Dumb Little Man | Tips for Life

1. Set a Schedule

When you have vague goals and plans, it is not easy to work towards achieving them.

So, the first step in improving your focus is to make sure your goals are clear and your plans are well thought out and most importantly, that you have a schedule for every step of the way.

For example, saying you want to spend more time with your parents is vague – write it down as “I will call my parents every Wednesday and Friday and meet them on Sunday.”

A schedule ensures you have a clear picture of what you need to do and this makes it easier to focus and actually perform the necessary actions. Some people even find that using their Smartphone to set reminders or alarms for a particular task work out very well.

2. Stop Procrastinating

When there is something you need to do to achieve a goal, do it at once. Stop procrastinating.

Doing something right away is beneficial in two ways – for one, it allows you to get the task done and more importantly, you do not block valuable mind space with thoughts of having to do the task you postponed doing.

Often, it is the starting that is difficult; once you begin, the actions just flow and before you know it, the job will be completed.

If you have decided to write a few lines in your diary every evening, don’t postpone it until after you watch your favorite late-night show; take a few minutes before the show and get it done and over with.

3. Focus on Less

Having too many things to do is a sure fire recipe for a lack of focus – no sooner do you start one task than your mind starts thinking of another. This eats away at your time as well as your concentration.

If you face this problem, make it a habit to jot down the tasks that come into your mind and pick three or four that are the most important right now.

Of these, take up one at a time and focus on accomplishing the goals related to the task; once that is over, move to the next item on your list.

4. Get Back on Track When You Slip

You wake up early and exercise for about a week. Then, because you work a lot, you "forget" to exercise for three days.

Your mind will tell you that you have ruined your wonderful routine and trick you into pushing off getting back to your routine until the next week, or until this important project is over or….you get the idea; before you can realize it, your focus is gone.

The best way to avoid being trapped like this is to tell yourself it was a busy three days, but now, you have to start exercising again.

5. Learn to Delegate

If there is an event and the organizer tries to do everything himself, do you think he can really focus on all the tasks?

Definitely not – that is the reason why there are committees and sub-committees to whom the organizer can delegate tasks while he focuses on the larger picture. Doing something well does not mean you have to do it on your own. In fact, this approach is often counterproductive because of your inability to pay attention to so many jobs simultaneously.

Instead, identify the jobs you are good at doing and focus on them. For all other areas – delegate.

6. Team Up

Sometimes, it can be helpful to work with a friend or a relative who is also trying to build focus. Tell each other about your goals and plans and set up a system of catching up a few times a week to see how well each one is sticking to their decisions.

Often, this external motivation will help you develop focus faster than working on your own.

As most of us realize in hindsight, it is not important to merely have goals – you have to actually take action.

Think well and think hard about why you have something on your goal list. Write down these reasons.

Read this list frequently to get the motivation you need to stick to your quest for success.

I had feasted on too much rah-rah advice about how to be awesome and epic and remarkable and revolutionary and badass.

It made me feel exhausted and helpless.

But why?

Why did the stuff that was meant to leave me feeling inspired end up doing the opposite?  Because I'm a loser. That was my first thought.

But it didn't feel right

So I reassessed. As I paced in front of a window and stared at the open sky, it dawned on me.  Self-help had turned into escapism.

Reading about personal development allowed me to experience boosts to my self-esteem without the inconvenience or discomfort of actually taking action or using the advice. But the highs didn't last. Like a junkie, I had to keep indulging to keep from crashing.

But here's what really distressed me: As a blogger, I've contributed a lot of my own self-help advice. Did that make me a hypocrite? Was I a pusher?

Ouch.

I realized that the truth about self-help is sometimes pretty stark. Very little of this stuff sticks unless you take an active role in making it stick.

But I learned something else while researching why

From the standpoint of generating lasting inspiration, our brains respond better to stories of conflict and struggle in the pursuit of something than they do to lists of motivational rules meant to bring bliss and success. Scientists have discovered that our brains are hard-wired for storytelling (i.e., tales of trouble).

In his review of Jonathan Gottschall's book The Storytelling Animal, David Eagleman writes, "Story not only sticks, it mesmerizes."

So maybe the story you tell yourself about your dreams and your pursuits is the key to making inspiration stick. Maybe all that good advice needs a good story to go with it.  This is not a simple proposition, especially when you feel heavier than a sad clown on Jupiter.

It takes effort to tease out the kind of story that'll work. You can't just snap your fingers, tell yourself you're Luke Skywalker, and expect a hero's inspired sense of purpose. I've already tried.

Instead, here's a process that has worked for me (your mileage may vary):

Disconnect

I sometimes have to cut myself off—completely.

No Internet. 

No self-help books. 

No motivational pollution. 

Just me alone with my thoughts for a while.  Admittedly, this is hard. My work requires connection. And I'm always looking for another fix.

I have to do it though. I have to let myself unplug and crash. Only then can I even start to feel the freedom to be inspired again.

Take a long walk with a friend 

I'm sad to say it. I haven't done this in many—many—months. So I need to follow my own clichéd advice.

Few things are better at stirring my imagination and enthusiasm for tackling what's before me. When I was a kid,this was a sure-fire way to make me feel powerful and full of momentum. It still has that effect.  But it has to be with a genuine friend who knows me. Not a mere acquaintance.

I have to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and talk through my dreams and hopes and fears. I have to listen. And I have to do the same for my friend.

Take a long walk alone

Like many of you, I walked to and from school a lot growing up. Unless a freezing wind was blowing, I enjoyed those walks. They gave me a chance to process my day and brainstorm how I fit into the world.

