Have you ever seen a friend or a loved one completely sabotage their success? Of course, we all have. As a friend, we're there on the sidelines trying to help them but they are so blind to their surroundings and so set in their ways that they are like a run away train that nothing can slow down.
That’s often a negative belief at work. If you don’t believe you deserve to earn over $50,000 a year, you probably won’t. You will turn down opportunities because they seem too good to be true, and you will miss lucky breaks because you aren’t expecting them. Heck, you aren't even looking for them.
This doesn’t mean you are stuck there for the rest of your life. Life is fluid and things change, but that change must begin with you.
One of the first steps of changing for the better is becoming aware of what is going on, so let’s have a look at some of the common destructive beliefs we all hold to one degree or another, or at least I hold. Hopefully I’m not the only messed up person here.
Anyway, let’s move forward, shall we?
- I Am Not Good Enough
I have dreams. You have dreams. We all have dreams, but there’s always something holding us back. If it isn’t money, resources, or skills, then it is a fear of not being good enough.
I go through bouts of feeling like I have nothing to contribute to the world, but I keep writing, producing, and improving what I do, because that’s all I can do. It’s all I want to do. Life is not all a dance on roses. You will feel down even when others think you’re a success, and you will feel on top of the world when everybody else thinks you’ve lost your mind.
Funny how life works sometimes, isn’t it?
- I Am Not Worth It
A lot of self-sabotage happens because of this belief. Your beliefs can play tricks on you and it can be as simple as procrastinating and missing a deadline if you’re a freelancer, or just missing a few vital goals in your online business.
I wish getting rid of these beliefs were easy, but it isn’t, or at least it hasn’t been for me. It’s probably been 7-8 years since I’ve discovered that I have these beliefs. I’ve gotten a lot better, that’s for sure, but there’s still a lot that can be improved; there always is.
- I Can’t Do It
How often have you heard this one? For the last seven years, I’ve earned my living primarily through online poker and online business, and throughout these years I’ve had many friends and acquaintances tell me how lucky or how talented I am.
Now, I’m not saying I wasn’t lucky, because there are many things that come into play for me to be where I am today, such as getting access to computers at an early age, learning how to navigate the internet, and even bumping into a friend who made a living playing poker.
There are various forms of I Can’t Do It-itis, but when you notice where it is controlling your life, you can take corrective action.
- I Am Alone
I used to think everyone was against me and I’d curse people who always seemed to have it easy. Everything fell in place for them and they checked off success after success.
That was almost ten years ago and I’m on the road to getting better. The difference in my mindset has made a big impact in what my life looks like. Instead of looking for negativity, I now look for more positivity. Not all the time, but I do my best.
As a side note I have to mention that feeling bad isn’t bad. We live in a culture where we are supposed to be happy and cheerful all the time, but that just isn’t reality. When we try to suppress our negativity, bad things happen. Whenever I’m negative, I sit with it, breathe, and do my best to be present.
Not always easy, but much more effective than trying to push it away.
- What If ...
What if the internet goes away and my websites are destroyed? What if this and that happens which completely ruins all of your efforts? You don’t leave yourself a lot of options if you’re constantly fearing the worst. Sure, you could spend your days working at the local diner, but it too can disappear just like anything else.
We seem to think that being employed provides us with the ultimate security, but as we’ve seen in the last few years, that’s more fiction than reality.
If there was a simple technique or secret I could give you, I would. However, getting rid of the destructive beliefs above isn’t easy. It’s not impossible, but you have to be determined to change.
If this were easy, everyone would be skipping around with a flower in their hand and a smile on their face. The key is baby steps. There’s no rush, and there’s nowhere you need to be. You are who you are.
It sounds cheesy to say that you have to accept and forgive yourself, but it’s true. Often we resist what and who we are, what we have accomplished, or haven’t accomplished, because society says this or that.
There’s a lot to this and this article has just scratched the surface.
Do you have any tips for how you’ve improved your life? I’d love to hear them, and I’m sure everyone else reading this article would, too.