Dumb Little Man | Tips for Life

And like a ray of sunlight peeking through dark clouds, your inner capacity for joy will begin peeking through, brightening up your life once again.

Here are the most common negative beliefs that can limit your potential for happiness:

1. “People are either good or bad”

If you tend to see the world as either black or white, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

No one is always good (or bad). Inside every person, including you and me, are good thoughts and bad thoughts, things we are proud of having done and things we wish we could change. Someone may be a great father but a poor husband.

Another person may act out of love at home but feel bitter when she is at work. Many of us wouldn’t harm a living thing consciously, but enjoy eating meat. Contradictions are a part of life.

Here's the solution:

• Next time someone disappoints you, or you face a part of yourself that is not perfect, remind yourself that perfection is a dangerous illusion.
• Then, try to consciously recall something about the person or situation that you love. For example, if your spouse annoys the heck out of you by being messy at home, accept the anger, but also recall a specific time in the recent past when he made you happy. It could be something big, like supporting you when no one else did, or even something small, like getting you morning coffee in bed.

When you can see yourself and others as flawed but still beautiful and worthy, you will love and forgive more easily.

2. “Anyone different/unknown is weird”

To a conservative, being liberal is weird. To a vegetarian, all meat eaters seem weird. Rich folks look at poor neighborhoods with fear and mis-trust; and vice versa.

When we don’t know or understand something, it scares us.

The solution? 

When you have this reaction to something or someone, challenge yourself to learn more about it.

For example. let’s say your religion is very important to you and your daughter is dating someone of a different faith.

Rather than jump to the conclusion that you will never be able to “get” him, challenge yourself to be curious. Ask open, gentle questions about his faith and his upbringing. You don’t have to agree, but you can still try to understand.

Whenever ignorance is replaced by understanding, there is hope and possibility for joy.

3. “Believing in myself requires me to block out other opinions”

We are often told to “Stand tall”, “Believe in yourself” and “Drown out the voices that disagree.” While it’s important to stand behind your beliefs, it’s also essential to know how to react to differing opinions.

Truly successful people welcome other people’s opinions, even if they contradict their own.

Why?

Because they understand that each person has a unique perspective. And that there is often more than one right answer to a problem.

So how do you deal with this limiting belief?

Whenever I’m tempted to think my opinion is THE right one, I recall the story of the four blind men:

Four men were arguing about religion and God, each insisting that their God was the “real” one. Unable to convince one another, they went to Buddha. 

Buddha brought the four blind men to an elephant and asked them to tell him what they “see”. One man was near the trunk and thus said it is a cylinder, the next was near the stomach and so insisted it was a wall, the third was near the leg and felt sure it was a pillar and the fourth man got the tail and was adamant it was a rope. 

Buddha asked “So who is right?”

Every problem or situation has many sides to it. While yours may be true for you, other opinions can also be true.

Perspective changes everything.

4. “I have to feel whatever my thoughts tell me to”

Thoughts are extremely powerful and we’ve all felt their power at one time or another. But unhappy people are constantly overwhelmed by their thoughts and believe that if they have a sad thought, they have to feel sad.

Genuinely happy people know that thoughts are temporary, like clouds in the sky, and they often come and go randomly.

Just because you have an angry thought, you don’t have to end up feeling angry. You can choose what to do with that thought. You can either let it pass and focus on other thoughts, or you can obsess over it, making it stronger and more powerful.

The solution?

Try this out: Next time you have an unhappy thought, just acknowledge it and bring your attention to your body and the present moment.

For example, if you are at a meeting, focus on the feeling of the chair against your back or your shoes on the floor. If you are drinking something, fill your awareness with the sense of taste and smell. Then, bring your mind back to what you want to learn or take away from the meeting. As you do this, the angry thoughts will linger for a while, and then float away, to be replaced by other thoughts.

“I have to act out whatever I’m feeling.”

This is part 2 of the “thoughts-feelings-actions” loop.

For example: If you feel the urge to skip your morning work out, it doesn't mean you need to act on that feeling. You may choose to consciously skip it, because maybe it’s a saturday morning and you decide to snuggle with your kids instead. But you can also choose to work out, in spite of what you feel.

Feelings too are temporary, like thoughts. The feelings you pay attention to will stay and expand, whereas the ones you choose to let go of, will float away.

5. “Control is a part of love”

True love is freeing and unconditional. It does not seek to control, intimidate or change.

When you try to control your loved ones, you will slowly but surely lose them. Real love is about open listening, positive regard, and encouraging autonomy, while being available to protect and support. It’s a delicate balance. And people who know how to do it well are rewarded with loyalty and trust.

Unhappy people try to control others. They worry that without the control, the other person will leave them.

The solution?

Learn to love others freely. But before you can love others, you have to love yourself. If this is a struggle for you, I highly recommend reading this article for some powerful ways to begin the journey.

6. “More is better”

Many of us have almost unlimited choices in many areas of our life, from politics and education to fashion, so why then are we unhappier than ever before?

I spent much of my 20‘s chasing after things and achievements. Yes, they gave me some happiness, but it was always be temporary. When the happiness wore off, I chased after something else, hoping this new thing would finally lead to lasting happiness. It took me a few years to really understand that I could not buy my way to true joy.

Happiness is internal, a way of thinking.

So, what's the solution to "more is better"?

If you think that you can achieve happiness by acquiring more or having more choices, please do yourself a favor and watch this short TED talk by psychologist Barry Schwartz.

It will blow your mind.

7. “The worst things always happen to me”

Do you often feel like you are singled out for life’s miseries?

Do you feel like you always seem to get the short end of the stick?

If you do, check out this true story:

One day, the son of a wealthy merchant fell into a well and was saved by a passing farmer who heard his cries for help. The merchant came to thank the farmer for saving his son’s life, and offered him money as a reward. 

The farmer declined to take money but agreed to the merchant's offer to educate the poor farmer’s son for free. The boy was brilliant and loved to learn and eventually grew up to be Alexander Fleming, who discovered penicillin. 

A few decades later, the rich merchant’s son caught pneumonia. This usually meant death in those times, but he was saved by the penicillin that Alexander had just discovered. 

The boy had a full recovery, and grew up to be Winston Churchill.

In every situation, there is a silver lining. What seems like the worst luck today, may indeed save your life tomorrow. And as Carl Sagan said, “We are all star dust.” Every living thing is connected and each of us have our share of suffering.

So remember to look for the silver lining in your difficulties.

Your life is a garden and these negative beliefs are like weeds. If you allow it, they will take over and destroy your life. So begin weeding them out of your mind today and make room for joy to take root and grow.

Because you deserve it.

You will find endless blogs and articles filled with advice and ideas, but really there is only one real easy solution to making our lives better – and most people do everything they can to avoid it.