As an adult, I don't do this as often. But when I do, I experience deep satisfaction from transcending a long distance under my own power. It clears my head and gives me the emotional space I need to push forward.

Watch your favorite "against-all-odds" movie

For me, it's the original Karate Kid. Or Rocky. Or both. (Not at the same time.)

This goes back to the point about storytelling. Our brains allow us to receive the same kind of boost from a fictional hero's triumph as what we'd feel ourselves in real life.

I find that it provides just the kind of spark I need to start gaining back my lost momentum.

Reaffirm your dream in writing

I'm always amazed to discover what I actually think instead of what I think I think. Writing down my thoughts, unedited, allows me to capture what's really going on in my mind (and in myheart). Nobody else has to see.

I release my thoughts and feelings from the prison of my mind and let them take shape in a way I can more easily understand. It's a better way to identify what I truly want.

With that knowledge, I then reaffirm those dreams or goals on the page. Then I put it all away in a secret place and loosen my control over the desired outcomes.

(Staying inspired, for me, requires having a mind free of many of its future-oriented concerns. I always know my dreams are available when I need to remember them.)

Make it bigger than you

I have a nasty, ugly, monster-mutant of an ego inside me that tries to make life all about him. The more I allow him to have expression, the less inspired or motivated I feel.

The world gets very small when it's just about me. In fact, it's suffocating. The only remedy is to step outside of my selfish concerns by caring about and doing good things for other people. I have to allow my dreams to morph a little for the service of the world beyond my narrow expression of "I."

I've found that the quickest way to experience a boost of inspiration is to help someone else solve a problem or surprise somebody with unexpected generosity. It can be something as simple as expressing gratitude to someone for the small ways he or she delights me.

Then I use that boost to help me imagine how my dreams and personal goals can have positive meaning or impact for other people and the earth that sustains me. Doing so feels good. It's the kind of feeling I want to have stick around.

For most of us, inspiration doesn't live long inside the hollow vacuum of greed and selfish accumulation of our individual desires. We are each a part of the world, not the world itself.

Establish your meaningful quest

When I was in the sixth grade, I co-wrote and illustrated three "epic" choose-your-own adventure books with my best friend.

The experience forced me to think about the unexpected pathways created by our decisions and the uncomfortable fact that our choices can never provide us with certainty. Anything can happen, no matter how safe a given path looks from the outset.

Being involved in the creation of such a story is exciting. Inspiring even.

Just as in a choose-your-own adventure book, life makes us the protagonists in our own stories. We might not get to choose every plot point or every ending, but we do often have a say in choosing a general direction or theme.

We get to co-write our own personal narratives. We get to be the heroes who don't give up in the face of lots of bad days or enormous obstacles or paths that have dead-ends. We get to do it all for more than just us. We get to try to save our corners of the world in our own special ways.

When I'm the hero of my story, I accept challenges more readily. I brave my fears more often. I care more about riding the adventure than dreaming (and stewing) about the outcome.

Ruthlessly curate your mentors

I struggle with this one. Shiny new gurus draw me into their shiny happy places all the time. If I'm not careful (which I'm often not), I soon feel like…well, you read the beginning of this post, right?

I have to remember that no blog or book or podcast or seminar is going to move me past my hang-ups. Personal development bloggers and life coaches can show me possible paths. But it's up to me to choose which one to walk.

Then I actually have to take action. I can't just keep accumulating new maps.

So it's important to be selective. If I want to stay inspired on my quest, then I have to acknowledge that my mind only hasspace for a few good mentors.

My mentors shouldn't just tell me what I want to hear. They should challenge me. They should help me deepen my narrative and push it further. And they shouldn't care whether or not I call them master or give them money or retweet their platitudes.

In my experience, the best mentors are the ones who make me laugh, not the ones who take themselves or anything else too seriously. I'm serious enough already.

I don't need more rules

I've got plenty of those. I need mentors who encourage me to play and explore and get dirty and scraped up. But they can't act all holier-than-thou if I choose not to.

Ultimately, my destination may not be the one I dream about. It's freeing to be OK with that.

I'm the hero in a story not yet told. It's being written now. Part of it is even in my own handwriting.

That inspires me.

What about you?

How do you make inspiration stick?

Set the date in advance and stick to it

Conditions will never be just right to make that first run: the warm, cozy bed will always have increased gravity in the morning and there will always be something urgent to do after work.

So instead of waiting for the fabled “I feel like going for a run” moment, I have set the date two weeks in advance, marked it on the calendar and in my mind committed to it, no matter what.

When the day came, I was surprised that there was still snow outside in April, but for me there was no backing away.

Don’t worry about performance for the first few runs

There’s no doubt about it – starting to move after winter can be difficult. So for the first few runs it’s really not about achieving particular results but getting off our butts and into our running shoes.

To make sure I follow through I made it easy for myself: for the first few runs my goal was to just go out running, even if it meant running around the house for a minute. Interestingly, when the pressure is off, it becomes easier to perform and my first runs where rather satisfying.

Prepare equipment in advance

I still remember my first few tries to go out running last year: in the morning I would force myself to wake up early and then spend 15 minutes trying to find my shoes, choosing the right clothes and another 30 minutes setting the right playlist to listen to while running.

This was both a hassle and exhausting emotionally.

This year, the night before my first run I have set all the equipment next to my bed: smartphone with the playlist prepared, running shoes, clothes, bottled water. This way in the morning I had no time to talk myself out of running.

Plan your track

One thing that used to keep me from running in the past was that I wasn’t sure where to run after I leave the house as there are no proper tracks near my home.

