Why am I still single?
Have you ever asked yourself this question? Are you still waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right to come into your life? You may think that you don’t have any control over the situation, but you actually play a large role in meeting the man or woman of your dreams.
Here are six possible reasons why you haven’t found them yet and why you’re still single.
1. You aren’t meeting new people
There comes a time when dating largely becomes a numbers game. The more single people you meet, the more likely you are to land a date and eventually hit it off with someone. If you aren’t meeting new people very often—or ever—then your chances of staying single will be greater.
Fix this by expanding your social circle. Go out to happy hour with colleagues or attend that wedding stag. Try out a new Meetup group or speed dating through an online dating site. The more people you meet, the more chances you will have of landing some dates.
See Also: 5 Tips for Effective Online Dating
2. You’re too picky
It’s just right to be choosy and selective when deciding to commit to a relationship. But, if someone asks you on a date—and they aren’t exactly your type—go anyway.
Dating a variety of individuals will expose you to different personalities and help you realize the qualities you most want in a future partner. You may find out that some traits are more important to you than you thought.
Dating will also help you get more confident and comfortable with the opposite sex. After one date, if you still aren’t feeling it, then you don’t have to go out with them again, but at least you gave it a shot and got some good experience.
3. You think all the good ones are taken
You see your best friend with a great catch and are thrilled for him. You are so happy your sister finally found someone so wonderful. But it makes you think all the good men (or women) are taken and that there’s no one left for you.
There are millions of single people in this world and a lot of them are really great. Give people a chance to show you their awesomeness. Just because a few good fish are taken, doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty other ones in the sea.
4. You’re so into yourself
Relationships require a lot of give and take from both parties. Don’t expect someone else to put all the effort in while you give nothing in return. If you are constantly thinking about your wants and needs, then maybe you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. Until you are prepared to care for someone else and put their needs above your own, live the single life.
5. You don’t put yourself out there
Dating involves risk and rejection, and while it’s scary and can be painful to be vulnerable, it’s necessary to have a healthy, intimate relationship. Your future partner is not going to just show up at your front door one day. You have to talk with strangers and ask people out. You need to be approachable and friendly in order for people to want to date you.
Think about your body language when you are out with friends. Is it open and inviting? Or closed off to the world? Being aware of simple things and making changes will make you more approachable.
See Also: 10 Ways to Make a Good First Impression
6. You’re too negative
Do you feel the need to win every argument? Are you always putting others down? Do you complain about every little thing at that restaurant you just went to?
People in general tend to like being with positive personalities. Misery loves company, but it will be a long time before someone loves you if you’re always negative. Try looking at the positive side of things, especially when out on a date. Smile often, compliment your date, relax and try to enjoy yourself.
7. You’re desperate
There are few bigger turn offs than desperation. Be careful not to have your desire for a partner come across in a negative way. Some people make the mistake of getting too far ahead of themselves and are already planning the wedding before even having the first date.
Watch out for your baggage from past relationships and personal insecurities. Don’t let it sneak out and give you the wrong expectation of having this new interest fix all your problems. Keep your desperation in check and start off with just looking to become friends.
It’s not a bad thing to be single, but if you’re looking for love and it just hasn’t come your way, then hopefully one of the items on this list resonates with you. Some of them are simple fixes and will be easy enough to change. Others may require deeper soul-searching as you figure out what kind of person you are and who you want to attract.
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Author: Dr. Kurt Smith
Dr. Kurt Smith is the Clinical Director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, a Northern California counseling practice that specializes in helping men and the women who love them. His expertise is in understanding men, their partners, and the unique relationship challenges couples face today. Dr. Kurt is a lover of dogs, sarcasm, everything outdoors, and helping those seeking to make their relationships better.