Here are three simple steps to solving many problems in your life.

Step #1: Be honest

Stop and be honest with yourself. Tell yourself the truth about how you feel about a certain situation, a relationship, a job or something in your life that isn’t as you say you would like it to be.

Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? If you’re bitching, moaning or blaming, clearly it feels uncomfortable and you might feel guilty.

It’s called ‘the uncomfortable truth’ for a reason, and there is some responsibility for you to own.

Step #2: Take personal responsibility

Taking responsibility is not about saying, ‘Everything is my fault; I’m bad, I’m wrong’: if you’re doing this then you’re just blaming, shaming and persecuting yourself.

Instead, it is about putting your hands up and acknowledging that you have chosen to behave in a certain way, which may have been a mistake (whether conscious or unconscious) at the time, but now you are taking responsibility for that behaviour.

Saying it out loud, being honest and telling the truth to other people about that choice or action is part of taking responsibility, because it makes it real.

Step #3: Take action

Once something is real and out there, we can’t avoid it, so we have to choose how to deal with it. The answer is not always to make changes but can simply be to accept what is.

Accept that we don’t actually want to change, so we don’t have to keep pretending to want something that we don’t. Or, if we do want change, then we can take action – whether that is apologising, or changing your behaviour, or doing something new and different.

These three steps can be applied to almost any problem, so here are a few examples…

Are you sick of not losing weight?

Honestly, I adore food; I love chocolate and have a sweet tooth. The truth is, I am not willing to give them up. I take responsibility for my health by doing plenty of exercise and drinking lots of water, and I balance things out by eating plenty of greens and healthy food too, but I will never be a skinny size 6 – and that is my choice.

I choose to be healthy and fit. There is no point bitching and moaning if my weight increases, as no one else is to blame for my jeans getting tight. When they do, I sometimes choose to cut back on sugar-based food for a bit and increase the amount of exercise I do.

If you are not happy with your weight and you really want to lose some, it is simple: be honest with yourself about your food intake (how much and what kind) and weight. Take responsibility and take action by eating less crap, eating smaller portions and exercising more, so that you burn off more than you eat.

Are you fed up with your debts?

I struggled with debt for a long time and I still have some which I am paying off. I hate debt, but I am not in debt because I spend too much, as I struggle to spend money on myself.

Instead, for a long time I undervalued and undersold myself, as I didn’t want to accept my real value and so I settled for what I was given. Therefore, I was always struggling financially to survive.

Taking responsibility and action meant learning to respect myself more, and my value, so that I could demonstrate to other people how to do the same by charging more, asking for more, demanding more, and selling and promoting myself more to get a fair value in relation to my skills, knowledge and experience.

This meant I had to be honest with everyone about who I am and what I can bring to the table.

Many people who accept low-paid or non-challenging jobs are in the same situation; often they are really miserable, bored and scared of trying something new so they choose to undervalue themselves. Instead, they can choose to take responsibility and action by getting more qualifications, choosing to face their fear and trying something more challenging to increase their skills.

Of course, the opposite is true too – some people simply spend more than they earn and waste money on things they don’t actually need (food, rent/mortgage, and other basics don’t count) but things that they want. It is your choice to change that, or to accept that you don’t want to change things and spend less.

No more bitching and moaning: just accept that you choose to have debts like a noose around your neck: they are still your responsibility to pay off.

Are you unhappy in your relationship?

There must be trust and honesty in a loving relationship. Trust grows from honesty. All loving relationships develop and thrive, not because people don’t make mistakes, get cross and frustrated or hurt each other, but because they do.

When both people take personal responsibility for their actions and behaviour, and are honest with their feelings, apologising and making amends if they haven’t demonstrated love to themselves or the other person, then that is when relationships grow.

I struggled in relationships for a long time because I took responsibility for everyone else’s mistakes as well as my own, and became untrusting of the other party because it felt as if I was the only one who made mistakes and I was to blame.

By being honest with myself, I could take responsibility for the fact that I had chosen to play the role of the victim because I was afraid of standing up for myself and telling people how I felt.

Learning to voice my feelings calmly and clearly meant that the other person could take responsibility for their actions if they chose to, and I could choose to either forgive or move on.

The same can be said about not having relationships: some people may moan about the opposite sex and complain that they are single because they never meet any good men/woman – when, in truth, they don’t put themselves out there in places or ways to meet ‘good’ people, because deep down they actually want to be single; maybe because it’s safer, but don’t want to admit it.

Learning a new skill or achieving a goal

I started learning to play the piano two years ago; I had said for so long that I wished I had learned as a child. In honesty, that was because I wished I could do something I could enjoy – but I didn’t want to put in the hard work, time and practice to become good at it. I took lessons for a year and, even though I enjoyed parts of my lessons, I still didn’t really want to practice and do the homework.

After I finally decided to end the lessons, I only touched the keyboard once in the following year! The pleasure and achievement didn’t seem to outweigh the struggle of practicing.

So, in truth, I didn’t want to do it anymore.

Ever since I have been honest and accepted the truth, I have stopped feeling guilty about it. I may change my mind again in time and try again, and that’s OK too.

On the other hand, I acknowledge that (unlike playing the piano), I love to surf, but I didn’t practice for a while and so my surfing skills and fitness have deteriorated.

That really annoys me, so I cut back on the sweet foods and have been getting in the sea more to practice.

So is it time for you to uncover the uncomfortable truth that you’ve been avoiding, and find out what you can take responsibility for?

It’s your choice to act, make a change, make amends for any wrongdoing, or just plain accept the truth that you don’t want to change and that actually deep down you’re OK with that part of your life.

I don’t believe this is a bad thing, nor do I believe these thoughts to be completely under my control. I tried several techniques to change or stop my negative thoughts.

What didn't work

Replace a negative thought with a positive thought.

“I can’t study for another hour.”
“I can study for another hour!”

Five minutes of studying later...

“Nope I can’t. I’m too tired.”

Textbook closed and I’m looking up the latest NBA Power Rankings.

I also tried focusing cues, reframing, positive imagery and plenty more mental techniques, but nothing seemed to stick.

It just isn’t realistic to stop thinking negatively altogether. I eventually realized the issue was not my thoughts; it was my inability to separate my thoughts from my behavior. I needed to become an observer of my thoughts and an active participant in my behaviors.

Thoughts alone achieve nothing. It is the action we take that achieves everything. Thoughts are useful for solving math problems, analyzing scenarios, developing business plans, etc… But it is not until these thoughts are put to action that they become useful.

For example, I am walking down the street and I see someone getting mugged in an alley, and I say to myself, “Run over there and help this person out!” however, I just keep walking and don’t do a damn thing despite my “positive thought”.