So this year, the day before my first scheduled run, I spent an hour walking around and planning where to run next morning. Also, while walking I visualized running in these locations. This simple action removed a huge mental block and visualizing made me excited about the whole process.

Consider sharing this experience with a friend

I have to admit, for me running is a personal experience, almost like meditation so I prefer to do it alone. For some, it’s a social activity. And if you plan to run with a friend, a quick tip: schedule a meet up place and time the evening before and agree not to contact each other in the morning.

However, if you prefer to run solo, like me, I would highly recommend downloading a free app like Nike+ and joining their community of runners.

You’ll be able to log and track your runs and easily share your results. Everything’s more fun when it’s a game and maybe sharing your results will help motivate some of your friends to also pick up this amazing activity.

I hope you've found these tips as useful as they were to me.

So when is your first run this season?

The idea therefore is to create a balance between the two, and you would eventually be surprised as to how one can positively influence the other.

Live by the work-life balance and you will never have to worry about one or the other. To start with, here are few tips from the most successful people put together for you to achieve the most out of both - your life and your enterprise:

Do what you love

As clichéd as it may sound, you really need to enjoy whatever it is that you are doing professionally. If you're leading a business, then apart from the general criteria, a successful businessman is someone who gets thrilled at every closure and strategizes to take the business to new heights. If you don’t feel burdened by your work, you are more likely to enjoy and be happy in your professional life.

Set goals

Aside from the main business objectives chalked out, you must set specific goals for yourself and your team. Goals should be short, medium, and long term. A goal is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow- it motivates you to work harder. Also, having a goal gives you an idea of what to do and hence you do not waste a lot of time.

Delegate

‘It’s MY business and I will cater to every aspect of it’ is the worst mistake any professional can make. Whether you have a small scale business or are engaged in a job where you can get someone else to help you out - delegate!

First, this gives you more time to take care of the more important things, and second, when you delegate you're giving someone work in an area they are best in. Therefore your business significantly improves.

Avoid overtime

Working overtime may contribute in the short run, but you are going to wear yourself out. Staying holed up in the office during a weekend is a sign of a weak professional.

Take breaks, go on vacations, party on the weekends, take days off. Make sure you do have a life outside of work.

Focus on what’s important

How many times have you found yourself lacking focus in whatever it is that you're doing?  With business deals, money matters, employee issues, marketing changes, there are times when you just feel so stuffed up in the head that you just can't take the next step.

Relax, calm down, and write everything that is in your head on a piece of paper.

Now focus on what’s most important in this very moment, what is it that you must do now and what can be put off for later?

Remember, it is work and life, not work or life.

Here are some practical steps you can do right now to push yourself to action.

1. Throw your hat over the wall

Do you remember being on the playground in elementary school when some idiot threw the ball over the fence?

Then everyone got together and decided who had to hop the fence and get it? Let's use this example in today's life. Throwing your hat over the wall means completing an action that forces you to get started on a goal.

Let's say you've been wanting to get in shape for awhile but haven't came up with the motivation. Do this right now: go buy a 3 month membership to your local gym.

Congrats, you've just thrown your hat over the wall, now go get it. Look for simple actions that will force you to get motivated to act.

2. Make the consequences unbearable

Did you know most people would rather protect their assets than risk gaining more? This is human nature but sometimes it goes against our best interest.

This technique is similar to the first but stands out on this principle: if you don't accomplish your goal, there will be consequences.

Here's a good example. Let's stick with the exercise theme and say you posted on Facebook how you are going to post pictures of your 'new' self in 60 days. Okay, so now you have a challenge. What will be more painful?

You being sore from the gym or the embarrassment of you shirtless on Facebook? What scenario can you create to make the consequences of not accomplishing a goal more painful than taking action?

3. Envision 

There was once a man who was very fast and would race people for money in his small village. One day another man approached him and challenged him to a race. The challenger asked the fast man just how he was so fast. The man answered, "When I'm racing, I picture a wolf chasing me.", "Ah" replied the challenger.

They both lined up 200 yards away to begin the showdown. Bam! Went the gun and the two started off. The fast man was ahead at first but then from the corner of his eye the saw the challenger blow past him and cleared the finish line right in front of him.

After the race, the fast man approached him and asked how he was so fast. The challenger replied, "Well you see. When I run, I picture myself chasing the wolf".

Envision the feeling of actually accomplishing your goal and then chase that feeling like the wolf.

4. Set aside something until you accomplish the mission

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Sometimes to just go without something is a great motivator. If I told every woman that they could not eat chocolate until they've lost 5lbs the gym would be a massacre.

What's something that you really like that you could give up?

Could it be no more internet browsing until you've written your term paper? This is a great way to build willpower as well as motivate.

5. Start the snowball

What does every large snowball have in common? They were all started by a single snowflake. This is a momentum builder.

What small task can you do right now that you can keep building on until you've conquered your goal?

This may be hard because if you lack the motivation to do anything in the first place. So use one of the other tactics first then implement this one to get going.

Let's say you want to start a pet grooming business. It may seem overwhelming at first. What would be the smallest action you can take that you can build on?

How about reading a pet grooming book or just seeking out potential rental space?

Once you do take action however, you'll see the momentum carry you to the finish line.

Are you really waiting tables so you can act every evening and break into Hollywood?

When others doubt you

You may be doubting yourself and questioning your own dreams. Are you broke, lost and confused? Do you have it in you to make it happen?

Even worse, what will Jack down the street, his Mom and dog think of you? What do your parents tell their friends when they meet their friends for evening tennis?

“Little Annie is back-packing in Hungary? Johnny’s writing ebooks on his blog from remote locations?”

Unfortunately when you’re chasing dreams, others may try to bust them, block them, fight them, snatch them, stomp them away.

