In business we all have to compete, earn trust, and gain the cooperation of others, regardless of whether we work as a freelancer, own a small business, or work for a corporation.
Today I'd like to focus on one interpersonal lesson that I think is very important: in business you must show strength even if you've failed. The opposite reaction, being overly apologetic, will usually get you crushed. You'll lose promotions, lose business, and lose power and respect.
Examples are good for illustrating a point, let's dive into the fun world of politics to find some (in no specific order):
- Hillary Clinton. When asked about her failed attempt at universal health care during her husband's first presidential term, she is always strong. She points out the positives: her intention to help others, what she learned, and how it will help her succeed in the future.
- John Kerry. He was so close to beating George Bush, and who knows exactly why he lost, but one thing is for sure, when talking about his vote for the Iraq invasion he did not have a position that sounded strong.
- Mike Huckabee. In a recent Republican debate, when Romney pointed out Huckabee's "failure" of giving aid to illegal immigrants' children, Huckabee's answer was pure strength, "In all due respect, we're a better country than to punish children for what their parents did. We're a better country than that." He didn't apologize for spending taxpayer money on something the voters probably would not have agreed with. He re-framed what he did according to beliefs his voters could side with, "America is a good country" and "don't punish children for parent's mistakes."
- Body Language. Assume a posture of calm strength and confidence. Avoid holding yourself too aggressively or too humbly. Ahead of time, have someone in your mind that you feel exudes this state so that you can model that person when needed.
- Voice. Just as with your body, use a voice tone that is calm but also strong. You voice shouldn't be too high or too low. Don't show fear, timidity, uncertainty, abrasiveness, or aggressiveness. There should be a positive energy quality to your voice. These are very subjective instructions, so again, try to visualize someone who you know does this well so that you can emulate that person.
- Message. Your message doesn't have to say you were right or correct, but it does need to reframe your actions in a light of good intentions, thoughtful deliberations, logical reasoning, lessons learned, and common ground beliefs. When you have a big error, your goal should be to move on to future successes both in your actions and in your conversations. Avoid overly apologizing for failures. Focus your apologies on your good intentions, lessons learned, and any positive results, and then swiftly transitioning to future plans.
- Winning Favor. There are a couple things to remember about those who hold the power cards. The first is that whether they like you or not, powerful people respect strength and like to pounce on weakness. So be strong. The second thing is powerful people like to be stroked. State your respect for their power, position, wisdom, judgment, and the like. This could be called flattery, but when delivered it needs to be authentic so make sure you're feeling it and not faking it when delivering such a message.
What do you think? What have you learned from mistakes, failures or errors you've made in business? Speak your mind in the comments! Thanks!
Written by K. Stone