I was thinking positively yet did nothing to help this person in need. My issue was not the content of my thoughts; it was a lack of commitment to my thoughts. This lack of commitment can be problematic in situations like this, and beneficial when the content of our thoughts are self-deprecating.

What are thoughts anyway? 

Thoughts are a bunch of letters, grouped together into words, grouped together into sentences, and these letters, words and sentences are given meaning by… us.

If we gave them their meaning, how do certain words, phrases or sentences supposedly affect our behavior? Because we allow them to!

This is the issue. 

There are times when we feel sad, think ‘negatively’ without much control of our own. Our behavior directly affects our lives. So why spend so much time attempting to change our thoughts, when they have zero direct impact on our lives?

Committing to our values consistently is essential to our mental health, and there are times when you will have to push yourself through some negative internal states.

In order to do this, it takes self-awareness of thoughts and commitment to valued action.

The 5 Step Process

Here is my 5-step process to act in a valued direction while experience negative thoughts and/or emotions:

1. “I can’t walk.” exercise.  Simply walk around wherever you are, and say, “I can’t walk”. Say it to yourself and then say it out loud while walking. Although this may seem silly, you are actually training your mind to distinguish between thoughts that are helpful and those that are not.
2. Separate thoughts from behavior in other simple tasks. For the next week or two choose 2 to 3 activities that you know you can do with no problem and say out loud or in your head “I can’t ________.” This could be “I can’t brush my teeth for 30 seconds.” “I can’t get out of this chair”. “I can’t walk up this stair.” It doesn’t matter what activity you choose as long as it is easy and you say, “I can’t _______” while performing the activity.
   
   Take note of how connected you are to your thoughts. Notice how it was the first time you did this exercise to the next. You will begin to see a difference in your feelings as you practice this activity. However the point is not to eliminate negative thoughts, it is to act how you want in the presence of these negative internal states. 
3. Increase the difficulty. As you notice the impact of your thoughts lessening, increase the difficulty of the activity slightly. VERY SLIGHTLY. If you were brushing your teeth for 30 seconds while saying that you can’t, increase it to 40 seconds. Or if you said, “I can’t walk for 1 minute straight”, try lightly jogging for 1 minute straight while saying you can’t. 
4. Observe ‘bad moods’ and 'negative thoughts.' Simply notice negative content that goes through your head as if you were reading it from a book. Pay attention to your thoughts and recognize that they are not in control of your behavior. 
5. Appreciate your experience. Lastly, appreciate these experiences and let them be a reminder that you’re human. Embrace the range of thoughts and emotions that you can experience. Accept them and move in your valued direction.

Use these tips and notice your life improve.

Now over to you. 

Have you tried these yourself? 

What have you found to be the most effective?

I had feasted on too much rah-rah advice about how to be awesome and epic and remarkable and revolutionary and badass.

It made me feel exhausted and helpless.

But why?

Why did the stuff that was meant to leave me feeling inspired end up doing the opposite?  Because I'm a loser. That was my first thought.

But it didn't feel right

So I reassessed. As I paced in front of a window and stared at the open sky, it dawned on me.  Self-help had turned into escapism.

Reading about personal development allowed me to experience boosts to my self-esteem without the inconvenience or discomfort of actually taking action or using the advice. But the highs didn't last. Like a junkie, I had to keep indulging to keep from crashing.

But here's what really distressed me: As a blogger, I've contributed a lot of my own self-help advice. Did that make me a hypocrite? Was I a pusher?

Ouch.

I realized that the truth about self-help is sometimes pretty stark. Very little of this stuff sticks unless you take an active role in making it stick.

But I learned something else while researching why

From the standpoint of generating lasting inspiration, our brains respond better to stories of conflict and struggle in the pursuit of something than they do to lists of motivational rules meant to bring bliss and success. Scientists have discovered that our brains are hard-wired for storytelling (i.e., tales of trouble).

In his review of Jonathan Gottschall's book The Storytelling Animal, David Eagleman writes, "Story not only sticks, it mesmerizes."

So maybe the story you tell yourself about your dreams and your pursuits is the key to making inspiration stick. Maybe all that good advice needs a good story to go with it.  This is not a simple proposition, especially when you feel heavier than a sad clown on Jupiter.

It takes effort to tease out the kind of story that'll work. You can't just snap your fingers, tell yourself you're Luke Skywalker, and expect a hero's inspired sense of purpose. I've already tried.

Instead, here's a process that has worked for me (your mileage may vary):

Disconnect

I sometimes have to cut myself off—completely.

No Internet. 

No self-help books. 

No motivational pollution. 

Just me alone with my thoughts for a while.  Admittedly, this is hard. My work requires connection. And I'm always looking for another fix.

I have to do it though. I have to let myself unplug and crash. Only then can I even start to feel the freedom to be inspired again.

Take a long walk with a friend 

I'm sad to say it. I haven't done this in many—many—months. So I need to follow my own clichéd advice.

Few things are better at stirring my imagination and enthusiasm for tackling what's before me. When I was a kid,this was a sure-fire way to make me feel powerful and full of momentum. It still has that effect.  But it has to be with a genuine friend who knows me. Not a mere acquaintance.

I have to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and talk through my dreams and hopes and fears. I have to listen. And I have to do the same for my friend.

Take a long walk alone

Like many of you, I walked to and from school a lot growing up. Unless a freezing wind was blowing, I enjoyed those walks. They gave me a chance to process my day and brainstorm how I fit into the world.

As an adult, I don't do this as often. But when I do, I experience deep satisfaction from transcending a long distance under my own power. It clears my head and gives me the emotional space I need to push forward.

Watch your favorite "against-all-odds" movie

For me, it's the original Karate Kid. Or Rocky. Or both. (Not at the same time.)

This goes back to the point about storytelling. Our brains allow us to receive the same kind of boost from a fictional hero's triumph as what we'd feel ourselves in real life.

I find that it provides just the kind of spark I need to start gaining back my lost momentum.

Reaffirm your dream in writing

I'm always amazed to discover what I actually think instead of what I think I think. Writing down my thoughts, unedited, allows me to capture what's really going on in my mind (and in myheart). Nobody else has to see.

I release my thoughts and feelings from the prison of my mind and let them take shape in a way I can more easily understand. It's a better way to identify what I truly want.

With that knowledge, I then reaffirm those dreams or goals on the page. Then I put it all away in a secret place and loosen my control over the desired outcomes.

(Staying inspired, for me, requires having a mind free of many of its future-oriented concerns. I always know my dreams are available when I need to remember them.)

Make it bigger than you

I have a nasty, ugly, monster-mutant of an ego inside me that tries to make life all about him. The more I allow him to have expression, the less inspired or motivated I feel.

The world gets very small when it's just about me. In fact, it's suffocating. The only remedy is to step outside of my selfish concerns by caring about and doing good things for other people. I have to allow my dreams to morph a little for the service of the world beyond my narrow expression of "I."