Because many believe that dreamers are losers.

Dreamers are poor. Confused, Unstable, Out of touch. Lost sense with what matters in the world.

Dreamers don’t do 9 to 5.

Dreamers sleep in the afternoons and work when there’s work to be done.

Dreamers don’t live lives that others live.

Dreams don’t do status quo. Or steady jobs. Or what’s been tried before. They fall. They get up. They fall some more. They get up some more. They almost look like they like falling because they like getting up. Getting up a little higher each time. Each time they get up quicker, higher, wiser.

But the doubters and haters only see the fall. Not the rising.

How to combat resistance  

If you’re someone chasing your dream, you know that the resistance is strong. Everyone who gives you advice has a team of doubters and dream-crushers on their side.

Who do you have? Just you.

When they tell you that you should be doing something else with your life. Smile. Thank them for the advice and tell them you’ll consider what they say. They are wise and experienced so you will take their advice under consideration.

Very careful consideration. Of course, you’re going to consider how to make your dream come true. When they roll their eyes and laugh at your dream. Laugh along with them.

They laugh because they think they know better and you’re setting your life up for failure.

You laugh because you know a life not spent pursuing your dream is failure.

When they tell you about so and so, and his brother…

Oh, John and his two Ph.d’s. Ann and her move to New York to start work at that large accounting firm.  When you hear about others, think about what the non-dreamers are missing out on.

Yes, they’ll value their paycheck but they’ll soon lose sight of what they value in life. Yes, they’re on a career-rise but a life-crisis is around the corner.  Hear the stories of the so-called-successes because you’ll want to know the trap they’re falling into. You’ll want to know details because you might be the one who really has to be there for them when they stumble.

You’ll want to know what NOT to do with your life.

When they give you unsolicited advice 

They’ll try to squash your dreams and bring your life to an orderly and respectable place. They will give you advice and tips that starts at your dream and veers you way off track.

“Yes, you should go to Italy, finish that cooking course, and travel around Europe. Then, you can come back, stop blogging and apply for grad school.”

A technology start-up sounds like a terrific idea. You can start up everything you want after dental school.”

Hear out their advice out, then tell them what your dream is. Again.

When they tell you, you suck

Not everyone will be a cheer-leader for your dreams. Most will be nay-sayers. “What do you mean you’re painting – you’re a horrible painter!”

“Why would you ever consider business? You sold 0 lemonade cups during those summers growing up.”

Listen to them. Then figure out how you’re really going to achieve their dream. Turn their hate and doubt into your fuel for action. Double down on your dream. Do no let them define you. Do not let them crush your dream.

You keep dreaming. You keep crushing it.

Keep writing. Keep telling your story. Keep learning. Keep improving. Keep doing. Keep moving. Continue with what your heart tells you and refuse to allow your detractors to stop you.

Know that you when you pursue your dream, you will be in line with your destiny. When you achieve your dream, you will inspire and help others around you accelerate theirs.

Pursuing your dreams will inspire your kids and the children of your generation. It will inspire the doubters and the haters. If you refuse to stop, they can’t stop you when you’ve made it.

Keep your dream alive. Fight for your dream. So others will be inspired to fight for theirs.

1. Not determining persuasive reasons for setting and reaching goals.

 “Why am I doing this?”

You need to define a clear and convincing answer for this before you even start listing down your goals.

Your answer will be your anchor to help you stay put and stay on the right track, especially when things get rough.

It will serve as your number one motivational factor. Look back on it often so you will be reminded why you’ve set a goal in the first place. If you fail to do so, you might lose the appetite to continue or even start on your goals.

2. Not realizing the benefits that come from reaching your goals.

You already know that you have a great reward waiting for you once you’ve reached your goal(s).

For example, you are aware that you can be healthier once you have obtained your aim of losing 10 pounds for each month of year 2013.

But, think of other benefits that may come along with your “main” reward; things like, self-confidence, a great body, attractiveness, become an inspiration to other people, improved self-control, rejuvenated spirit, great eating habits, and so forth. List all good things that may happen to you or you can get from reaching each goal.

List as many as you can. 

The mere looking at that list can give you enough motivation to start and continue working on your goals. Review your list often so you will have a continuous push towards the end of your journey.

3. Not realizing the consequences of not reaching your goals.

Realizing and writing down all the benefits of achieving a goal is as vital as realizing the bad things that may happen if you fail or refuse to set goals.

This list, though it contains negative things that might happen, it can motivate you. For example, for your weight loss goal for 2013 you list down: hating yourself, disappointing your family, losing the confidence of friends, suffering a fatal disease, or dying young.

Make it as scary and as undesirable as possible, but factual.

Once you’ve realized that those are the consequences of not being successful in that particular goal, the scary feeling you may feel at first can turn into a strong desire to work on losing that 10 pounds every single month simply because you do not want those things to happen to you.

Also, include things you will miss if you do not set goals or fail to reach them. This list however, can have a negative impact on you. It can make you upset or depressed if you're not careful.

Study how negative things can create positive impact, because they do. This is like the principle behind converting stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

4. Not evaluating your level of readiness. 

Being ready is the first step to success.

You cannot win any competition, pass any exam, become rich, have a happy marriage, have a fit and healthy body, or reach any goal, if you are not prepared. In setting any goal, you need to determine how prepared you are physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, or financially.

Being emotionally prepared is the most important because even if you lack money, you lack support from family and friends, or you are physically ill, if your emotions and spirit are strong, and indestructible, you can surpass anything and do anything.

Be ready to be criticized, discouraged, mocked, or laughed at. Because when you are emotionally weak, your motivation may melt, your heart can be broken, and your spirit can shatter, which will make it impossible for you to be successful.

