If you’re in a long term relationship or marriage, you know that it’s not always easy to keep that warm glow of freshness and excitement alive in your relationship.
After the first bout of heady romantic love is gone, everyday sameness settles into any relationship.
And unless you’re making conscious efforts to keep things hot, soon boredom and tedium takes the shine off one of the most special relationships of your life, making it feel like just another chore.
So what are these conscious efforts that you can make?
Here are some of the tricks my husband and I frequently use to keep things as new and happening as our first few days.
Couples spend weeks – sometimes months – planning for the next birthday/anniversary gift for their spouse/significant other.
Have you ever thought how you can magically sweep your partner off their feet with a fraction of that effort on an ordinary day?
Nothing works like giving tiny, simple – and most importantly, unexpected – surprises to each other in keeping the air of freshness and novelty in your relationship.
#2. Romantic texts
A great thing about those “I miss you kitten” texts you used to send each other in the initial days of your relationship is the juvenile excitement in them.
You need that back right now. OK, it may not be 10 times a day like back then – but can you text him/her randomly, suddenly and romantically on some random ordinary day?
The smile it brings on their lips will spread its glow for quite some time in your relationship – until the next time you do the same, that is.
#3. What happened to dating?
I confess – my husband and I haven’t actually gotten around to doing this yet. But the human mind works on associations, and fixing up a date on a cool Friday evening with your partner will bring all those flutters of your dating days back into your systems.
Well if not all, then some. And that will go much beyond that one evening, reminding each of you once again of how exciting, romantic and special a person the other is.
#4. If you admire them, let them know
There are some qualities that each of our significant other possesses which made them feel special to us in the first place.
What is it in yours that blew you off?
Was it beauty? Intelligence? Verve? Ability to hold a conversation?
Whatever it is, it’s still there, and if you’re reading this you still admire it. Now all you have to do is let them know from time to time. If you place yourself in their shoes you’ll probably know how happy it makes someone to know they’re still valued and special to their partner.
#5. Find a little joint project
A baby brings couples closer because it gives them something common to care for other than just each other.
A joint project or a common hobby is not so different. It’s something that’s important to both of you and hence helps strengthen your bond.
Our website Love in India – India’s first dedicated relationships and marriage blog – is that little project of me and my husband. We care for it together like we’d care for a child. You won’t believe how much this has helped in bringing us closer.
#6. When chatting is a to-do
Do you have common topics of interest? Like music/movies/politics? If not, create them, because you need them.
Nothing gives boredom a more permanent seat at your dinner table than limiting yourself to those married-people-dialogues (“pass me the sauce”, “we need to buy bread”, “the car needs servicing”).
Actively engage in meaningful and fulfilling discussions on any topic that interests both of you. My husband and I enjoy this little sport like anything (Disclaimer: it gets a bit too competitive at times. ).
Does that sound doable?
It should be, if you’re interested in creating your best relationship. In which case you can also just drop in at my cyber home Love in India, for some actionable, radical and 100% homemade relationship advice.
Oh! And how could I miss the coffee?
|Written on 2/24/2013 by Sulagna Dasgupta. Sulagna Dasgupta is a relationships and personal development expert. Her personal blog, www.loveinindia.co.in is India’s first dedicated relationships & marriage blog – with the mission to facilitate more open thinking about this topic in India in the long run. Over the last five years she has also been sharing her lessons from life in her personal development blog here: http://wrytestuff.com/Sulagna.||Photo Credit: