Falling in love with someone is a wonderful feeling that can only be topped by the feeling when that love is mutual. Starting a new relationship is extremely exciting! However, even with such an unpredictable matter as love is, there are still some rules to follow.
After all, dating is one of the most powerful forms of human communication. Hence, in order to make it fruitful and happy, you need to understand the basics of human relationships. Here are some of mistakes to avoid for happy relationships.
1Making your partner the center of your universe
The first thing on this list of dating mistakes people should avoid in order to secure a happy and long-lasting relationship may appear to be a little bit strange to some. One of the arguments against this point is that when you are genuinely in love with a person, you want to invest all of yourself into the relationship. You want to become “the one” so you put all your time and effort into making that relationship work.
However, this is not how healthy and happy relationships work. Of course, if you are going
out with someone it is essential that you pay enough attention to them, as well as their needs and wants. Nonetheless, it does not mean that they have to replace every single other human being and relationship you’ve had in your life before you met them.
Abandoning your social circle for someone is toxic and incredibly detrimental for you. The reason for this is that by focusing too much on your lover, you will lose those bits of character that other people fostered in you. It is likely that by only ever hanging out with your significant other, you will adopt their personality features and become a version of them. While this is cute to some, in reality, this is not great at all. It can even lead to a potential break-up.
The best way to explain the correlation between starting to resemble your lover and them
losing interest in you is this:
When the two of you meet and start to get to know each other better, each of you are a person of your own. And they fall for that person! If you eventually lose all of your unique traits and turn into their mirror reflection, they will be less intrigued by your existence.
In addition to that, it is incorrect to put your significant other’s needs above your own.
While it is an important feature of a happy relationship to know how to compromise, you should not forget about your own comfort when dating someone. Do not cancel plans you have made with someone and really wanted to attend to just at your partner’s whim.
It is understandable that after going out for a while people merge their social circles. They
introduce each other to their friends and mix and match the friendship groups. This is absolutely normal. The same way paying some little extra attention to your partner and choosing them before other people is normal.
You just need to remember not to limit yourself to just that one person by crossing out everyone else out of your life and abandoning your hobbies or goals that make your life a bit happier and fulfilling.
2Trying to avoid arguments by bottling up your emotions and feelings
Another big mistake a lot of couples make that hinders them from having a happy and healthy relationship is avoiding arguments.
As weird as it may sound, the idea of arguments being unacceptable in a happy relationship is completely wrong. The truth is, arguments can be incredibly useful and healthy, and even take your relationship to the next level!
In fact, it is much better for your couple dynamics if both of you voice all of your concerns and talk them out, even if that could potentially lead to a heated conversation. If you discuss everything that bothers you at the time and let your partner know about your view of the situation, they are more likely to offer an explanation of their actions and subsequently suggest and alternative model of behaviour that would satisfy you both. After all, your lover is likely not a psychic and cannot possibly know how you feel about certain things unless you explicitly tell them.
Alternatively, if you choose not to express your disagreement and dissatisfaction simply because you would much rather swallow that instead of spending a couple of hours working out the problem, you are in for a hugely delayed scandal. It is human nature to accumulate all the unresolved conflicts and bottle up feelings instead of truly letting them go. Unfortunately, there is a limit to this.
Eventually, there will a be a thing, and often the tiniest one, which will push you over the edge and make you burst. Naturally, this will have adverse effect on your relationship and will likely end in a couple of days of not talking to each other.
3Ignoring red flags
Despite there not being a definite timeline for dating mistakes, this mistake is more relevant to those relationships that are still early, where people are still getting to know each other.
When you are only starting dating someone and still get butterflies in your stomach just from thinking about them, it is usual to idealize them in your head. Obviously, you are still new to this person and cannot possibly know about all their annoying little habits that are only identifiable to the people they live with. To you, they appear to be perfect. And this is, indeed, a wonderful feeling! However, this is exactly where the risk of ignoring red flag comes into the scene.
Unfortunately, people in love tend to not pay attention to the things that they do not like.
Instead, they choose to focus on what is good about their lover. However, this can be extremely detrimental in the long run. If you want to be in a happy relationship, you need to be with someone who you are compatible with and who fits you well. If someone does not, they are probably not meant for you. It is wrong for you to think that you can “fix” them, and make them good for you.
What you need to do is to notice all the red flags as they come and terminate the relationship as soon as it becomes unacceptable for you.