Also, you need to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, your knowledge and skills, even the help and assistance available for you. Sort and list them all down.

This way you can have an idea of how prepared you are before “going to a war.”  Yes, working on your goals can be like a war and you cannot triumph over it unless you are prepared.

5. Not learning from both yours and other people’s mistakes and failures.

One smart way to avoid obstacles is by studying your route; things like puddles, stones, sharp or blind curves, debris, or rough and bumpy parts of the road.

The same principle applies in goal setting. Review your past failures and make sure you improve and do not repeat the things you did poorly. This is a great way of looking at and dealing with failure.

Instead of losing hope and quitting because you fail, convert that unpleasant experience and feeling into something productive and motivational.
   
Also, learn from other people’s mistakes or failures in setting goals. It’s wiser to know and avoid possible challenges because you heard and learned them from other people rather than messing up first and learning from it.

If one of these mistakes are made, then before even starting you are setting yourself up to fail.

There are 5 key goal-setting mistakes that you need to avoid in 2013.

1. Your goal is too general or too vague

If you have done any kind of goal-setting before you’re bound to have come across the SMART technique of goal-setting. SMART still prevails as the number one method for goal-setting and for good reason.

To quickly summarise for those that do not know,  SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.

If your goal is not specific and it is ambiguous in some way, how will you know when you have actually achieved your goal?

How do you actually know if you’re heading in the right direction?

For example, if your goal is to ‘become fit’, how do you actually know when you are fit? Are you taking tests? Is it when you can run 8 kilometres without stopping?

You should be able to measure your goals and track your progress. If you can’t, then it’s probably too vague.

2. Your goal is too difficult and not realistic

The SMART principle once again comes into play here.

All too often people set themselves goals that are far too stretching, either in competency and skill level, or in terms of time.

For someone to have a goal of writing a novel in the next 6 months without having any kind of previous experience would be extremely difficult (depending on the size of the novel and whether it’s to be published or not).

When the goal is beyond reachable, it simply acts as a de-motivator. Negative thoughts enter the mind and disbelief kicks in. This is the opposite of what a good structured goal should do.

Ensure your goal is achievable and realistic. Set small targets along the way so you can track your progress.

If you feel you are falling behind, reset your goal to something that is more realistic. There is no shame in reviewing and revising your goals. In fact, this is something you should be doing.

3. You are not committed to your goal

Many people set certain goals in life because they feel they have to.

For example, people set goals for achieving certain grades, for getting particular careers or meeting certain people.

However, on many occasions these are not the goals that the individual is actually passionate about.

The goals set are not aligned with their values nor are they their own goals – the goals are those that their parents or society wants them to have.

If you are not fully committed to your goal upfront, then you’re doomed from the start. You will lack the motivation and desire to actually achieve the goal.

Instead, think about what’s most important to you in your life.

These are the things that you will be excited and energized by and you will actually be motivated to achieve.

4. You don’t have a plan to reach your goal

If you fail to plan then you plan to fail.

If your goal is to start an online business, that’s fantastic. However, how are you actually going to achieve it?

You need to map your way towards your goal and with as much clarity as you can.

Sometimes clarity can be cloudy as you may have a lack of knowledge or skill in what it is that you want to achieve. However you can start to map the things that you can do to help you learn and grow and progress to where it is that you want to go.

For example, if you take the goal above of establishing your own online business, you might set yourself a target of reading 3 books and participating in 2 online forums that discuss online business.

Breaking your goals into smaller steps is essential for helping you track your progress. In addition, from a psychological point of view, breaking down your goals helps to motivate you and ensure that your goals are realistic and attainable.

5. You don’t take action

Without taking action you won’t get anywhere. Taking action is the most important part of any goal.

Even if you take action and you find you’re not getting anywhere, you can learn from your experience. Reflect and ask yourself the question ‘why am I not getting the results I want to achieve?’

Taking action not only progresses you towards your goals, but it helps you learn from your mistakes. I have no doubt that I will fail on many of the goals I have set myself – initially.

However, I also know that I will eventually reach those goals as my past experiences will help to build up my confidence, knowledge and skills in the things that I plan to achieve.

Taking action, learning from your mistakes and persistence are the keys to reaching your goals in 2013.

Why?

Well, it is simply because most people do not set goals.

However, even if we do, it does not guarantee achievement and success. You have to do things the right way.

You need to pay the price. Anything great necessitates hard work.

But in this article, we will discuss the not-so ideal things that make you fail and not reach your goals.

1. Setting goals that are too big. 
   
   Goals bigger than you may just leave you exhausted but not victorious. Goals that are too big are those beyond your skills, knowledge, and capabilities, or even beyond your control and influence. You need to assess yourself, the things you know, the things you are good at and base your goals from them. Measure your capabilities. Do not set goals that seem impossible to achieve.
2. Setting goals that are too small. 
   
   Setting goals that are too small does not challenge you enough which consequently makes you think those goals are not worth pursuing. Make sure your goals are not too easy otherwise you will not feel a sense of fulfillment and not be proud of reaching them.
3. Setting goals that are vague. 
   
   Describe your goals. Be specific. Do not settle with goals that are too general. Detailed goals make you half-way there since they create a map for your subconscious mind; and you just need follow that map. This also helps you achieve your goals significantly easier and faster.
4. Not having a good action plan. 
   
   Great things come from equally great planning. A mansion will not come out as grand and as breathtaking as it is unless there’s a good plan behind its construction. Same goes with the great and amazing things you want to obtain in your life. Plan, and plan well. Make sure your plan is feasible, doable, and effective. Also, it pays to think and plot an alternative plan or a plan B, in case your initial plan does not work.
5. Not taking good and enough actions. 
   
