Life creates various circumstances which either become an achievement for us or a learning. Learning, because setbacks would be too harsh a word to define the results of our mistakes.
“A story is how we construct our experiences.”
How you think of yourself and where you place your self-worth is directly related to your experiences and what you gather from those experiences. Every action and the following consequence defines how you judge yourself – thus creating a self-esteem and image of yourselves.
More often than not, you struggle to have high self-esteem because you link it with happiness. People who tend to have lower self-esteem think they are unworthy and undeserving of a lot of things in life including happiness and eventually never manage to achieve them.
Is there a way to tackle lower self- esteem?
Yes, positive attitude and a lot of practice to control your inner voice (which constantly criticizes you!) can uplift your self-esteem.
Listed below is what really affects our self-esteem and how to change them for our betterment.
Overthinking and Over-Analysing
Most of you will agree when I say that dwelling in the past and contemplating the possible future mishaps tops the list of things which brings us down.
The voice in our head loves putting things in our minds on which we have little or no control. However, we have to face that we can neither change the past nor forge a future of our choice.
Solution: What you can do instead is control what you do today to create a brighter possibility of the future. Take it one day at a time!
When you run after perfection, you not only create a false image of how the results should be but also base your happiness on it.
Running after perfection and thus making it a pre-requisite for your happiness is doing more harm than you could imagine.
Solution: Once your job is good enough, that’s when you should stop. Devoting all your time to one project wondering if your boss/colleague/professor will like it or not doesn’t help.
Avoid constantly poking at your capabilities. Doing so will hold your own self guilty and thus lead to lower self-esteem!
Comparing Yourself with Everybody
You think your colleague who got promoted because of her hard work has everything you don’t. You are probably right!
But not the in way you think.
Maybe she has had a bad childhood or is struggling with body image but still manages to cope up and puts her best into her work.
You have no idea how others’ life has been and maybe they are still coping up. Stop comparing and start appreciating.
Solution: Beating yourself down because a colleague does better than you makes no sense. Instead, focus on things which will make you better and thus help you be promoted too!
Count your own blessings.
The more you compare yourself with others, the lower you value your capabilities. Who knows? Subconsciously you lose your strengths too!
Your inner critic will always be sabotaging your actions and their outcomes.
“It’s your fault”, “You should’ve done better”, “You cannot do it – you’re too scared”, etc.
It really never ends unless you make it stop. Don’t’ let the negativity get you.
Solution: Name your inner critic and stop it the moment it starts bombarding you with discouragements. Shut that voice down. It is your choice! Appreciate yourself.
Look At the Bigger Picture
Ask yourself, “Will this failure be as important as I’m making it now a year later?”
If you can’t seem to find an answer or if the answer is no, let it go. Everybody makes mistakes. They just choose to show their successes. Playing a victim to your own actions will lead you nowhere.
Solution: Helping others or contributing to someone’s happiness is the best therapy you can get yourself. It is satisfying as well as it gives you a sense of purpose and reduces your own worries thus stabilizing your self-esteem.
Give yourself another chance or if possible, completely forgive yourself and accept that mistakes and goof-ups happen. That’s okay to happen!
Just like everybody else, you deserve better chances too. Give yourself those chances.
Solution: Self compassion is a great trait to be developed. Once you’re compassionate towards your failures and shortcomings, you realize your strengths and even give space to your weaknesses to be changed.
Being critical about your own failures and shortcomings can not only bring you down but also stop you from trying again.
Solution: Self affirmations and introspection lets you delve into the depths of your own self and realize that you can grow into a better person once you forgive your mistakes and appreciate your strengths.
Start listing down the good qualities you have in you every day and work on growing rather than finding faults. The result will be a pleasant surprise and a genuine ascent in your self-esteem!
Get Over Your Fears
Too often, it is the fear inside us that holds us back. Our fears determine our challenges and the ability to effectivlty handle them.
Fear of being not good enough, fear of being talked down, fear of not being appreciated at all, fear of rebuke, fear of failure – makes our self-esteem weaker.
Solution: Take that step to conquer your fear. Forget about how your friend will think when you say “No” to something which you don’t want to do. Do what you love and validate yourself.
See Also: 5 Steps to Regaining Confidence
Having low self esteem for too long a time sometimes results in depression. That is a fatal stage to be in.
Solution: When nothing seems to work, get help. Find friends and family who genuinely help you with your problems. If not, become your own friend – be honest and kind to yourself!
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Author: Emily Connor
I am an old psychology student and a content contributor at Quality Dissertation - http://www.qualitydissertation.co.uk I mostly love to read anything motivational or inspirational on the internet.