How Not To Be A “Man”

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how to be an ideal man

Addressed to men, for the benefit of women.

If you are a male and are single/divorced/separated/married but available/in an open relationship/nursing a heartache/just a plain philanderer, there is more sex/companionship/romance out there than ever.

Tinder, bumble, grinder have made sure that even the most hopeless, out of shape, out of sorts and even out of mind men have a hope of getting laid/ find a companion. If you still haven’t, read on. If you are a woman who has had the misfortune of swiping the wrong kind of men, read on, in fact share it with men in your world and save other women from the future misadventures.

I will not be sugarcoating the scenario because I am sure if I do, the message will be lost. While you try to the turn the gender gap in your favor through dating apps, let me help you become a little more worthy for the most amazing thing on this planet, a woman. Here are a few things, which may help you behave yourself better than you are capable of; and thus enhance your chances of getting much needed feminine warmth in your life.

You are not cool

No matter how many packs you have tucked under the skin-tight tee (lose the tee to begin with especially if it has a logo of the brand which is bigger than your face) or how amazing the picture is, if you think you are cool, you just aren’t. Same goes to women, too, in case any are reading this.

If you think you are hot, you are only going to attract the specimen mentioned above. It may work wonderfully, but in case you need more than that, drop the “I am hot and I know it” vibe. Pack in a bit of surprise. Let her uncover those abs at the right time, much like all the other things you think you are good at. So, next time when you feel like flexing the biceps, don’t. Give an honest smile instead, you won’t regret it.

Open the damn door!

be an ideal man

There will be more women who would be willing to go back home with you (though not necessarily for the reasons you assume) if they felt they are with a man who knows how to treat women right. Basically, women want to know how good or bad a job your mom did with you and the best reflection of that is how you treat them.

Chivalry is often misunderstood. It is not just about opening doors and pulling chairs, it’s about genuinely respecting the presence of a woman. How? Start by listening. Try not to focus too much on the cleavage and the legs, listen! She is trying to give you the master key to her bedroom while you were not paying attention. You will get ample time to check her out, if, for once, you can keep your desperate self in check and just have a conversation.

Women are great at observing your tiniest movement, so it you think a fleeting glance on her tush would go unnoticed, you are wrong. She is watching every little move that you make. If your mom wasn’t kind to you while growing up or chivalry isn’t something that comes naturally to, Google the crap out of it, seek help, talk to a therapist and practice until you get good at it. Your dating world will change forever.

Size does matter

Both, of what you pack between your legs and between your ears. When I say it matters it doesn’t mean bigger is always better (well it is indeed better than small, in both cases). Good news is there is a right fit for both. You can’t give every girl you meet on earth a shattering orgasm or a laugh. But to some you are just the right fit.

What’s worse than not packing enough is trying hard. There is no better way to kill a great conversation or sex than trying too hard to be good at it. Relax, sit back, just do what you know and if you think you don’t know enough, learn from the right sources. Women are equally insecure in the dance of mating.

In fact, their list of insecurities is far longer than yours. That said, wait for the right fit. She is somewhere around the corner and when that happens you will feel like the best hung stand-up comedian in the world or in other words, just what she wanted in a man.

See Also: The Most Common Intimacy Issues In Relationships

Truth is sexy

Vulnerability in men is the new 6-pack. There was never a better time for a man to come across as insecure, vulnerable, and defective. While the entire “man” kind is trying hard to be alpha and scaring women away, be your real self. Be honest, truthful in your failures as a human being. It only makes you relatable. Know the difference between vulnerability, pitiful, and brooding – they are not the same. Look up their meanings online.

You want to come across as a regular flawed human being, not someone who has nothing to look forward to or deserves sympathy. While women love a project or work in progress, rarely anyone would want to associate with someone who is pitiful. Also, it is tiring to keep the “sorted” pretense going. No one is sorted and everyone knows that. The more sorted you try to appear the sooner you will wear them out. Accept your flaws and let them see the real you.

Quality over quantity any day!

to be an ideal man

Okay, I am going to save you a lot of money on dates, drives, dinners, etc., which you would spend courting women who are just not your sort but you still do it out of lack of action. Desperation is a real thing, I get it, but what is going to happen when you do get in bed with someone you aren’t really into is what I call “post climactic depression”.

Firstly, sex isn’t going to be good. Secondly, you wouldn’t want to be in that bed but won’t be able to get out that easily either. Thirdly, it will just make you doubt about your sexual skill set. Better option is wait it out, follow the things that I have already mentioned and wait for the right fit.

Keep the faith you will get laid, but in this case, “how” is more important than “how many”. If you don’t want to take my word for it, go ahead, swipe right on the next available profile and learn it the hard way. Needless to say, in the road of courtship all roads must lead to a bed. Nevertheless, the journey would be way more enjoyable if we men stop acting like what we have been told a “Man” is.

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Author: Rajiev Lal

I am a life coach based in New Delhi. If you want an unbiased and uncomplicated look at your love, life, relationships, talk to me at www.rajievlal.in

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