   Even if you have a good plan, if you do not take action, do not expect to get what you want. Step up and act. Perform daily activities that will bring you a step closer to the realization of your goals. And when it’s daily, it means daily. Taking daily actions is not enough, though. You must make sure your actions are right, appropriate, effective, and enough to get you there.
6. Not taking time to develop and gain new skills. 
   
   Skills are necessary to achieve your goals. List down the skills you need to accomplish a certain goal, identify the skills you are confident about and spot those that need improvement. Think of ways you can enhance those that require honing. Also, think of other skills you need but presently do not have and find ways to gain those skills.
7. Not identifying the consequences of not reaching your goals.
   
   Sometimes, the bad things that may happen when we fail to do something can motivate us. We do not want our family to starve, which is why we work hard to earn money. We do not want to fail in our exams, get scolded, and not graduate, so we study hard. We do not want to acquire cancer and die early, which is why we strive to live a healthy life.
   
   Identify the not-so good consequences if you fail in achieving your goals. List as many as you can. The longer your list, the more motivated you will be. Remember to be specific as possible.
8. Not identifying the rewards you can get from reaching your goals. 
   
   It also pays to identify and list all the good things you can have the moment you reach your goals. This list is also a good source of inspiration and motivation. Write down as many as you can.
9. Refusing help from other people. 
   
   I cannot think of a single person who has successfully reached his goals and done it all by himself. You need other people’s help, however small it is and in whatever form.
   
   Without the love, support, inspiration, motivation, encouragement, guidance, or assistance from the people around you, especially your family and friends, you may never accomplish your goals. Learn to seek and accept help, especially when things get rough.
10. Not having the ability to brush off discouragement and criticisms. 
    
    A single discouraging statement or an ugly and harsh criticism is capable of tearing your entire heart and determination down. When this happens, you would not be able to have the emotional strength to move on. You can “die” emotionally if you succumb.
    
    Learn how to be emotionally strong because people who tend to criticize and discourage can be anywhere. You cannot completely avoid them. Learn to see criticism as constructive. Learn to convert discouraging words to stepping stones, or learn how to be “deaf” when you hear words that do not uplift your spirit.
11. Not identifying all possible obstacles. 
    
    Knowing the road you are taking allows you to avoid an ugly and fatal crash because you know where the possible obstacles are. If you are not prepared the moment you encounter a roadblock, you can get stuck. You need to pin point and understand all possible challenges that may arise.
    
    This will prepare you and either help you avoid the problem or give you time to think of how to solve the problem. It can also give you time to gain or improve skills and gain more knowledge needed to get rid of the obstacles you will meet on the way.
12. Not willing to give up something in order to achieve your goals. 
    
    Sacrifice and compromise are important ingredients for success. Be willing to give up something, especially if it is something “bad.” It can get tougher because sometimes you will be required to give up something “good” for something “better.”

These 12 ways to fail should help you spot where you may be going wrong with your goal-setting.

Do you have any favorite tips for achieving your goals? If so, drop them in the comments below!

People live like this without ever questioning what they’re doing, then they look back in regret as they take their last breaths of air.

Do you want that to be you?

Goals have their place, but if you think they’ll make you happy, you will suffer.

1. Relief

You can have a goal, but you don’t have to take it so seriously.

When you relax the imaginary shoulds you’ve imposed on yourself, life becomes easier.

There’s relief.

There’s space.

You can finally breathe.

You don’t have to constantly keep doing in order to get closer to your goal. There’s no need to up productivity, because there’s nowhere to go.

2. Open

Where do you want to go?

What will you get when you reach your goal?

Will you finally feel secure, happy, and free?

No amount of money, relationships, or things can give you these feelings. It’s like taking a pain killer. It’s not the painkiller that produces relief. It’s your body’s reaction to it. So it is with your goals. They don’t give you things, you give them to yourself.

Sure, you may say that it’s the reaction you want, but then again, do you want to give your power away to the external world?

There are people who are happy right now. How do they do it?

What can you learn from them?

3. Heart-Centered

When you stop putting so much weight on your goals, your world opens up, and you begin to listen to your heart and your intuition.

There’s something more to life than pure logic. You can’t figure out what will happen to make everything perfect. You can’t know what steps to take in order to get to where you want to go.

How often have your plans been obliterated when they came in contact with reality?

If you’re like me, it happens so often that trying to stick to plans seems ridiculous. Sure, make plans, and set goals, but stay open and go with the flow of life. But remember that life won’t bend to your will just because you have a plan.

4. Slow Down

If you hurry through life, it’ll pass you by. Slow down for a second and enjoy what you have now.

“But, I won’t be happy until I have X,” you might say.

You won’t be happy when you get X either, because there’s always going to be another X. And it won’t change the way you see the world. Think back to a time when you really wanted something. It made you happy when you got it, right?

What happened in the weeks and months after that?

5. Here and Now

When I’ve asked my clients what they really want. And I mean really want. It almost always comes down to spending time with friends and family, traveling, learning, and exploring life.

And going even further than that, it comes down to feeling a sense of peace, wellbeing, and joy.

These are very basic things that anyone can have right now. And even then, all of the positive emotions come from within you, not from the outside. You don’t have to be productive and work all day long. It’s a myth perpetrated by the miserable.

You don’t have to cram in five lifetimes worth of living into this one, because it’s not by doing more that you will be happy, it’s by being aware of what is here now.

So, relax, don’t take your goals too seriously.

Don’t take your life too seriously.

