Written on 4/30/2008 by David B. Bohl, the author of Slow Down Fast.

So many times when things go badly in our lives we find ourselves wondering how we ended up in such a bad situation, or who is to blame. These are self-defeating mindsets that limit our ability to recover, or to succeed.

Instead of developing a defeatist attitude when something goes awry, try to adjust to a mindset that allows you to empower yourself. Empowerment, in turn, leads to greater success. It allows you to learn from your mistakes, be thankful for your accomplishments, and move on.

The next time you find yourself in a mess and wondering how or why you got there, try looking at some of the more positive aspects of your particular situation.

• Realize What You Have Learned: They say every dark cloud has a silver lining and part of becoming empowered means learning to find the good in every situation. Ask yourself what you have learned from your individual situation which in turn will prevent you from making the same mistakes in the future.
  
  Ask yourself how you allowed the situation to unfold the way it did. Examine all angles to determine how you might have contributed to the outcome.
  
  Also take a look at the positive aspects of what has happened. In some ways you may have benefited from what otherwise appears to be a bad situation. You may have gained invaluable knowledge or experience, found an inner strength you did not know you had, or forged new relationships in the process. Always take the time to look for the good in everything you do.
  


• Determine Where You Want to Go: Ask yourself what your goals are. Where do you want to be? What do you want to achieve? Before you can take action, you must know where you want to go. Decide on both long and short term goals, and develop a plan for reaching them.
  
  In your planning, decide which things are worthy of your attention, and which things are only detractors from you reaching your goals. This allows you to focus on those positive behaviors or actions that bring you closer to success, and allow you to filter out those things that slow you down or prevent you from achieving your goals.
  
  Also determine what you need to change in order to succeed. You may need to develop new habits, form new relationships, or let go of destructive relationships. In addition to deciding upon the changes you need to make, you need to ask yourself if you are ready to change. You may have an overriding goal in mind, but you may not yet be mentally ready to achieve that goal. Examine your feelings to determine if you have any insecurities or fears relating to your success that may be hindering you.
  


• Give Something Back: Take a moment to take stock of the successes you have had so far, then consciously be grateful for them. This will lighten your spirit and give you strength and motivation. By realizing we have things in our lives that are worthy of thanks, it helps keep us from becoming mired down in self pity. Be thankful and be happy for the gifts you have.
  
  Next, ask what you can give to others. Even if it does not directly correlate to your goal, the act of giving is greatly empowering. Whether you offer a helping hand to someone in need, offer guidance to someone in the office, help an overburdened colleague with an assignment, donate to the needy, or befriend someone who is feeling lonely, the act of giving has its own rewards that will lift your spirits and renew your energy.

By taking definite actions that foster a positive mindset, you can overcome adversities that stand between you and your goals. It is far too easy to become discouraged by setbacks and become a victim of fate rather than an active participant in your life. When circumstances deal you a blow, do not sit back and ask, “Why me?” Instead, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What next?” A slight shift in attitude can keep your motivation and spirits high, and lead you down that road to success.

-David