I've found that the quickest way to experience a boost of inspiration is to help someone else solve a problem or surprise somebody with unexpected generosity. It can be something as simple as expressing gratitude to someone for the small ways he or she delights me.

Then I use that boost to help me imagine how my dreams and personal goals can have positive meaning or impact for other people and the earth that sustains me. Doing so feels good. It's the kind of feeling I want to have stick around.

For most of us, inspiration doesn't live long inside the hollow vacuum of greed and selfish accumulation of our individual desires. We are each a part of the world, not the world itself.

Establish your meaningful quest

When I was in the sixth grade, I co-wrote and illustrated three "epic" choose-your-own adventure books with my best friend.

The experience forced me to think about the unexpected pathways created by our decisions and the uncomfortable fact that our choices can never provide us with certainty. Anything can happen, no matter how safe a given path looks from the outset.

Being involved in the creation of such a story is exciting. Inspiring even.

Just as in a choose-your-own adventure book, life makes us the protagonists in our own stories. We might not get to choose every plot point or every ending, but we do often have a say in choosing a general direction or theme.

We get to co-write our own personal narratives. We get to be the heroes who don't give up in the face of lots of bad days or enormous obstacles or paths that have dead-ends. We get to do it all for more than just us. We get to try to save our corners of the world in our own special ways.

When I'm the hero of my story, I accept challenges more readily. I brave my fears more often. I care more about riding the adventure than dreaming (and stewing) about the outcome.

Ruthlessly curate your mentors

I struggle with this one. Shiny new gurus draw me into their shiny happy places all the time. If I'm not careful (which I'm often not), I soon feel like…well, you read the beginning of this post, right?

I have to remember that no blog or book or podcast or seminar is going to move me past my hang-ups. Personal development bloggers and life coaches can show me possible paths. But it's up to me to choose which one to walk.

Then I actually have to take action. I can't just keep accumulating new maps.

So it's important to be selective. If I want to stay inspired on my quest, then I have to acknowledge that my mind only hasspace for a few good mentors.

My mentors shouldn't just tell me what I want to hear. They should challenge me. They should help me deepen my narrative and push it further. And they shouldn't care whether or not I call them master or give them money or retweet their platitudes.

In my experience, the best mentors are the ones who make me laugh, not the ones who take themselves or anything else too seriously. I'm serious enough already.

I don't need more rules

I've got plenty of those. I need mentors who encourage me to play and explore and get dirty and scraped up. But they can't act all holier-than-thou if I choose not to.

Ultimately, my destination may not be the one I dream about. It's freeing to be OK with that.

I'm the hero in a story not yet told. It's being written now. Part of it is even in my own handwriting.

That inspires me.

What about you?

How do you make inspiration stick?

Naturally, I should pair the two together and express my life philosophies in words.

This feeling began in December of 2011.

So what took me so long?

Fear.

I was scared and kept making excuses.

I never took the leap because I was afraid I’d be humiliated by sheer silence after pouring my heart out.

I was scared that I’d be wasting my time and end up not enjoying what I was doing. What if I said the wrong things?

It’s crazy because I clearly wanted to start. Every day I would picture myself typing away at the keyboard, pouring my life stories, bleeding honesty, and putting it all into one article to transition them into profound advice.

I envisioned the hours I would spend researching how to run a website, grow it, maintain it, and make it great. These were the images running through my head every night as I showered.

It made me smile to imagine people reading my writing. I would be making a difference and I would be creating something of value.

I never did anything about this feeling

Or at least I didn’t for the longest time. Over a year went by with me fantasizing about starting.

Then suddenly, I decided to start in early 2013. I took the first step and since then, my life has been changing for the better.

Here’s why.

Starting my website forced me to learn TONS of new skills. It just so happens they transitioned well into the real world and it allowed me to build up my résumé.  Armed with a résumé that now actually had words, I began to seek internship opportunities. I quickly secured three internships, which I’m still with today because I marketed myself as someone who is willing to learn.

These internships led to connections and tossed me into environments where entrepreneurs and technological wizards were common. Four months ago, I didn’t know a single person who knew what WordPress was, but now, I know people who have tons of experience and can work WordPress like it’s nothing.

Even more doors are opening for me now

Just recently, a company approached me and they actually want to pay me to write, which is something I already love doing. This all began because I decided to take one small chance.

Taking a chance taught me three things.

1. One step can change your life

Even if you think something will just be a hobby or it’ll have little to no effect on your life, it’s worth trying. You really have no idea how big of a snowball effect something can have.

Most people in your life probably want you to succeed.

If you keep at something or if you produce 100 small actions a YEAR, there is bound to be something that catches on to create more and more momentum in your life.

2. Inaction is the worst thing

What you need to realize is that fear of failure, rejection, or any other paralyzing attributes are normal. However, that doesn’t mean you get to sit around and do nothing about it.

Train yourself to believe that inaction is the worst thing ever. Think of it this way, if you fail, you don’t get the desired outcome. Nothing happens, besides maybe a hit to your ego.

Then remind yourself that if you don’t take action, the outcome is the same as failing. Nothing happens. So when you don’t take action, you automatically default into no results.

Guess what? At least when you take that leap of faith, you have a fighting chance. If you fail then you fail, but when you succeed, you’re going to feel amazing and reap the benefits.

3. You can learn so much

Chances are, you don’t know everything. I take that back, OF COURSE you don’t know everything. Life wouldn’t be as fun if you were omniscient.

If something feels like a lot of work or if it’s something that you know nothing about, take the effort in learning through others or teaching yourself. You’re going to become a smarter, more educated person and you may even be able to leverage your newfound knowledge like I did.

Do you really want to be stagnant and pass on opportunities because it will take a lot of work to learn?

No, of course not.

There is so much to learn, so much to do, so get out and explore the unknown.

Here's something I want to ask you: What is holding you back from taking a chance?

Leave a comment below with your answer.

His best selling book, ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ was sweeping the business and self help community. Everyone wanted to make the shift from quantity to quality. And it all seemed to rest upon the character of their staff.

Tucked away in an airport hotel conference room, I gathered with staff members from a diverse background of organizations. That first morning was the toughest.

We were uncomfortable, and of course we were all sizing each other up and comparing. By mid day we were split into teams and began breaking the ice. When we got to the seventh principal, “Sharpen The Saw” it finally began to sink in. Our lives are a direct reflection of the preparation we make to live; we have to sharpen our saw!

Sun Tzu, author of the famed ‘Art of War’ said, “Even the finest sword plunged into salt water will eventually rust.” We all are born with an innate ability, quality or gift.

But what separates the average and ordinary from those who make history and leave legacies is the time invested to hone those skills. If you’ve ever worked with a dull tool you know exactly what I am talking about.