There’s nothing you have to do, and nowhere you have to go, except be here, right now, so you might as well enjoy it.

Well often it comes down to 3 simple reasons.

1. Can You Trust?

When establishing a new habit, skill or relationship, we need consistency.

Consistency is the act of regular repetition of the same behavior or action.

Regular repetition creates trust.

Without trust we play out the all or nothing, feast or famine, yo-yo, hot and cold behavior  all of which is based on fear.

So when it comes to dieting; this feast or famine behavior creates distrust in the body that it is going to be fed, so it stores fat ready for starvation periods.

What the body needs is balance with all the right food groups, regular eating little and often; which means every 3 hours at max, as well as a form of regular exercise daily, that it can take energy in and release it, so it can relax and stop hoarding in case of famine.

Relationships too need consistency, so we can trust the person we are with, with our hearts. We fall in love and have fun based on trust.

We only feel someone is trustworthy if what they say, do and how they behave matches. If not, and there is inconsistency and it is natural to become wary, distrusting and even anxious around them.

The couple will then pendulum swing between smothering each other with no room to breathe or separate, to the polar opposite of being cold, distant and avoiding each other.

Without trust there cannot be a relationship.

When it comes to goal setting the same all or nothing attitude can be played out with focus being only placed on the goal and not the steps to it with high expectations for instant results. When immediate effects don’t appear, effort is stopped for fear of failure.

Ask any Olympian and they will clearly tell you they practice consistently, repeating things over and over again to train their bodies to respond the way they want them to and develop trust in their own ability to deliver.

2. Do You Give It Time?

 “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

True success takes time, when we rush to hide from fear, we fail.

Without acknowledging our fears that we may fail, get hurt or that we are not good enough we unconsciously and sometimes consciously sabotage situations, relationships and achievements by wanting instant results, perfection, recognition and if it doesn’t happen we quit and say it doesn’t work, it’s not right, get a divorce etc.

How would we really know, if we never gave it time to succeed?

Slow the pace and your expectations down and give time to establishing trust and consistency so you can start to see small results.

Giving things time allows for assessment, alterations and repetition, so that strong foundations can be established. You can’t build a strong house without good foundations and in life it is no different.

We need patience for this to happen and to let things unfold. We can see change within 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years.

But if you really want to give something a chance to succeed then give it as much time that represents the value you place on the outcome and the space to develop without too much interference.

Like every successful garden; it takes time, patience and a little tendering to the plants to make sure they get what they need and clear away anything that is not needed anymore.

Then you have to wait and let the plants do their thing.

3. No Pleasure, Why Bother

Patience is hard, but the key is to enjoy the process. If there is no reward, we are likely to quit.

Self praising small achievements and enjoying small pleasures is what keeps us going and happy day to day.

In Paul McKenna’s “I Can Make You Thin” he focuses on eating consciously to lose weight. So to eat without distractions, just you and your meal; no TV, no music, nothing to read, or talking to people, so that you learn to become more aware of the physical sensations of hunger (pain) and using all your senses to enjoy and experience every mouth full (pleasure).

Having the intention to choose to be fully present in the moment is the first step. Letting yourself feel the pleasure is the second step.

The same goes for developing a relationship: focusing your attention on enjoying the time spent with that person and how you feel being in their company, not thinking about where is going and if they like you.

They are with you because they like you, so relax and enjoy their company. Allow yourself to truly be in the moment and let go of worrying about tomorrow.

When it comes to personal development or career goals, it is really important to reward and praise yourself for the small achievements that you make every day, add them to together and you achieve your goal.

Let’s take quitting smoking as an example; As a smoker you will have many pleasurable associations with why you smoke: It may keep you thin, relaxed, and give you a break at work, just to name a few examples.

Why would you give it up if these things weren't being satisfied without smoking?

You could change your diet to a healthier one filled with things you enjoy and also give you plenty of energy. You could start doing more exercise so that you feel good and you get the natural endorphin rush afterwards.

Most importantly though you need to focus on increasing the pleasure in your daily life; change your pattern at work so that you take a proper lunch break out of the office, go for a walk, pack a nice healthy lunch, read a book or listen to music for 30 minutes, aim to make it into a mini holiday in your day.

Also give yourself a 2-5 minute break every half an hour or so by walking around, getting some fresh air, stretch, freshen up.

Break the false associations that you have with smoking and build up the moments of pleasure, without smoking, so that you can slowly let the old habit fall away, because it is now redundant.

You will become more motivated and productive if your daily pleasure/enjoyment quota is high.

The Road to Success

It all starts with one important question and it can be simple if you really WANT to succeed, but DO YOU want to succeed?

If the answer is YES, then this time don’t let fear get in the way.

PRACTICE consistency, patience and pleasure and you will have the key to success, so get to it.

You can achieve every goal you set, but you have to get in touch with yourself and discover what you are and are not willing to work for.

When you discover this you will discover greatness within yourself.

1. Desire

The first step is to set goals that you actually want to achieve, and that make you happy right now.

For example, I love working on my business, and while my goals are to grow my business, I am happy right now doing the work I'm doing.

If you have a goal of making a lot of money doing something you hate, such as working in a job that's boring, it will end up destroying your soul.

It's better to discover why you want to make that amount of money, and then go after that goal instead of using money as the middleman.

2. Imagine

A very effective tool is to visualize that your goal is already accomplished.

This will make you feel motivated and inspired to take action. When you are inspired, you will get a lot more done, and you will be more willing to face your fears when they pop up.

All you need to do is sit down or lie down, and see yourself having already accomplished your goal. If you want to go even further, imagine taking the next small step toward your goal.