4Not establishing clear boundaries
This mistake links back to the first point on this list since they are closely connected. In fact, not establishing clear boundaries often becomes the cause of falling into obsessive behaviours and focusing on your partner too much.
This is why you need to remember that the two of you are not to be indivisible. It is okay if both of you have your own personal space which the other one would not violate. It is okay to have some privacy, and it is not to foster any jealousy or secrecy. In fact, privacy in relationships does not equate to secrecy. Privacy is needed to be able to be your own person and is not related to you having secrets from your partner.
In addition to that, it is undeniable that the world of dating is wide and varied. It means
different things for different people. Everyone has their very own understanding of what is
acceptable in a relationship and what is best be avoided. it is important for the two of you as a couple to decide what aspects are okay with you, and which ones cross the line for you.
All in all, you need to be aware of the fact that despite being together, the both of you should still remain your own separate entities.
5Comparing your current significant other to the relationships you have had in the past
They say, your current self are made of your dreams and aspirations, your thoughts and your past. When it comes to dating, however, it is best that you keep your past out of the equation.
Of course, it is completely normal to remember some bits of your past relationships and respect the lessons you have learnt from dating those people. What is not adequate, however, is constantly comparing and contrasting your current partner to your exes. Not only that is irrelevant, but that also makes your significant other doubt your feelings for them since it seems like you are not over that person you dated before them.
Besides, you should also remember that no people can be exactly the same.
Therefore, you will not be able to have the same experiences that you went through in the past.
If you want to have a happy relationship, it is pivotal for you to remember that each and every relationships is a fresh start and you have to treat it as such. Live in the moment, and look up to the things you will go through with your current partner as opposed to reminiscing over the stuff that you and your ex shared.
6Lacking in the communication department
This perhaps, could be one of the primary and worst mistakes people in relationships make, lack of communication between partners. The truth is that any relationship, let alone a romantic one, are based on human trust and communication.
By dating someone, you give that person an access to your heart and let them be your companion through thick and thin. However, even then they do not have access to your brain and cannot possibly know what exactly is on your mind. And neither can you.
As it has been discussed previously, you can actually save your relationship by arguing as that will help you express your feelings and let your partner know what you’re thinking. However, it is not necessarily negativity that you need to express. Relationship is a continuous communication process. It is helpful when two people talk about their thoughts and ideas.
The worst thing that one can do when dating is assuming what their partner means. And act based on those assumptions. That can instantly worsen your relationship and bring it to a logical end. It is absolutely essential that you discuss everything that needs to be discussed.
Moreover, it is also important for you to not only listen to your partner but also hear what they are saying. Often, we agree to have a conversation yet we are still not ready to communicate. That is ineffective and does not give any positive results. In fact, that only ever leaves both parties unhappy and annoyed with each other. Therefore, in order to communicate with your significant other successfully, you need to actually trust what they are saying and give them the benefit of the doubt.
7Spending too little (or too much) time with each other
Something a lot of couples are guilty of is not being able to find the right amount of time to
spend with each other. Both too little and too much time spent with each other can be harmful to the relationship and result with dissatisfaction from both parties.
When you are not investing enough time into your relationship and end up being too distant from your significant other, you risk losing the connection with them. While it is a gradual process that takes a lot of time to fully happen, it is likely to be irreversible. Once you lose touch with your loved one, you will find it extremely difficult to reconnect.
Therefore, it is important to schedule your life in such a way that the two of you would have some time to be intimate with each other and just have some quality time together.
At the same time, however, it is vital that you do not overdo it. Being together all the time can be rather negative for your relationship. It can lead to the aforementioned dating mistakes such as making your partner the center of your universe and your boundaries being blurred out.
To put it simply, even if you love them a lot, being together too much can make you get bored of them or even make them start getting on your nerves. It is important to have an opportunity to take small breaks in your time spent together, so you would have a chance to start missing each other and then have an outburst of oxytocin when you finally see each other!
8Going with your brain and not your heart
At last but definitely not the least, love is an incredibly complicated concept. While scientists claim that love is simply a chain of chemical reactions in your brain, in reality, it is so much more than that! Love is wonderful in its spontaneity and unpredictability. And the worst thing you can do when dating somebody into a happy relationship is to try and calculate it.
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9Author: Nancy Patron
Nancy Patron is a passionate journalist who enjoys writing about psychology and human relationships. Over the course of her career, she was a regular contributor to major media publications, and currently, she serves as an editor for asianwomendating.org