Try carving meat with a blunt knife or cutting down a tree branch with a dull axe. The duller the tool, the more strength is wasted. By staying sharp, we keep an edge that makes us better individuals. We perform tasks with a certain pride that speaks from the place of our noble purpose.

Here are a few ways to make sure you are staying sharp:

• Staying sharp starts with a mindset that is active: In a society encumbered with 24 hour access to everything in the world via the internet, it is very easy to get home and simply want to ‘veg’ out on the couch. But a mind in motion tends to stay in motion. What increases our success is when we active mentally. Reading, family interaction and listening to audio books are a great way to stay mentally limber.
• Staying sharp gets easier with the right company: Essentially we are who we connect with. Whether for good or bad, our environment plays a major role in our daily behavior. If you want to get sloppy and dull, hang with people who have no drive or goals. They will influence you to slow down and smell life’s roses. At their pace, you soon find you are behind in pursuit of your dreams. That’s why we must be around those that challenge us, provoke us to excellence to do and be our very best.
• Staying sharp won’t always be comfortable: If you think about it, sharpening a kitchen knife involved a clashing. It is the friction that does the sharpening. So we need to understand that sometimes to grow, a mentor, a friend or co worker may need to brush against us to create the friction. This friction is what causes our growth. We are better because others held us to a higher standard and expectation. We can’t conceive development without it.

It’s been a few years and jobs ago since that eye opening session.

But through the years of working with customers ranging from patients at a hospital, brides needing wedding consultations to clients needing interior design suggestions I have held onto Mr. Covey’s principles. In particular sharpen the saw.

It’s helped me embrace some tough situations because I knew the friction was only making me better.

With this truth, I hope your perspective get’s a good sharpening.

See you at the TOP!
Early Jackson

The idea therefore is to create a balance between the two, and you would eventually be surprised as to how one can positively influence the other.

Live by the work-life balance and you will never have to worry about one or the other. To start with, here are few tips from the most successful people put together for you to achieve the most out of both - your life and your enterprise:

Do what you love

As clichéd as it may sound, you really need to enjoy whatever it is that you are doing professionally. If you're leading a business, then apart from the general criteria, a successful businessman is someone who gets thrilled at every closure and strategizes to take the business to new heights. If you don’t feel burdened by your work, you are more likely to enjoy and be happy in your professional life.

Set goals

Aside from the main business objectives chalked out, you must set specific goals for yourself and your team. Goals should be short, medium, and long term. A goal is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow- it motivates you to work harder. Also, having a goal gives you an idea of what to do and hence you do not waste a lot of time.

Delegate

‘It’s MY business and I will cater to every aspect of it’ is the worst mistake any professional can make. Whether you have a small scale business or are engaged in a job where you can get someone else to help you out - delegate!

First, this gives you more time to take care of the more important things, and second, when you delegate you're giving someone work in an area they are best in. Therefore your business significantly improves.

Avoid overtime

Working overtime may contribute in the short run, but you are going to wear yourself out. Staying holed up in the office during a weekend is a sign of a weak professional.

Take breaks, go on vacations, party on the weekends, take days off. Make sure you do have a life outside of work.

Focus on what’s important

How many times have you found yourself lacking focus in whatever it is that you're doing?  With business deals, money matters, employee issues, marketing changes, there are times when you just feel so stuffed up in the head that you just can't take the next step.

Relax, calm down, and write everything that is in your head on a piece of paper.

Now focus on what’s most important in this very moment, what is it that you must do now and what can be put off for later?

Remember, it is work and life, not work or life.

Here's how you can start overcoming fear:

1. Be aware of fear in your life. Before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to admit that you have it. Perhaps fear is your "normal," and that is quite a bit to overcome all at once.  Write down some aspects of your life where have fear.  Getting your fears down on paper is important, because trying to simply think them through never works.
2. Stare at fearless people.  Fill your brain with images of what you want your "future self" to look like.  Connect with as many role models as you can, whether in person, through a book, or online.  Use these examples as an energy source to combat your fear.
3. Be objective. Take an interest in investigating your fears. Ask yourself about what thoughts generate your fear, where you feel the fear, and how you react to it. Try to be an objective observer of your own life.
4. Be willing to look stupid. Remember:  Wayne Gretzky fell on his tail a ton; Itzhak Perlman has had horrible performances.  But once you are willing to risk the emotional pain of making mistakes, you will shed more fear than you ever imagined.  Know that making mistakes will help you obtain information you use to create the correct behaviors.  Everyone who has ever done something great has failed more than once.
5. Adopt a mindset of gratitude. Whenever you feel fear, instead try and feel grateful. I have been performing a lot of solos recently, and it is scary!  Instead of freaking out, I have decided to be grateful for the opportunity to communicate musically with so many people, and I know that they are there to genuinely listen to me play and root me on.
6. Seek out teachers. It's never too late to have a teacher; we are never done learning.  Seek out someone who scares you a little, not a polite person who makes you feel warm and fuzzy always.  Seek out someone who watches you closely, is brutally honest, and who gives clear directions on how you can get better at whatever scares you.
7. Share. How often do we hold the negative in because we are afraid of how others might react?  Sharing helps, because you will realize that many people feel the same way as you do, and have stories to share as well.  Do you have a fear of success, or a fear of failure?  Sharing with someone can help you examine what you truly want from life, and where your fears come from.
8. Embrace struggle. Most of us instinctively avoid struggle, because it feels like failure, and that scares us.  But the term "no pain, no gain" holds true.  To develop our skills, it is a necessity that we struggle, so we must embrace it.  Once we struggle, fear slowly disintegrates. 
9. Read. My personal favorite. Reading a good book related to your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I constantly fill my world with a lot of motivational and inspirational books on and around the topic I’m dealing with.
10. Use visualization. Imagine yourself in a scary situation without fear. Watch people do things fearlessly that would normally freak you out.  Visualize yourself as that person.  Create a very clear picture of fearlessness in your mind.
11. Put things in perspective. Putting your negative thoughts in perspective is a huge way to overcome fear. In the big scheme of life, why are you afraid of something? While you are freaking out about something, life is moving on without you.  It helps to remember this sometimes.
12. Release control. Of course we want to be in control, but when we relinquish it we tend to free ourselves up.  Allow yourself to make mistakes.  After all, that's where the learning and growth really happens.  We learn from our failures, but to fail we need to release control.
13. Think about worst case. What’s the worst that could happen? I have crumbled on stage in front of hundreds of people.  My wife still loved me; I lived. Life goes on.
14. Look within. What is the root of your fear? Meditate on it. Look inside and ask yourself when the fear started. How far back does your fear go? Did you have an early failure that has stuck with you?  Explore it.  That's what life is all about.

Overcoming fear requires a growth mindset; an attitude that we can grow and change if we choose. Nothing is "locked in" forever; we can change.

It takes time and practice.

Hopefully the tips above will help you begin your journey to ditch fear.

Have our stomachs expanded to hold more?

Have we developed a new intestine we didn’t know about?

Any way you look at it, we need more to be satisfied. Yes, that means more soda, popcorn, and fries, but it also means more sex, booze, television, information, and noise. More from our spouses, families, friends and employees. More from ourselves, too. More to be happy. Successful. Fulfilled.

It’s no wonder more people than ever are embracing minimalism, the simple idea of needing less and living more. A call to go without.

Personally, I find it long overdue, especially now that I have my iPad and the new iPhone 5, proving that minimalism is much more inviting when we already have what we want.

Of course, the truth is, most of us are more likely to embrace minimalism when times are tough, which is why recessions are such fertile recruiting grounds for new minimalists. As soon as we lose our jobs, or the bank account empties, we all start running for Walden Pond.

And that’s not a horrible thing. It’s how life often works. With struggle comes the opportunity to turn misfortunes into a path toward greater meaning.

However, I will argue that minimalism shouldn’t be a knee-jerk response to tough times. It’s not just Plan B for the next financial crisis.

In fact, minimalism is the new Plan A. The new rallying cry to live life more consciously.

But, make no mistake. I’m not talking about a “get off the grid and make your own cheese” kind of minimalism. This is the all new and improved minimalism. It’s softer, gentler and doesn’t care if you keep your iPad.

Here are three suggestions to get you started today.

Tip #1: Keep The Ferrari. Lose The Attachment.

“The secret of happiness is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” - Socrates

The New Minimalism isn’t about going without, scaling down, or denying our selves. And if that means you want a Ferrari or a hundred dollar pair of underwear, go for it.

The new minimalism is about being able to own stuff without the stuff owning us.

Our possessions aren’t good or bad. It’s only our attachment to the possessions that brings us suffering. And that’s true whether we’re talking about a one-room studio or a mansion on the beach.

Most of us can’t define attachment, but we know the feeling when it hits.

It’s that wince of pain you get as you see a scratch on your new car. The way your eyes swell when you drop your iPhone in the toilet. It’s buying what we can’t afford, chasing what we don’t need, believing we need to own “something” to feel complete.

It’s a nasty maze to be caught in, and there’s only one way to escape.

We need to prove to ourselves that our “things” won’t bring us happiness. We all know it’s true. Intellectually, at least. But, deep down, most of us don’t really buy into it.

It might look good on a bumper sticker, but it’s tough “to live”, especially when we know how awesome those silver studded Prada shoes would look on our feet. How much our golf game would improve with that new set of clubs.

Cars. Vacations. Gigantic TV’s. We like our stuff.

Now, don’t panic. I’m not suggesting we put up the garage sale signs just yet, or join the nearest Amish community. We don’t need to get rid of our possessions. We just need to prove we can live without them.

Grab my hand and we’ll do it together. Cold Turkey. For one month.

We’ll begin with that time honored minimalist pledge to stop buying or using anything new, expensive, or shiny. That means it’s time to put away all the good stuff. The gems. The showpieces.

But, don’t stop there. Once you’ve done that, find cheap alternatives to take their place. I’m talking about using the crappiest, oldest, ugliest, most out of date stuff you can find. The stuff you’re embarrassed to admit you own.

While this will be different for each of us, it’s all essentially the same thing. Use much less than you’d like to use.

Use your grandfather’s cell phone, drive your kid’s car, take rapid transportation. Wear old clothes or beaten up shoes, use broken golf clubs or last year’s equipment. Drag out that old TV that’s sitting in your garage. Lock up the iPad, put away the jewelry, and swap out that expensive bottle of wine for the 4-dollar twist-off they sell at the gas station.

Get creative.

And, remember, this isn’t a punishment. It’s liberation. We’re trying to feel what it’s like to not need anything. It’s a challenge to live life differently—to declare that it’s not what we own that makes us happy, but what we do with what we own.

It’s Kryptonite for the recession, as well as a path to a simpler life.

Tip #2: Consume Less

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” - Will Rogers

The new minimalism doesn’t just ask us to lose attachment to our possessions, but to become less needy of all life. We can do this by simply consuming less of the resources around us.

This doesn’t mean we have to dismantle our heaters, or start filtering our urine for drinking water. But, we can certainly lower the thermostat 4 degrees and put on a sweater. We can turn off the water when we brush our teeth. We can use less paper towels, plastic, and electricity.

Shorter showers. Larger laundry loads. We can finish the last drop of shampoo. Scrape the bottom of the peanut butter jar.

We can put less on the plate, less in the head, and less on our schedules. We can cut down on television, newspapers, movies and maybe even stop buying books until we’ve finished the one we’re reading.

There are so many areas in our lives where we can consume less. Find your own ways. But, don’t look at it as flogging yourself with deprivation. The idea is to simply ask yourself what you need to get by, and to feel happy and fulfilled.

Choose the least amount possible and a fraction more, and you’ll officially become a member of the new minimalism movement. Please join us at the all-you-can-eat minimalist buffet, where they’re serving absolutely nothing.

Tip #3: Fill Up Your Space With More

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” - Leonardo da Vinci

This is the big one, my friends.

There are a lot of things we consume in this world, but none is bigger than space. Now, I realize logic would suggest that we all take up roughly the same amount of physical space. But, the truth is, we each take up different amounts, depending on what we do with the space we’re given. How we live our lives.

Sure, we may support our family, pay our taxes, or even volunteer once in a while, but that’s not always enough. Sometimes we need to do more.

And, yes, finally there is a “more” we can embrace. A “more” that will free us from all the other “mores.”

The ultimate challenge for the new minimalist is to stop sucking up priceless oxygen without giving anything in return. It is a challenge to fill the space we’re given with positive energy, and our own unique brand of enthusiasm, compassion and love.

It’s our challenge to start living a life where we will continuously look for new ways to contribute to the world. Is there a neighbor who needs a hand? A cause we could join? A friend who needs a shoulder to lean on?

How can we give more of our time, talent and skills, our hearts, minds and spirits, so that we can make this a better world?

This is the new minimalism. Giving more than we get. Putting in more than we take out.

Live this way and our lives will become more rich and meaningful than we could have ever imagined.
Oh, and guess what…go ahead and keep all your toys as a parting gift from the universe. Enjoy to your hearts content.

Just don’t be surprised if you wake up one day and realize they don’t mean as much as they once did.

Don’t be surprised if the next time you drop your iPhone into the toilet, you just stand there and smile.
That’s the feeling of freedom.

It’s the face of the all new and improved minimalism.

