Although men are perceived as strong individuals, a breakup can still wreck you from the inside. It can turn your world upside down.
And if you are finding it hard to deal with one, read on as I have been through the same set of whirling emotions over the past few months.
Last year, in December, I had a fallout with my girlfriend. A three-year relationship went down, almost abruptly. The reason was quite simple.
The long-distance ‘thing’ was feeling like a stretch to her as she needed someone close by, both emotionally and physically. Although I used to come down to her part of the country once every three months, it still wasn’t enough for her.
I don’t blame her and I don’t judge her for leaving me suddenly. In a way, breaking up was way better than her cheating on me with somebody else. I had a steady job so couldn’t relocate. She lost interest and could no longer stay. It was that simple.
I am not exaggerating, but losing her felt like losing a family member. While three years might not sound like a lot, these were my formative years. The break up came with a myriad of lessons and they pushed me to think all over again.
I missed being answerable to someone. For months, there was a void which I couldn’t fill. I still remember that I slept hungry for a few days, hardly changed my clothes and even started growing a lot of facial hair. I lost interest. I lacked the zeal. I missed her unimaginably.
It has been more than three months and things do look different now. It would be wrong to mention that I don’t miss her anymore. I still do. However, I have made peace with her absence and, undoubtedly, it has made me a stronger person. The last few months were brutal and unkind but I was able to pull myself together again.
In my quest for emotional redemption, I came across a few life hacks which would be useful to a newly single guy. Here’s what to do after a break up:
Invest in Friendships
There are times when we neglect friendships when we are in an intense, romantic relationship. Regardless of your commitment level, only a friend can help you get over a breakup. Making new friends is also a great trait as it helps give some positive vibes after a draining break up.
A buddy can allow you to vent out your feelings and thoughts without being judgmental. He can listen for as long as you talk. He can give you the time and attention you need while you’re healing.
Keep in mind, however, that you also need to hear the other individual out. You need to invest time, emotions and feelings into a friendship to show that you also value the other person.
Make New Memories
Although she was located in a different state for her work, we hailed from the same hometown. While she had it easy in terms of existing memories, moving around the city was almost brutal for me. There wasn’t a place where we didn’t kiss, click photographs or had a lunch date at.
Therefore, after the breakup, it was literally impossible for me to step out of the house. I am sure many have had this gut-wrenching experience but changing cities or compromising on social life isn’t the answer. It took me a month before I could go out with someone to places that relate to my past relationship.
Here is the most important bit that needs to be addressed. Even the strongest of men have a mushy heart that is entitled to moments of despair. It is completely normal to cry your heart out, watch movies, keep hearing sad songs on a loop, scream or stay in bed for days.
You should never try to bury the emotions while keeping a straight face. Trust me: these emotions keep on accumulating with time and they usually burst out at a really inconvenient time.
For me, it took two months to get over the agony of that heartbreaking fall-out.
Accept grief with open arms. You just lost a very significant person who was a lover, confidant, and friend to you. Lament over it for as long as it takes.
Indulge in a Hobby
Looking for a new hobby can help you fill up your spare time. Look for something constructive and allow yourself to enjoy and grow.
I love writing and started off with a blog. I joined a gym and started training rigorously for a bodybuilding competition.
As much as smoking and drinking may lure you, never fall into the trap. These things can numb the ache temporarily but they wouldn’t be beneficial in the long run. There are a lot of things you can do than to indulge in negative and destructive habits.
Give Yourself Occasional Pep Talks
There were times when I failed at work but my girlfriend would always be by my side to motivate and encourage me. Things have changed now since she’s no longer here to celebrate, push and motivate me.
A break up doesn’t have to mean you can’t celebrate and feel encouraged anymore. Be there for yourself. Give yourself the same encouragement and support you were getting from another person.
In essence, start believing and loving yourself. It might sound or look embarrassing at times but the pep talk you have with yourself has no alternative.
Believe in Personal Touches
I was a pretty detached guy, especially in terms of physical interactions. Barring my ex-girlfriend, I hardly ever hugged someone. However, since the breakup, I have turned into a pretty different individual— craving physical touches every now and then.
It is normal to ask for a hug and there is nothing strange about that. Research suggests that humans long for physical touches and prolonged periods of physical seclusion can lower down their confidence and affect their mood negatively. Therefore, if you feel the need to hug someone, get it done.
Sadly, a break up doesn’t come with a rulebook. However, it is important to lead a good life. It is important to be social and talk to individuals. If your heart is in the right place— finding love again won’t be hard.
One tip, though. Never try to cover one wound by welcoming another. It doesn’t matter if you are in or not in love with someone else. The idea here is to love yourself unconditionally. The breakup made me fall in love with my whole being and it’s something you should work on, too.
See Also: I’m Saying Thanks For Breaking My Heart