep a detailed schedule and don’t be distracted by tasks not on it.
8. Fine yourself a dollar (to your piggy bank) for every minute you’re late.
9. Hypnosis. Hey, it can’t hurt, right?

And for those of you who always arrive on the dot (well done), but are frustrated by your unfashionably late friends and colleagues, try these tips:

• Calmly let the person know you’re irritated.
• Impose some kind of consequence, playfully at first. For example, if your friend is late for a coffee date, she buys.
• Give her a taste of her own medicine. On your next meeting, show up as late as she was the last time.

Time is not money for everyone, but it is a resource. If you waste someone’s, they can’t get it back. Punctuality is about consideration, and it’s something I’m working on. I’ll keep you posted, but now I’ve gotta run. I’m late.

Read more

Willpower can be defined as having the ability to get yourself to take the necessary actions which will move you closer toward achieving your goals, and having the ability to refrain from taking action which will move you away from your goals. It's strongly related to the concepts of self-discipline and self-control. Your success in life - and your ability to achieve your life goals - is largely dependent on your ability to summon the willpower to take right action.

It's six o'clock in the afternoon and you're sitting on the couch watching TV; even though you've made the decision to go out for a jog each weekday evening at this time, you can't get yourself to turn off the TV and get up off the couch. You're on a diet, but you walk passed a bakery and the aroma of freshly baked goods lures you in. Even though you're trying to save money, and new clothes are not on your budget, there's a fabulous sale at your favorite store and you just can't resist the temptation to stop by. Where's your willpower when you need it the most? Below you’ll discover five surefire ways to strengthen your willpower, so that it’s available for you when you’re striving to reach your goals.

Use Your Willpower to Alter the Terrain
In The Path of Least Resistance, Robert Fritz argues that "once a structure exists, energy moves through that structure by the path of least resistance. That is, energy moves where it is easiest for it to go." Fritz explains that the roads in Boston, Massachusetts were formed by utilizing existing cow paths. The cows moving through the topography took one step after the other, moving where it was easiest to go, maybe avoiding a rock or taking the smallest incline. Each time the cows passed through the same area, the path became more and more clearly defined.

So, what do cows and the roads in Boston have to do with willpower? Your willpower is limited. If your strategy for achieving your goals is to rely on willpower alone, you will fail. A better approach is to use your willpower to create a structure that will allow your energy to move in the direction that is most conducive to achieving your goals.

In his article Self-Discipline: Willpower, Steve Pavlina, owner of the blog Personal Development for Smart People, explains that willpower is like a one-shot thruster. It burns out quickly, but it can give you the burst of energy that you need in order to overcome inertia and create momentum. He indicates that you shouldn't rely on willpower to give you the fuel that you need to get up each day and take the necessary action to be able to achieve your goals; instead, you should use your willpower in order to alter the terrain in order to make it more conducive to the accomplishment of your goals.

For example, suppose that you want to lose 20 pounds. You need to use your willpower in order to create a plan on how you're going to lose 20 pounds; in addition, use your willpower to create the conditions that will allow you to lose those 20 pounds. Your plan could be the following:

• Get rid of all of the junk food in your house.
• Find and purchase a great cookbook filled with healthy recipes.
• Make a list of sample meals and post it up on your refrigerator.
• Make a list of the ingredients you're going to need to purchase each week and establish a day and time to go grocery shopping.
• Set a day and time when you're going to prepare meals in bulk and freeze them.
• Set up a weight chart to keep track of your weight, percentage of body fat, and waist circumference, and post it up in your bathroom.
• Purchase a good quality scale that will allow you to weigh yourself and keep track of your percentage of body fat each week.

Then you execute your plan; you use your willpower to carry out all of the following actions: throwing out all of your junk food, purchasing the cookbook, choosing healthy meals, etc. Once you've used that initial burst of willpower to alter the terrain, it will be much easier to get up each day and walk along the path you've cleared out. In fact, the more you do it, the easier it gets (Just like the cows in Boston).

When Temptation Beckons, Think of Your Long-Term Goals
Kathleen Vohs, Professor of Marketing at the University of Minnesota, explains that in lab studies, self-control is boosted when people conjure up powerful memories of their long-term goals. She notes that self-control problems occur because people are caught up "in the moment'' and are distracted from their long-term goals. For example, you want to look good in a bathing suit, but you're looking at a chocolate chip cookie now. Dr. Vohs indicates that if you start thinking of your long-term objectives, that cools off the tempting stimuli. Although it's a good idea to live in the now, when you're being tempted by a stimulus which threatens to derail you from the path toward reaching your goals, shift your focus to the future. (Source).

Repeat a Mantra to Strengthen Your Willpower
Jim Randel is the author of The Skinny on Willpower; he's spent thirty years studying the subjects of willpower and self-discipline. One of the techniques he recommends to help you strengthen your willpower is to repeat a mantra. For example, if you're trying to cut down on your spending in order to get yourself out of debt, and you're in a situation in which you're being tempted to spend money on something that you don't really need, you can begin repeating the following mantra to yourself: "Free from the shackles of debt".

As a second illustration, if your goal is to compete in a marathon in December, and it's time to go out for your daily run, begin repeating the following mantra: "Marathon - December, Marathon – December, Marathon - December", in order to muster up the willpower to get out there and go for a run.

Meditate Your Way to Greater Willpower
Meditating for a few minutes each day can help you boost your willpower. Mindful meditation builds up gray matter in areas of the brain that regulate emotions and govern decision making. This means that when faced with the choice of stopping by McDonald's on the way home from work, or going home and making a chicken salad from last night's leftovers, you'll be better equipped to make the healthier choice. (Source)

Having a Good Breakfast Will Help You Strengthen Your Willpower
Matthew Gailliot, Ph.D, a researcher at the University of Amsterdam, argues that glucose--which is the primary fuel of the body--is also the fuel of willpower. In fact, willpower is very expensive; it uses up a lot of glucose. In a set of studies conducted by Gailliot and his colleagues in 2007, participants were required to control their thoughts, emotions or behavior. Immediately following each act of self-control, participants' blood glucose levels were measured. Their blood glucose levels dropped. Levels did not drop during similar tasks in which participants were not exerting self-control.

When participants were asked to repeat the acts of self-control, those whose blood glucose levels had dropped the most from the first task, performed the worst on the second attempt. They had depleted the fuel that was available to them to exercise their willpower. Participants who were given a sugary drink between tasks--allowing them to replenish their blood glucose levels--were better able to exert their willpower in the second attempt. However, Gailliot doesn't recommend eating lots of sugary foods, but choosing foods which keep glucose levels stable, and making sure not to skip meals. (Source).

Conclusion
Roy F. Baumeister, PhD, now a researcher at Florida State University, is the world’s foremost expert on willpower. He explains that willpower is not a personality trait, a skill or a virtue. Instead, it operates like a muscle. As such, it can be easily exhausted but it can also be strengthened. Apply the five strategies explained above and watch your willpower muscles grow as you move closer and closer to achieving your life goals.

Read more