Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the ninja-tables-pro domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Vendor_Zend_Config::count() should either be compatible with Countable::count(): int, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Vendor/Zend/Config.php on line 248

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Vendor_Zend_Config::current() should either be compatible with Iterator::current(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Vendor/Zend/Config.php on line 258

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Vendor_Zend_Config::next() should either be compatible with Iterator::next(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Vendor/Zend/Config.php on line 278

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Vendor_Zend_Config::key() should either be compatible with Iterator::key(): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Vendor/Zend/Config.php on line 269

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Vendor_Zend_Config::valid() should either be compatible with Iterator::valid(): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Vendor/Zend/Config.php on line 304

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Vendor_Zend_Config::rewind() should either be compatible with Iterator::rewind(): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Vendor/Zend/Config.php on line 292

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_Idiorm::offsetExists($key) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 1836

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_Idiorm::offsetGet($key) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 1840

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_Idiorm::offsetSet($key, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 1844

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_Idiorm::offsetUnset($key) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 1851

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_IdiormResultSet::count() should either be compatible with Countable::count(): int, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 2028

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_IdiormResultSet::getIterator() should either be compatible with IteratorAggregate::getIterator(): Traversable, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 2037

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_IdiormResultSet::offsetExists($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetExists(mixed $offset): bool, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 2046

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_IdiormResultSet::offsetGet($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetGet(mixed $offset): mixed, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 2055

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_IdiormResultSet::offsetSet($offset, $value) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetSet(mixed $offset, mixed $value): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 2064

Deprecated: Return type of IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_IdiormResultSet::offsetUnset($offset) should either be compatible with ArrayAccess::offsetUnset(mixed $offset): void, or the #[\ReturnTypeWillChange] attribute should be used to temporarily suppress the notice in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 2072

Deprecated: IfwPsn_Wp_ORM_IdiormResultSet implements the Serializable interface, which is deprecated. Implement __serialize() and __unserialize() instead (or in addition, if support for old PHP versions is necessary) in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/post-status-notifier/lib/IfwPsn/Wp/ORM/Idiorm.php on line 1985

Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the remove_dashboard_access domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121

Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wp-table-builder domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121

Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the health-check domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121

Deprecated: Optional parameter $rowId declared before required parameter $tableId is implicitly treated as a required parameter in /home/dumblittleman/public_html/wp-content/plugins/ninja-tables-pro/src/TableEditor.php on line 345
When to Say Fuck It and STAY in Relationship

When to Say Fuck It and STAY in Relationship

By Paget Norton

July 27, 2017   •   Fact checked by Dumb Little Man

In Mark Manson's article entitled “Fuck Yes or Fuck No,” he asks the crucial question about being in relationship. If a person really just isn't that into you, then why waste your time? This critical advice has hopefully saved a lot of heartache for those who have held on to relationship hope past the expiration date.

Recently, however, a different slice of the same pie was delivered to a friend. Beth had been casually dating Greg when he had a complete meltdown – something about her roommate. Riddled with anxiety, he completely broke down, and the two had a brief conversation about what was going on. My husband talked to her the next day, and the two agreed that the relationship seemed like more trouble than it was worth. After all, it was early days yet. Wasn't this supposed to be the easy times? Beth decided that it was too much for her and broke it off. She decided she wasn’t so into Greg that she wanted to invest any time in the relationship. She was a definite Fuck No.

My opinion about the matter differed. I saw total value in staying in the relationship long enough to talk about what had happened, using this as a practice run. Let me explain. Beth and Greg had little invested in the relationship as it was so new. Because of this, I felt it could be helpful for Beth to gain some relationship experience (she was very inexperienced) by having a more difficult conversation with Greg.

She could have listened to his fears and revealed some of her own. She could have told him about her turn-off. She could have had a potentially crunchy conversation in a very low-stakes relationship.

This would mean practicing her communication and transparency skills, so when she was in a high-stakes relationship, she'd have more skills. It means that if it didn't go well and the relationship ended, then she wouldn't be crushed. Hopefully she'd reflect, learn, and move on. And if it did go well, then she might see if the relationship was truly workable, and perhaps it might evolve into a high-stakes relationship.

low stake relationship

First things first, what is the difference between a low-stakes relationship and a high-stakes relationship? A low-stakes relationship – unlike a casual relationship – still has a level of commitment. It might mean seeing the person every two weeks, once a month, or once a year. It means you value the relationship: it’s not disposable or expendable or fast food. You nourish it even if you think it might only last a short time.

A high-stakes relationship has a higher level of commitment. Think: life partner, long term, family relationships. These ones have weight, (sometimes baggage), and are deep on our hearts. These are the ones that often need the most work. This is where low-stakes healthy relationships can help. (Note: It’s always worthwhile checking in about whether or not you’re in a healthy or toxic relationship. Toxic relationships clearly aren’t worth your time or energy!)

See Also: 6 Signs You’re In A Long-Term Relationship

In staying in such a low stakes relationship, it's not about whether the relationship is right or wrong for you, it's whether both of you can actually learn something from being in the relationship. Now, if there's not enough connection from the get-go, then by all mean, don't stay in.

If, as Mark Manson says, the person just isn't that into you, then leave. But if you seem to share values and enjoy one another's company, then why let one upset upheave the whole thing? What can you learn by staying in? Lots, I'd say, but only if you really want to do the work.

long term relationship

You might ask yourself, Do I have a lot of healthy relationship experience? Have I learned how to communicate in relationship? Do I know what it's like to be transparent about my needs? Have I learned how to apologize when my words and actions have had a negative impact (seen or unforeseen)? How can this current low-stakes relationship teach both of us these skills?

And if your answer is Yes, I can learn more… Yes, I want to be able to weather the storms of an intimate relationship – maybe not with this person for long-term, but for right now – then do it. Step into the storm. See what you can learn about connecting with this person. See how you can stretch and grow. See what it means to be messy, human, and compassionate. See what happens when you say Fuck it. It’s not why stay, it’s why not stay.

See Also: Red Flags: When To Start Giving Up On Relationships

 

Paget Norton

Other Dating Guide

Individual Reviews