This is what you are about to experience right now.
I am about to give form to something that is in front of you that you haven't taken the time to name, or explain to yourself.
Just knowing what something is, being able to identify it and define it, makes it much easier to deal with.
This unknown and mysterious phenomenon, it becomes something you can understand and handle.
So here are 3 little facts of life, named and defined just for you, that will keep you sane.
1. You Don't Get What You Deserve
You get what you expect and demand.
In general, you get what you expect more often than you get what you deserve. This is true regardless of the odds or history.
The fact of the matter is, the universe doesn't care what you deserve. It doesn't care what the odds are, it doesn't care about what you've done, and it doesn't care about your well-being.
What does matter, is your state of mind.
If you do everything right, and you hope to succeed, chances are you're going to fail. However, if you expect to succeed, you will.
If you work your tail off at a company and hope you receive what's due to you, you're going to be waiting for a very long time. On the other hand, if you expect and demand compensation for your excellence, you'll get it.
Your mental attitude is everything and all of the planning, procedure, rule-following and statistics in the world can't replace it.
2. You Cannot Reason With The Unreasonable
Have you ever tried to reason with a toddler over why you couldn't have a piñata for their birthday because having a piñata involves drilling a hole in your ceiling which you can't do because you rent and you don't want to pay the fee to fix it?
I think not.
My guess is you wouldn't even attempt to reason with a toddler on that level since it's not likely they're going to understand anyway. You really think your toddler's going to say, 'Oh yea ok I get it. That totally makes sense. Clown it is.'
If you wouldn't consider reasoning with a toddler in such a way, why do you try to reason with adults who are just as unreasonable?
There are bosses who expect you to deliver 110% when, clearly, they don't understand that math makes it impossible for you to deliver more than 100%.
You have managers that want a Rocket Ship built in a week.
Then you have clients who seem to think you're a magician and refuse to be told otherwise.
Of course there's the girlfriend/mother/sister/friend that is 5'7" and weights 130lbs but still agonizes over her fat thighs. Good luck talking her out of that one using logic.
There are all kinds of grown-ups out there who can't be reasoned with, yet you're the one trying to have a rational conversation with them.
Instead, you should do yourself a solid and either (1) attempt to communicate with them in a way that will actually get through to them, or (2) declare them unfit for communication and go on with your life.
3. Your Prison Is a Product of Your Own Creation
The reason you haven't been able to get what you've always wanted isn't because you haven't had the opportunity, time, money, luck, circumstances, or resources. It's because you've built up your own personal prison to protect yourself from failure, disappointment, and the unknown.
I guarantee that no matter what you want in life, there is someone who's been able to get it with far less opportunity, time, money, luck, circumstances, or resources than you.
You're not unusually unlucky; you're ordinary and fearful and your prison is constructed out of all that fear.
Unfortunately, a prison constructed out of fear is one of the most secure prisons there are. This is why you haven't even made an attempt at getting what you desire.
Fortunately, I've succeeded in escaping my own prison, so I know exactly what you need to get out.
- Belief: You have to be able to believe that you will overcome the trapped feeling that you have. You have to be able to picture your success and you need to be certain of your attainment of it.
- Patience: success doesn't usually happen quickly. We should be grateful for this. Success carries with it a lot of burden, and we need time to prepare for that responsibility. Don't give up so easily and don't expect instant gratification.
- Readiness For Change: You must be ready and willing to change yourself and you must stop expecting the world to change for you. It's ridiculous to expect success when you refuse to make changes that will attract success into your life.
It's easy to get caught up in the fast pace of our life and forget that we create our own reality. It takes far longer, and is much harder, to be introspective than to peg blame on somewhere else.
From now on whenever you feel cheated, are stuck communicating with someone who's escaped the process of natural selection, or didn't get what you want, don't look around for the external solution to the external problem.
Look inside for the internal solution to the internal problem.
If you do that you'll always win - no matter what the circumstance.
|Written on 12/12/2012 by Liz Seda. Liz is a corporate dropout turned lifestyle designer and sassy personal development blogger. To find out more, go to her blog at A Life on Your Terms and download her exclusive members-only Life Lovers Guide to the Galaxy. You can also find her on twitter at @elizabethseda.|