Whether you are training for an ultra marathon, starting a business or running a successful blog, cultivating good habits is the key to mastery.

But this is easier said than done.

Most of us go through our entire lives under the control of external circumstances, as opposed to being at cause for creating the life we want to live.

We find it near impossible to build good habits because we spend every day floating down the river of life with no oars.

Empowering habits allow us to take charge of our destiny by controlling our daily activities so that we no longer have to be a victim to the roller coaster of our feelings. The compound effect of those actions over time leads to the life of our dreams.

Follow these 9 steps to transform success from uncertainty to inevitability.

1. Take 100% responsibility for your life

Our only true freedom is to choose our response and our attitude to the events that occur every day, especially when those events are outside of our control.

To practice 100% responsibility, choose to create an empowering meaning to any event, find the value in it and move forward in a manner that improves the quality of your life. This is as opposed to being a victim that blames, complains or whines about circumstances.

2. Define a compelling why

Without a strong reason to drive you in changing your habits, it is near impossible to do so. Viktor Frankl once said, “Those who have a why to live for, can bear with almost any how.”

I have adapted that to say “those who have a why to live for, will create almost any how.” The purpose behind your desire to change a habit is the fuel that will keep you going when things get tough. It is the driving force for change.

3. Believe in your ability to succeed

Henry Ford said it best, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Belief is the root of change. The strongest force in human behavior is the need to act in line with our self-identity or our belief of who we are. To change a habit, you must believe that you can actually do it.

One way to create this belief is to log all the successes you have ever achieved in your life. From first learning how to tie your shoelace to graduating high school, whatever it may be, celebrate your successes to show yourself that you are capable of greatness.

Prove to yourself that you can do anything you put your mind to. Anchor in that state of unstoppable confidence and then condition the anchor over time.

4. Become aware of your habit cycle

MIT researchers have found that all habits consist of three elements: a cue, a routine and a reward. If you find yourself drinking a few beers every day after work and you want to change that habit, figure out how your actions fit into the habit cycle.

The cue could be coming home from work at 6:00pm. The routine may be taking off your shoes and your coat, sitting on your couch, kicking up your feet and opening up a beer. To figure out the reward…

5. Experiment with different routines that meet the same reward

Using the above example, the reward could be a variety of things. It may be the high from the alcohol, or it may be a release from the stress of work, or it may be relaxation. The key to breaking bad habits is to keep the cue and the reward the same, but change the routine.

To gain awareness on your individual habit cycle, write down your cues, routines and rewards while you are in the cycle. Then, experiment with different routines that offer the same reward. The reward may not be what you first think it is, so be sure to get very clear on the reward by writing it down every time you engage in the habit. Once you are clear on the pleasure from the behavior, then...

6. Interrupt the old patterns

Often our habits are so conditioned into our being that we move through those patterns without any thought or consciousness as to what we are doing. Interrupting the old patterns creates a space for new ones. A few ways to interrupt your pattern are to shock yourself or say something outrageous that makes you laugh or interrupt it through some physical action.

One woman put a can of dog food next to her fridge to interrupt her pattern every time she reached out for some junk food. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination. The goal is to get you out of a preprogrammed way of being by engaging in a behavior that shocks you, so as to change your state and facilitate the transition into another pattern.

7. Celebrate the little successes

No matter how small or large, celebrate every single victory. We are no different from Pavlov’s dogs; it is just as easy to condition an associated response to an event in human beings as it is in dogs.

By celebrating the little successes, we are simply conditioning the association between a positive emotion and the desired habit, thus reinforcing to our subconscious mind that this new habit equals pleasure. The emotion then starts to drive our actions, which in time leads to a new habit.

8. Build a team

Success is a team sport. No one does it alone. That is why programs like AA are so successful in aiding the recovery of alcoholics. That is also why some of he most successful people in the world, from Henry Ford to Tony Robbins to Napoleon Hill, all created mastermind groups.

The reason why most people fail to change a bad habit is because they have no one holding them accountable for it. Find people to support you, or use stickk.com, and you will exponentially increase your chance for success.

9. Condition the new habit for at least 30 days

NASA researchers have found that it takes an uninterrupted period of 25-30 days for the brain to create a new neural pathway. In one experiment, NASA had a group of astronauts wear convex goggles that made everything appear upside down for 30 days. Much to their surprise, they found that after 25-30 days, all the astronauts started seeing the world the right way up, even with the goggles on. In a follow-up study, half the astronauts took off the goggles for one day after wearing them for 15 days in a row.

It then took another 25-30 days for their brains to form the neural pathway that made the world look the right way up again. To condition a habit for long-term success, practice the new habit for 30 days in a row without any interruptions. Focus on one habit at a time to reduce overwhelm and increase your chance for success.

Have you been able to create new habits that are still with you today? 

We would love to hear your experiences with getting rid of bad habits in the comments below.

It’s nice to be good at something but I’m always looking for the next thing to occupy my brain for training.

When I train my brain, I believe that I’m doing something good for me, as opposed to sitting stagnant, watching reality television.

I firmly believe that training your brain is just as important as training your physical stamina. Increasing one’s intelligence is never a bad idea, and there are many ways to do it.

1. Patterns, exercises, puzzles

Your brain thrives on patterns. When listening to music, do you ever notice the syncopation of the drum beat and work it out in your head?

Do you ever organize your spare change according to denomination and then chalk it up to OCD?

You’re actually exercising your brain. Routinely playing brain teasers such as Sudoku or cross-word puzzles can increase your intelligence as well as your deductive reasoning.

2. Master a talent (or at least attempt to)

Some of the smartest people I know are musicians or artists. Finding an outlet for your thoughts and emotions can help you sort out the more subconscious thoughts and bring them up to the surface.

To master anything, it takes a LOT of practice. Practice usually involves repetition and that’s just what the brain needs.

3. Jogging makes you smart?

Everything in the body is connected. If you are usually sitting down, not really doing much physical exertion, your brain isn’t going to get much action, so to speak.

A healthy heart can mean a healthy brain. The endorphins your body releases from exercise are also good for your brain.

4. Forever a student

Education is usually the first thing people think of when intelligence comes into question. Obviously, the more you know, the smarter you become.

Learning something new is a no-brainer (pardon the pun) to becoming more intelligent, but the most important thing is what you do with that education and applying it in your life.

5. Get out there and experience life

You won’t absorb very much new information if you only stick with what you know.

You will learn so much more on a vacation to the cottage or a backpacking trip in the wilderness than you will staying home. Life experience is better than related experiences.

Taking a break to sort your thoughts can greatly benefit your intelligence. You take something away from every experience, good or bad and you learn from them.

Never give up on your intelligence, and never be afraid to try something new.

Life’s too short, and the world welcomes smart people!