It’s not going to magically make things happen, but you will feel happier and more in control.

3. One Step

If you take one step every single day toward your goal, you will achieve it sooner or later.

Now, you can work on low value tasks, which will significantly slow down your progress. Use your common sense and figure out what steps you can take today to get closer to your goals.

If you get into the habit of taking one step each day, you will gain momentum, which will lead to you to becoming more productive every day.

Simple, yet powerful.

4. Model

Find people that have already achieved your goal and ask them what they did to get there. Figure out their mistakes and successes, and use them to your advantage.

You don't have to reinvent the wheel. You can easily find people that have already walked the path that you are on.

This can be as simple as emailing someone and asking a few questions. Most people are more than happy to help you if they see that you're going to apply the advice they give you.

5. Obstacles

You will run into obstacles and fears along the way. In order to blast right through them, identify your obstacles and come up with solutions of how you will handle them beforehand.

This will help you anticipate how to get through obstacles and anything else that happens to stand between you and your goals.

You can achieve anything if you are determined enough to make it happen.

Do you have any tips for achieving your goals? Please share in the comments below!

So, how do we create an environment that will allow us to develop these constantly fleeting skills instead of taking the more compelling option of watching reruns of Seinfeld all day?

1. Surround Yourself with Positive People

You’re not going to get anything done if you’re constantly surrounded by people who are shooting down anything you say or who sit around and mope all day while playing the violin.

The mind can be a very fragile creature and when you are in an environment where your ideas are oftentimes belittled or met with cynicism or skepticism, you will be very compelled to give up on everything and join your friend with the violin.

Surround yourself with people who are going to empower you and make you feel great. If I have a great idea, I want it to be greeted with enthusiasm and constructive suggestions.

What I don’t want is to be told that I am going to develop testicular cancer followed by a vengeful tornado ripping through my home if I act on that idea.

2. Hold Yourself and Have Others Hold You Accountable

If getting things done was as simple as making a grand proclamation then we would all look like supermodels, have more money than Saudi Arabian oil princes and the only thing cigarettes would be used for would be to poison vermin.

It’s really easy to announce something, it’s much harder to actually do it.

That’s why you’re going to have to hold yourself accountable to the things you do and don’t do. If your plan is to go to the gym three times a week and you only go twice, you need to have someone there who will beat you with a (metaphorical) stick for not going.

You need someone who is not going to let you get away with settling for mediocrity.

It’s ridiculously easy to convince ourselves not to do something that we don’t want to do (e.g. “Go to the gym again? Actually, I already worked out once this year so I’m good!”). On the other hand, it’s much harder to convince someone else of the same thing.

So, if you don’t trust yourself to hold yourself accountable, get someone else to help you with that. That’s another bonus of having positive friends.

3. Find the Purpose in Whatever You're Doing

It’s really easy to lose all motivation and give up on something when you just don’t see the point of doing it.

For instance, why would you clean the entire house if you know that a parade of stampeding horses is going to gallop through it the next day?

That’s why it’s so crucial to just sit down and think about why you’re doing what you’re doing. How does it benefit you?

How does it improve your life? What does it teach you? Come up with compelling answers to these questions and you’ll stay motivated and determined.

4. Keep Track of All Your Accomplishments

Any big goal consists of many much smaller accomplishments.

For instance, if you want to lose 894 pounds before Thanksgiving (the big goal), you’re going to have to eat right and exercise.

To eat right, you’re going to have to come up with a diet, actually stick to that diet and burn down your local McDonald’s.

To exercise, you’re going to have to come up with an exercise routine and actually follow through with it.
And any one of these things you have to do can be broken down into a million smaller tasks – or smaller “wins.”

These small wins are absolutely integral to getting our lazy asses to stay motivated and inspired as they make us feel like we are actually accomplishing something. You just have to realize you’re accomplishing something in the first place!

5. Do Something for 21 Days Straight

Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. 

So, whether you want to wake up earlier each day, drink less alcohol or do a jumping jack every time someone says the word ‘currycomb’ then you will only have to really struggle for 21 days.

What sounds more achievable – working out for 21 days or working out every day for the rest of eternity?

Whatever that big audacious goal that you’re ever-so eagerly starting to work towards, just remember that working towards that goal will become second nature to you in less than a month.

The issue is actually doing that thing for 21 days straight, which leads me to my next point…

6. Break Out of Autopilot

We all set goals for ourselves - the issue is that thing called life somehow keeps getting in the way.

For instance, I set a goal of taking the stairs every time I leave my building in an effort to naturally become more active. A couple months after setting that goal, I had won the lottery an equal amount of times as I had used the stairs.

What was the reason behind this? Was it due to the extremely likely reason of having had broken both my legs while absconding to the South of France with a gaggle of gorgeous supermodels and thus could only take the elevator, or was it just because I was really lazy?

Actually, I could just never remember to take the stairs. It was that simple.

The problem is, we are so used to doing things a certain way that we run through everything while on autopilot.

We get into a set routine and can’t break out of it – not because we don’t want to, but just because we’re so damn used to it that we forget there are other options. That’s why it’s so important to set reminders for yourself in and around your environment.

Whether it’s through signs plastered all around your home reminding you to stay positive, a pair of running shoes sitting by your door to remind you to go running or by having an alarm go off at 7pm everyday reminding you to stop eating, try it out and see how it works for you.

The (Not-So) Epic Conclusion

And that, my friend, is how you can achieve virtually anything you set your mind to.

The secret is in actually setting your mind to it!

It may not be the easiest thing in the world, it may take some work and you may have to shift some things around in your life – but you can bet your diamond-encrusted cubicle that it’s going to be worth it!