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8 Things a Pickup Artist Can Teach You About Seducing Your Spouse

Written on 4/03/2008 by Clay Collins, the author of The Growing Life.

In 2005, a book entitiled, The Game, hit The New York Times bestseller list and exposed to the world an underground community of pickup artists to the world. Intrigued by the The Game’s popularity, I read Neil Strauss’ book and was both shocked and awed by the seduction community and its sophisticated methods.

Like most readers of The Game, I googled the more colorful pickup artists mentioned in the book, for example “Mystery” and “Lovedrop.” What I found was a series of internet message boards engineered to help pickup artists exchange information, advice, and experiences.

While I did find the expected misogynists on seduction message boards, I also encountered a group of insatiable students of human psychology. Phrases like “social proof,” “real social dynamics,” “metaphorical buyer’s remorse,” and “demonstrations of higher value” were tossed around casually. Furthermore, there was an absence of the anticipated fratboy-esque dialog. Most surprisingly, however, I encountered more than a few married people who were using the methods, techniques, and philosophies of the seduction community to enliven their marriages and become more attractive to their partners.

Here are 8 tips (of several more) these men learned from the seduction community about “picking up” their wives:

    1. Don’t be a puppy dog: Pickup artists often observe that “AFCs” (average frustrated chumps) follow beautiful women around like puppy dogs, trying to buy them drinks, and sycophantically sucking up to them. While it’s important to give your spouse attention and let them know you care, smothering is a bad idea and can extinguish passion. Give your spouse some space and room to breathe. As one pickup artist is famous for saying, “give them the gift of missing you.” 

Good luck tonight!


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