Not that being orderly is wrong, but a life sentenced to "ordinary" can be mind-numbing. Mankind was created for something much greater than carving out a meager existence.

What happened to the days before technology? The days when we could entertain ourselves by going outside with one of our mother's towels wrapped around our necks and for hours we engaged in the battle of the Super Friends.

Where a stick was King Arthur's sword or a water pistol made us the Lone Ranger. We didn't need a Facebook or a Twitter account because our day was filled with playing tag.

We felt carefree when we allowed our minds to run free with the moment. But something happened. Life became complicated. We matured and decided with the assistance of society that "playing around" was simply kid's stuff.

The truth is, we still have that desire to put on our cape or grab a cowboy hat and flee outside to meet with our friends.

But between bills, pressures, status quo and deadlines, we shrug off the notion and bury our heads back in our laptops until we fall asleep. But what if this was never the way it was meant to be?

Have you noticed the people we celebrate as innovative or successful seem to almost do it in a playful way? They tapped into a part of themselves that found passion and joy in their so-called work. While others dread another day, they bounce out of bed with vibrancy that makes us jealous.

These are the adults who found the secret to it all - their imagination. They aren't working as much as they are playing make-believe. And the world is their playground.

Here are some benefits of playing make-believe as an adult:

1. There is an element of fun in all they do. When you see someone who is engaged in their imagination, they are able to flow through a task with a smile on their face. Unlike others, they even see challenges as an opportunity to learn something new.
2. It seems very little gets you upset or off-center when you play. When we were kids, hardly anything could spoil our fun. If something broke, we would make something else. If we didn't have all the pieces to the game, we would make up new rules. Today, get back in touch with the part of you that just felt happy to have this moment, and enjoy it.
3. With imagination, everyone is a potential playmate. Have you ever watched kids play? Things like stereotypes, judgments and biases are not in their makeup. These entire hangups are taught to us as we grow. But those who are in touch with their imagination see everything and everyone in a different light. As kids we just wanted to play, no matter who it was.

I know we can't abandon our jobs and family responsibilities to hang out all day in a club house. There are things we must take care of as we work to support and provide the best for our loved ones.

But what we can do is take moments out of every day to engage in proactive imagination where we give ourselves permission to dream big, fly high and reach mountain tops.

What could happen if we launch our minds higher than the dull noise level we currently operate in? Imagination will give our hopes new meaning and release us to conquer the world.

You ask yourself what you have to do to evict this little monster from your brain.

Well, if you’ve tried everything else, I’d like to suggest a different solution for you. Instead of trying to resist your gremlin, why not embrace it?

Impossible? I beg to differ.

Here’s a three-step plan to developing a positive relationship with your inner gremlin.

1. Recognize Your Inner Gremlin is a Part of You

We completely forget our inner gremlin is not actually a gremlin, but a part of ourselves.

Essentially, all of those arguments you’ve been having with it were arguments with yourself. Instead of having an antagonistic relationship with yourself, wouldn’t you rather have a compassionate and understanding relationship?

I truly believe that our inner gremlin isn’t trying to hurt us. Since we’ve established that our inner gremlin is a part of us, it seems silly that we would hurt ourselves on purpose. I believe it’s trying to help us in the only way it knows how: by scaring us into submission so we don’t have the audacity to do anything that might hurt ourselves.

It might be a crappy companion, but its intentions are good.

Step 1: Recognize that your inner gremlin is not some evil furry creature bouncing about your brain wrecking havoc. It’s an extension of yourself, and I think we can all agree that you deserve kindness and compassion.

2. Identify the Source of its Concerns

You might be wondering how this evil demon could possibly be trying to help you. It’s true that I was skeptical about this revelation myself until I really thought about it.

There are lots of reasons your inner gremlin may want to intervene into your life.

Here are a few of them.

1. Keeps You In Alignment With Your Beliefs (Especially When Those Beliefs are Limiting)

When your Gremlin sees that you're about to do something that goes against your own rules, it steps in and stops you. After all, they are your rules whether you set them consciously or unconsciously.

For example, if you feel like you 'should' look a certain way, then your gremlin is going to make sure you never forget it. If you feel like you 'should' have a certain career, your gremlin isn't going to let you do anything else without putting up a fight.

Your Gremlin follows your lead. If you believe you 'should' do or be something, it’s going to push you hard to make it happen. When you become or do these things, you’ll finally feel better about yourself (or so your gremlin seems to think).

2. Accomplishment Via Whip Cracking

Unconsciously we rely on our gremlin for tough love motivation. This can work as long as you never mess up. Ever.

For most of us, mistakes are inevitable. We do the best we can with what we have and what we know, but no one knows perfection.

Your gremlin doesn't split hairs. If you aren't achieving what you believe you should achieve, or if you're failing, it's going to let you know in a big way.

3. Softening the Blows of Rejection and Failure

Your gremlin figures that if they tell you that you're unable to do anything, then you either won't do it or you'll at least be prepared when you fail. When you don't try anything, you never have to fear failure. However, you also never know what success feels like

Again, if you're going into an uncertain situation, your gremlin is ready to prepare you for rejection by telling you how stupid, ugly, useless, and unimportant you are. By getting the worst of it over with, you'll be prepared for whatever rejection comes at you from anyone else.

Step 2: Take a moment to listen to what it’s saying. Write it down and try to see it from an objective perspective. Ask yourself what form of pain or what kind of negative situation it wants to prevent you from experiencing. Once you identify what it’s trying to protect you from, you’re ready for the final step.

3. Talk it Down by Reaffirming Your Capability

Instead of yelling at your gremlin, ignoring it, or blowing bubbles filled with positive words at it, I want you to have a heart to heart with your gremlin.

Before going into this conversation, understand that its intentions may be misguided, but they are good. Treat it like an overprotective sibling or friend. Don’t get mad at it, have compassion and empathy for it. It’s scared for you and it doesn’t want you hurt. It’s touching really.

Once you’re in the right frame of mind, you’re ready to confront it. Go deep into your subconscious or wherever you believe your gremlin lives, and tell it that you truly appreciate its concern, but you can handle whatever it wants to save you from.

Continue by telling it all the reasons its worry is unfounded and why everything it’s saying isn’t true. If you couldn’t tell yet, it’s a form of positive self-talk, but instead of talking to your ‘self’ as you perceive it, you’re talking to your ‘gremlin-self.’

Finish up by letting your gremlin know you’re glad it’s there for you, but you really don’t need its help, and you’re more than capable, worthy, and intelligent enough to get through things on your own.

Don’t stop until it’s thoroughly convinced.

Step 3: Talk to your gremlin and let it know how much you appreciate it watching your back, but you’re more than capable to face life full on, without it’s help. Convince it of your capability, and watch as it fades away, no longer of any use to you in that moment.